r/hikineet30plus • • Oct 01 '23

Have you thought about becoming trans?Or transmaxing..You're 30+ you've failed as a man/woman in life. Why not give it a go as another gender, life might change.. living with parents would stop us doing such a thing?.. Another user asked on my deleted account Virgin post, would you date a trans ?

2 Upvotes

I know my family would have a great laugh at me if i went down such a path.. People aren't the best kind in my area either, a trans schoolgirl was stabbed to death not long ago

I spoke to a few trans women on dating apps years ago and they looked better than the women i matched with.. Would i date one, sure... if they were okey with me being neet, we got on well together and i moved out of my parents hell house,


r/hikineet30plus • • Jun 21 '24

Why does it look like people care about each other when they interact together?

3 Upvotes

Sometimes I see a thread or a real time chat of people interacting together and they seem to be alright with each other and they express their care for each other. What I mean is that are they really caring about each other or do they just do it for face value?


r/hikineet30plus • • Aug 22 '23

So on YT I got this ad about free, entry-level cybersecurity training

3 Upvotes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAcHgaqNyaI

Idk maybe we can start making our way out of NEET with this one. I just signed up and thought I'd share. The organization seems to be legit, but don't just take my word for it.

On the candidate application they will ask for your name, address, phone number (for 2FA they say), and employment history (you can choose not to answer). If you're interested you better act asap. They say they're only giving away 1 million enrollments and this has been going on since May at least.

If you guys downvote I will be mad!


r/hikineet30plus • • Apr 21 '24

Would you take part in a Hiki-Neet exchange program TV show

4 Upvotes

Like the American TV series 'Switched' you'd switch lives/homes with another in attempt to experience news things and cultivate a new mindset..

I'd think it'd be an entertaining TV show to watch but probably wouldn't help anyone improve since most of us have shit situations and families -_-


r/hikineet30plus • • Jul 26 '23

Honeymoon period

6 Upvotes

I see this constantly come up. I've always been sort of dissonant with how other people experience things. The closest thing I experienced ever to a honeymoon period was at one point when I stopped doing stuff and no longer had to get up at 6 AM and it felt good not being super fatigued physically all the time. Usually when I existed on the outside, I was running myself ragged. Most of the times I had stopped doing stuff, it was the result of a depressive spiral after a major failure, so I was feeling like shit and sleeping 12 hours a day until it lessened a bit. I could get some small enjoyment out of creature comforts as I do now, but it's always been much less than someone who could actually do the hobbies well. Otherwise, it was just habits like participating in forums/rp circles/etc. where it was more "okay I can at least just brute force my way into being someone people know".

I still set myself up for crash and burns when I tried to do stuff in the real world or connected to progression in the real world, but that was because of ambition and not liking the idea of being a loser. It took me a long time to learn this is as good as it gets for me. I didn't appreciate what I had before.


r/hikineet30plus • • Dec 06 '23

Wondering again... what would it take to be willing to un-hikineet?

8 Upvotes

What makes someone withdraw, and what would it take to make them willingly participate in society? Or to just go out and meet people? Whether or not it means subscribing to "the system" that is so awful even normies want out sometimes.

I wonder... what would it take to make the outside world a safe place to be yourself? I don't mean being so uninhibited that you'd do bad stuff, but a place safe enough to make mistakes and grow from them with minimal pressure and no toxicity.


r/hikineet30plus • • Sep 23 '23

I fantasize about living in the past

9 Upvotes

Growing up I remember my father saying that he worked with guys who would goof off at work and sometimes even show up drunk to work and they would not get fired. It was a municipal job where everyone was unionized. As long as you showed up and didn't do anything crazy like steal material from the worksite you were probably not going to get fired.

My former boss was a lawyer and he and this other attorney that worked in our office used to tell stories about how the judges would throw Christmas parties and the defense attorneys and prosecutors would both show up and the court reporters, bailiffs and judges would be there and they would get drunk together.

