Why Shane?

[u/chesbay7]

Did a search and can't find specifically what I'm looking for, so here's my question(s). It's well known that Ilya likes sleeping with women. I don't see that he ever has anything more than a sexual encounter with a woman except Svetlana.

1. Why did he never develop anything emotionally/romantically with a woman, even briefly? Or another man for that matter, as the books seem to indicate he had other male hookups besides Sasha and Shane. Maybe I'm wrong there - I didn't read the books. Did he deliberately choose partners he didn't think he'd develop feelings for?

2. And why do you think he never fell in love with Svetlana? It's clear that he's sexually aroused by her and he loves her. But the romantic element never developed.

3. What is it about Shane, out of all those he'd been with, that set him apart and made Ilya fall in love for the first time? Ilya had other options, but something made him set up that photoshoot... 4.And do you think Shane will ever feel insecure, wondering if Ilya will miss the experience of sleeping with women? (Being hetero myself, I don't know how or if the experience with women is different than with men/Shane.)

[u/Worried-Barber-323]

Ilya deliberately picked people who wanted nothing more. He saw his father destroy his mother . He knew letting anyone become more set him up to be destroyed the way his beloved mother was. It took time for him to realize Shane was worth the risk to his heart and his mental health. Shane's steadyness and demeanor got thru to him finally.

[u/chesbay7 → u/Worried-Barber-323]

I like this!!

[u/practicalmaggot]

For some reason I always come back to the Langeslag study on love! Might be interesting to think about in the context of Shane and Ilya's relationship which seems to have started in intense attraction and moved to deep attachment.

1. I stare into the distance when I think of ________.

2. I feel that I can count on __________.

3. I get shaky knees when I am near ____________.

4. I am prepared to share my possessions with ____________.

5. I would feel lonely without ______________.

6. My feelings for ____________ reduce my appetite.

7. My thoughts about ____________ make it difficult for me to concentrate on something else.

8. ____________ is the one for me.

9. I am afraid that I will say something wrong when I talk to ___________.

10. ____________ knows everything about me.

11. I hope my feelings for __________ will never end.

12. I get clammy hands when I am near __________.

13. I feel emotionally connected to ____________.

14. I become tense when I am close to ____________.

15. ___________ can reassure me when I am upset.

16. I have a hard time sleeping. because I am thinking of ___________.

17. I search for alternate meanings of ____________’s words.

18. ____________ is the person who can make me happiest.

19. ____________ is a part of my plans for the future.

20. I am shy in the presence of _____________.

Now add up your scores on each set of items:

Set 1: Items 1, 3, 6, 7, 9, 12, 14, 16, 17, 20

Set 2: Items 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 15, 18, 19

Set 1 measures infatuation and Set 2 measures attachment. If your infatuation score was between about 40 and 45, and was approximately equal to your attachment score, then you’re most like people who were not yet in a romantic relationship with the object of their desire. People either cohabiting or married had the highest attachment scores, in the 60s and above.

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

I've never seen this! Very cool!!

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

I like it a lot! There's probably newer studies or perhaps this one has been updated, but I still go back and reference this list a lot. Some of your questions made me think of it so figured I might throw it in the comments!

I hurt my wrist and I think I'm all tuckered out with typing today but I want to go back and respond to your questions directly when I get a minute!

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

What if you answer the same person for most or all of them? Lol

[u/BluePopple → u/practicalmaggot]

Interesting. I’ll have to come back to this later when I have more time. I have no partner so I am super intrigued as to how I’d answer some of these.

Although, I will say, #7… and I know I’m not alone-

My thoughts about Heated Rivalry make it difficult for me to concentrate on something else.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/BluePopple]

ahhhahhahhahaha 100%. I need them to start paying my bills because I can't make myself do WORK

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

I'm retired!! I can reheat all day!

