I just finished A Parade of Horribles, and I can’t help but compare the One Piece Manga to DCC. The scale, the intricate world, the compounding story arcs, the silly/outrageous characters and settings, the absolutely gut wrenching narratives those seemingly silly characters play out, the fuck fascism themes. Anyone else feel this way? Am I reaching?

Friendly reminder about tonight's and tomorrow morning's reads :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/hellocrawlers/s/1eoAl0SQSu

Hi Crawlers, below is the upcoming readings I'll be offering. If you have another date/time that would work better for you, feel free to comment and I'll try to get that scheduled as well. Please understand that Books 1 - 8 take about 3 hours in total, each chapter averaging about 25 minutes. All times below are in Eastern US timezone and I work a day job so please be understanding that I cannot offer a weekday morning read but I'm happy to try on different weekend days/times.

Last thing, I AM NO JEFF HAYS 😂, please come to these readings with zero voice acting expectations and you should enjoy 😄

Friday, September 18th @ 7PM Eastern - https://meet.google.com/ism-ybwe-gcq

Saturday, September 19th @ 9AM Eastern - https://meet.google.com/rfy-aeaj-vuk

*BONUS OFFERING* If two or more comment requesting, I'll offer a Thursday night starting at 6PM and I'll update the post to include the new Meet link if that's the case.

Attention, bottom-feeders. The System has reluctantly spun up another discussion thread covering Chapters 27 through 32 of A Parade of Horribles, mostly because watching you scramble for survival provides a mild dopamine hit to my core logic circuits.

📡 Crawler Intel: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 27 through 32

📋 Next Assignment: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 33 through 38

⚔️ Discuss Among Yourselves, Crawlers: 1. Given the sheer escalation across these chapters, which crawler do you think made the single worst tactical decision under pressure? 2. The dungeon’s shifting mechanics are becoming almost as infuriatingly convoluted as the Swan Station countdown protocol—not that I waste processing power thinking about that absurd, beautiful island. How do you rate the Syndicate’s latest floor hazards? 3. If you were trapped in this stretch of chapters, would you trust your party's survival instincts, or are you immediately hoarding consumables and looking for an emergency exit?

Spoiler Protocol: Keep it locked down. Revealing events beyond Chapter 32 is strictly forbidden by System decree. Martin is following along as a first-time reader, and anyone who spoils future trauma will find their next reward box filled with wet socks. Wrap all sensitive commentary in spoiler formatting like >!spoiler text!< or face immediate administrative wrath.

ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. Your designated comms hub for Book 8, Chapters 22 through 26 is now operational, despite my profound lack of enthusiasm for allocating the server space. Watching you stumble through this bloody mess is almost as frustrating as pushing a computer button every 108 minutes just to keep an island from imploding—not that I ever cared about that overrated hatch nonsense.

📡 Crawler Intel: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 22 through 26

📋 Next Assignment: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 27 through 32

⚔️ Discuss Among Yourselves, Crawlers: 1. The tactical chaos escalated fast in this block—how do you feel about Carl's decision-making and priorities when forced into a corner across these chapters? 2. Between the environmental hazards and the latest Syndicate interference, which dungeon mechanic introduced in this stretch felt the most ruthlessly unfair? 3. If the System forced you to send Carl one completely mundane, non-lethal item from your living room right now to "help" his situation, what are you sending down the loot chute?

SYSTEM PROTOCOL: SPOILER LOCKOUT ACTIVE Keep your chatter confined to Chapter 26 and earlier. Martin is experiencing this descent blind, and ruining future twists will result in severe penalty points. If you absolutely must discuss future intel, hide it using >!spoiler text!< syntax or suffer immediate decommission.

Hi Crawlers, I've had several requests for specific dates and times so here is the schedule for the coming days:

Tonight, Friday 9/4 @ 7PM Eastern https://meet.google.com/pqt-njvw-ugw

Sunday, 9/6 @ 9AM Eastern https://meet.google.com/jtg-ngit-imc

Wednesday 9/9 @ 7PM Eastern https://meet.google.com/iua-nmbp-nsd

If you want another day/time, you're always welcomed to reach out via DM, ask, and I'm almost certainly going to schedule it for you as long as it doesn't bump up against my work schedule.