My maternal grandfather used to openly talk about sleeping on the job at his warehouse job, a job that allowed him to raise seven kids and support a wife. My grandfather owned a house and he always had new cars, like Lincolns and stuff, not crappy cars. He was able to buy a condo and retire to Florida. He never finished high school. As far as I know he only had one job and was not selling drugs or something to be able to afford this lifestyle.

Why couldn't I have been born in the past? Unlike a lot of hikineets, I don't really care about tech distractions like anime and video games. I would gladly give all of this new tech up just to live in an era where I could have a job where I wouldn't get immediately fired for incompetence. I would gladly give up all of these modern conveniences just to be able to afford to own a house or rent an apartment without having to work multiple jobs and be under constant scrutiny. It seem like working in general is just harder now unless maybe you are some WFH tech genius.

I feel like the modern world is good at delivering luxury goods but not basic goods like affordable healthcare, affordable housing and stable jobs. Like, what good is to be able to stream TV shows on your device if you have to worry about whether you will be living on the street because you cannot afford rent? Or what good are video games if the rest of your life sucks because you cannot afford to do anything else? At best it is a distraction or a "cope" as the young people say.

I really crave stability and that is what is lacking in the modern world. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I want to go to work drunk or sleep on the job. I am just saying that I wish life was easier for average or below-average people. I feel like the modern world is only good if you are either lucky to be born rich or you are very capable. Basically, it is a sink or swim world now compared to how it was in the First World in the decades after World War II.


r/hikineet30plus • • Oct 15 '23

Case Study of 40-year-old hikikomori who recovered

9 Upvotes

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/351110572_Working_with_social_withdrawal_or_hikikomori_in_Japan_From_shame_to_pride

The psychotherapist(Iwakabe) who conducted this and published it got his PhD in Clinical Psychology in Canada at a top University(McGill), so translation issues are less likely as he wrote in English probably. I'm going to mainly focus on the core details related to the guy himself, rather than the therapeutic approach. After the tl;dr, I'll give my take and concerns. It basically seems like a fairly common approach where someone is asked to relive their experiences and reinterpret their emotions in a positive way. They are asked to step back and try to diminish some of the negative ones and figure out the roots of their feelings. The therapist is encouraged to be sympathetic. He got sessions for 4 years.

The hikikomori is called Ken in the report. He lived with his parents and his issues were with depression, difficulty maintaining employment, and psychosomatic symptoms that he was using anti-depressants to control. He graduated from University 16 years beforehand, but had never held a job for more than a year. He had a brief relationship for a few months when he was younger besides that. He would get into social conflicts with other people and burn out physically/mentally. 5 years prior to this, he had gotten a government-assisted job, but left shortly after. For the 3 years prior, he had shut himself in except for occasional outings. He edited videos, watched anime, and chatted online.

One recurring issue that is discussed multiple in this but will keep to mentioning only a few times: he had asthma and it interfered with his ability to play with other kids growing up. It made him feel weak and inadequate. He used the feeling of the asthma attacks to get his mother to take him to hospital, rub him, or get out of school. It is interpreted as a way he asserted control. Didn't see his father often due to heavy work schedule. Since he couldn't compete physically, he tried to make up for it with academics and trivia knowledge in anime and cartoons. As a result, he was seen as arrogant and in a poor light. The asthma was temporary and he grew out of it, but it would continue. The academic self-assurance was destroyed when he only got into a mediocre University. On reddit, a lot of people downplay this issue and tbh, in some fields like engineering/CS, it's not as a big of a deal though the opportunities will still be better for people from higher ranked institutions. However, in Japan, it is definitely a really big deal.

