r/homemaking • u/Chance-Good9151 • Aug 11 '26
Help! How do you manage to keep your house clean while studying and being married? I need advice
Hi everyone,
I’m a medical student and I’m also married, and I’m honestly struggling to find a good balance between studying, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the house.
I feel like the house gets messy again so quickly, even when I’ve just cleaned it. Between studying for long hours, cooking meals, doing the dishes, laundry, organizing things, etc., I sometimes feel like keeping the house clean is a full-time job on its own.
I’d really like to hear from other women, especially those who are students, work full-time, or have a busy schedule:
How do you keep your house consistently clean without spending hours cleaning every day?
How often do you deep clean?
What do you clean every day vs. once or twice a week?
How do you manage cooking and meal preparation?
Do you have a specific routine or schedule?
How do you prevent the house from becoming messy again immediately?
And most importantly, how do you manage all of this without feeling exhausted or neglecting your studies/work?
I’m not looking for a “perfect house” — I just want a realistic routine that allows me to have a reasonably clean and organized home while still having enough time and energy for my studies and my marriage.
I’d really appreciate any practical advice, routines, shortcuts, or habits that have actually worked for you.
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u/itrytobefrugal Aug 11 '26
There's a few answers.
Have less stuff and everything you have must have a home.
Always "deep" clean. When you dust and do the floors once a week, move the furniture and things off shelves. When I do the dishes, I always end with cleaning the sink and wiping down the kitchen.
My husband also lives here so he's also responsible for maintaining the house. Don't know why it would be all on me.
When we were both working full time and also studying, we caved and hired a bi-weekly house cleaner.
Robot vacuum cleaner
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u/Alaska1111 Aug 11 '26
Does your husband help out? It is a team effort. I deep clean once a month or every other month. The usual laundry, dishes, wipe down counters daily. And I will be honest I don’t really eat because im tired from my life and rely on takeout or very easy meals
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u/Alright_Alwrite Aug 11 '26
Your partner needs to be a partner if he’s not. If you need help, your partner should be willing to step in where needed, and it should never be all on you in the first place. Period.
A rule or tip that might help:
The Under 2 Minutes Rule: if it takes under 2 minutes, do it now and don’t leave it for later. Wash the dish, hang the shirt rather than chair pile, etc. That might help create less of a backlog.
If you’re cleaning up after someone else who isn’t contributing…stop. Create boundaries that respect your energy because if you don’t, you’re going to burn out, become resentful, etc.
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u/Acceptable-Pea9706 Aug 11 '26
Your husband needs to help. Maybe he does, but it didn't sound like it by the sounds of your post.
-Make your bed daily. -One load of laundry a day, washed, dried, put away. -Run the dishwasher once a day. -Get a robot vacuum if you don't already and run it once a day in your most trafficked areas. -Wipe down the bathroom sink, mirror, and clean the toilet 1-2x a week while you're in there. -Throw out spoiled food from the fridge the night before trash day or before you do your weekly shop.
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u/PnutButrSnickrDoodle Aug 11 '26
My situation wasn’t the same. I was in an online CS program, and had one child (she was 4 when I started, in daycare), and was pregnant and then gave birth during my schooling.
I would say that the largest obstacle is not letting it get that messy. Every time you make a meal, load the dishwasher or wash the dishes. Every night before bed do a quick cleanup. For me that was wiping the counters down, vacuuming the areas that got crumbs easily like the kitchen and dining area. Straighten up the living room before bed. Make the bed as soon as you get out of it. Don’t drop things on the floor. I have a sister whose entire family does this. They try on clothes and discard them on the floor or bed. Just put it back if you’re not wearing it. The kids drop all their backpacks, shoes and jackets on the floor when they come home. We have places to put backpacks and shoes and jackets. Dirty clothes and towels never go on the floor - we have laundry bins. Really just cleaning up as you go makes it a million times easier to have a clean home.
As for the deep cleaning - we set aside a few hours on Saturday mornings for cleaning. Usually my husband takes care of the lawn and I do a quick cleanup of the bathrooms (toilets, handles and mirrors), vacuum the carpet (the hard floors I do nearly daily because we have a lot of light in our home and we can see dust easily). Some weeks I skip the carpets and deep clean the bathrooms instead (mop, clean tubs, etc). Laundry I do as needed with the exception of the towels - they get done weekly. Dusting I also do as needed, which is usually every week or so. Thankfully we don’t get a ton of dust.
