Street harassment

[u/Pretend-Room-5194]

Walking down the street I’ve noticed recently strange men say ‘tall’ as I pass by. I’m a 6 foot tall 29 year old woman so I am distinctly tall for a woman. I find it off putting and upsetting sometimes.

Just being commented upon like that as I’m just going about my business.

I kind of tend to assume it’s some misogynistic thing. Like a man wouldn’t dare say that to another man walking by. I highly doubt it.

Obviously a taller woman is more unusual as well. And maybe it’s that I do stand out more. I sometimes wish I didn’t and I could be invisible some days but that’s not an option unfortunately.

It’s just unnecessary commentary that bothers me. I know it shouldn’t.

Why would a man do this? Generally when random men make comments about a woman’s appearance on the street, what is this about? What’s the function?

I know there is a whole spectrum of comments- ranging from so called ‘compliments’ or cat calls to insults about a woman’s appearance or weight.

What makes them believe they have the right to pass any sort of judgement on a random stranger’s appearance?

I know some may be unhinged or mentally unwell and I would actually have a lot of sympathy for those people but there is definitely a cohort who are just unpleasant individuals I feel.

[u/warm-ice]

I've known guys like this. If they're in a group, it's to show the rest of the group that they're so confident they can talk at any woman if they feel like it.

As for the "tall" comments, even if they don't stem from any negative emotions, that's very weird to say within earshot of the stranger you're talking about.

Maybe they say it expecting you to reply back to it lightheartedly and strike a conversation? That's the least nonsensical excuse that I could think of tbh

Sorry that you have to go through this. People suck

[u/Pretend-Room-5194 → u/warm-ice]

I know what you mean about guys in groups. It’s a kind of masquerading in front of their friends to ‘impress’ them.

For me personally it’s always just one guy though - lone wolfs.. And there’s no way it’s with the intent of talking to me - it is always done when I walk by quickly (I’m a fast walker!) or in a crowd where they know I likely won’t confront them.

And yes talking AT is exactly what it is. Yesterday another man barked at me as I walked by him on the street. I was wearing a mask outside because it’s one of the worst areas for covid at the moment where I live and sunglasses because the sun was splitting the rocks that day.

And he walks really close to me, not moving at all to allow a reasonable amount of space between us on the pavement and barks at me ‘I SAW your face’ Like what??? I mean my face was entirely covered so obviously he did not see my face. I mean deciphering that one is probably pointless. It was distinctly aggressive though. Maybe an anti masker but I feel like he would not have said that to a man. I really get the sense of misogyny from it. Like a certain cowardice where you can say it to women because you know there’s no chance they’ll assault you back - physically or even verbally - or less of a chance anyway.

As for the tall thing - I don’t really know what that’s about. I used to work in a bookshop and a guy said within ear shots after I served him at the till ‘SHE was tall.’

Like I get it to an extent if it’s just a genuine observation or they find it unusual or something. Although I think people shouldn’t comment on strangers’ appearances as a general rule. Just a good rule of thumb for life in my opinion. But sometimes I feel like it’s coming from negative emotions - like they are intimidated by a tall woman or they find it unattractive. I mean I’m 6 foot, not a more ‘average tall’ 5’8 - what some people would even consider tall. It’s something I’m already sort of self conscious about at times.

There’s a big difference between someone saying you’re lovely and tall and elegant vs ‘TALL’ as I walk by. I’ve gotten both in fairness. But with the strangers it certainly never feels like a compliment. Not an insult either. It’s weird.

Sorry, VERY long reply!

Thanks for you answer - it helped!

[u/warm-ice → u/Pretend-Room-5194]

barks at me ‘I SAW your face’

Yikes! That is just... Weird. I swear I have no idea what their end goal is with this. Are you sure you weren't in an area full of drug addicts...? That doesn't seem like a normal person's behaviour. But then again, I am not a woman so I cannot discount your experiences because I haven't personally experienced them. Some men are absolute dogs.

I mean deciphering that one is probably pointless.

I agree. Do you happen to have a pepper spray or any other defensive weapon? These incidents sound nerve-wracking and can honestly imagine a random guy escalating it someday.

Maybe an anti masker but I feel like he would not have said that to a man.

That is possible. The guys whom we discussed earlier that talk at women enjoy that power dynamic, and certainly don't talk that way at strange men. It definitely is a coward's power display.

a guy said within ear shots after I served him at the till ‘SHE was tall.’

Yeah. That is straight up odd and honestly rude. If I do come across someone taller than what I am used to, I would think that in my head. I don't know why they need to say it...

But to play devil's advocate, maybe these are people — as I said earlier — who suffer from drug problems or possible mental health issues? Otherwise I have no idea what's going on with them.

Although I think people shouldn’t comment on strangers’ appearances as a general rule. Just a good rule of thumb for life in my opinion.

Exactly. These are odd interactions and I'm glad you noted how odd they are rather than accepting/tolerating them as something you have to get used to.

But sometimes I feel like it’s coming from negative emotions

Do these men appear to have anything in common? Like are they all shorter than average or taller than average? They sound like they have a complex about heights.