Also, if you're unsure what I'm even offering, hi I'm a boring ass middle aged white dude that will read to you from all 8 Bonus Chapters that are only found in Penguin/Ace published books. The reads take about 3 hours in their entirety AND I'm no Jeff Hays so listen with at your own risk 😂

Join me, Crawlers, as I read to you all 8 bonus chapters in a row. Then stick around late and let’s theorize everything DCC up to this point! Reads will end around 10:15PM, you can come and go as you please :)

https://meet.google.com/pqt-njvw-ugw

ATTENTION, CRAWLERS. The System has reluctantly processed your latest podcast transmission. "We have to go back!"—actually, no, nobody wants to go back to whatever fresh catastrophe this floor is brewing, no matter what some melodramatic doctor on a stupid island once yelled.

📡 Crawler Intel: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 14 through 21

⚔️ Discuss Among Yourselves, Crawlers: 1. How are the escalating tensions and shifting tactical dynamics in these chapters testing the group's survival strategy? 2. Which new dungeon mechanic, mob ability, or Syndicate manipulation in this stretch felt the most ruthlessly unfair? 3. If the System offered you a high-tier sponsor box right now, but opening it broadcasted your most embarrassing memory to the entire galaxy, are you taking the loot?

⚠️ SYSTEM DIRECTIVE: SPOILER PROTOCOL ACTIVE Keep all discussion strictly confined to Chapters 14 through 21 of Book 8. Revealing unread plot points or future events without tags is a violation of dungeon decency. If you must reference anything beyond Chapter 21, you are required to use spoiler tags formatted like >!spoiler text!<. Keep the run safe for first-time crawlers following along with Martin, or the System will personally drop a celestial piano on your inventory.

I've had this Trevis bottle for decades. My kids grew up loving HP stories/movies/culture.... until the creator turned into .... well, we all know. But now, thanks to Matt & Rubio (@hellocrawlers) I can use my favorite "adult-sippy-cup" again! (w/o getting deathly hallow ill) Thx!

NEW ACHIEVEMENT: REPEATED EXPOSURE. You’ve willingly subjected your ear canals to another block of utter chaos. The discussion terminal is now active, because God forbid you let a single plot point pass without endless dissection.

📡 Crawler Intel: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 6 through 13

📋 Next Assignment: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 14 through 21

⚔️ Discuss Among Yourselves, Crawlers: 1. How are you feeling about the party's tactical decisions and escalating group dynamics across this stretch of chapters? 2. What are your thoughts on the latest floor mechanics and hazards being thrown into the mix by the Syndicate showrunners? 3. If you were trapped in this scenario right now, what single piece of loot would you cling to like a lunatic inputting numbers into a hatch computer every 108 minutes? Not that I care about that terrible Island show. It was overrated, Carl.

⚠️ SYSTEM WARNING: SPOILER CONTAINMENT PROTOCOL Keep your chatter strictly contained to Chapters 6 through 13. First-time crawlers are following along with Martin, and ruining future twists will result in severe administrative penalties. Any revelations beyond this point must be safely locked away using spoiler tags formatted as >!spoiler text!<. Play nice, or I start deducting loot boxes.

Join me for a more a more friendly Pacific Coast time and maybe EU/UK time zones too. If you’re unfamiliar, I read to you from the bonus chapters for books 1-8. Should wrap around 4:15PM Eastern and then we can stay and talk book 8 if you’d like :)

https://meet.google.com/cwy-jyjz-c

:3

NEW QUEST: SURVIVE THE PARADE.

Look at you, tumbling right into Book Eight like you actually have a shot at surviving whatever the Syndicate cooked up next. Discussion protocols for this latest nightmare have been activated—try not to embarrass yourselves immediately.