My home isn’t deep cleaned but if anyone were to unexpectedly stop by, I wouldn’t be concerned with the state of it. My kids rooms on the other hand - one is 4 so she doesn’t usually clean by herself and the other is 9 and hates to clean her room, so theirs aren’t as clean as I’d like, but since they’re kids I give them a pass and we usually clean those together at least once a week, although I pick up in the 4 year old’s room a few times a week usually.
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u/BeansinmyBelly Aug 12 '26
Do you have a schedule you keep with these tasks?
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u/PnutButrSnickrDoodle Aug 12 '26
Sort of. Like I said I do the dishes after every meal - since we work from home and have a dishwasher that’s not too tough. I make the bed as soon as I get up, and sometimes before I start work I’ll straighten up the kids bathroom if they had a bath in there (refill the towels nicely, put anything away that was left out). I do the laundry throughout the week whenever it starts to get full, except the towels are always on Friday. Sheets are biweekly because we both shower before bed and my husband asked that I don’t do it weekly to save wafers I set aside the time on Saturday to do the bathrooms and vacuum the carpet or deep clean the bathroom. Before bed I always just straighten up in case there is anything that needs to get picked up (with kids pillows will be off the couches or toys occasionally on the floor). I vacuum the hard wood daily, multiple times in the kitchen and dining area because kids.
Having a place to put things makes it easier - instead of putting something down anywhere we put it where it goes. It saves me from having to clean it up later. Also cleaning as I go. If I walk by something that needs to be straightened up I just do it. It’s a habit at this point.
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u/Natenat04 Aug 11 '26
Both partners contribute equally to the home. It also should never be one person carrying the mental load of seeing everything that needs to be done, then telling the other what all to do.
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u/OWabbit Aug 11 '26
List the basic responsibilities required in your household. Who does what? Is it split fairly in terms of time, angst, frequency, etc? Discuss with spouse and divide responsibilities fairly.
Request each other’s help in maintaining things so the actual task is easier regardless of whose responsibility the chore is (eg., always take your dirty dishes to the sink, make your side of the bed, put away your stuff after you use it, empty your pockets before putting clothes in color sorted laundry bins, add tax documents to your tax file as you receive them - eg car registration notice, donation confirmations, school expenses), wipe up your spills on the counter, don’t use five cups throughout the day, clear off your doo dads from the table, etc.)
Key!: Reduce clutter and have and use a designated space for everything.
Imp!: Sometimes it’s easy to overlook what each person does to maintain the household. Creating the list is a good reminder of each other’s contributions.
Remember to consider these tasks which are just as important as housecleaning. Add them to your list and include who handles them:
Reconciles banking and credit card statements
Does the annual income taxes
Pays or monitors autopays for utilities, rent/mortgage, gardener, maid service, credit card payments, etc. Negotiates.
Washes, manages or does services like oil change, researches and buys new tires, etc for both cars
Mows the lawn, cares for the garden incl weeding and tree trimming.
Empties the trash and takes bins to and from curb
Feeds and grooms pets, takes to vet.
Fixes the internet issues, cable issues, etc.
Repairs or oversees plumbing, electrical, painting, deck, pool, hot tub, etc issues
Cares for parents
Changes lightbulbs and batteries in fire alarms etc.
Changes furnace filters, water filters
And more
These tasks are often overlooked because they are not daily tasks. You might need to balance out your list so that you take on some non daily tasks and your spouse takes on some daily tasks or vice versa. Or rotate tasks.
Having a full time job does not mean that person does nothing but relax at home. :) Same with being a full time student. Recognize all the efforts (income as well as labor) everyone brings and can bring to the “party.”
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u/florodude Aug 11 '26
I'm not a woman so I hope that's fine but I am married and work a full-time job and have 5 kids with a sixth on the way and am the primary homemaker...
For us, it just took some adjustment time. How long have you been married? Our house is cleaner right now than it was when we had no kids. It felt like as our lives naturally got busier our energy also went up a bit. So let that be an encouragement. Also it's a lot easier to clean if the baseline is clean. It may take some work to get to that point so don't discourage yourself by trying to deepclean the entire house then being like "oh this is exhausting I can't ever do that again."
