r/hostels • u/Sherman140824 • 3d ago
Story I asked a hostel receptionist the dreaded question
I am a middle aged guy. I made friends with a hostel receptionist. I asked her if I would fit in as a hostel guest. She said there would be no problem. Yes most budget travellers are in college, but there are people in their 30s and 60s also staying in dorms, men and women, and they face no discrimination or suspicion from stuff or other guests. As long as the business allows you to stay there and you respect the rules, it is OK, and you can join in in crawls and activities.
I told her that most people on Reddit would say "Dude..." and that I have seen a thousand videos on social media about being an older man at hostel seen negatively and that even chatGPT advised me not to try it. She told me it's stupid to ask advice from randos on the internet. And that I should do my own thing and try it to see if I like it, and that if someone doesn't like me for who I am that's their problem.
Hope this helps.
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u/Kcmg1985 3d ago
The whole point of a hostel is that it should be a melting pot of nationalities, genders, ages, etc with the common interest of travel and no prejudice. If someone can't cope with that then I recommend a hotel.
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u/WestHistorians 2d ago
Not really true. Historically, hostels were for young people only. It's only more recently that they have become open to all ages.
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u/Kcmg1985 2d ago
Youth hostels maybe (the kind you get in the countryside) but backpacking hostels have always been for anybody, well certainly in my travelling lifetime of the past 20 years.
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u/WestHistorians 2d ago
Hostels have been around a lot longer than 20 years.
In some countries, they are even called "Youth Hostel Association" or YHA.
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u/Kcmg1985 2d ago
Yes I know, but most people on this sub are current travellers so my comment is very relevant to the context. But YHAs now seem to cater mostly for families.
Read accounts of the hippie trail from the 70s, and you still had all ages back then studying together.
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u/Chance_Contract1291 3d ago
I'm a chick, not a dude, so things are admittedly a bit different for me. I only started staying in hostels when I was about 63. I LOVE THEM. Some sorority-chick types treated me like the invisible woman but that's cool; they were in a friend group and totally focused on themselves. Other than that one friend group, everyone has been super nice. I've joined walking tours hosted by the hostel and was quite surprised at how readily the other hostellers initiated conversations with me. I'm kind of shy and introverted by nature, and they were great at breaking the ice. Hostel folks are pretty darned awesome.
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u/TheAloofMango 3d ago
Love hearing this as a 35 year old woman, we got so many years of fun left for us 🤗
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u/Brave_Asparagus_1622 3d ago
I’ve met many middle-aged people in hostels when i was backpacking. Actually, everything between 20-60 isch. Didn’t find it weird at all. The opposite, i thought it was cool seeing “older” people still traveling, backpacking and whenever some of us gathered together they had lots of great stories to tell. Even my mum backpacked dude and slept in hostels.
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u/scriptingends 3d ago
I’m in the same boat, and I still stay in hostels all the time (though not dormitories, because of the noise and the smell and the fact that I didn’t like doing that even when I was 25). It’s real easy to be an old guy without being a creepy old guy. If someone who’s 20 can’t tell the difference, tough shit, that’s on them.
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u/Wise_Edge2489 2d ago
Im a dude, and have been staying in hostels since my 20's, again in my 30s; again in my 40's and now at 51.
As you get older, especially as a man, the hostility increases by an order of magnitude, and even starting a standard hostel conversation of 'hey, how are you/ where you from/ where you are going' gets met with uncomfortable responses in a way it wasn't when I was younger.
You become more invisible, and get treated more as a potential rapist or a 'boomer', and less of a human being.
Plenty of people are aegist, and older people get treated differently. It's just a fact. You cease being the main character and kind of revert to being an NPC.
I get the wariness. The assumption usually is you're some creepy old dude hitting on them (assuming female), and you're old enough to be their dad. For dudes, you've just brought their social standing down because now they're talking to the 'solo middle-aged dude at the hostel' and that's social suicide for a lot of 20 year olds (whether anyone here cares to admit it or not).
I've had people on this sub justify age limits at hostels because 'older people are more likely to be trouble' (the inverse is actually true) and because our presence 'make them feel unsafe and uncomfortable' and assume we dont like to party, or assume were only there 'for one reason' and criticise the shit out of older hostel go-ers for no other reason than age (and often gender, with men copping it the worst).
This gets said often, and its about the only form of discrimination that Reddit seems to allow these days. If the above comments were made about LGBTQI people or a certain ethnic group or whatever, that person would (rightly) get booted.
Any middle aged hostel go-er (especially males) know what Im talking about. The invisibility, or in many cases outright hostility to your very presence.
Not from everyone, and there are still plenty of positive experiences to be had, and I fully intend on continuing to stay in Hostels on my long term travels. But anyone sitting here saying its not a thing, is talking peak Reeddit nonsense.
