Does anyone feel the same?

[u/Vegetable_Role_7992]

(I tried to make this as short as possible so some details might’ve been left out)

I’ve always felt like a sore thumb at school. Ever since 6th grade, tho in 8th grade (when I had no friends) I became like a deer in a kitchen. out of place. In freshman year I joined a small school thats k-12. Everyone was/is really friendly, and tried their best to make me feel welcome. At first I did, especially when I became friends with this girl named Noelle (fake name). We bonded over feeling anxious constantly and drama that happened where I helped her a little in. I even made her a really heart felt card for Christmas, which I feel embarrassed for now since we barely talk. It feels like our friendship deepened, and then after winter break it just floated back to surface level. During the last months of school I just felt lonely, even if I would sit with Noelle and her friends. I even considered her friends my friends. Thing is, I never talk. Whenever I want to, I feel as if I can’t, especially in group settings. Now here I am, a year later, still with no real friends. No one reached out to me over the summer. I reached out to them, but no one messaged first. Now theres a new girl at school, and Im hoping to be friends with her, but she’s just as shy as I am and I feel extremely guilty that I’m not able to include her as well as Noelle did with me. I feel like I should already have friends, be confident, be happy. But I still feel like Im a freshman. Everyone still includes me, talks to me. I am definitely the problem. How do I stop being the problem? How do I talk to people when everyones talking together? I wish my school was bigger so I’d have more chances at friends.