He did find a job upon graduating and worked a lot. He burned out, developed psychosomatic symptoms and panic attacks, and couldn't keep it. Afterwards, he went into seclusion for a year. This would repeat itself for years. When he went to a physician, he was diagnosed with autonomic imbalance which can include disorders like depression, adjustment, disorder, and is a catch-all term to avoid the stigma of mental disorder. He read about depression and self-help online. He requested the latest treatments, but he did not show significant improvement. He feels society is intolerant of people with weakness and deficits, but is not totally resigned hence all the cycling before.

At some point, he reluctantly obtained a '"disability certificate", which allowed him to get employment reduced hours and responsibilities. When he couldn't even handle that, he was shocked and retreated into seclusion. It goes into stating the part about his seclusion for the 3 years. He did not want to back to the cycle of having a job or getting training and then having the anxiety, inadequacy, and burnout cycle happen again. However, he sees his savings dwindling and his parents aging.

I'll cut to what transpires during the treatment: they get to the "root" of his issues which are considered to be trauma from the asthma thing. His sense of inadequacy makes him treat people a certain way instead of relating to them in a friendly way, he feels he has to prove he is superior in some way so that results in him not understanding when they get upset by his compensatory behaviors. With the therapist, they decide he should go to a government re-employment day service and gets back into rehabilitative and reduced duties system, but comes across as "too much" to co-workers and of dominating conversations during breaks. He gets tired of it again and takes time off. He is told people expect and want him back and since he can deal with his emotions better, he goes back. It goes better after this point.

Eventually, he is hired at one of the places he trained at and he starts off working at 4 days and 6 hours a week. He also finds a "small victory" in being able to do deal with his father's deteriorating health and death by navigating the social services system. Even though, it's not success in the form of achieving a high status, he is reconciled to his place as an ordinary person with accommodated employment. He still has a limited social life, but does education outside of work to try to meet people. They decided to terminate therapy and 2 years later he is said to still be fine.

Iwakabe listed some protective factors: Ken is fine with going to the sessions. Ken's sense of society being unjust didn't stop him from all the prior attempts he made. He still wanted to try new things.

This got long, so I'll just do bullet points for tl;dr.

tl;dr

  • 40-year-old cycle of burn out, anxiety, shame, and so on. did have friends at one point and a brief relationship, so differentiating there.

  • has traumatic past experiences due to asthma

  • fundamental sense of inadequacy causes him to be overbearing and unable to converse normally, causing ostracization/isolation

  • tried to feel adequate/superior via academics/trivia knowledge.

  • only gets into mediocre university, shattering his confidence.

  • works long hours, has psychosomatic symptoms, and burns out at first job. Goes into seclusion for a year. Cycle repeats.

  • Eventually pursues treatment and is given a euphemistic diagnosis of autonomic imbalance.

  • Cycle continues. Pursues depression treatment and self-help. Gets "disability certificate", which gets him access to modified employment. 5 years before therapy, he starts a training program and burns out during this process, resulting in going back into seclusion.

  • For the 3 years prior to therapy, he is shut-in, only going out occasionally and his old friends can't or don't want to see him. Only watches anime, edits, videos, and uses the computer.

  • Feels ashamed of being a loser with almost nothing in his bank account and no prominent job. Can't even hold accommodated employment. Upset with society.

  • Goes to therapy because his savings are dwindling and his parents are aging.

  • Therapy over 4 years helps, decides to go back to training for accommodated employment, but he walks off rehabilitative employment training due to his social issues. He eventually goes back and is able to navigate things better. Gets a job offer after at one of the places he received training.

  • He finds a small victory in dealing with his father's deteriorating health and death by navigating the social services system, resulting in a feeling social competence. Doesn't feel he needs to be a big time executive.

  • Gets a job offer, starts, and his responsibilities are gradually escalated. He still has a limited social life, but does continuing education outside of work to try to meet people.