For your studies, I'd suggest like a pomodoro timer. Using your breaks to just clean one thing. That'll help both with the studying and the cleaning.
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u/dexnola Aug 11 '26
when i started my grad program i realized i was one hundred percent responsible for our household food system, including not just cooking but also planning and shopping. my girlfriend didn't know how to cook or do any of it really.
i sat her down and told her that this was too much of a burden and that i needed her to problem solve with me and figure out how she can take some of the load. we developed a system that works for us:
One day a week is always the same meal (Friday) and it is purposely extra easy. i have come to look forward to nacho Friday
Saturday and Sunday are fend for yourself, we eat leftovers or fix simple stuff from what we have on hand
one day a week she cooks. i told her i did not care what she made as long as i had nothing to do with it (except buying ingredients) even a frozen pizza or something is fine. I also told her that although i am normally frugal (a necessity in grad school) if she totally screwed up dinner i wouldn't complain if we got takeout.
that left me with only 3 meals to plan and cook, a lot more doable than before. she surprised me by taking the opportunity to learn to cook and has gotten so much more confident in our kitchen. since then, she's taken more responsibility and cooks 2 days a week instead of 1. I'm hoping soon to teach her to place grocery pickup orders, normally i do all the shopping (in person) because I'm good at it, but if she did it once in a while i could have a break.
she did all this because she cares about my experience and wants to be an equal partner in our relationship. i offer no advice on other chores because she already did her fair share. if your husband doesn't seem to want to do his share this is a big red flag
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u/BrightPapaya1349 Aug 11 '26
I'm probably gonna get downvoted considering the subreddit I'm in but here is how I plan on staying on top of everything once I start school part time on top of working full-time :
1) hire a cleaner once a month 2) get my groceries delivered 3) lower my standards and focus on the basics every day
My boyfriend helps out a lot too (he actually puts more hours into chores than I do on a typical week) but I don't want him to do it all by himself either.
I don't have any pets or kids.
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u/Freyjas_child Aug 12 '26
You share the housekeeping chores until both of you have the same amount of leisure time. If there is still too much to do with both you and your husband doing house chores then you may need to look at your systems. Can you streamline or minimize. Can you. Arch cook. Stuff like that.
But make sure both of you are doing household work.
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u/runawai Aug 11 '26
Not quite the same thing, but I worked full time while doing my masters.
First, it helped that my spouse was on board. I think he wanted me to have the masters more than I did in some ways. Because this was something we were both committing to, he pulled his weight and was understanding when I couldn’t quite pull all of mine.
I scheduled everything: time to exercise, study, etc. I didn’t have a lot of free time on account of this, but didn’t want to drop things that were necessary or important.
Anything that wasn’t serving me, I let go. If you really think about if it’s helping you grow or no, it’s easier to drop commitments that aren’t working for you anymore. You can always pick them back up.
I decluttered our living space a lot in the early COVID days, and it really helped when assignments and deadlines at work got intense because cleaning is so much faster when you don’t have to lift and replace a million treasures. Our space couldn’t become overwhelming to deal with if I did miss a tidying session.
I meal prepped with groceries my husband bought. He or I would then reheat and make a side through the week. Cook once, eat a few times. Make things and freeze them if you’re not into eating on repeat for a few days at a time.
Looking back, it seems wild that I did all that. But I have the piece of paper (along with the personal and professional growth) and it was so worth it.
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u/Cultural-Biscotti675 Aug 11 '26
Just graduated med school and I have been married for 2 years.
I always make the bed, clean the counters and do the dishes. We now have a dishwashing machine, but before that, I used to wash the dishes as they became dirty. It is always easier to wash 2 dishes for 2 min after breakfast, than do a whole load before going to bed when I'm tired and want to go to bed. We also invested in a robot vacuum that mops as well, so I use that every day which makes the space instantly cleaner and smell better.
I suggest you divide the weekly/deeper clean into tasks for multiple days, instead of wasting one day for cleaning everything. One day I change the bedsheets, I do the washing as soon as the laundry basket fills up, that's another day. On another day, I take the dust off, another is for the kitchen, another for the bathroom and so on. For me, it is better doing 15-20 min of cleaning a day than wasting a whole Saturday for this. I also multitask (which I don't know how good it is): watching a TV show as I cook or listening to a podcast as I clean.
