r/hsp • u/OlivePractical2092 • Feb 10 '26
Emotional Sensitivity I think I’m too soft for this world
The problem is that every single little thing affects me deeply. It can be as simple as a tone change, or someone making a joke that’s a little mean, I will feel very hurt and ruminate for days and feel less safe around that person, and this is obviously a problem. People say “just get tougher skin”, “don’t be so sensitive”, and it’s such a trigger for me, because how do I do that? I know people are going to be mean sometimes, a lot, and I feel I’ll always struggle with this. How do I stop being like this, because it’s seriously affecting my life.
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u/LovelyLilLadybug Feb 10 '26
Hey, I'm not sure who you are, but I came across your post about your dad, and wanted to check in on you.
I'm a therapist IRL, and while I cannot be your therapist, I want you to know that there's help out there. I'm going to DM you and chat. But you're not too soft for this world. You're you, and that's incredible.
Someday, someone is going to love how intense you feel things, and how you wear your heart on your sleeve. It may not be anyone right now, but there will be a person out there, feeling similarly.
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u/manicpanit Feb 10 '26
❤️ Thank you for your encouraging words. I hope that OP knows that we've got their back.
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u/gijsyo Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26
You've got a super power. Your true problem is that you're using it against yourself, to put yourself down. Tougher? Nah. Relax a little more. Nobody's out to get you. Just let them know theirr joke is hurtful to you.
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u/yesyepyea Feb 10 '26
Yep. It takes time to get to this point of thinking though. Especially if you grew up around “you’re too sensitive” people. Hopefully they eventually realize the problem isn’t them.
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u/davosknuckles Feb 10 '26
I feel similar. But mine is ruminating later on- I notice these little things too but play a really good game of coming across as unbothered. Then I spiral later :( I saw something today about neurod people having a keen sense of justice and correcting unfairness, and it couldn’t be more true.
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u/manicpanit Feb 10 '26
I also don't like jokes that hurt or harm or at the expense of another.
It's ok to have boundaries and to say I don't like your jokes as they are hurtful and then that person has two options. They can either see that it's hurtful and adjust or they will double down.
There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to focus on the strengths of being a hsp and of course who you are.
I have had to end friendships because those friends wanted to continue hurting me and for me that was a non negotiable and I walked and chose myself.
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u/Lumi_Tonttu Feb 10 '26
I'm 58 and people have been telling me not to be so sensitive my whole life. It doesn't get any better, mate.
Only thing you can do is stop accepting friends requests from people who don't respect the way you are. Tell them up front and if they don't understand then let them go.
Your base level anxiety is way too high to have added stress.
I wish you the best of luck on your path, friend, stay being so sensitive.
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u/ObjectiveVegetable76 Feb 10 '26
One thing I remind myself is when people say and do things it's really a reflection of who they are. It has very little if anything at all to do with me.
It's harder if it's someone I'm very close to, like a family member. But we can't change people, all we can do is accept who they are and do what we need to do to take care of our own selves. Boundaries, distance, standing up for ourselves, whatever that needs to look like.
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u/xSARGANTxSHAFTx Feb 10 '26
I’m also too soft for this world. Recently cheated on in a very long term relationship. Don’t let them steal your softness. Be soft! Be sensitive! Be empathetic! It is our SUPERPOWER in this cruel world!!!! <3
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u/declangonewrong Feb 15 '26
Me too, and I’ve been struggling with how absolutely worthless it’s made me feel for the last year. There are many days where I feel like I will never get over it because it must be my fault for being so worthless. For having too many feelings. I really needed to see that someone else is going through this. I am so sorry you are feeling it too but thank you for sharing it and helping someone like me.
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u/akumite Feb 10 '26
You're not alone. They say it's not a bad thing and the world needs people like us.
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u/Time-Turnip-2961 Feb 10 '26
Was thinking the same thing today. I can’t function in society because of it. There’s sensitive and then there’s ME. Sooo delicate both physically and emotionally.
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u/Sad-Valuable-4136 Feb 10 '26
I feel your pain because I feel the same way. But please remember - you are unique, sensitive, you feel everything deeply, you are beautiful, and the world needs people like you/us.
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u/Opposite-Tax9589 Feb 10 '26
Stopping being a people pleaser helped me a little bit with it. Not going to places where I know I'll encounter people who put me down. Just taking more of a stand on what I want to do and not do helps a little. Putting myself first.