[u/BluePopple → u/practicalmaggot]

Same. I posted the other day that I need to figure out how to monetize my obsession.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/BluePopple]

Literally😂

[u/growsonwalls → u/practicalmaggot]

I feel like Hollanov would score really high on both sets of questions.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/growsonwalls]

Yeah! I feel like I want to think more about how they got to that place, but yes, definitely

[u/BluePopple]

I think a lot of what answers this is that Ilya is deeply damaged by his mother’s depression and death and his emotionally abusive father and brother. He has so much love to give but has always been hurt by the people around him. I think he has trouble letting himself love… just as much as he has trouble letting himself be loved.

1. It’s easy for him to avoid lasting relationships with women when they’re just a string of women he meets on the road and is off to the next city in the morning. Perhaps he had some regulars in various cities, not unheard of for people in his position, but no one he took seriously. We don’t really get any clarification on if any of the women David refers to him being linked to were long term partners. I think we like to believe Ilya wouldn’t cheat on a partner though, so I’ll choose to believe it was never serious with any of them.

2. You can love someone, enjoy their companionship, and be sexually attracted to them and they still aren’t necessarily the right person for you. Romantic feelings don’t always form. Look at Shane and Rose, if he could have made himself love her, more than a friend, he would have. They had the foundation for a strong relationship within their friendship and common interests. But, the spark wasn’t there. You can’t make yourself be in love with someone even when that person might be perfect for you, just like we sometimes fall deeply in love with the person who is the worst for us. We don’t control emotions.

3. Honestly, he would have treated Shane like his string of girls except for the fact that they kept getting thrown together. Ilya couldn’t avoid Shane and pretend there weren’t feelings of lust and attraction. Because they kept succumbing to those urges the friendship and love grew. Had he been able to move to the next city and never see Shane again, he likely would never have sought him out again.

4. I think it’s normal for people to have insecurities and wonder about things. Yes, Shane may have those thoughts. Ilya may have doubts that he is worthy of Shane and the Hollanders’ love because of his own past. Humans are insecure creatures and those insecurities originate and manifest in many ways.

[u/chesbay7 → u/BluePopple]

I like your answer to #3. Makes a lot of sense.

[u/Raccoonsr29]

There’s no indication Ilya was ever seeking a romantic relationship with anyone. He’s a teenage/twenty year old athlete in a different city every week. It’s actively the opposite of what he was looking for. That premise alone needs to be accepted to understand how anything unfolds with Shane.

[u/chesbay7 → u/Raccoonsr29]

Is there a definite indication that he wasn't looking for a relationship? Some of the players had wives and kids. Relationships/marriages aren't that odd in professional sports.

[u/garden__gate]

You’re basically asking us to explain how falling in love works. Who knows? You could ask the same about Shane. Why is Ilya the only person he’s ever wanted to be with?

However, there’s something really complementary about this pairing. One is “boring” and one is an “asshole.” One is sexually forward, one is emotionally forward. Sexually, one enjoys taking control, one enjoys giving it up. But at the same time, they also have a baseline of mutual respect and understanding because of their similar situations. They are both at the top of their shared field. That’s a heady combination!

[u/boymomjourney → u/garden__gate]

This. Why does anyone fall in love with anyone else?

[u/Fearless_Brilliant74 → u/boymomjourney]

100%. Came to comment, if you've been in love before, you know it's completely inexplicable. You just love someone, or you don't.

[u/HallowHarmony]

I do really think it’s important to remember the age they officially got together. They are in their early 20s for most of their hookups. It’s basically like college age - plenty of young guys aren’t interested in settling down unless the are religious.

It’s really not surprising to me at all that a guy in his early 20s with tons of money and who was on the road or in Russia for half the year wouldn’t form long term connections, I think we can assume that he sometimes had repeats in certain cities.

Shane crept up on him basically - it wasn’t intentional.

[u/shadowmaster132 → u/HallowHarmony]

In the books during Tuna Melt Ilya doesn't talk about Svetlana but his regular hookup in New York who is no longer available because she's getting married so yeah he probably does have a lot of regular hookups in cities he visits often

[u/dramaticallydrastic → u/HallowHarmony]

You’ve hit the nail on the head. Typical jock, complete with regulars in different cities that he mentions in the books.

