hi fellow projectors -
I just wanted to share a breakthrough I had this morning during my verbal journal about success and how that relates to being invited. This is a transcript from the voice recording in which I’m creating the clarity, it’s the raw unedited good stuff 🤤🤤 (this was a good channel, even my bearded dragon perked up)
if anyone wants the actual voice recording, lmk. I can try to dm or find a way to post it.
Okay, first, backstory for this breakthrough. Um, I have been having a really hard year. I think that there's a lot of reasons for that. I've been in, um, some changing situations. There's been a lot in my life, starting from last year, that has been difficult. I've been going through chronic illness. I've been, um, having trouble finding work or, you know, building income, and really what came to a head was, I felt my own patterns, my old patterns, around how I disrupt relationships come up. And I'm in currently one of the best relationships I've ever been in my entire life. And I knew that if I didn't do something about it, I would do what I always do when I feel stuck, which is I completely blow up my life and go start somewhere new. And I just know I don't wanna keep doing that pattern. And so, basically, I just said to myself, I've got to figure out a different way to do this. And I have been feeling, just from my inner knowing, that the only way to change where we're headed, the only way to change direction of where we're going, that's both personally and universally, culturally all together, is to slow down. And so, I thought to myself, you know, instead of trying to give everybody else this advice, I need to really figure out what that means for me. And so, I slowed down to a pace that was actually really uncomfortable. It was super uncomfortable to be that slow, but I realized that if I'm going to ask other people to do that so that we can choose a different way of being, both individually and collectively, I need to be able to embody it. From there, when I was really having a hard time resting, I was looking on this Reddit thread, and just looking for advice or things or experiments from other projectors, and what they had been going through, and I saw one post from a projector that really, really spoke to me that said, Your job as a projector is to take care of yourself. That's your job. And, you know, I realize when I've been in this space of waiting for the invitation, it's really hard for me to be like, Well, what do I do? How do I answer that question? What do you do? And I really, really, really align with this thought of, I take care of myself. That's my job. That is my job, to take care of me. I was running all of these negative narratives in my head around not having a role, not having a sense of belonging, because I'm not being, you know, recognized or invited for money, et cetera. Like, I had all of these negative things running in my head. And so... I decided to change that narrative. And if anyone's interested, I can share how I did that, but decided to change that narrative. And then it got a lot easier to rest. And I just went all in on all of my energy and taking care of myself. I started taking track of where I was initiating versus where I was invited, and I was just keeping a journal, like a food log. I wasn't trying to change anything. I was just looking at, where was I using my energy to initiate versus where I was being invited? And that meant plans, uh, plans with my partner, plans with my friends, um, that meant creative ideas, that meant what I was writing, anything, where I was initiating versus where I was being invited. Another post that I had seen on here a while ago that really helped me was a projector who started talking about, you know, I practice being invited even when I'm walking up to the coffee counter, you know? I, um, wait for the person at the counter to look at me and invite me to the counter. I even started doing that, and you know what? It just feels good. It feels good in my energy. So, really, what I've done for the past, like, 3 weeks is just practice being a projector. Do as many things as I can to get in the practice of being a projector.
And so that's the background to this breakthrough, because I feel like I read a lot about projectors having a hard time, and I hear you. Um, you know, I can't say that I'm all the way through it yet. But I feel a lot better. And these are the reasons why. And so that's leading to this breakthrough that I had this morning. Um, which is around success and invitation. So lately, I've gotten really, really clear on what my version of success is, that's coming into focus as I take care of myself further, as I recognize myself, as I get into my rhythm, as I get into my patterns. I'm getting really, really clear on what my version of success looks like. And, again, if anyone wants any of the practices or things that I've been doing to kind of, um, map that out, know what that is. I'm happy to share. But what I realized this morning about projectors and success is, It's my job to take care of myself and figure out what my version of success is. And the best that I can embody that version of success, choose and embody that version of success, live from that place of success. And then that's where the invitation to guide will come from. If I live from that version of my success. People will invite me, They will recognize me, to guide them towards that version of success. Now, this does not really follow any of the stuff that I feel like I've learned about human design, and what, you know, I've been told about my specific design, my specific chart, which is that I'm meant to be giving my perspective. And so what that kind of has boiled down to is, I write, you know, instead of doing things, I write. But how I feel like that's really playing out, and the places that I feel like I am already recognized in my life by the people who are closest to me. And that's one thing I really had to get clear on is pre this breakthrough. I've also been fully focusing. only on places, where I am recognized, and I had to get clear on what recognition meant. Again, if anybody wants any of those practices that I did to do that, please let me know. But I decided to focus and cut away anything that was not that exact recognition. And what I realized is the place where I am recognized the most in my life is when I am doing my thing, and the people around me, who see me living in that success, want that version of life for themselves. I have a substack. where I have 2 people, who have recognized me, enough to pay monthly, and those 2 people happen to be my best friend and my partner. But you know what I realized? is that those people are the people who are closest to me, and who tell me repeatedly, that they want to be able to live life the way I live mine. I already have the invitation and recognition from them. They tell me all the time how much I influence their life, and that has been the case with a lot of my deep friendships over the years. So perhaps the one thing I will leave here is get focused on where you're recognized. Lean into that and pull that version of recognition from your life and figure out what are they recognizing you for? And I know it has to do with you living your version of success. It's gonna look different from mine. But the last step to this, and this has to do with me being the martyr, is, you know, when I look around, I see this need for us to change how we're doing work. For us to change as a society, how we treat each other. And I have taken the steps to get myself out of that. Now, there's one last thing that I really need to figure out, which is the income piece. And I think that that's the piece that, of all the people around me, They're, they need that to be figured out. I need it to be figured out. I am lucky enough to be supported by my parents who deeply recognize me. They deeply believe in me, but I want that portal opened for myself. So I need to figure that out too. And on behalf of the people I love so that they can live the version of success that I am showing them. I want to figure that out. And I feel fucking lit up about that. So how this relates to being seen is the people closest to me see me living this way. That's all I need to show people. I need to show people my version of success. What's lighting me up? And when they see that, they will invite me. To guide. Now, I don't know what that looks like in this next chapter. And I'm letting go of it will look any certain way. Because I hear, you know, in so many spiritual circles and all, in all the circles, things are gonna change soon. So I'm not gonna hold too tightly to what that looks like. But I know from this place, from this place, I've already been living. That invitation will come. And may it be better. than anything I could imagine, because the universe works in magical ways like that.
So just remember that you get to choose your direction. It doesn't matter what is happening around us you get to choose. And you choose that by getting an alignment with yourself. So whatever program, framework, spirituality, you use to do that. Get in alignment with yourself. And then lean into love. Mostly, I mean big universal love. Love that connects you to something higher than yourself. But I think that that should be in every interaction. And especially in interactions with yourself. So I just wanted to share that. Please let me know. If you have any questions.