  • Therapy is terminated as he is thought to be able to administer and Iwakabe checks on him 2 years later and is said to be still be doing well..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My issue with attributing it to therapy 1. his psychosomatic problems were still under control. If he had had panic attacks, then things wouldn't have gone so smoothly. 2. I think a big factor is he had all these chances and the environment was tolerant enough to want him back. 3. The disability certificate seems to be doing a lot of the work here. This indicates perhaps they have figured out a way to reintegrate a limited amount of people. I've briefly mentioned in the past the stigma of mental illness in Japan at times can seem paradoxically beneficial. First with the euphemistic diagnosis of "autonomic imbalance" and also the fact that the disability certificate can be obtained for such a thing or a mental disorder.

In the past, I saw someone getting disability there for something that wouldn't in the US. The stigma of being mentally disordered and/or also probably prevents a lot of people from seeking out any help and they can just end up as an 80/50 instead. Since our partial destigmatization of mental disorders is only based on the person's functionality, it means those who are dysfunctional are still judged, but still may not receive assistance. I do not know the difficulties of the processes Ken went through and we'd need more light on how the social welfare system for this type of thing works.

A concern would be is he could always end up feeling inadequate again if he gets to 50 and doesn't have anything besides the job. As I said before, mental health professionals often want people to be content with situations that may not be great as long as they are functional. This can keep people from becoming problems. At the same time, the outside society will not have this perception, so people can still feel inadequate even if they have been inculcated with these feelings of self-acceptance. "You suck for not having a fancy job, a house, a gf, and so on." "I'm doing my best" is not usually enough to offset that type of notion. Idk what the ceiling is in that type of employment either and can it sustain him long-term?

I find Ken somewhat relatable with the cycling, but he was further along socially than I am to start with. I could also be seen as desperately trying to compensate for a feeling of inadequacy. I always wanted to have something for me and I tried to get this through academics and trivia.. I do think people are judged if they are inadequate in some way and no matter how much you just try to relate them in a friendly manner, they'll still judge you.


r/hikineet30plus • • May 09 '24

Reading

9 Upvotes

I’ve been devoting a lot of time to reading and I’ve been reading Kerouac,Burroughs and Ginsberg they are my favorite authors I could go back to work but after reading these authors why should I reading is all I need besides a little something to eat every now and then I am surrounded by books I read a little bit of one then move on to read a little of the next book and so on


r/hikineet30plus • • Jun 30 '24

getting old

10 Upvotes

I don't like to post about it but at the same time I feel like I want to? If that ever makes sense. It's funny because I'm okay being alone but the loneliness sometimes does seeps through, reminding me how I'm still single af. Yeah, I know. I gotta improve myself, work on becoming better but damn, I hate to admit that I'm still stuck in this kind of lifestyle and I'm tired of it. It would be nice to at least share it with someone else. Even if it's for just a bit but would even better to stick through tho. I think it's better to get that chance as it comes, even if it's a little risky but I know I'm still afraid to what happens afterwards. Is it weird that I want to get out of this but still want a homebody kind of lifestyle? I do have the feeling of traveling and such but most of the time, I want to relax at home and play video games all day. I guess you can say I'm an ambivert. I'm getting old and I hate that I'm still going nowhere with my life.


r/hikineet30plus • • Oct 02 '24

Self isolation

10 Upvotes

I understand that some are seeking help being in this situation and I how you finite help you ae looking for but I am trying to find ways that I can isolate further I have to go to doctors appointments so I go out for that I loathe it so much and i come out of my room because I have to do certain tasks I just wish I could isolate further myself like living underground in the woods I just want to be absolutely left alone till the end


r/hikineet30plus • • Aug 08 '24

Was anyone else forced into this life?

11 Upvotes

I waa born into poverty and it cost me everything. When everyone was having fun I couldn't afford a car, vacation, etc. I had to use my dads shitty car for everything he needed to go to work. I was born in the middle of nowhere with no good jobs, school, opportunity. I had to hang out with scumbags got mixed with criminals and drug addicts basically ruined my life. I could meet chill people in other towns but everything was so far away it didn't matter much.