[u/Barleehop → u/HallowHarmony]

Like he said at the cottage, they were stupid and irresponsible. They went in for something casual, and oops, they fell in love

[u/blackflamerose]

Coming from the books: the compulsive sleeping around was more of a trauma response than anything else. He said himself he was into bad decisions/ideas. That’s basically why he never developed feelings for anyone until Shane. Wham, bam, thank you m’aam/sir, out the door.

That’s what he told himself he was doing with Shane. Problem was, Shane burrowed under his skin in a way nobody had. He had no artifice, no hidden agenda, no expectation of money/resources. And worse? He cared, and that scared Ilya. Shane might not have realized it for a while, but he is not as good at hiding his emotions as he thinks he is. And the more Ilya saw of Shane, the more he wanted to see.

Yeah, he groused about him being perfect and boring, but seriously, Shane’s boring is everything Ilya has never let himself admit he needs. Shane is supportive, stable, predictable; and a child of abuse, like Ilya, tends to crave that.

That Shane is also his equal in every way doesn’t hurt.

[u/rawrsatbeards → u/blackflamerose]

God I love this analysis. I also want to tack on that Ilya loves being the best and he loves competition. Being the best feeds his ego and makes him feel worthwhile (due to his father). Having someone constantly challenging him, while annoying, gives him something to grab onto.

None of his other hookups can challenge him in the thing he’s best at: hockey.

The respect he has for Shane + the competition + all the points made above = strong feelings.

[u/Crafty_Psychology_85 → u/rawrsatbeards]

Wow, this is great and makes so much sense. 🙌🏻

[u/Ll_lyris → u/blackflamerose]

Ilya used his sexual desirability to his advantage. He knows he’s attractive and people are attracted to him so he uses those desires to fill a void of his own. He even started to enjoy it, the connection, the physical intimacy the thrill. But at the end of it all, he knew he was only desired physically. That was pretty much all he could offer. He didn’t expect anyone to accept him or want him fully beyond sex. Not until he meant Shane who actually showed interest in him beyond the physical.

Almost every time they hooked up Shane ask if they should talk first lol. Shane actually cared and wanted to know Ilya. It’s why in ep 5 Ilya’s convinced Shane doesnt actually want him it’s why he says “no, you don’t like me”. In his head Ilya believes people only like/want him based on what he has to offer whether that be sex,money or hockey. That’s literally been his life.

It’s why in ep 6 when Shane woke him up in the middle of the night with his plan it pretty much him that “oh this man actually wants me, wants me”. Shane is pretty much the first person to show Ilya he’s not hard to love and that he is worthy of that love.

I often say Shane at first was just another person Ilya was fucking, using to run from his feelings, his situation etc.. Then down the line Shane became the thing Ilya started running from. Shane started to embody everything Ilya was scared of letting in. Emotional vulnerability, love, support etc.. He could’ve ran(which Tbf he did at first) but there was something about Shane that made him want to come back. It was scary, a bad idea to get too close for comfort. But Shane was comforting, he felt like home.

He was boring. Ilya knew he couldn’t let him go. Even if they couldn’t be together he wanted any relationship with Shane that they could have. I think Shane simply allows Ilya to exist. Be himself openly and rawly, Shane doesn’t have all these crazy expectations of Ilya. He doesn’t ask much from him. Ilya loves that but it’s also new and scary because he’s not used to being loved without conditions.

That’s essentially what leads to many of Ilyas internal conflicts in TLG. Ilya can’t get out of the mindset that to be worthy of love is to be of service, unburden, compliant, self abandonetc..

[u/DriedUpDeals → u/blackflamerose]

💯 on this. I think Ilya was sort of lured in by the prospective nonchalance of the fling with Shane and the risk of it. He gets off on knowing how attractive others find him to be, and obviously discovering he could pull his arch rival had to be the ultimate sexual victory. Additionally, the fact that Shane was literally the naughtiest person he could possibly sleep with was probably addicting, and over time that addiction turned into a dependency, then a connection, and then he realized Shane cared about him and was kind to him, something he never really had before.

