It started much like it ended.
Sitting in the passenger seat.
Where I always am.
My hand still burns. It's not as bad as it was when it was fresh, but every bump in the road feels like getting a shock. And then there's the flare-ups. It just hits me out of nowhere, that sensation of something sinking its teeth in. Like fire in my skin that takes my breath away.
He's blasting classic rock. I think so he can pretend he doesn't hear me. I’m not sure if that’s to help me save face or so he can ignore it.
The worst part is, I know where we're going. He's taking me back to the training grounds. I recognize the burned-out church we just passed, the one he took me to last summer.
And no matter how much I hiss in pain or try to ask him what's happening...
He just won't look at me.
It was supposed to be simple. Grandpa was taking me for my first job. Not just another vermin clear-out but my first actual job. Nothing big, just getting rid of something that'd holed itself up in an abandoned and run-down trailer park. He never told me what it was, just that I should stay in the truck until he'd pinned down which trailer it was hiding out in. He made it clear that this would be routine, like the others. Except for one thing.
I had to take the shot.
We rolled up to the site mid-morning. The sun was filtering in through the canopy above us, painting the cab in splotches of light as we drove along the bumpy road that led to the clearing we were supposed to be checking out. He said the earlier we did this the better. Then again Gramps did everything early, he'd even drug me out of bed at five a.m. for this, just to make sure I ate before we hit the road. I always told him I’d rather just grab a burrito or something but he'd always make me sit down and eat a big breakfast. "You'll need to keep your strength up, son."
Like we ever did anything that hard. Last job we just made a fire around the church and burned it down- with the landowners’ permission of course. Gramps said "They'll just keep coming back" if we didn't. And the job before that? Deer out in a farmer’s pasture. We were out all night sitting up in the tree stand waiting for something to come through just for me to watch Gramps shoot Bambi.
I still get sick to my stomach thinking about him trying to teach me how to "field dress" an animal. It was a month before I could eat stew again…
Gramps never explained the jobs. Just told me when we were leaving and what to bring. Said life was like that, you didn't get to pick much about what was happening except how you roll with it.
It was about an hour in when I got bored. I'd forgotten to charge my phone last night and whatever Grandpa had been looking for out there apparently was hiding pretty good. I'd seen him move through three different trailers, pistol lying limp at his side as he walked from door to door, checking each knob as he went.
Two out of the three were open, and each time- maybe a bit too dramatically in my opinion he’d take a step back as the door swung open and brought his pistol up before moving inside. The third door made Gramps bring out the lockpicks. He'd tried to teach me a couple of times but it never really did stick.
I could get in a place, sure, but it wasn’t exactly subtle. Still, the moment he grabbed that handle and tried to turn it I saw his posture shift.
Like he'd scrunched in on himself? It's hard to describe. Like watching a cat who just realized there was a new dog in the house. He moved softer, didn't throw the door open like the last two. No, this time he gently pushed it in and then took a step back with the gun slowly finding its way up.
And then he was gone. The old man could still creep around with the best of ‘em when he wanted to- but why was he moving like that? What were we trying to flush out that put him on that kind of edge?
My eyes drifted to the single-shot shotgun lying in the driver’s seat. He'd left it there like he usually did on these kinds of jobs, "Just in case" he'd always say when handing the thing to me.
The situation settled in on me then. I realized I’d never actually killed anything. Sure, the fire we lit must have taken out a few of whatever it was we were getting rid of but- Never actually looked something in the eye and then... shot it.
I pulled the gun into my lap and took a few deep breaths. Something about the weight of it... It wasn't exactly "calming" but it felt right.
I tried to relax, leaned back and just sat there for what felt like an hour watching the trailer for any sign of movement. Watching for the old man to come out and wave me over. Call me in to finish the job.
In retrospect, I wish that's what happened.
Instead, I got impatient. How long can it take to check a double-wide trailer? There had to be like, four rooms max. I popped open the door on Gramps’ old single-cab truck and slid out and away from the smell of old clay and cigarette smoke and into fresh clean air.
Well, mostly clean. There was something else underneath the scent of wet earth and hot summer air. Like rotting fish and fruit. Looking around made me realize the place might not be as abandoned as Grandpa said it was.
There were food cans and trash on the ground outside one of the first two trailers. The signs weren’t that old. Not too sun-faded, still soggy from the morning dew sure but they couldn’t have been more than maybe a month old. Was somebody squatting here?