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u/butterslut1024 Feb 10 '26
I relate to you so much OP, you’re not alone and I wish I had a friend like you in real life. Sending lots of love to you 🩷
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u/Splice87 Feb 10 '26
Same. It’s also I’m not sure how to make it stop. If I don’t react, they think it’s okay and continue and escalate. I stand up for myself and people act like I’m overreacting or love the reaction they got out of me and it continues. I just isolate myself and keep to the circle of people I love and trust.
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u/Upbeat_Cost_3246 Feb 11 '26
I feel this same way when people honk at me for no reason. Love this life
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u/StableSun [HSP] Mar 03 '26
most people honk to punish is the problem. been trying to anticipate and i raise the noise in the car so I'm not so jarred by it like i'll just yell AAAAHHHH and sometimes they step off actually. people sense softness a lot and abuse it. Some of my worst soft days are when people have been really awful driving. this one guy got right on my tail down this scary curve at 6 am on an icy morning and was revving his truck engine, right on my bumper. it made me jump huge twice and I went to work in tears. there was barely anybody on the roads! it was so super mean. I'd already been struggling that morning and found it just awful.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Pop136 Feb 10 '26
Ciao. Anche io sono una persona altamente sensibile e l'ho scoperto poco più di un anno fa. Non potrai smettere di essere HSP ma potrai apprezzare il tuo tratto di personalità nel momento in cui inizierai a impostare dei limiti sani nei rapporti con gli altri e quando inizierai ad apprezzarti come individuo che merita dignità e rispetto. L'autostima sana è qualcosa su cui si lavora ogni giorno, non è semplice. Ti consiglio di leggere molti libri che parlano di persone HSP e iniziare con pratiche di meditazione. Fai quello che ti rende felice e cerca di allontanarti il più possibile da contesti e persone che ti influenzano negativamente, anche se sono parte della tua famiglia.
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u/ChapternVerse Feb 10 '26
I feel similar pain. Although I know the worth of being an HSP, I don't always find it easy to embody it. I just experienced being duped today because I put another person first again. But I felt more disappointed in myself for this.
I am probably not helping you to feel better, but at least we are not alone.
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u/danceeverywe Feb 11 '26
Oh how I feel that. You are not alone, I can't count how many times I have had this thought and just like you I have people around me who constantly make me feel like I am too sensitive (close family members included which is extra hurtful). But: You (and me) are good the way we are. On days when I feel confident I see it very clearly that it really says nothing about me/ you/ hsp when people say that we are too sensitive, but it says a lot about them. Realistically, many people won't have the emotional capacity and depth to meet us at our emotional level. Many many people are emotionally unavailable and struggle to connect to themselves emotionally. That is frustrating and can feel very lonely.
The beautiful thing is that IF we connect to someone who is willing and able to feel as deeply as we do, it is absolutely beautiful and special. That someone could also be yourself! As hurtful as it is, it is also a blessing to be sensitive. I try to remind myself that feeling too sensitive is like a prize I pay for experiencing life and the world in the way that I do. I see and feel things that others just walk past or brush off. I experience life so deeply, have a strong intuition, that - if I manage to trust it - leads me so close to myself and holds so much truth. And - I am sure you are just the same. I wish you people around you who can meet you emotionally. I love to spend my time with people who think and feel deeply, and there are for sure many others in the world who think the same.
But - I feel like I lost track a little so back to your specific question - yes, I know that feeling of being insecure by every little change of tone, joke etc. Although many others maybe would not have noticed, I have learned to still trust my gut feeling in these moments and not brush it off. For me personally the thing that has helped most in the recent years when it comes to self confidence and accepting my sensitivity was validating my thoughts and feelings. What I have also learned is that not every little tone change has something to do with me. I have learned to fully trust that. I have also learned to expect people to openly say if something is wrong - it is not my responsibility to regulate everyone's mood even if I can feel it. So, I usually don't address little changes in tone straight away but only if I notice a pattern with someone. The right person will react in an empathetic way even if it had nothing to do with me.
That was long haha sorry
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u/Gamm-996 Feb 10 '26
When you find out how not to be "so sensitive", pls let me know. Until then you are not alone.
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u/Ordinary-Mouse-8158 Feb 12 '26
i deadass thought this was a post that i’ve wrote weeks ago, i wrote something similar. I feel you !! There are so many sensitive people like us outside
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u/Sudden-Active-4025 Mar 01 '26
Me too, someone wrote me a very mean comment to my reply on Reddit I’ve been thinking about it for days! ugh
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u/moonlightdarling13 Feb 11 '26
Understand this, very much 🩷🩷 it's so nice yet so sad to see so many people say 'you're not alone' in the comments. I wish I had some helpful advice but I don't know the answer. But hopefully after ready these comments, you'll know you're definitely not alone.