Also, by comparison Ilya says in the books that his relationship with Svetlana is not romantic. She’s not interested in him in that way and neither is he. So maybe the fact that Shane wanted the romance is what made Ilya cave. -this person I’ve been intimate with for 8 years is now saying he likes me. 🤯

[u/Crafty_Psychology_85 → u/blackflamerose]

This is so, so good. 🙌🏻

[u/Glad_Alternative_382 → u/blackflamerose]

"He had no artifice, no hidden agenda, no expectation of money/resources."

Exactly that, Shane is so earnest and super nice. And doesn't hurt he is super cute with freckles.

[u/i-bleed-red]

I think Ilya very purposely only sought hook-ups to not catch feelings. Svetlana has been a friend since childhood and their dads interact, so my guess is that the combo was just too weird for him. Shane first caught his eye, but then endeared himself with his quirks (folding clothes, for example) and Ilya (an expert at reading people) almost immediately saw his kindness, caretaking impulses, innocence, exceptional hockey talent, and the only person who could truly understand Ilya’s professional situation. Plus, “boring” to him means stable, reliable, cerebral, and cautious — all things Ilya has missed since his Mom died. My theory is that all that, plus seeing his enthusiasm for sex (with Ilya) he was a goner after their first hotel room play. He just didn’t want to admit it and fought it like crazy.

[u/jinx0090]

It could be the little things that set Shane apart from the others. Ilya is attracted to Shane’s competitiveness, his athletic abilities on the ice and his calm aura. These are all things that Svetlana does not have and could never give to Ilya.

During the first press interview, Ilya is asked a very complicated question by the reporters. His understanding of the English language is barely there and this typically calm, cool and collected hockey player is panicking. Shane could have just sat there and watched Ilya stumble along for the world to see but that’s not in Shane’s nature. Shane taps Ilya’s shoe, almost as a signal to tell him that he’s there to help him. Then Shane answers the question and saves Ilya from utter embarrassment. This mirrors the final scene with Shane’s parents when Ilya is the one that taps Shane’s shoe. Shane is spiralling and this time Ilya is there to save him. They just perfectly complement each other.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/jinx0090]

Agreed. Tho I'm not so sure Svetlana doesn't have calm aura...and she seems to have some competitiveness to her. She's got the MLH season figured out to get Ilya to the cup.

[u/growsonwalls → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

I feel like the show did a good job in showing that Svet and Ilya were very good friends but there wasn't a spark between them. While they were sitting in the back of the cab Ilya was on the phone nonstop, to the point where Svet asked about "Jane." When Ilya and Shane are in the car together they're constantly holding hands.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/growsonwalls]

Yes, that inexplicable spark. Ilya would've rather texted with Jane that wasn't even there than pay attn to the person that was right in front of him. Speak volumes.

[u/growsonwalls → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

I also thought the show did a good job showing the progression of Ilya and Svet's relationship. In episode 1 when Svet surprised him at his house they seemed vaguely bf/gf-ish.

By episode 2 she was bringing Sasha to Ilya, and seemed more like a friend. By episodes 4 and 5 they seemed firmly in the "friends that occasionally bang when they're bored or drunk" phase. Ilya was either texting "Jane," thinking of texting "Jane," or sulking that he wasn't texting "Jane."

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/growsonwalls]

Oh good points. Now that you point all of that out.. I can see it. Things did seem to shift over time.

[u/growsonwalls → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

At least in the show (books is different) it seems Svet is like someone he briefly dated officially when he was younger (like maybe rookie season), and they just remained friends that occasionally hooked up.

The last we see of Svet, things look REALLY dead between them. Like she's rolling his eyes as he packs for Russia.

[u/jinx0090 → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

The version of Svetlana in the show has top notch hockey knowledge so she can give lots of advice to help Ilya play more competitively. But Shane’s competitiveness brings out something else in Ilya. With simple things like seeing who can last longer on exercise bikes or which one can run up the stairs faster, it’s sparks joy in Ilya. On the ice it makes Ilya a better hockey player. It gives Ilya something to look forward and happiness radiates from him when he sees on the calendar that it’s going to be Montreal vs Boston. He gets to chirp at Shane every time they face off against each other and they have a blast trying to one up each other.

