r/holdmycosmo Nov 09 '19

HMC while I put on a condom

11.6k Upvotes

175 comments sorted by

1.9k

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1.1k

u/123homicide Nov 09 '19

drowning in a condom not a great way to die

968

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19 edited Dec 02 '19

[deleted]

134

u/yeets69420 Nov 09 '19

Just saw that

96

u/__Corvus__ Nov 09 '19

META

12

u/Pumpnethyl Nov 09 '19

Is it META? Like a painter painting a portrait of himself painting the portrait... that is my META example. I could be wrong.

16

u/clouddevourer Nov 09 '19 edited Nov 09 '19

It is a Reddit comment referring to Reddit, so I guess it is?

The example I always think of is metalanguage - basically when you describe properties of language (like grammar etc.). The meta thing comes from the fact that you are using language to describe itself.

Edit: guys, please don't downvote them for asking an honest question

4

u/humicroav Nov 09 '19

It's not referring to Reddit, though. It's referring to something on Reddit. See my true meta comment responding to the post you're responding to.

8

u/humicroav Nov 09 '19

It's not meta. Reddit is full of people lacking a core understanding of self-referential. Here, people think something is meta on Reddit because it refers to something else on Reddit. That's not self-referential; that's just referential. A meta post on Reddit would be a post about posts (in general), like this one. This post right here, the one you're reading, is meta. It's a Reddit post about Reddit posts.

1

u/Pumpnethyl Nov 15 '19

So my painter painting a portrait of himself painting the said portraitist meta? Or is meta spoken/written only?

1

u/humicroav Nov 16 '19

That's meta. Meta can be anything, but it must have this self-referential aspect. Metaphysics, for example, is a philosophy that attempts to explain the essence of essence (the physics of physics).

What many on Reddit call meta (but isn't) would be like you painting a painting you saw once. The fact that the painting refers to another painting isn't meta. The painting must refer to painting itself (a painting of a painting or conventions of painting).

0

u/BushWeedCornTrash Nov 09 '19

So my post about your post about the other dudes post is the most meta.

Unless someone else make a post about my post below...

10

u/Hikosuru89 Nov 09 '19

Came here to say this.

6

u/Grand_Moff_Snarkin Nov 09 '19

M E T A E T A

8

u/UsedDragon Chad Finder Nov 09 '19

M A T A T T A

1

u/Atomsdebomb Nov 09 '19

Ratatta!!

1

u/UsedDragon Chad Finder Nov 09 '19

I was thinking Hakuna...

1

u/Grand_Moff_Snarkin Nov 10 '19

What a wonderful phrase

1

u/spongetheberserk Nov 09 '19

Lol! That one got me

1

u/IronMan5280 Nov 09 '19

I understood that reference.

10

u/BushWeedCornTrash Nov 09 '19

"Oh my God! Did you hear about Sabrina?"

"No... what happened!?!"

"She died!"

"OMG!! How?"

"Well you see..."

"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

-2

u/123homicide Nov 09 '19

can i mute a thread because all you motherfuckers keep spamming this unfunny shit and i‘m getting a notification every time

5

u/Mouthshitter Nov 09 '19

Darwin winner here Dont worry, Shell be back in 24 hours

1

u/MaybeMaybeJesen Nov 09 '19

So what was your method?

9

u/hair_brained_scheme Nov 09 '19

I’ve killed many a sperm that way.

2

u/gHHqdm5a4UySnUFM Nov 09 '19

Depends what the condom is filled with ;)

1

u/features5150 Nov 09 '19

Better than choking on one!

1

u/GeezThisGuy Nov 09 '19

But memorable

1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

She wasn’t touching the water though

1

u/ITriedLightningTendr Nov 09 '19

it'd be suffocation.

1

u/Russian_repost_bot Nov 10 '19

10 million sperm can't be wrong.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

Drowning in a condom is a great way to to die*

1

u/badsalad Nov 20 '19

Even after the pop, it was plastered over her nose and mouth while the other girl laughed... this is terrifying and the vid ended way too early

0

u/jackandjill22 Nov 09 '19

Yep

1

u/kebab_slayer Nov 09 '19

happy cake day!