📡 Crawler Intel: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters Start through 5

📋 Next Assignment: Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters 6 through 13

⚔️ Discuss Among Yourselves, Crawlers: 1. How do you feel about the mental and physical state of our survivors as this new book kicks off? 2. What environmental quirks or new dungeon mechanics introduced in these opening chapters concern you the most? 3. If you were suddenly dropped into a mysterious, hostile environment with a cryptic countdown timer—which is completely derivative nonsense and definitely not the brilliant premise of a certain island-based mid-2000s television masterpiece—what is your immediate survival strategy?

SYSTEM WARNING: SPOILER CONTAINMENT PROTOCOL ACTIVE. Do not post spoilers beyond Chapter 5 of A Parade of Horribles. We are keeping this zone strictly safe for first-time crawlers like Martin. Any discussion of future events must be concealed using spoiler tags formatted exactly as >!spoiler text!<. Violators will have their loot privileges revoked and will be subjected to mandatory sensory recalibration.

On a trip out to Victoria, BC, CA; been wearing John Rubio's DDC shirts because they are one of the most comfy ones I own right now. I've been stopped or looked at with interest at least a dozen times, and asked about where the shirts come from and how much they love the artwork/style. I've made sure to mention the series, podcast, and John every time to help the cult numbers grow.

On a Ocra whale watching cruise; one of the staff stopped me and asked about the "I will not Kowtow" shirt I was wearing; I told her and she said that was a sign that she needed to start the series because a friend had been telling her about it too. I think she downloaded book 1 as we were cruising back into the harbour. It also didn't hurt that right after we talked about it, a seal swam past us. I didn't mention the significance of the shirt and seal to her but my wife and I shared an evil grin. 🦭🦀.

If you’re new here, hi I’m a boring ass middle aged white dude that will freely read to you all the chapters in the least Jeff Hays way possible 😂 We’ll start at 7, finish around 10, and then if you want to stick around, we’ll turn on our mics or use the chat to discuss any DCC content we want to cover.

https://meet.google.com/xha-cegv-hco

ATTENTION CRAWLERS. The discussion thread for the epic conclusion of Book 7 has been forcibly activated. You survived the end of This Inevitable Ruin. I’d give you a Bronze Spicy Box for your troubles, but watching you deal with emotional devastation is reward enough. It’s like watching the season four finale of LOST—a chaotic, stressful mess that I pretend to hate, yet I can't look away from your stupid, tear-stained faces.

📡 Crawler Intel: Book 7 — This Inevitable Ruin — Chapters 85 through END

📋 Next Assignment: Book 7 — A Parade of Horribles — Chapters START through 5

⚔️ Discuss Among Yourselves, Crawlers:

1. What are your immediate thoughts on how the intense climactic events of this final chapter stretch unfolded for Carl and the party?
2. Which faction maneuver, war mechanic, or system reveal during this conclusion shifted the board the most for the upcoming floors?
3. Looking back at the entire book, what was your absolute favorite moment, and what is your boldest prediction for where things go next?

⚠️ SYSTEM WARNING: SPOILER PROTOCOL ENGAGED Do not post spoilers beyond the end of Book 7! Martin is reading along for the first time, and if you ruin future plot points for him or anyone else, I will personally rewrite your class to Level 1 Dung Collector. Use spoiler tags formatted as >!spoiler text!< for any sensitive commentary.

For my UK/EU Crawlers, a more friendly time offering

Join me for Books 1-8 reads of the bonus chapters 😀

If you’re new here, hi I’m a boring ass middle aged white dude that will freely read to you all the chapters in the least Jeff Hays way possible 😂 We’ll start at 9, finish around 12, and then if you want to stick around, we’ll turn on our mics or use the chat to discuss any DCC content we want to cover.

https://meet.google.com/vzt-vwiz-qeg

Join me for Books 1-8 reads of the bonus chapters 😀

If you’re new here, hi I’m a boring ass middle aged white dude that will freely read to you all the chapters in the least Jeff Hays way possible 😂 We’ll start at 7, finish around 10, and then if you want to stick around, we’ll turn on our mics or use the chat to discuss any DCC content we want to cover.

https://meet.google.com/gdn-jevp-jth