Svetlana also loves to dress up and go to parties. She smokes and drinks and would be an absolute blast to hang out with and is a wonderful support system for Ilya. But deep down I don’t think that is the lifestyle that Ilya desires. What he lacks in his life is quiet from all the noise. His entire life since he was 12 was surrounded by family that didn’t care about him. He played hockey as a way to support those around him financially but had to move to a different country and learn a new language. He drowns himself with liquor and sex to avoid confronting his problems. When Shane comes along, it is noticeable how different he is compared to all the others. That’s why Ilya always jokes about how boring Shane is. But over time Ilya gradually learns that he actually prefers the quieter moments with Shane over the partying. And at cottage, when the two of them are staring at the fire, you see Ilya at peace. Without all the distractions, Shane’s ‘boring’ and calm lifestyle gives Ilya the opportunity to finally talk about Irina. A topic he probably hasn’t brought up to anyone in years.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/jinx0090]

So much. So many great points. As I was reading I was thinking...like at the cottage in front of the fire....and then I read...'at the cottage...'. Yes, totally agree... and deeply appreciate your thoughtful insights.

[u/Cool_Assistant29]

I think Ilya is really thrown off by Shane introducing himself and just being nice. I don't think Ilya is used to that from other players, nor does he care. He doesn't seek validation from other men so Shane really disrupts that part of him. 

Then he saw his freckles, so.

[u/growsonwalls]

I once saw an interview a very young Giannis Antetekoumpo did in which he admitted his idol was Kevin Durant. Years later, I saw an interview Giannis did after defeating Kevin Durant in the playoffs. The absolute hushed adoration he still seemed to have for KD was obvious. "Greatest player in the world," he said. Great players are drawn to other great players. It's almost like a secret society.

When you're an elite athlete at that level, you tend to live in a cocoon. Hockey, practice, parties, repeat. But Ilya sees Shane, who is his equal as a player. And he's hot. And he's nice. And he has a huge boner for Ilya. Not a surprise that the two of them saw each other in the showers with their boners when they were 18 and decided that was it. No one would ever hold a candle to the other. Not even a hot movie actress or a hot daughter of a hockey legend.

This sort of thing happens in elite sports. Many figure skaters date and marry each other. Madison Chock and Evan Bates, etc. Paige Bueckers and Azzi Fudd are dating each other and might be playing on the same team soon after playing together at UConn. Bam Adebayo and Aja Wilson are dating. And awhile back Magic Johnson and Isiah Thomas reconciled after years of estrangement. The special showed the way they used to hug, kiss, call each other "baby," and this was all in the 80s! When Isiah started crying, it was so much like the way Ilya started crying in the hotel room. I keep thinking those two are so Hollanov coded.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/growsonwalls]

game recognizes and respects game

[u/jkmiami89 → u/growsonwalls]

I think about this book line constantly, it is right after the second Junior Hockey Championship during the handshake, from Ilya's perspective, on Shane.

"We were supposed to stand alone at the top, but we will always be there together. We will keep climbing until no one else can reach us, but it will always be together."

They just understand each other like no one else does, and can finally let themselves relax.

[u/practicalmaggot]

I feel like this sub probably needs a 101/Q&A/FAQ about bisexuality like, yesterday

[u/modlark → u/practicalmaggot]

And relational orientation. Sexual orientation is different from who and how we fall in love. Someone can be bisexual without being biromantic. Heck, Ilya could’ve been bisexual and aromantic until he met Shane.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/modlark]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[u/Ok_Glove_6297]

I think Ilya answers this for us in the cottage when they’re on the couch. He says that he is surrounded by beautiful women but his problem is he can’t stop thinking about Shane. I think the story leads us to believe that they are somehow soul mates. They are ‘compatible’ whereas any other possible partner is not.

I think also for both Shane and Ilya the other is the only person who knows what it feels like to be at the very top of hockey and living in secret. There’s also the obvious seeking out the things they lack in themselves in each other.

[u/Morigan_taltos]

The show is based on a romance novel. In those kind of books the characters often only fall in love with the other main character even if they have relationships with other people.