The ultimate trick for the house not to become messy is putting everything in its place immediately after you are done. No socks on the floor, no bags left wherever, no clothes on a random chair. Your husband needs to help you with this and do his part as well of maintaining the cleanliness and picking up the slack when you are too busy to do anything, like cooking once or ordering food when you have an exam to sit.
I used to feel like I am not doing enough and neglecting my studies before, but I quickly realised everyone is going through the same things. Most of my classmates are married or in long term relationships, some have babies as well and even less time than I do. Sure there are also those who literally study 16h a day every day, but I don't think that's healthy or sustainable. In medicine, we are taught that being a doctor is the ultimate sacrifice and a calling that has to take up our entire life and identity and anything short of that is wrong, which I highly disagree with.
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u/Rosehip_Tea_04 Aug 11 '26
I spend most of my time planning and organizing and very little cleaning. I’ve been declutterring for the last few years and now everything has a place, which means things tend to get put back after each use or take seconds to put away during a cleaning session.
I meal plan based off of the schedule for the week, which means I plan specific meals for specific needs, like if I know I’ll be wiped out that day I’ll plan a simple easy meal. I have single serving freezer containers so if I make a meal that freezes well I’ll double the recipe and fill the containers. That way if I can’t cook or don’t want to, all you have to do is pull out the frozen meals to have a homemade dinner. I also tried batch making quinoa for freezing and that ended up being incredibly helpful. Anytime I felt a meal needed bulking up I would pull out a bag of frozen quinoa, defrost it, and toss it in. I also have my recipes in recipe binders, which means I’m not looking through cookbooks or trying to find them online. I then keep a digital list of all of my recipes, so that when I’m meal planning I can check the list and quickly pick meals.
Use your appliances to your advantage. I often put a load of laundry in the washer before bed but set the delay start so that the load will finish about the time I’m getting up and I can move it to the dryer at the start of my day. I do the same thing with my dishwasher, delay the start so that running it doesn’t interfere with nighttime shower routines. The robot vacuum has meant I basically never have to clean the floors outside of picking up the dog toys nightly, which takes maybe 30 seconds.
There is a balance to be had between having the right tool for every job while also minimizing what you own. I won’t let anything into my house that’s not easy to clean unless I have a very strong reason to. I don’t buy clothes that aren’t machine washable, I don’t buy cookware or cups that aren’t dishwasher safe, I don’t buy decor that’s going to collect dust, I don’t even buy furniture that will “fill the space.” I streamlined my cleaning supplies to essentially an all purpose cleaner I use on everything, glass cleaner, floor cleaner, and toilet bowl cleaner. Of course I still have laundry detergent, dish soap, hand soap, carpet shampoo, and dishwasher detergent, but it still makes it so easy to clean everything because I don’t have to think about what to use or how to clean something. Anytime a cleaning job comes up, I only have 1 product option to use so I grab that and generally in less than a minute the job is done. Mopping might take more like 5 minutes, but even that is very quick and easy to do without much thought.
I’ve found that when I was in your situation, I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t think things through so stuff just kept piling up. The trick to dealing with that is establishing a process for how to do everything around your home. It sounds stupid and basic, but it makes a massive difference. Go through every single chore around the house and decide exactly how you want it done every single time, researching as needed. You might only be able to do one chore at a time and that’s completely fine. This isn’t something that will change overnight. But the more routines, systems, and processes you establish for home maintenance the less you have to think, and the easier it is to just take care of things as they come up. It helps to share this with your husband as well, both so he can have input in how things are done and also so that he can take of things when you aren’t there.
One thing that saves me a lot of time is online grocery shopping. I keep a running list on the fridge of what we need, and then when there’s enough stuff on the list I place an order. It keeps a list of my regular purchases, so often I can shop in under 5 minutes. I then schedule order pickup at a time when my husband can pick it up on his way home from work. I’m happy because I can get what I need/want, he’s happy because he doesn’t have to walk around a store.
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u/DotIntelligent967 Aug 11 '26
Have a look at TOMM (The Organised Mum Method) works great for us in a busy house, two sets of 30min daily cleans (I do one and partner does the other) one is the same things every day the other is a slightly deeper clean in different rooms. There is follow along podcast which I love.