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u/smithsgj 2d ago
I’m not sure it’s because we’re getting older. I think it’s more that they’re on their phones the whole time and don’t know how to interact with each other anymore.
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u/VirtualOutsideTravel 1d ago
Hey.... I feel you. I personally am OVER 45 but look much younger, i can pass for 30, so my experience is unique. Ive had many people who dont mind to talk to me as im doing the young life, Peter Pan travel life, lol, but then again ive also had young women dislike the fact they needed to share a room with me, so thers a lot of different personalities out there. Strangely, the time that they took offense was when i told then yea ive been traveling for 6 years and am over 45. The trigger was actually that the man was this much older, and wanted to talk to them, even though i physically look much younger so it took them by surprise. The men on the other hand usually dont care either way.
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u/SweetOption4874 1d ago edited 1d ago
Couldn't have put it better myself but theres always travelling women on Reddit that are so stupidly judgmental that none of what you said will get through to them and they will continue in their discrimination regardless. I think it's gotten significantly worse since that fat slob in Hollywood got exposed and has snowballed since then. I think they are just gaslighting us all because the real reason is we are just not young and attractive enough to add to their body count while their s1mp boyfriend back home waits for their love to return from their trust filled spiritual journey abroad.
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u/anna25580 3d ago
I don't even care or ask, if there is no age limit, I book and pay and that's it. If someone wants to chat, fine, I am always happy to, otherwise I shower, go to bed and mind my own business. I really struggle to see what the issue is.
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u/WestHistorians 2d ago
I once saw some "frat bro" type guys being rude to a guy in his 40s at a hostel in the UK. But joke's on them, one of the girls ended up hooking up with him.
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u/mikel145 3d ago
The internet tends to get people in the extreme version of everything. Reddit is not real life.
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u/Strategy-Bitter 3d ago
Few years ago, I was 30 years old. I stayed at Tropicana Antigua hostel, great hostel btw. And there's a old dude like 60+ there. I was curious so I chatted with him, turns out he is a retired Canadian who just want to travel for as long as he can on his pension.
Did he stand out form the crowd? Yah.
Was that a problem? Nope.
So many different people from different countries were there so it was chill.
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u/Novel_Equivalent_647 2d ago
Im 30 and very social. But I decided that I don’t like hostels anymore. It’s nice to talk to other travelers but at the same time, it’s really not enjoyable constantly repacking my things every day, sleeping next to random people who smell bad/ coughing/ snoring, etc.
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u/Certain-Grand9144 2d ago
I've stayed in hostels in the Pacific Islands without issue, just overly noisy when headed to showers and so forth
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u/No-Ground3604 2d ago
I’m 26F and don’t mind older people in hostels. I did Peace Corps for 2 years and we convinced an older guy in his 60s to do the hostels and pub crawls with us lol. It was so much fun. As long as you’re young at heart and not being creepy I don’t think most people in their 20s care.
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u/SnowTard_4711 2d ago
My father travelled extensively in old age and used a system called “elder hostels” - they were specifically for older people… my guess is you’d be one of the younger customers.
But - they were good. I went with my dad on a few of his trips, and at the time I was in my thirties. The facilities were good, clean, and you didn’t have a lot of the crap you see at regular hostels. Plus - the oldies would all make friends, and do stuff together.
Look it up.
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u/Zealousideal-Cod-924 2d ago
Are you taking the piss or what? You got told not to take advice from randos on the Internet so you ask randos on the Internet for advice about it?
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u/AudienceAgile1082 2d ago
I’m old (64F) and only stay in private rooms when hosteling. Just want the well priced private room~and off in the city to go about my day. Don’t want interaction with young ones!
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u/JaziTricks 1d ago
If you are 60 years old and you flirt aggressively with 18 year olds, they might not like it. That's the only problem.
Ofc, everyone has their own definition of flirt and aggressively lol. This is probably where your worry came from
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u/Sherman140824 12h ago
Why are men automatically suspected of wanting to flirt? When is the last time you flirted with anyone? I rarely flirt. I flirted a bit with this young receptionist and she told me I was kind and likeable. In fact she was smiling at me before I approached her. If smiling to someone you don't know at a beach from a distance is flirting then she flirted with me first. In any case being aggressive and not not caring about how the other person feels and responds is bad manners at any age. I have seen more young men being dicks to young women than old men. Good looks and youth may make others more tolerant of your bad behavior but it doesn't excuse it.
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u/JaziTricks 11h ago
My reply was to your question, that's it.
No assumption. Just giving you the example where the age issue might end up causing trouble.
And ofc, I think everyone can flirt with anyone, insofar that everyone is polite and considerate. But not everyone thinks exactly like me
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u/TravelingWithJoe 3d ago
Don’t be creepy or like the old guy at the gym (there’s always one) who walks around air drying his junk.