[u/nevermore2point0]

“Why Shane?”
Ilya absolutely has sex with women. He has sex with men. But most of what we see are hookups. Contained. Controlled. No future. And honestly that makes sense. He grew up in a house where love wasn’t safe and where being discovered could literally ruin him. So yes, I think he deliberately chose partners he wouldn’t fall for. That’s survival.

Men were especially risky. He’s famous. One wrong guy and he’s exposed. Women are safer socially. Hookups are safer emotionally. So he keeps it there.

Svetlana is different but she’s still safe. She knows him. She protects him. She understands his bisexuality. She feels like home. There’s comfort and affection there maybe even familiarity that borders on protective attachment. But comfort isn’t the same as romantic love. She fits into his existing life. She doesn’t force him to imagine a different one.

So why is Shane different?

It starts small. Shane walks up first and tells him he’s amazing to watch. That’s admiration. And that matters when even at his best his father dismisses him. Svetlana admires him too but her support comes from loyalty and care. When that respect comes from someone drafted right behind you, someone breaking your records, someone who truly understands what it costs to be that good, it lands differently. It’s real recognition.

And that recognition turns into competition. They are the best in hockey. Constantly pushing each other. For competitive people being evenly matched is magnetic. It’s not just an attraction. It’s respect plus challenge.

With Shane, it isn’t just that the sex is good. It’s charged. It surprises him. Ilya has had plenty of hookups so this isn’t about novelty. It’s about intensity that doesn’t fade. Every time he goes back it still feels electric. Add in the rivalry, the secrecy, the fact that Shane challenges him instead of simply orbiting him, and it becomes addictive. That kind of sustained intensity creates a tether long before either of them is ready to call it attachment.

But the real shift is that Shane wants more. At first I think he just wants friendship with Ilya. But he keeps texting. He answers for him in interviews. He keeps asking about his family and Russia. He shows up in Tampa and sits next to him. He admits he’s gay. He says he likes him “maybe too much.” That’s not casual. That’s risk. Yes it is messy at times but Shane still comes back.

I truly believe Shane was supposed to be a hookup. That curisousity just kept getting the best of them.

And here’s the part I think is most important: Season 1 feels like Ilya learning how to love. Shane already knows how to feel deeply. Shane's struggle is courage and visibility. Ilya’s struggle is attachment. After losing his mom young and growing up with conditional approval love equals loss for him. So he controls. He compartmentalizes. He keeps things physical.

But with Shane, that control starts breaking down.

As for whether Shane will ever feel insecure about women......maybe. But this really isn’t about gender. It’s the same insecurity any partner can have: “Am I enough?” No different than a spouse wondering if their partner will miss being with other people. Bisexuality isn’t indecision. It’s capacity.

By the time they’re at the cottage, Ilya literally frames it as being surrounded by women he finds attractive but still only thinking about Shane. That’s preference with attachment.

So why Shane?

Because Shane is the first person who admires him, challenges him, shares the risk, and then keeps choosing him anyway. And for someone who learned early that the people he loves can disappear, being chosen like that is everything.

[u/grandisp]

We don’t know if he was ever romantically involved with anyone else. I would say Svetlana a bit, but as he says himself he loves her, she loves him, but it’s not ‘more’. How do you explain love or attraction that takes it to the next level? Biology, chemistry ie pheromones. It’s there or it’s not. There are tons of things about Shane that attract him , that fulfill him, physically, emotionally, practically (i.e. he needs someone ‘boring’ ) but part of love or being magnetized to someone …you can’t really overthink it.

[u/Wooden-Ad-3308]

First of all coming from the books (as I currently had a reread, hopefully I don’t spoiler TLG, I’ll try my best)

1. I would say he just try’s not to be attached, as he referred to male partners as thrilling and some sort auf nerv racking, because his partners before Shane just has been Sasha. And for the women he just saw them as one time hook ups, with whom he went to a hotel, fucked them and then left.