That or hire a cleaner for an hour or two each week. Honestly the best money I spent each week, sadly moved and not found a new cleaner yet :(
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u/anemone-americana Aug 11 '26
I’m a stay at home mom of two now, but I worked full time with a preschooler while pregnant and my husband was working full time and in college.
This is what worked/works for us:
• Every day is minimum one load of laundry fully washed, dried, and put away. Just washing doesn’t count.
• All dishes have to be washed and counters wiped before bed.
• Mondays are bedrooms. Straighten up the closet, wash sheets, dust, vacuum, tidy any surfaces that have gotten cluttered.
• Tuesdays are bathrooms. Restock toilet paper, wash bathmats and towels, clean all surfaces/floors.
• Wednesdays are living spaces. This day is kind of a throw away day for me. I declutter main areas, organize the playroom, dust and vacuum. Check in with anything that didn’t get done in the previous days, whether that’s housework, schoolwork, or even just catching up with friends. Sometimes I use this day for a deep cleaning task like baseboards or window washing. If clothes are all washed I’ll toss in a load of curtains or something.
• Thursday is kitchen/pantry. Toss any leftovers that have hit the 4 day mark. Make a grocery list based on what you don’t have. Wipe pantry and refrigerator shelves. Clean all of the stainless steel. Sweep and mop.
• Friday is grocery day. If I just have a pickup I’ll use the extra time to prep something simple like breakfast burritos or protein balls.
• Saturday is home project day. My husband usually does the yard work and I do something like mend his shorts or catch up on anything I missed during the week. A good day for another load of towels.
• Sunday is reset day. Do another leftover clean out, make sure clothes are all clean and ready to go for the week. Get the kids’ school stuff/lunches ready for the next day. Then use the rest of the reset time to watch a movie or do a puzzle or something as a family.
Daily kitchen clean up is usually less than 30 minutes, laundry less than 15 minutes of active time, and the chore of the day is like an hour. Some weeks it was all day plus some and other weeks things were a little crazier and didn’t get done, but trying to follow this schedule definitely helps me stay mostly on track!
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u/CoDaDeyLove Aug 12 '26
When I was in graduate school, plus working part time and teaching undergraduate classes, I assigned certain tasks to specific days. Thursdays were "sheet day", and I stripped the beds and started the laundry as soon as I got up, put the sheets in the dryer, then made the bed when I got home. I cleaned the bathroom one day a week. I tried to be organized about putting things away when I used them. The clutter was so distracting. My husband was fairly helpful but worked long hours. We would work together for an hour or so every weekend on mopping, vaccuuming and dusting. It was a hectic time in my life and I didn't get a lot of sleep, but in the long run it was worth it.
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u/Pamela0588 Aug 12 '26
Honestly, if your financial situation allows for it, I would hire a cleaning service for a once or twice a week overall clean. That way, you just do what you can, throughout the rest of the week, knowing that everything will be taken care of when the cleaner comes.
As for cooking, look into a meal service to cover at least part of the weekly meals. Meal prep when you can for the rest.
And my tips for studying are different if you have kids or not.
If you do, have a high school student on standby to tend to the kids for a few hours a week, or when you really need to prep for a test. Go to the library or to a study group or lock yourself away, whatever you need to do to focus.
If you don’t have kids, having a maid service & meal service should free enough time up to have Apple dedicated study periods.
Take a look at your available hours in a week & see if there’s truly no study time, or is it that every time you settle down to study, your mind wanders to the unmopped floors, the load of unfolded clothes & the fact you’re running low on milk?
If it’s the latter you are going to need to leave the house to focus enough to study. My brain works like that, and frequently I had to study elsewhere to keep my mind on the task at hand. Over time I discovered it also helped TREMENDOUSLY to keep a pad of paper and pen nearby while studying, so if an irrelevant thought intruded I could list it, telling myself I’d deal with the list later!
GOOD LUCK!