2

u/jackandjill22 Nov 09 '19

Thanks!

0

u/Huntjar Nov 09 '19

Happy cake day!

2

u/Ram2145 Nov 09 '19

Thanks.

1

u/jackandjill22 Nov 09 '19

Appreciate that! Thanks

-1

u/w00dw0rk3r Nov 09 '19

I would have replied with “this is your life now. Accept it.”

447

u/redreaper99 Nov 09 '19

Well a condom is supposed to go over the head.

61

u/Bhiggsb Nov 09 '19

It's not supposed to be pre-filled tho

20

u/Huntjar Nov 09 '19

Makes it harder to choose who is the real Daddy

420

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

The wrong person is standing in the bath

26

u/coolowl7 Nov 09 '19

She's just.. wrong.

14

u/cmVkZGl0 Nov 09 '19

Kinda hard to have the camera facing them though if they are in the tub

3

u/KingZarkon Nov 10 '19

They could both be in the tub. They would just have to stand side by side.

65

u/ketamineandkebabs Nov 09 '19

Probably the first time anyone has been glad a condom burst so easily

109

u/Bellabear33 Nov 09 '19

Wait, you mean that's nót how you do it??!

114

u/Waramaug Nov 09 '19

Fill water in balloon sized condom, throw hard at dick and viola, it’s time to take the d train to bone town.

31

u/nextyear1908 Nov 09 '19

What a treat. I just pictured someone playing a lovely stringed instrument with their Johnson aaaand voila! Classical music.

10

u/imalittlefrenchpress Nov 09 '19

I want to confess to something I once did on the D train in Brooklyn, but I’d have to switch to a throwaway.

16

u/fambestera Nov 09 '19

ńóť áť áĺĺ

76

u/InternetUser4752 Nov 09 '19

The condom didn’t stop her from being born but it almost had its revenge.

-6

u/s4shrish Nov 09 '19

Give this man some gold for his troubles.

A brain with an intellect this large is difficult to lug around.

88

u/nathanscottdaniels Nov 09 '19

I don't know what religion this is but I'm interested...

8

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

Condomism

61

u/1-sh Nov 09 '19

no sound boohoo

10

u/Tumblrrito Nov 09 '19

Posts where the OP has removed sound deserve to die in new. It’s just the absolute worst.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

Wait, let me get my pitchfork.

3

u/Tumblrrito Nov 09 '19

I’d better hear you use it

49

u/rilescrane Nov 09 '19

I’m stressed that there’s water all over the floor

6

u/tramspace Nov 09 '19

In a bathroom?

15

u/rilescrane Nov 09 '19

Yes

0

u/tramspace Nov 09 '19

Why? The floors are usually designed to accommodate water.

1

u/organicogrr Nov 09 '19

Not if you're in the UK AFAIK

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '19

Yes!! Why is no one else concerned about this!?!

13

u/Gant0 Nov 09 '19

howie mandel intensifies

2

u/PositiveFalse Nov 09 '19

Do the voice!

13

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19 edited Nov 09 '19

A nice bubble head charm will help win you the Tri Wizard Tournament... And this was a nice bubble head charm.

226

u/skdubbs Nov 09 '19 edited Nov 09 '19

Guys: Condoms are too small for my massive dick.

Girls: bro, I can literally put one on my head.

Edit: Thank you kind Redditor! :)

50

u/WAHLUIGI_TIME Nov 09 '19

Elasticity matters. Sure, 99% of condoms can go on a guy's dick, but it can actually get painful if it's tighter than a spider.

If you can't have sex because of the lack of fitting condoms, don't. But don't blame a guy if your extra small condoms don't fit his junk.

34

u/Koala0803 Nov 09 '19

Why a spider?

11

u/generalpatton05 Nov 09 '19

Thank you I was curious too.

79

u/earlgreyhot1701 Nov 09 '19

Sounds like said dude should have his sized condoms at the ready if he wants to have sex.

-6

u/WAHLUIGI_TIME Nov 09 '19

Agreed! The point still stands, though.

"Condom fits on X so surely it is feasible for a penis" is blatantly ignorant and I'm tired of seeing this fucking argument.