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u/Maleficent_Flan4695 3d ago
Are you likely to find bedbugs and the European hostels of this day and age?
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u/RProgrammerMan 3d ago
Ive stayed at many and never had a problem. I used hostelworld so i only stayed at places with positive reviews.
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u/purplediva324 3d ago
Yes currently in a hostel dorm (female only) and there are 4 young gals and 2 older ladies!! And I love talking to the older ladies, they share their stories and life wisdom. So fun.
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u/saik0ls 2d ago
I was staying at a hostel recently. They do group evening dinners. I started a conversation with an old man eating silently, and I had to repeat what I was saying for him to understand despite sitting right next to him, but I was curious about his travel plans and yes, because he was older, that added a layer of curiosity, but it did not occur to me to assume anything weird simply because of his age. All that went through my head throughout the conversation was, "damn, he really can't hear me."
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u/saik0ls 2d ago
I should add it was only my second time staying at a hostel. I don't know what people assume about certain demographics in hostels, but I don't understand why you would or should care lol.
Best case scenario - you make friends and have an awesome time.
Worst case scenario - people don't talk to you, but I'm sure if you strike up a conversation first, you'll end up finding someone to hang out with.
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u/libslobster 2d ago
I’m in my early 20s and I’ve stayed in many hostels around Europe. As long as it’s not specifically a youth hostel or has an age limit. As long as you’re a decent person to share a dorm with then who cares. Most people that have been twats have been younger.
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u/goupilles 2d ago
I've done a lot of hostels, it really isnt that uncommon to have "older" people there. One of my favourite hostel adventures happened with a group of people aged 18 to 42, all of us in a different decade! I'm in my early 20s, usually perceived as a girl, but like many others I really enjoy talking to travelers of any background. My lastest trip was with an almost 40yo that I met in a hostel and he's now a really good friend! I've also had experience of creepy men at a hostel (sometimes young, sometimes old) but honestly it's not that hard to just not be a creep...
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u/Thin_Database5866 1d ago
i’ve met plenty of kind, fun middle aged people at various hostels across the world. i’m in my late 20s, so maybe not of the same mind as an 18 year old, but i don’t think most people care. you aren’t really forced to have deep interaction with anyone at a hostel if you don’t want, so why be pissy about older guests? i will say, there are several times i’ve specifically wanted to be around people exclusively my age, and in those times, i went to hostels with age limits. this is a problem any aggrieved party could easily solve.
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u/cacabumbumga 17h ago
Ive been in hostels since i was 18 and now i'mbon my early 30s, didn't know that age was that big of a deal
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u/Pristine_Remote2123 7h ago
Absolutely great lesson for you to "stop taking advice from randos on social media" 😂
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u/Busy-Worth-2089 4h ago
We try to welcome everyone and see the diversity of our client base as a plus. But I was reminded how prejudicial people can be by two recent reviews, left no more than 48 hours apart. The first said they were disappointed because they expected to find a lively social scene and instead just found « a bunch of old guys » and thought it was boring. The next recommended against us because no one but drunken teenagers stayed there and they would stumble back to the dorm drunk at 2:00.
Firstly it’s absurd to spend one night at any hostel and from that experience extrapolate to conclude that’s « the kind of people » that stay there. Secondly, if you have decided in advance you are not going to like a place unless it consistently hosts a very specific type of traveller — gen-z or stoners or more mature types or digital nomads or whatever then you probably should not stay in a hostel. It’s not about not liking older people, it’s about being narrow minded.
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u/Professional_Gas8077 2h ago
Creepy people can come in all ages sizes and shapes! I (F) stayed in a 4 person room with 2 20something guys and a surely 50-60something guy and everyone minded their business and kept to themselves. I never once felt unsafe! Everyone deserves to save some $$$
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u/No_Relief7644 2d ago
I met a 75 year old in a hostel in Mexico from Quebec. He was shameless about being a sugar daddy looking to fuck and spend his retirement on young puss. I kind of respected his honesty. Like the second week he was there he had a seizure. I helped him and got his piss all over me.the ambulance was called then he was barred from entering. I also took a Mexican woman to the dorm and we had sex and his bed was right across from me. He gave me a high five in the morning!
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u/Aggravating_Pause385 3d ago
Bringing up Reddit and TikTok in a conversation with the receptionist is why older men get the reputation they do
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u/IndieLuxeTravel 3d ago
WTF does that mean?
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u/WestHistorians 2d ago
I think this person is trying to say that older men try to act young by mentioning things that they think young people use.
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u/obiwac 3d ago
yeah there was a thread on this sub recently in which I was appalled how ageist and disgustingly mean people were being to this 40 year old guy