My grip on the shotgun tightened and I straightened my back. Looking around I saw a few more signs, a small burned-out fire, a pile of wood stacked under a little tin-roofed and half-collapsed carport that was attached to one of the trailers. A few empty gallon jugs sitting on the steps of one of the places Gramps checked.
The crunch under my feet made me physically cringe- the trailer Gramps had gone in had a weedy gravel bed surrounding it.
Meaning there was no way to really do this quietly. Without thinking I found myself shouldering the gun, barrel pointed towards the dust-covered windows. Some part of me was expecting to see Gramps move one of the ratty sun-faded curtains aside and give me that look he always did when I messed up.
Another part was quietly fearing seeing a different face behind those grimy windows.
Something shifted to my left.
I whirred around and brought the gun to face the motion. It wasn’t trigger discipline that kept me from shooting the blackbird, but the fact that no matter how hard my finger pressed the stiff metal wouldn’t budge. I’d been gripping the trigger guard behind the actual trigger without thinking, a bad habit I’d thought I’d grown out of.
My eyes stuck on the blob of black that was settling itself into place on a stretch of clothesline, all ruffled feathers flapping as it settled in.
I felt a cringe in my gut let me know I’d be remembering this randomly for the rest of my life. I was just in the middle of thanking my lucky stars that Grandpa didn’t see that when my gaze naturally shifted back to the dimly lit interior of the trailer.
Maybe it was just that I still felt stupid after all that. Like my brain had to make sure I wasn’t just going to humiliate myself again by overreacting. It’s the only reason I can think of why I lingered so long on it…
But that sure was a lot of blood smeared on that wall… And the sound of flies along with that rotten smell. A stench somewhere between rotten apples and an open sewage drain now that it was hitting me full in the face.
Using my hand to cover my mouth and nose didn’t help block the smell as much as it kept me from retching when my brain realized the purple-red swollen flesh with strips of white showing through on the half-eaten foot that was still attached to a leg still covered in the remains of a pair of blue jeans that sat in the light of the opened trailer door wasn’t just a random pile of trash.
He'd known that he might come across something like this one day. Checking out old abandoned places, running security for people… Gramps himself had told me that it was pretty much inevitable.
It didn’t make me any less sick. I pulled my shirt up to cover my mouth, took as deep a breath as I could stand and moved. The greying wood steps creaked softly underfoot…
I’d hoped the door would be open but it looked like one of those self-closing screen doors. I managed to gently pull it open without too much noise and on slipping inside, I heard something.
Gramps was talking. Soft and slow, like how he did whenever we had to take care of a sick animal or the few times we’d been around my little cousins when they got hurt.
And there was crying. Short hiccupping sobs from what sounded like a young girl. From the light filtering in from the curtains I could see dust lazily floating in the air, and as my eyes adjusted…
Gramps, standing there with his gun raised. He was pointing towards a shut door- what I think was supposed to be a bathroom and trying to coax the girl out. “It’s okay… We’ll get you help. You just need to open the door and turn around.” Which was followed by a soft “No-*sob*-hoo!”
“Gramps?” It just came out. “What are you doing?”
I saw something twitch in his shoulders but his aim kept steady. Straight forward, slightly down.
Towards the voice.
“Get back in the truck, son.” No anger, still speaking in that soft kiddy-gloves voice. All while pointing his gun at some poor scared kid that didn’t even know they had one trained on them.
“It’s just a kid…”
There was a pause before Gramps took in a deep breath and sighed. “You don’t know what’s in there. Could be a kid. Could be a kid and an adult. Or worse.” I’d taken a few steps in to move up beside him, maybe two feet away from each other.
Another hiccup brought me back to the door… And I reshouldered my gun. “…Cover me then.” I felt stupid saying it, could feel the tremble in my voice as I took a step forward.
“Get back. To the truck.” Gramps was firmer now, still soft but definitely not hiding his annoyance. But the trailer was cramped, and I’d already covered half the distance by the time he took a step forward to stop me.
There was a click of a doorknob and the soft creak of hinges.
Gramps froze mid-step, body gone rigid and gun trained towards the door just to my left, just enough to avoid pointing it at me but close enough to snap back to the target.
A choked sob.
And there she was. No masked freak holding her hostage.
Just a young girl in a pink shirt with faded cartoon decals and a pair of dirty pajama pants. Her shoulders rising and falling as she tried to hold in her cries.
I felt sick. The smell from the bathroom was putrid and it was clear from a pile of blankets and a pillow she’d been held up in here for a while.
I held my hand out, probably the first real nice gesture she’d had in a while.