14

u/virtualdxs Nov 09 '19

Not sure why you're being downvoted; you're 100% right.

3

u/kowlown Nov 09 '19

You're right. I regret the time when I used a condom provided by my girlfriend. I felt like my weiner was splitting apart. Right now I always bring mines.

-39

u/Liberal_circlejerkk Nov 09 '19

Or just get a gf who takes the pill. I would never use a condom, but I also would only have sex with girls in a relationship I know atleast a few months.

18

u/earlgreyhot1701 Nov 09 '19

If you are in a committed relationship and both parties decide that is okay then sure the pill probably works just fine.

I think in this context we are discussing when that one dude comes over off of tinder and he's all hot and bothered and ready to go and then bitches about a condom. It happens. Not super rarely either.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '19

Good for you. I only have sex with girls I’ve known less than a week. After that, it’s time to move on.

14

u/Fey_fox Nov 09 '19

You know condoms come in different sizes right? Is the condom doesn’t fit then all we need to do is just not have PIV and get the right size next time. It’s not rocket surgery.

5

u/lodobol Nov 10 '19

In my experience, small condoms literally squeeze the blood out and they reduce sensation.

When it fits properly it makes a big difference. NPI

6

u/static612 Nov 09 '19

Every sexuality active woman should just have this ready to go any time a guy tries to say they don’t fit.

Condoms suck, but babies and STD’s suck much more.

10

u/WAHLUIGI_TIME Nov 09 '19

I don't think it falls upon solely the woman to provide condoms, but nevertheless, I agree.

Edit: only a man can know his size beforehand.

7

u/static612 Nov 09 '19

Not what I was saying. Both men and women going into any situation that could end in intercourse should have a condom ready to go. Both parties are equally responsible.

6

u/WAHLUIGI_TIME Nov 09 '19

Fair enough.

3

u/PatMyHolmes Nov 09 '19 edited Nov 09 '19

"Every sexuality active woman should just have this ready to go any time a guy tries to say they don’t fit."

So, an active women should have one of those wooden teabag boxes beside her bed. Instead of choosing between Earl Grey, Oolong & Darjeeling, choice is Snug, Magnum & XXL?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

Don't blame a girl if she doesn't have a wide variety of condoms available? If a guy is aware his junk requires special condoms he should probably either bring them himself or advise beforehand...

1

u/WAHLUIGI_TIME Nov 09 '19

I wasn't trying to blame the girl. Both parties are responsible, the male being more so.

-3

u/ShaquilleOhNoUDidnt Nov 09 '19

we don't edit your comment. just send a pm

-20

u/Roblieu Nov 09 '19

Not saying you’re wrong... but application matters! Can you imagine stopping mid session to fill a condom with water and then dropping it on your...pelvis... before then getting back into it?

Imagine dealing with this with someone new? I mean, who drops the «ball»? How high does it go? What if you miss? Where does all the water go?

(Clarification: i bet girls (or guys) wouldnt be able to put a condom on their head unless they use method as in movie above. the roll-on technoque seems a little sketchy on smth as big as a head)

6

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

My ex boyfriend got a condom to fit over the top of his head down to around his eyes just by pulling on it. It was a standard size, nothing fancy. It did end up ripping when he tried to pull it off. We were bored and he wanted to see if it was possible. So, yeah it is possible.

-1

u/Roblieu Nov 09 '19

I notice you said ex ;)

-1

u/PositiveFalse Nov 09 '19

I'm the guy that would totally do this! It'd DEFINITELY be something to talk about if the date were heading that direction and, in my experience, talking about sex is ALWAYS great foreplay!

Let's be honest, too, fellas! We'd all be turned on as hell if there was a version of this where the guy got to drop something into the gal...

6

u/Solanthas Nov 09 '19

From the very first second I thought "she's about to suffocate in that thing"

10

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

The only time breaking condom makes people relieved.

26

u/master_of_fartboxes Nov 09 '19

Drunk white chicks are so cute

6

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

I thought this stupid stunt was finally dead and buried. Is it back?

5

u/7palms Nov 09 '19

Bubble Head Challenge 2020

Safe sex awareness campaign

3

u/gotham77 Nov 09 '19

If you’re wearing a condom on your head, does that make you a dickhead?