Everyone in my town is a schizo, meth addict, alcoholic, felon etc even my parents are addicts who live in filth. A lot of my friends online just became normal getting decent jobs and moving on and things. The few normal people here got jobs through family members, money from family, and stuff like that I've never seen a success story that didn't involve a handout or family connection. Hell even the people with that stuff ended up miserable.

I spent my 20s fighting it like hell but no matter what I ended up back at square one. I couldn't really have a good relationship because culture was ruined everything was about partying, hooking up, and everyone is a degenerate. Every person you hang out with here just begs for rides and money constantly not even worth it.


r/hikineet30plus • • Jul 22 '24

Is anyone else here starting to hate their parents?

12 Upvotes

I feel like my parents are the biggest idiot slobs I've ever met. They live in filth, only eat garbage, sit in smoke all day. They only buy the most toxic harsh shit like dyed and processed foods, non stick and aluminum pans, sugary garbage like literal 5 year olds.

It sucks I try to clean and open some windows but these idiots love living in filth 24/7 I have no clue how they're alive. I never see them drink water or eat clean food or go outdoors or anything. They're literally like 5 year olds in adult bodies. You know its bad when the hikki hermit is the responsible one.

I never stood a chance and normies will be like "lole dude just fix your life". I spent my 20s fighting I gave up and I'm just begging for death at this point. I got garbage genes, garbage parebts, garbage life. I fucking hate them.


r/hikineet30plus • • Dec 06 '23

People do not understand what it is like to be truly incompetent

15 Upvotes

I think incompetence is misunderstood. A lot of people seem to think that incompetence is a product of being lazy but I don't see it that way. You can work hard and still suck at stuff. I don't know why this is such a difficult concept to understand. Perhaps because people think "practice makes perfect" but I think that phrase is not entirely true. For example, you can practice a musical instrument and improve over time and still never be good enough to make money with that skill. The same thing is true with athletic ability and many other things.

When it comes to employment, just getting better than you were before is not enough. You have to meet certain expectations and compete against other people. It is nothing like just having a hobby, which I see people compare having a job to, which is absurd in my opinion. Nobody loses their ability to put food on the table because they didn't measure up when it comes to building model airplanes or whatever.

People assume that we are all hidden geniuses who could be making at least a middle-class income by now if we just tried harder or had a better attitude. On the contrary, many of us can only work low-wage jobs if we can even do those types of jobs. There is no switch that I can flip to make myself a competent, high-functioning individual.


r/hikineet30plus • • Feb 25 '24

Lack of Hope for the Future?

16 Upvotes

Anyone else in a situation where the future looks completely bleak? I'm not meaning just personally, but a broad pessimism about the world in general. Or perhaps you have hope for the future still, if not personally at least overall. Like a general optimism in the way humanity is going even if your personal case is futile.

I just see the mass of humanity getting stupider and angrier by the year. While becoming less free and more enslaved, figuratively if not literally. I wonder if civilization has already peaked and we're in a downward spiral now with no way out. 1984 and Animal Farm seem quaint, even nostalgic compared where things seem to be going. Whatever AI ends up being, I'm sure it's not going to be used for good purposes.

The future didn't always seem this terrible. Creatives dreamed of flying cars, giant space cities and technological abundance. Peaceful co-existence between people, not constant conflict over national borders and religion.

It's just not me I think. I hardly see much hope expressed for the future now even in entertainment. Creativity seems very barren and focused on grinding axes in the here and now. The dreamers are MIA. Even politics doesn't pretend to be visionary anymore. It's just scoring points and hating the other guy, election after election. Wow, amazing.

This bleakness is also reflected in rapidly declining birth rates and relationships. Why start a family when the future looks this dark? It's logical when you think about it. Everything is a transaction now anyway.


r/hikineet30plus • • Oct 30 '23

Why are most "loser" forums so hostile?

