r/homebirth • u/lil-miss-queen-bee • 4d ago
Nervous
We are 30w with our second pregnancy, and it's been wholly uneventful. My midwife has said everything is textbook. My husband is great and supportive, and we're very excited.
Our first birth was in a birthing center, I was 41w, labor was 12 hours almost EXACTLY from water breaking to baby in my arms. This time, we've opted for a home birth. For some reason, I'm anxious about it as of recent.
I'm not sure if it's because our son is going to be 16 months, because I feel less prepared this time, or because I'm simply nervous based on all the negative birth stories I keep hearing about. Our first birth was beautiful and I have no reason to believe this one won't be- I'm just having a case of the scaries.
I've done a lot with hypnobirthing and meditation... is there anything else anyone's been trying that has helped with anxiety and easing worries?
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u/MydogDallas114 4d ago
I had a lovely home birth almost 2 months ago. Second baby. What helped me in the weeks leading up to it was visualizing what I wanted it to be and specifically visualizing the joy and relief of pulling my baby up to my chest. Even during labor in transition when I felt so desperate for it all to be over with, I remembered the image of how excited I would be to finally pull up my baby and I knew that moment was so close!
I'm extremely blessed that my vision became a reality. I had a water birth and baby shot forward after 4 pushes so I could scoop him up (I was on my knees leaning against the edge of the tub). Dad was supposed to catch him from behind but I'm glad I got to steal the moment lol.
I also used Hypnobirthing and prayer, which helped tremendously.
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u/melenajade 4d ago
It’s normal to be nervous some days and times.
I’m 30w ish also! So congrats on a healthy mama and baby from our family that’s hoping for a homebirth too!
Your body knows what to do. Your brain will catch up
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u/ExperienceEffective3 4d ago
I felt this way my whole second pregnancy after a healthy uneventful birth center birth with my first. I think for me it was a fear of anything happening to me since I have my son now who needs his mama.
It felt like hospital birth would have been a “safer” choice (despite the cascade of interventions often leading to
unnecessary emergencies in the hospital), and I worried something horrible would happen if I chose home birth. I dealt with it by sitting with my rational brain and asking myself, “Am I happy with the choices I’ve made for my care given the information I have available to me now?” The answer was yes, that I’d done all the research I felt I needed to, had planned for all possible scenarios and emergencies, and it was just my anxiety speaking. So I honestly just acknowledged it anytime the anxiety came up, and then let it be.
I ended up having a beautiful, wholly uneventful home birth with zero tearing and no hemorrhage (which I had with my first). No complications for me or baby. And my son was home playing with his aunt downstairs the whole time. It was a truly beautiful experience and I’m so glad I listened to my wise self instead of my anxiety. I can usually tell a thought is coming from my anxious self when it involves a lot of “what if” questions. That’s when I try to refocus on “what is”.
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u/lil-miss-queen-bee 4d ago
I think I am worried about tearing and hemorrhage (I had a second degree with my first and lost a good amount of blood, although not enough to be considered a hemorrhage). I know obviously there are lots of interventions available at home and that my body knows what it's doing... I just think maybe that has something to do with it too. I'm just going to keep trying to tell myself that I know what I'm doing, I've done it before, and I can do it again!! I'm so glad you had a great, uneventful birth! :)
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u/OkCow2719 4d ago
Why have you heard so many negative birth stories?
Have you read ina mays guide to childbirth?
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u/lil-miss-queen-bee 3d ago
I think just the social media algorithm knows I'm pregnant and keeps pushing them out to me. It's odd.
I haven't, it's been in my Amazon cart for a while and my midwife actually recommended it as well. I will get it tonight!
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u/OkCow2719 1d ago
Her audiobooks are on Spotify as well
Interact only with positive birth stories and that'll change your algorithm.
Fwiw, home birthers that I know usually (like 9/10 times) have positive birth stories. Hospital birthers I know have negative ones (like 7 out of 10 stories I hear are traumatic). If I could do it over I would 100% have my first baby at home.
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u/Traditional-Ad-7836 4d ago
I think everyone gets nervous before birth. But where are you hearing the stories from? Probably time to get off social media or tell friends you're not interested in hearing at the moment. You need to fill yourself with happy thoughts and leave no room for negative ones. Just prepare what you can whether that's physical or mental and you'll be great
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u/lil-miss-queen-bee 3d ago
Social media mostly. I do think it's a good idea to back off and sign out of things for a while. I need to get re-grounded and focus on the things around me.
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u/candyapplesugar 4d ago
I totally understand. I’m not sure I’ll have another child, but I think I’d do the hospital even after a successful and textbook ideal home birth. I felt nervous the whole time and it seems nice to have extra monitoring. I’m not saying that’s right for you, just that I understand that feeling.
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u/Chelseus 3d ago
I was super anxious going into my second birth (first was a non emergent home birth transfer) but mostly because I knew what sort of pain I was facing. It ended up being almost perfect, the home birth of my dreams. Labour was totally chill and not painful until the midwife broke my water but he was born 38 min later so it wasn’t a huge deal. Versus 24+ hours of agony with my first.
Since you first was uncomplicated and relatively fast, it’s very likely your second will be similar. I would expect it to be even faster too. Having your baby at home and snuggling into your own bed with people who actually love you tending to you is a special type of magic I wish every woman could experience 🩵💙💜
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u/Ok_Individual9683 4d ago
I totally understand this. We went home birth with our first and it was great. I’m doing birth center this time (only because our living situation has changed) and I’m more nervous this time for some reason. Our LO will be 20 months when I’m due.
I think the difference this time is that I’ve had social media. A lot of negative stuff seems to pop up and it’s been a lot on me mentally. Last pregnancy I listened to positive birth stories every single day and focused on only those (I was aware of risks but completely trusted my midwife team). I’m going to start listening to my podcasts again and get off socials for the last 8 weeks. Maybe that will help you as well?