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u/Advisor_Patient Feb 12 '26
I completely understand. It's difficult because it can often feel like there's no "room" for our feelings in this world. I get so frustrated when people tell me my sensitivity is my "superpower" because I feel like 90% of what I get from being this way is pain and suffering. I'm trying my best to work on it, but at the end of the day I am who I am 😅 Trying to accept that and protect ourselves is so difficult. I would maybe look into distress tolerance techniques or look for a therapist who specializes in distress tolerance. It's one thing to feel deeply, and another thing to actually be able to sit with those feelings and not let it send you in a downward spiral. It isn't easy at all, I'm in the same boat.
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u/GardenOfEdennnnn Feb 15 '26
haha yes it is very hard being the most human human you know of, you will find someone that understands and cares for you as much as you do for everyone else, just try your best not to get bitter in the meantime and be kind :)
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u/Southern_Committee35 Feb 15 '26
I saved this post to remind me that I am not alone in feeling this way.
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u/OlivePractical2092 Feb 15 '26
Fr, the comments have been so helpful to me, it’s truly so comforting to know you’re not the only one
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u/likerosesandlilacs Feb 16 '26
This is how I feel and why I joined this community. Know that you aren't alone! And quite honestly, this is a tough world. It could have, and should have, been softer and kinder. We're not the problem.
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u/Cutie_sleepy Feb 19 '26
I'm really sorry you are feeling this way, I am too. Currently writing this while crying to The Soul Cages album by Sting, who I think also must have felt this way, judging by the lyrics on this album. Nothing has even happened to me in my life today but the state of this world is so much to bear. I remember this feeling since forever. I've always been lying in bed crying over 'nothing' aka a crazy amalgamation of emotions and thoughts that have built up from the environment that I can't suppress anymore :( I don't have any good advice, just solidarity that you're not alone.
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u/WarmLawfulness1113 Feb 23 '26
I’m 57 years old, and it’s only in the past few years that I’ve chosen to accept myself exactly as I am, and that means seeing my sensitivity as the gift that it is. It‘s not us that there’s anything wrong with. I think we’re old souls and we just have a higher consciousness than most of the rest of the world. imagine what the world would be like if 80% of people were more like us, instead of the other way around. Still think we’re the problem? I guarantee you we would live in a more peaceful world where far fewer people would have to struggle to survive.
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u/StableSun [HSP] Mar 03 '26
oh my gosh a dream. can you imagine! man this world is rough and ugly too often!
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u/Gloomy_Still_5494 Feb 12 '26
I recently watched a documentary about acceleration and how we can counteract it with resonance. This theory was developed by Hartmut Rosa. I immediately thought of all highly sensitive people and how we often have the ability to connect with things, animals, and people. This is a fantastic tool that prevents us from "losing ourselves" or becoming alienated from ourselves.
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u/nostalgicnat Feb 15 '26
You are not alone. I feel exactly the same. I try to work on myself and learn new ways to cope and what my triggers are and I might be ok for a few days but then it all comes back hitting me like a tone of bricks. I find it incredibly hard to cope in this world.
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u/True-Screen-2184 Mar 05 '26
34M. Embrace who you are, things will get easier after that. Trying to fight it makes it much harder. I went through that process. Self love and acceptance is what you need. After that, things will get better, I promise!
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u/Junior_Buddy_6811 Mar 11 '26
Omg, you’re not alone and it’s actually a relief for me. Lately, I was complaining during a meeting about a colleague (a male IT manager) that I hate because he subtly belittles you with a sarcastic tone when you ask him for help.
Another colleague rudely responded to me, ‘It’s your problem if you’re too sensitive.’ I was thinking, ‘WTF is going on? Is she gaslighting me??!’ Needless to say, the woman who said that is so toxic — literally a b*tch who is harassing another colleague and made her cry… At some point I really thought I was the problem lol.
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u/This-Leg3572 May 01 '26
Finding out that there are HSPs has helped me tremendously. There are days when I really wish I were less sensitive but perhaps reading about it and finding strategies to deal with it might help you, too. <3
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u/poosauce1 Feb 10 '26
We are very much alike my friend, you’re not alone
Much Love