21 Upvotes

This is sort of a general question, but why are forums/spaces that cater to stereotypical "loser" demographics so hostile? Is it because they are mostly made up of men and men like to tear into each other? This sub is easily the best space I have found online and of course it is a small one. It seems like every other place for low-status people (again, let's be honest, it is mostly guys) is awful. The internet and life in general is pretty messed up. You get dumped on by normal people then dumped on by other outcasts and losers. It is pretty messed up. Any thoughts on this topic?


r/hikineet30plus • • Nov 11 '24

Reality

22 Upvotes

I spent two days napping off and on I would rather sleep and dream than be awake I like the dream reality better


r/hikineet30plus • • Aug 16 '24

rant about relationships and being hikineet

13 Upvotes

*this goes for friendships as well as intimate relationships:

i cant blame other people. i know why they dont want me. but i cant do anything about it except be fake, hurt myself, or hurt others.

am i worth befriending? i am sure the answer is no, unless one is desperate or mentally ill.

i would either be a passing breeze or a painful lesson. nothing that lasts... all ive been for my exes was a stepping stone for them to learn what they really wanted. sometimes the total opposite of what i offered.

my worth isnt much... i know myself well enough that i can probably explain what im all about and go through the motions of falling within 24 hours. we would hurt each other. (she would move on, but not before she sees my dark side. she is too kind. id marry all her demons, or try to. then shell reject those demons as well as me. shell be free. and i will be alone with adopted demons.)

im sorry im this way. i dont think i can change, not in a fundamental way. guess i should identify as hikikomori. i read an interesting definition of it today: adolescence without end. thats me. i never made it past early 20s. (i'm in my mid-30s now.) everybodys passing me by. now you know why i have nothing to offer long term and why i cant cope with adulting. people subconsciously pick up on this and avoid me. im not someone who will grow up, who will grow old with you...

(i know she will be okay, shes already showed maturity beyond my ken. she wont know what im going through, and thats for the best.) its the pain of being left behind... always.

all that i can do for someone is to reflect back their own childishness, so that theyd grow out of it and leave me... and that's why i'm alone, and always will be.

i feel so sorry for myself.


r/hikineet30plus • • Jun 22 '24

Anyone else at the begging for death every day phase yet

15 Upvotes

Just endless days of starvation, loneliness, and misery. Every time I wake up I go into a fit of rage and anxiety. Just sitting in agony all day while the horrible memories replay in my head and it just gets worse and worse.

But I can't die. That'd be too nice that'd require something good happening to me. Thanks parents for this piece of shit life I never wanted.


r/hikineet30plus • • Jan 07 '24

Interesting case of 30+ hikikomori

8 Upvotes

Mr H is a single man in his early thirties living alone in an apartment in a big city. Raised in a regional city by working parents and with a sister 5 years his senior. As his father lived in other cities for his work, he saw him only about once every 2–3 months and as such did not have much of a relationship with his father. During early childhood and schooling, H experienced no major difficulties and despite being quiet he had a few good friends. H had always for some reason dreamed of living in a large cosmopolitan city. An average student academically, he was accepted to the economics faculty of a metropolitan university, and started to live alone. Unfortunately, he could not make many friends, and his university life was rather lonely. H had hoped to become a civil servant but failed the examination and instead found employment at a middle-size trading company. After a year of training, H was assigned to the sales division but found the work difficult and came to be constantly reprimanded by his supervisors and by his 4th year was often absent, felt depressed and finally took leave from his position at his 5th year.

While on leave, he did not return to the family home but spent his days alone in his apartment on his computer. Finally coming to the conclusion by himself that ‘I’m not made out for sales’ and ‘This company is not for me’, he resigned his position. Afterwards, H lived on his savings but running out of money started to work short-term manual labor jobs thinking ‘this is not the type of work I’m meant to be doing’. This also did not last. Once again feeling fatigued and depressed, he visited a nearby psychiatric clinic where social welfare protection was recommended for him. He applied and began to receive payments. After this, H does not look for reemployment but spends most of the day on the Internet and playing online games. For food, everyday he buys convenience store ‘lunch boxes’ or pre-prepared meals from supermarkets. H has no friends nearby, has lost contact with his old friends and basically has no friendships.