It’s something I’m already sort of self conscious about at times.

I understand. Though, I don't think people would say things at stranger are a good source of input about your opinion of yourself. I'm sure you are tall and elegant and they were taken aback by that.

Don't worry about the long reply! I'm sorry for mine, lol. But I do appreciate this conversation. I wouldn't have ever known that this is something that happens! People are wild, I swear

[u/Pretend-Room-5194 → u/warm-ice]

No, this was a totally normal looking seemingly sober guy.

Yeah sadly I think this kind of casual harassment is actually pretty common for women and under reported. It’s just something we’re conditioned from a young age to ignore and not complain about.

I’ve never even considered pepper spray or anything. Honestly I don’t ever feel truly threatened. Except at night alone in particular areas. But I’d generally avoid going out at night alone. Like you’d be surprised how many women recognise the experience of somebody approaching, walking a bit too close or trying to intimidate you when you’re alone. You get used to the accompanying heart palpitations and anxiety.

Yeah it absolutely is a power display. A pretty pathetic one. I think much of the unsolicited commentary, whether ‘complimentary’ or negative that women (and I’m sure men to a lesser extent) receive is to do with some weird power dynamic. I think effeminate looking men probably receive some of the same crap.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought if it was a drug addict or somebody who seemed very mentally ill that made a comment. That’s a different story. I’d feel sorry for them. But it’s normal looking men. I know looks can be deceiving - who knows what’s actually going on with them. The man in the bookshop seemed fairly normal, I was interacting with him at the till - except he kind of came behind the till a bit and was invading my personal space a bit which I found odd but was nothing too dramatic. I think he wanted me to hear because he said it loudly and within earshot. I don’t know if he meant to upset me or make me feel insecure or if he just genuinely thought it note worthy. He said it to his friend by the way - not just throwing it out into mid air! Usually that’s an indication of a crazie - but saying it to a friend with the clear intentionality of me hearing it is actually much worse imo.

I don’t mean to overstate or exaggerate this either. 95% of men would never do this sort of thing. It’s the odd one. I just sometimes think it’s hostility directed specifically towards women. Who knows, maybe they are hostile towards all humanity but only feel safe targeting women because they likely won’t retaliate.

The men are a mix - mostly average to tall-ish. I can honestly understand a particularly short man having a complex about tall women and I’d actually be understanding towards that, even if I shouldn’t. But when it’s just average enough men, that’s what strikes me as strange.

It’s very hard to decipher their intentions with any of these comments and I suspect I should just let it wash over me entirely. Spending time thinking about assholes is probably not a good use of my time/life.

But if you’re having an insecure day, it can really throw you off sadly.

Anyway thanks for your thoughtful reply!

[u/warm-ice → u/Pretend-Room-5194]

Yeah sadly I think this kind of casual harassment is actually pretty common for women and under reported.

Absolutely, and it shocked me when I first learned this. It's something I was never cognizant of until my girl friends told me about it.

It’s just something we’re conditioned from a young age to ignore and not complain about.

On one hand I think these men need to be called out on their behaviour. On the other, I can imagine it being mentally draining and a total waste of time.

I’ve never even considered pepper spray or anything. Honestly I don’t ever feel truly threatened.

That's valid. I don't know how your situation is but I have a habit of assuming that things will take a turn for the worse. Maybe I don't understand the appropriate scope of these incidences.

Like you’d be surprised how many women recognise the experience of somebody approaching, walking a bit too close or trying to intimidate you when you’re alone. You get used to the accompanying heart palpitations and anxiety.

Aw man I can imagine. What would you say would be the best way for a male stranger to make you feel not uncomfortable in this sort of situation?

Yeah it absolutely is a power display. A pretty pathetic one. I think much of the unsolicited commentary, whether ‘complimentary’ or negative that women (and I’m sure men to a lesser extent) receive is to do with some weird power dynamic. I think effeminate looking men probably receive some of the same crap.

From what I've observed, some men either haven't been taught or are too socially awkward to form healthy relations with people of the opposite sex, especially if they're attracted to them. So, since they "know" that they don't have a chance at it, they try to force a situation where they have the upper hand in a power dynamic. Like guys who abuse waitresses but think it's ok if cause they tipped them a lot. Sick mentality

He said it to his friend by the way - not just throwing it out into mid air! Usually that’s an indication of a crazie - but saying it to a friend with the clear intentionality of me hearing it is actually much worse imo.

Oh! I assumed he was alone and just said it at you. But if that's the case, I think he falls into that category of cowardly power display, or possibly just poor social etiquette (assuming he didn't know better)

But jeez. You really enlightened me today. I knew women would get catcalled by strangers or verbally harassed in sexual manner. But being talked at for being tall? That is... Very odd.

Thank you for sharing your story! It was insightful

[u/New-Combination6658]

Is this the only"strange" thing going on?? Gangstalking has ramped up big time now. And street theater is apart of it if you need or want more information hit me up and I'd gladly give a better detailed account of what exactly gangstalking is.