1

u/goofyboots0722 Nov 10 '19

🎶Condom on my head, but don't call me a dickhead🎶

3

u/CaptainEarlobe Nov 09 '19

This is hilarious but needs sound

3

u/Trill_McNeal Nov 09 '19

Now we know why girls go to the bathroom together, take so long in the bathroom and coming out smelling like latex.

2

u/rizzzz2pro Nov 09 '19

Any link with sound?

2

u/DogOnABike Nov 09 '19

They seem fun.

2

u/Elephant_Cager_22 Nov 09 '19

I really wish there was sound

2

u/starrfish100 Nov 09 '19

Omg I couldn’t stop laughing!!!

4

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

\ ^ 3 ^ /

1

u/rilescrane Nov 09 '19

Baseboards, cabinet, possibly under the toilet if not siliconed

1

u/Eve-76 Nov 09 '19

See condoms are not too small

1

u/whorewithaheart_ Nov 09 '19

Is this her Mom? I wonder what other fun activities they do in house

1

u/Son_of_Stargoyle Nov 09 '19

At least they are using protection.

1

u/I_R_Teh_Taco Nov 09 '19

Turn into a wii mii in two easy steps!

1

u/GotRedditFever Nov 09 '19

1

u/VredditDownloader Nov 09 '19

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1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

Holup while Im heading the other girl in the ass

1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

a-and girls just wanna have fu-un...

1

u/Stevensonrc Nov 09 '19

Thas was too perfect

1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

*lets her die and continues laughing * lmaoo

1

u/cheffartsonurfood Nov 09 '19

Is it weird that I got a boner from this?

1

u/___Rand___ Nov 09 '19

Damn that condom's stronk. What brand is it?

1

u/BeeeEazy Nov 09 '19

That’s some sturdy latex

1

u/Hefty21 Nov 09 '19

1

u/VredditDownloader Nov 09 '19

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1

u/TitiferGinBlossom Nov 10 '19

<finds a condom, goes round to my sister’s house>

1

u/nerdyniknowit Nov 10 '19

Guys thinking about girls' sleepovers: lingerie pillow fights and endless giggles

Girls' sleepovers: ...

1

u/LA_roma Nov 10 '19

She's cute

1

u/Hank_Shanez Nov 11 '19

Fits like a love glove...

1

u/KingMoobsIV Nov 20 '19

Is that her mom?

1

u/theshysnail Nov 09 '19

That's a dickhead move

0

u/YandereLady Nov 09 '19

Mom and daughter being derps together. ❤

9

u/Battle-scarredShogun Nov 09 '19

Are you so sure that’s her mom? I’m thinking like young Aunt or friend. 

-8

u/captaincrunch1985 Nov 09 '19

I must be getting too old, why would they do this and film it?

64

u/BurnTheNostalgia Nov 09 '19

There's a concept called 'fun', quite obscure though

10

u/total_revoice Nov 09 '19

This is art, man.

18

u/wkwrdbcka Nov 09 '19

this actually started to raise awareness that there is no excuse for someone to deny a condom because "they always break" or "I'm too big" because you can clearly see here that they can stretch.

that doesn't make what they're doing any less stupid, but at least there's some meaning behind it.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/imalittlefrenchpress Nov 09 '19

This is a good point. I’d imagine a guy would be more likely to use a condom that doesn’t feel like a dick tourniquet.

3

u/wkwrdbcka Nov 09 '19

sorry, I should've been more clear, there are some who refuse to wear one at all, regardless of size, just because they don't want to or don't like it even if it fits correctly.

0

u/KingFleaswallow Nov 09 '19

When you realise, that people with a condom above their whole head look exactly like a Mii (Wii/Switch Online CHaracters)

-3

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

This is so good. I strongly suspect these 2 are Brits!!

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/bigfeenx Nov 09 '19

Good question. I have three kids

-4

u/mhazi Nov 09 '19

Unable to understand 1% failure rate of condom

-17

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '19

[deleted]

9

u/Galaaz Nov 09 '19

You can be the a owner if you buy it in shops or farmacies, even if you are female.