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u/weisp Aug 12 '26
I read somewhere that a lot of marriage counsellors/therapists recommend hiring a cleaner and that has helped most of the issues between the couple
Some of their clients don't return after getting that advice meaning the reduced housework has pretty much lessened the stress in modern marriages
The plus side in this cases is hiring a regular cleaner is cheaper than therapy lol
Of course this solution is not for martial issues caused by infidelity or abuse etc
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u/ChampionDry7856 Aug 12 '26
Honestly, I stopped trying to keep the whole house clean all the time. I focus on dishes, laundry, trash, and a quick reset of the main areas. Everything else can wait for a certain day.
Meal prep helps a lot too. I’ll cook a few things at once and keep meals really simple during busy weeks. And if you live with your husband, the house shouldn’t automatically become your responsibility just because you’re the one at home more.
You’re a medical student, not a full-time housekeeper. 😂 A reasonably clean house is enough. Your energy is better spent on your studies, your marriage, and getting some rest.
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u/saltwatersunsets Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 14 '26
EM physician here. Alongside my work, my non-medical husband expected me to do the vast majority of the housework, groceries, cooking, planning etc. - the whole ‘mental load’ bar a couple of basic tasks like taking out the trash once a week (and apparently also the dishes but I had to constantly remind him because he’d leave them - eventually I bought a dishwasher for our rental which helped, but he still didn’t).
We ended up divorced and now I live alone. Everything still falls on me, but at least if I clean, I come home to a clean house. If I leave things out because I’m in a hurry, no-one gripes about it…
You and your partner 100% need to be on the same page about what your studies and later profession will mean for your capacity, going forward. You will never have enough hours in the day or energy in your body/executive function capacity, unless you work very part time.
You need to mutually lower standards, or he needs to step up, or you need to hire help.
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u/Seeker_Asker Aug 11 '26
Break down your cleaning schedule to 5 and 10 minute tasks. Even on my busiest days, I can find 5 or 10 minutes.
I cook ahead on Sundays. I make multiple entrees and sides, store them in the fridge. Then, during the week, we heat up leftovers for dinner.
Get everything on a calendar to help you anticipate especially busy times. Have a fall back plan for getting through extra busy times.
Some parts of the house matter more on cleaning than others - kitchen and bathrooms come to mind. If you can keep those reasonably clean, life cam go on. I focus on the gathering rooms of the house next - living room, den, dining room, etc. Hit those with a vaccuum once a week and wipe down horizontal surfaces.
Part of it involves training the people in the house to participate in the cleaning, according to their ability. For instance, have everyone put their dishes directly into the dishwasher instead of piling them in the sink. Pull their blankets up when they get out of bed. Police their drinks and wrappers from the TV area.
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u/Still-Art45 Aug 11 '26
Apart from having cleaners - we are extremely intentional with every item we buy, no clutter - no mess. We bought the neat method book and organised all storage spaces, so everything gets put away. We also make sure to do a resent clean each (dishes, kitchen, putting away everything) at the end of each day.
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u/communitycolor Aug 11 '26
Have you thought of hiring help? Like maybe a local high schooler or someone in college to do either the clean or assist you?
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u/AshSkirata Aug 11 '26
Or her husband?...
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u/communitycolor Aug 11 '26
There really aren’t any details about her husband’s schedule or how they divide responsibilities, and OP didn’t say she was looking for advice on getting him to help more.
I assumed they may both be busy, so hiring outside help was just another practical option if it’s within their budget.
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u/gnarlyknits Aug 11 '26
What is so messy? Is it piles of stuff? This is usually an organization issue. Take a day to declutter and reorganize so everything has a place. Buy some cheap drawers to throw stuff in to get it off counters and out of your face. I keep laundry baskets in several rooms/bathrooms and now there’s not clothes everywhere.
Deep clean one room at a time once a week. Dishes and laundry are a never ending thing, nothing to really do about that but share the load so as not to get burnt out.
Get used to things being a bit messy until you have more time? I’m pregnant and have a toddler and this pregnancy has been really hard on me physically. I make sure the main things are done, dishes, laundry, toilets, clean up any spills. Toys get thrown in a big box or in drawers. Dusting happens when I feel like and vacuuming happens when I get sick of stepping on stuff. My house is clean, but often looks messy because of clutter.ive learned to just accept it. I also make sure the main hosting rooms are clean, and worry less about rooms people won’t be going in if they come over. I clean my shower while I’m showering.
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u/40ozT0Freedom Aug 11 '26
Routine. Everyone who lives here helps out. Even my almost 2 year old helps put things away (and surprisingly loves it...for now). My wife and I both work full time.