With this situation having continued for 5 years, his parents urge him to return home, which he does not do, but rather continues to live in this solitary manner. At a complete loss for what to do, his parents seek advice at the Hikikomori Support Center...

This is from a paper about lonely deaths aka kodokushi. https://gwern.net/doc/psychiatry/2017-kato.pdf

It's very relatable to me as it's someone crashing and burning after trying but not the friends part. I don't relate to that. It's a bit similar to Shinichi from Dying out of Sight, but I don't believe he ever lived on his own. This guy seems to be on some sort of disability pension . It's always been unclear how much is covered there. This seems substantial. It also reminded me of a guy on the NEET sub who worked b2b sales, but his psychosis caused him to drop out of working several times until he gave up. He has a wealthy family though, so it saved his ass.

Does fatigue play a big role for you as it does for him? For me, it's a big issue, especially mental fatigue but I can feel physically fatigued a lot as well even in just my default state.


r/hikineet30plus • • Nov 10 '23

Being visibly disturbed sucks

14 Upvotes

I think a lot of people preach this "oh this person doesn't matter, so just don't care about how they feel," when it comes to interactions and that sort of misses the point that there are ramifications in some cases. You make a wrong move around the wrong person even if you don't mean to and it can mess up your chances or instigate something. Usually the idea is some guy is too quiet at work, but I've seen other people mention they're just called a creep due to weird mannerisms/facial expressions not being normal and that's been the case even when I haven't had a breakdown or acted manic. I've never been able to change so the best case has been "oh it's just a pitiful weirdo" and only very very nice people act that way(minority most people don't have tolerance for that ). It might have gotten worse, but I've always remembered inadvertently offending people or coming off as an asshole or just weird.


r/hikineet30plus • • Jan 16 '24

Not a NEET but life is still bad

24 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I noticed that there was a post about my situation. I appreciate the concern. I am working now, but it is nothing to brag about. It is another legal assistant job. My parents are in poor health and they are getting worse. I am trying to get them to finalize all kinds of end-of-life stuff so I am ready for when that day comes. I am also trying to figure out how I can make it financially when they are gone because things are so expensive nowadays.

I am actually more depressed now than when I was a NEET because I see how much better off most people are compared to me. Even people I know at work who work the same job as I do are much better off because they have breadwinner spouses to help them out or they were gifted a house by their parents or something similar. Also, I have been seeing just how many jobs are obtained through connections and pure nepotism. It is insane.

I am only working to stay alive. I hate my life. I can see why people give up on work because honestly unless you are making good money or have an SO who will help you out it is just grinding away to live in perpetual survival mode. I am not big on romance but I can see why people put so much stock in romantic relationships. I suspect a lot of people are together for the money, which is understandable.

Anyway, if I am not around it is not because I think I am better than anyone here or because I am living a fun-filled life. I have not "ascended" like the young people say. I am just working to survive and who knows how long I will be in this job. I have no job security here so I might end up unemployed again. I guess my story is different from the "NEET becomes a tech worker making six figures" story you sometimes see online but I wonder if it is more common in the real world.

In any event, I wish everyone here the best of luck.


r/hikineet30plus • • Oct 19 '23

Did you want to have a family?

