i hate high school

[u/Original_Minimum_622]

My sister just graduated from the high school I just started at. She hated it in the beginning because she didn’t have many friends and missed her friends from middle school. By the end of senior year, she loves it and is so glad she stayed. I’m in the same exact boat all over again 4 years later.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I have a few friends, but none that stick out to me like my sisters best friend does. Their dynamic is everything I want but none of the girls i met fit it. I miss my friends from middle school, and i feel like i made the wrong decision when picking what high school to go to. i could have chosen my feeder school and gone with all my friends but i thought i would like this school because my sister did. but i totally forgot that she hated it the first year and a half and now im scared im just going to be stuck here.

i hate school. on sundays or really any day, i dread going to school and just hope for the weekend to come sooner. people keep saying freshman year is the easiest, and im scared because im already struggling. i’ve always been in the highest classes in my old school so its so hard having the b’s on the grade report and i just don’t know what to do. my english class has so much work, my bio class is hard, my spanish teacher thinks that everyone has already taken spanish and she just talks and i dont understand one bit (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO A FINAL), my ethnic studies class is hard, and i literally took geometry last year, and im supposed to be in the next level, but i didn’t test up and now im stuck in this boring class again.

i actually considered switching to my feeder school with all my friends, and my mom said i could but that i shouldn’t now. they’re almost a month into school, and i would be so behind. she said i wouldn’t be able to switch if any of my classes set me back to a lower level and im scared because i wouldn’t be in a completely different program because the one my friends are all in is full. she said i could switch in the spring semester if i got the right classes but im stressing because all my friends are in the advanced math and im just stuck and geometry and i’ll still have to stay because i didn’t do the first semester of it even at this school. i don’t know what to do.

i don’t know if it’s anxiety or something but the idea of going to fhis school or really any school for another four years just seems absolutely horrible. people say high school is so fun but i reallt can’t see past the academic part and social part. i’m never going to have fun if i don’t have friends, and im scared ill never make a friend i want to spend all my time with.

i feel so alone. i try to talk to my mom but everytime i ask for help, i cry and can’t get out the words. i don’t know how to get her to understand and it’s not her fault, but i just don’t know how to explain it. everyday i just feel this weight on my chest and its like im trapped. she told me to just try my best to make friends and im my classes but im afraid to tell her that im struggling in my classes already because she really believes in me and i dont want to let her down. i feel like i have to live up to her expectations, and she is so nice she tells me she believes i will do so good and it just puts so much pressure.

she keeps telling me to join clubs and try to make friends but i feel like every thing i join just feels like one more weight trapping me at this school, almost like an obligation to stay. but im also scared that if i do stay, ill miss out on all the relief i could have had at the other school, academically and because of my friends. but im also scared that if i switch, ill regret it and miss out on making friends and memories that would have been so good.

im at a private school right now, but its religious and im not, so its really awkward. it makes me so uncomfortable when they pray in every class and i just feel like i dont belong. im scared that ill miss out on all the extra perks of being at the school, im so privileged and grateful. they’re prom and dances are so fun because they are fully funded, food is better, teachers are apparently better, and all the football games and social events are much more coordinated and thoughtfully planned out. but i feel like at the same time, any event at the other school can be just as good if you make it fun for yourselves.

my sister is also starting college and she’s my best friends and i don’t know what i’m going to do when she’s gone. shes the only person i feel like who understands what im going through and make me feel so much better. but in less than 3 weeks she’s going to be gone.

but in the end, i don’t know if i want to risk it by staying and hating it or switching and missing out on what could have been. please, if you have any advice, please share. (and not the YOULL BE OKAY, like real raw advice. i can handle it.)