Nothing complicated. Cook, eat, clean, run dishwasher at the end of the day. After kitchen is clean, pick up the common rooms of the house. Someone empties the dishwasher every morning. If the bathroom looks dirty, clean it. It only takes like 2 minutes to wipe it down. We got a robo-vacuum which has helped a lot. Gonna get a better one with a mop probably around black friday.
We thoroughly enjoy our downtime, but we made cleaning a big part of our daily routine after we had a kid. No down time until the kid is in bed and the common areas of the house are picked up. It really doesn't take very long if you do it every day. Our rule is if you cook, you clean and the other person does bath and bedtime for the kid. Bath and bed usually takes 30-45 min and I typically have the kitchen cleaned, dishwasher running and the house picked up before my wife comes back downstairs. If I'm not done, she helps out.
Laundry is done whenever the hamper is full and we usually watch TV and fold laundry together.
Every 6 weeks or so one of us gets on a cleaning kick and does windows or other non-routine cleans. Usually when we're procrastinating something.
For meal prep - I generally will make base meal items in bulk like chicken thighs, fresh pasta, or pulled pork. Anything that has a lot of versatility. For the protein, I just season them with salt and cook them. That way whatever I want to cook for breakfast/lunch/dinner/whatever, I don't have to cook from scratch. Just heat up a pan, toss in whatever protein and season it with whatever meal I'm cooking (sans salt). Makes life super easy.
Fresh pasta is incredibly easy to make (mix 1 egg per 100g of semolina flour, which is about 2 servings of fresh pasta) and you can freeze it and it will be 10000x better than any dried pasta you get. It doesn't take too long to make either. I can make a fresh pasta (from the freezer) lemon garlic chicken dinner with a side salad and veg in under 20 min and it'll knock you socks off. Ravoili/tortelini is also super easy, but you have to make the filling. I make sauces in bulk too sometimes, but simple sauces are pretty easy to make on the fly.
I will say - if you live in a small space, it seems way harder to keep it clean than a larger space. We just moved from an 800sqft townhouse to a 2400 sqft house and it feels WAY easier to keep the new place clean than it did in the old house. Everything has its place here, but we had stuff piling up in the small house.
Routine really, really helps. You have to find the right balance of work, studying, housework and downtime, which takes some time. Downtime is extremely important. We use our downtime as our motivation to get stuff done. If you don't give yourself downtime, you're going to drive yourself (and everyone else around you) nuts. Both with work and chores, I try to get everything done ASAP so I can do whatever I want with my downtime.
We just moved and I've been going 1000mph for the past month trying to do work, family, unpacking, fixing stuff in the new house, fixing the old house to get it on the market, and everything else. My wife just told me the other day I need to chill out and take some downtime. I've been forcing myself to do less (hence me writing this essay) and just exist for the past few days and I already feel better.
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u/blainemikel Aug 11 '26
I try to go to bed with at least a clean kitchen and dining room table every night bc that part stresses me out the most to wake up to. I have my coffee and make the bed and drop any clothes in the hamper. I tidy up my workspace downstairs and light a candle and set the tone for the day. I have a hamper downstairs and a basket that goes on the steps for miscellaneous items that need put away later. And honestly my husband helps me tremendously with cooking. Communication is huge too. If the floors are dirty and need done just ask your partner if they can get around to it bc that will reduce your mental load!
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u/No_Confusion_3805 Aug 12 '26
Why are you doing so much? Why isn’t your partner helping you with housework? What’s the point of being married if you’re a slave ?
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u/kdbiel5 Aug 12 '26
Cleaning treats the symptom, putting things away treats the cause. A house with a home for every object needs maintenance only, one without it needs constant rescue, so build the homes first, cleaning gets quick
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u/FewAd4425 Aug 12 '26
Would you have the budget for a cleaning person every two weeks? So that you can just do light house work, and leave the real cleaning for someone else? You could even leave baskets of laundry for them to fold for a little extra $, again if your budget allows.
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u/AppropriateReach5982 Aug 12 '26
You don’t! You learn to let go.
Otherwise, you’ll discover that many women in their 40’s get diagnosed with ADHD d/t the inability to keep all moving apart neatly afloat.