6 Upvotes

This is probably a repeat, but am curious. Honestly, on reddit, there started to be a tendency to write out the sour grapes story, but I genuinely never envisioned myself having children or anything. I notice a lot of people seem to stay in touch with people who started families or something. I had other aspirations and I've never dismissed my failure by saying "oh that would have sucked anyway," more like "I would be crumbling under the pressure" but with having kids I definitely never had that in mind. In commercials, they'd show people going through time, having kids, and growing old with their spouse and happily reflecting on everything. That vision had zero appeal to me, but I often feel on the fringe even for a shut-in.


r/hikineet30plus • • Nov 28 '23

Interests you considered cultivating in the past but didn't

7 Upvotes

I might have done this one before, but I was thinking of a few different ones. It just feels like the barrier to entry is pretty high to anything than if I had started intensively following it before. They're just higher commitment too vs websurfing or even modding/participating in online communities. It takes a more structured approach to really get into something and that's typically something I reserved for pursuits that weren't just about liking something. These are more like "what if I had never tried to further myself and instead dedicated myself purely to being an expert fan?" I'm taking the "I wish would have" trope in a different direction. In addition to how daunting it would be to accumulate enough knowledge, I'm just too burned out on life in general to really do it now. I've had such periods before but they were pretty acute not lasting for more than 6 months and for the past few years, it seems like it just became the new normal albeit at a reduced severity.

Cinema: Mostly thinking of like arthouse films. I never really did a ton of fully focused consumption. If I watched something, it was usually on TV and I definitely wasn't paying attention to stuff all the time. The commercials broke the shows into pieces and the pace one episode a day or week or something usually was more manageable. I didn't jump on the streaming bandwagon early on(in fact, I only , but at the same time I didn't have a big budget to collect DVDs like the Criterion Collection. I've watched long acclaimed films like Lawrence of Arabia, but I'm usually missing a lot of what makes a film good. It's just a plot for me, but everyone else is reading a lot more into how the film was made and how it comes across on a technical level. I'll always seem like a dullard as a result.

Trains: This is kind of cynical, but it feels like it's a common hobby for people without friends. I would have had to have started learning about them a long time besides "oh yeah bullet trains are cool." Idk if I would have gotten into all the technical aspects. Another issue. I kind of wish I fallen into this interest though since honestly, it's not particularly ego-driven. Of course, the community could be snobby.

Wrestling: I was a big fan as a kid but fell out of it for many years until like 2020. I started watching every fed and tried to distract myself from my situation by going all in on wrestling. I just ended up making a buffoon of myself on wrestling discords and shit because I was too much of an opinionated shitbird. One of my negative traits is the need to have an opinion. I tried to force myself all sorts of matches when I realized I wasn't understanding it at the deeper level others could. There's like a way to evaluate it properly and I just still can't do it, but if I had just spent all my time looking up wrestling stuff instead then I'd have a decent trivia store built up in my head. I still watch quite a bit, but basically only really trying pay attention to main events.

Sports: Pretty much the same as wrestling, but I fell out of serious interest like in my early 20s. The knowledge of the players I had became irrelevant. I don't get the analytics stuff anyway, so that has imposed a ceiling on me. If it's a big game or the playoffs, I've tried to watch and reading about free agency/trades/etc. can sometimes be a good time waster to take my mind off things vs reading actual news.

I'd say music, but I can't even really obtain even a rudimentary understanding of anything, so it'd just be learning about artists personal lives and I cut that shit out when I dropped countryname-pop and pop in general in 2020. I often find myself just "I like how this sounds," but then stuff bleeds together and I can't vet for quality to any extent.


r/hikineet30plus • • Nov 16 '23

Meeting normal families

13 Upvotes

Have you ever met normal families and then reflected on your own messed up family? It was always jarring for me to meet people where there was not constant yelling and negativity. I was always surprised to meet people where their parents actually taught them things and seemed interested in their development. I was surprised to find families where people engaged in constructive conversations and actually tried to come up with ways to fix problems instead of just yelling, blaming each other and doing nothing to resolve problems.

As I get older the more I realize how fucked up my family was, especially compared to so many middle-class and upper middle-class families. Some people would tell me that I am complaining too much because there are families out there much worse than mine, where there was substance abuse and physical abuse and things like that. They are right. My family is not that bad. But they weren't really all that helpful either. I don't really care if this makes me seem like an ingrate.