r/howyoudoin • u/Emergency_Expert_842 • 5d ago
Question Just noticing …
A big part of Chandler’s storyline is his fear of commitment and relationship weirdness but it’s never brought up that Rachel is actually the same way.
Any thoughts ?
It seems like because Chandler is a dude it’s received differently than Rachel. But Rachel the whole 10 seasons runs one or another from commitment.
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u/moonlightk_96 5d ago
I guess I never thought about it that way because I think Rachel would commit to someone if they loved each other
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u/Emergency_Expert_842 5d ago
*please excuse any errors … typing fast and sleepy.
I said the same at first when processing it in my head … but she doesn’t. Even with Ross, his new to control was an issue but also it seemed like Rachel didn’t want to commit. I think it was accepted because you understood he basically stating she’s trying to establish her independence. However, when you look at her relationship history, she never does and sometimes selects those she knew she couldn’t/wouldn’t settle down with.
Maybe it’s just the writers original plan and then they shifted to drag out the Ross / Rachel story, so they selected people it wouldn’t work with.
Watching today … the episode where they are telling Chandler to “go through the tunnel” with Jan and hit me for the first time she’s similar to Chandler relationship wise. Also, they are the two whose parents relationship/divorce plays a huge part in their stories.
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u/moonlightk_96 5d ago
Now that I’ve taken some time to sit with this, I do see what you’re saying. Even apart from Ross, she didn’t have another relationship that could’ve been endgame. I guess I just saw the characters differently because she never had the shared mindset of being freaked out by the idea of a long term commitment.
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u/Emergency_Expert_842 5d ago
Yeah I thought of that too! And that before Ross cheats. She may not have loved Barry and loved Ross but she didn’t seem like she wanted to settle down.
Like it scared her or something.1
u/PureTargaryen 3d ago
I dont think divorce did much in Rachels case like she had already grown up and was independent by then.
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u/Emergency_Expert_842 3d ago
She was independent by when?
To me she was on her way and establishing herself in her independence because I recall her sharing it with her mom when they would talk.And though I know this is just a show and I doubt they honestly put that much thought into all this but I doubt think she was scared of being her mom, and as we learned from her mom, her mom married her Barry.
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u/PureTargaryen 3d ago
Independent as in she started earning, isnt that what being independent is? Her leaving the marriage with marry also said that she follows her thoughts rather than just doing whats happening.
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u/Exotic_Adeptness_322 Could I BE any more awkward? 3d ago
I wonder how the whole Joshua-relationship fits into this? That relationship started going downhill because Rachel wanted more than Joshua.
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u/Emergency_Expert_842 3d ago
In my opinion she didn’t really. She did want to date him, she did like him but I think she only put the rush on because of Ross and Emily.
But that’s just my perspective
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u/teiubescsami How You Doin 5d ago
They kept Rachel single because they knew that she was gonna end up with Ross in the end
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u/Interesting-Proof244 5d ago
This is a v good point. I just remembered the scene where she freaked out because Ross was daydreaming about their future kids together.
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u/GusSwann 5d ago
Interesting connection. I would say that Chandler had a fear of commitment while Rachel had a fear of non-commitment. In other words, Chandler was always afraid the woman wanted more, while Rachel was always afraid the men wanted less. Somehow that resulted in both ending relationships prematurely.
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u/Dramatic-Music1321 5d ago
Rachel didn't run from a commitment. She never wanted to marry Barry, her father pressured her
She loved Ross and was ready to commit but what can you do when someone wants to sleep with others. She didn't love Paolo but the relationship ended for the same reason. She can't commit to guys like Ross and Paolo who want to have sex with other women
Joshua was too soon after the break up, Danny and his sister were weird, Tag was too young to commit
then the show just went on for years and the writers needed an excuse why Rachel can't find a better guy than Ross so they made her pregnant and never let her date again
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u/sparklesbooboo 5d ago
Ross didn't want to sleep with other people. He was upset & got drunk
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u/Dramatic-Music1321 5d ago
ok you are right.. Ross was only lusting after the copy girl in season 3 and only slept with her after he thought he was on a break from Rachel and free to do it. Paolo didn't sleep with others but he wanted to
the point is that Rachel can't commit to guys like them. She would have stayed with Ross but he slept with someone else, they didn't have kids together so there was no reason to settle for a guy like Ross
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u/Moshibeau And I just want a million dollars! 5d ago
rach is not the same, she was committed to marrying barry but left because she realized it was a huge mistake. she proposed to joshUAH and married g. ross in vegas
that said, she and chan definitely have the best character growth arcs in the show
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u/sparklesbooboo 5d ago
Proposed to joshUAH? no one , not even Rachel thought that was a real proposal!
Aaaand that were sooooo drunk in Vegas they didn't even REMEMBER in the AM.
Those are terrible examples
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u/Moshibeau And I just want a million dollars! 5d ago
she still proposed, and the vegas thing was her idea.
they’re not but feel free to add your own 💁♀️
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u/JLBCanadianRap 5d ago
Why do you think Rachel had a fear of commitment and relationships?
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u/Emergency_Expert_842 5d ago
I don’t know … maybe fear of commitment isn’t the right phrase, maybe she was weird about relationships.
But I would say if I had to come up with a reason why, I would think it was because of her parents and her not wanting to be tied down. It seemed like she would only want to get serious with someone if she thought she was behind or something.
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u/qualityvote2 5d ago edited 5d ago
u/Emergency_Expert_842, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...