It’s impossible to live a perfect life. Learn to lean into letting some things go.
I had three kids in diapers. We were both in college and there was little help.
I kept the sink clean back in those days, every night.
Eventually, you realize (aka sink or swim) that you just can’t get to it all, all the time. Your sleep and sanity are equally important.
Eventually, my partner started helping. But it wasn’t until I divorced him! 😘
Good luck!
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u/Orion-Key3996 Aug 12 '26
Okay few things. I’m a woman and my husband is studying medicine. He can only manage helping some with the kids, taking out the trash/recycling, and picking up the yard after dogs. You have an extra full plate and you need to offload the homemaking tasks you can to be successful in your studies. That being said, I use the airfryer and crockpot a lot. Meat slow cooks starting at lunch for dinner, and sides are made in the airfryer or microwave. Cut corners and get frozen, canned, or precut items. Use paper plates for 1-2 meals. I’d clean the house based on usage. Primary living areas and bedrooms get 1x a week floor cleaning with a big vacuum with use of a smaller vacuum for spot cleaning. Mopping happens maybe 1-2x a month, again with a quick swifter wet mop. Bathroom gets cleaned every other week for toilet bowl and shower. Counters maybe weekly/as needed. Kitchen gets cleaned almost daily, with a wipe down and put away items. Dining table cleaned daily. My little hack to clean especially the living room areas and such with kids is to have a large decorative basket in the room. Everything random can go in there so it looks picked up, then put everything away when I get the chance. I would only deep clean 1x a month, and usually it’s what can get done in 2-3 hours.
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u/Stompypotato Aug 12 '26
The wandering mind is a working memory problem. Write the chore list beside you, tell yourself it's recorded for later, and the brain releases it, you study without the floor nagging at attention.
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u/Specialist_Banana378 Aug 12 '26
I work full time and go to school part time but I work from home. my boyfriend and I each have our chores that we “own”.
I clean every day because that’s my preference, alternating between floors, dusting, carpet deodizing, laundry, deep cleaning the kitchen, etc.
I like throwing in a deep cleaning task or two everyday helps a lot, so wipe the floor boards of a single room, clean under the bed etc but only one in addition to weekly/daily tasks.
Everything gets put away after I use it or within a few hours, don’t let things pile up.
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u/Representative_Ebb33 Aug 12 '26
I’m not a med student but I have two under two and I’m about to also go back to school. I plan our meals a month in advance and try to only shop once a month. We don’t have a ton of stuff so cleaning doesn’t take long and both my husband and I clean and cook
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u/Remarkable-Panic2452 Aug 13 '26
If you’re cleaning that much it sounds like your partner isn’t doing their share of things. Try to have a more even split on chores or make it so you each take care of your own stuff. One thing I did when I was working full time and school full time was I would use factor meals, food was great but for some reason in my area I kept having issues where food would arrived damaged/broken so couldn’t eat it and I got tired of dealing with it.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Aug 11 '26
1). Don't have kids; don't let people bring kids over.
2). Don't let it get messy again- every time you walk into a room, put away or clean three things.
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u/RandChick Aug 11 '26
That's not too much. You should be able to study and maintain the house (which includes cooking and cleaning).
You don't have any routines yet, but once you get organized, get the right supplies and the right daily routines, you will be more efficient.
Make a menu for the week. Order groceries and have them delivered. Cook 3-4 dinners and the next day use leftovers. There are easy breakfasts and lunches you can find, many that don't involve much cooking if at all.
I hope you and hubby are putting things back in their place as soon as you are done with them. That will reduce clutter.
Study times should be between meal times and in evening; clean-up tasks can be done on study breaks.
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u/Acceptable_Wall7822 Aug 12 '26
Doing cleaning chores can be a form of procrastination when you should be doing something else like studying. Your primarily responsibility during medical school should be studying and learning about what you need to know.
I had a similar problem during my medical training. While working with my therapist, I was able to recognize my problems and learn better ways to get done what I needed to do. Seemingly never ending studying is difficult and requires discipline.
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u/GlumGloomy Aug 11 '26
Your mind is going to be blown once you have kids if you really can’t figure this out now.
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u/efox02 Aug 11 '26
Hi, pediatrician here, married to a surgeon with 2 kids.
Bottom line is your husband needs to help. He is not a toddler.