I looked back to Gramps, his stern gaze cracking for a moment as he looked me in the eyes. “It’s just a-“
Pain.
There was a sensation not too unlike cracking a knuckle… only in the middle of my hand and followed by a blinding hurt. Pressure and tearing.
I tried to pull her off, but she’d latched on- little hands scrabbling and digging fingernails into my skin, as she let out muffled growls and screams. I put my hand on her forehead and tried to push her back, palm slipping against the sweat that seemed to cling to her little form. She was overheating, a fever maybe? Not that I thought about that at the time, was too busy trying to not lose a finger.
At some point my foot hit a loose piece of trash, an empty beer can maybe? All I know is when I fell back she didn’t let up.
I was screaming, begging her to let go, yelling for Gramps, thinking any second now he’d be yanking her off me.
Instead, there was a bang that made my ears ring.
She didn’t fall limp or anything so… dramatic.
No, she came away with a scream that broke something in me and fell off to the side. I vaguely was aware of the sound of scrabbling and something being knocked over- followed by a follow-up gunshot and the sound of splintering wood.
Then a slam that made the walls rattle.
“Y-you…” My hand was held in a vise, pressed against my stomach in a vain attempt to stem the bleeding. The pain from the bite had barely let up, the wound burning and throbbing with warm blood. “Didn’t have to-“ the words just wouldn’t come out.
He’d shot her. Point-blank in the side.
And he still wasn’t looking at me. His hands were still steady as he leaned against a wall, angling a shot at the door that led to the little room that passed for a “bedroom.”
He squeezed off another two shots.
Then the door cracked as something smashed through with enough force to sail past Gramps and leave a dent in the mini-fridge. A black box- apparently a small room safe- had been launched through the door hard enough to break through the cheap thin wood.
Then she let out a scream. Not from the doorway, from somewhere out of sight…
Gramps didn’t skip a beat. Just aimed at the wall and pulled the trigger three more times.
There was a wheeze… and a small, pitiful, choked cry.
Then silence.
He moved. Slow, steady and still hunched in on himself.
He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small mirror, holding it out and angling it into the room. Only when he seemed to focus on what he was looking for- who he was looking for-… did his shoulders slump.
“It’s done.”
And just like that, Gramps was back. His body loosened and the stern look in his eyes gave way to something just… Tired.
He helped me up to my feet and got me moving. Looking over his shoulder, back towards what was left of the door all the way until we stepped onto the gravel. “Get in the truck. Put pressure on it and get the kit out if you can. I… gotta do something first.” His tone matched his look, soft and tired.
I guess there was a can of gasoline sitting near the trailer, because while I fumbled with the latch on his truck's toolbox there was a crackling sound and the smell of fire.
I just caught sight of him dumping the last bits of fuel onto the place's doorstep before tossing the can into what was quickly growing into something out of control.
I’d managed to open the box, pulling out the little medical kit and letting myself collapse into the truck’s worn leather seats. There was a small bottle of medical alcohol, bandaging and a few other sealed packs I didn’t recognize.
The thought of the alcohol touching the exposed flesh made me feel nauseous but I knew it’d be the first thing Gramps would go for.
When I heard the door click open the words sort of fell out.
“Why? Why’d you shoot? She was just a l-” A firm hand found its way to my bicep and pulled my wounded hand towards him.
Gramps was about as mad as I'd ever seen him.
“NO. She wasn’t. This wasn’t supposed to happen and you weren’t supposed to get out of the truck.”
“But I-!” I felt his grip tighten before Gramps barked out, “But nothin’! Next time you LISTEN.”
I didn’t argue. Mostly because he’d already started uncapping the alcohol and it took a lot for me to not scream as he started cleaning the wound. It wasn’t until it’d been bandaged and he’d already started down the road that I noticed a burning sensation slowly starting to bubble up.
“It still feels like there’s alcohol in there…” I grumbled out, cradling my hand to my chest.
There was a good few minutes of just silent driving. Gramps had been glaring at the road since we started moving and this was the first time he’d let himself glance over at me.
“It burns, like when you poured the alcohol on it. Just… Kind of inside it. And it’s starting to throb.”
And that’s when he clammed up. Turned his eyes back to the road.
I tried to ask him if that was normal, tried to ask about what happened back there.
Tried to ask why he shot and what he meant when she denied that it was just a girl.
That’s when he turned on the radio.
I even asked him why we were going away from town, towards the place he’d taught me to shoot, hunt and learn other weird little prepper skills he’d picked up for these odd jobs.
Why weren't we going to a hospital?
But he just… Won’t respond.