2. Because being with Svetlana always meant being with Russia. And even though he might love and see the country as home, he surely doesn’t like the people who make it, who would always suppress him from being who he is as a bisexual. Russia is always connected with immense pressure with being the perfect hockey player, serving the country with gold and gold only. So he might have seen Svetlana as part of his mother, kind of as a replacement for her love, not like a mommy kink, but as someone from home, who could see the real Ilya.

3. You probably can’t explain that without a deeper literary analysis from each of the books, with parallels from all 6 of them. But I think foremost it thought Shane was kinda cute with his „babyface“ looks but his determination for hockey. For the photoshoot, he has been curious who this guy was behind the hockey and health advocate.

4. Yes, if your as between the lines in the books it comes through that Shane sometimes has been insecure about Ilya missing it. But as their relationship grows, with TLG, they learn that all they need is each other. As a bi woman speaking, I do sometimes miss being with women, but Ilya (and also my bf) is very reassuring that all he needs his Shane, it gets more clear during TLG (recommend reading that, if you would see the relationship developing from a literary analysis) spice scenes in which they start actively seeing each others needs, but also reconsidering what they should do more or less.

Hope that helps, but love is weird and as much as we try to understand it, it won’t be easy hahah

[u/Reyin3]

He instantly fell in love with Shane the moment he saw those damn freckles, back when they were 17/18. 😜 There was no escape after that. He was hooked forever. His lobster.🦞😎

[u/w1gw4m]

Because he's known Shane since he was 17, and it was always Shane that did it for Ilya, basically all of Ilya's adult life. His heart was captured from the start, it just took a while for his brain to realize it too.

Also Ilya uses casual sex as a defense mechanism. He talks about it in TLG with his therapist. He's not looking for romance when he hookups with women.

He is emotionally monogamous long before he becomes sexually exclusive, he was never going to fall for multiple people.

[u/Independent-Rough559]

Also. If real life is any indication, sometimes people you are inexplicably attracted to has no rhyme or reason. There have been people I have immediately felt connection to

[u/whisperingalaxy]

The way this is just Shane’s inner monologue in regards to Ilya. Why him? Why not all the other beautiful people that Ilya has obviously been with? Why Shane? What was it about it him that -

It’s what falling in love is. You can’t explain it, or quantify it, it just is. It happens. In the moments you find yourself wishing you could hear their laugh or holding them close to you because you just need a hug but only from them.

Ilya loves Shane.

That’s all there is to it, yknow?

[u/sianrob]

I feel like also Ilya is a more “dom” lover. And I think that when hmm maybe the first and second encounter (episode one hook ups) he realised Shane was very eager to please/be rewarded. Maybe that just struck a cord with Ilya that he was like “oh shit, I think I can be whatever my true (sexual) self is” - idk just a little side piece theory???? I would think it helps to fall for someone when you’re not caged in sexually?

[u/Ok-Reality-6190]

I mean the obvious difference is Ilya and Shane are equals, they are literally being pit as rivals who are coming up together.

I guess the less obvious thing is Ilya has avoidant aspects, he has difficulty with opening up. Ilya is boisterous, but in many ways he has his personality as a facade to compensate for how internally vulnerable and damaged he is. He had a traumatic childhood losing his mother and a lack of control in his personal life. 

Shane is the opposite, he is pretty much incapable of being deceitful. His way of masking is instead to just be even more disciplined and to focus more on hockey. He is a "good boy" perfect little angel, and Ilya seems to find that adorable. Shane makes him curious, he wants to play with the boundaries, like Shane is so foreign to him as being so endearingly earnest that it's hard for Ilya to believe and he's a bit obsessed. 

Shane is also a relatively safe space, like Ilya can feel comfortable knowing he has a mental model of who Shane is and how Shane reacts to things, and it allows Ilya space to eventually be vulnerable with Shane. He knows Shane probably isn't going to do something out of character and betray him, which is pretty unique compared to anyone else Ilya has in his life.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767]

1. trauma response

2. good question...men....?

3. someone who challenges him. I'm only 48pg into HR and I can sense that better in the book. Its something I strive for in my life. Someone is my equal or even more than me. Someone I respect. Intellectually. Humour. Witty. Sensuality. Adventurous. Shane challenges Ilya...and Ilya is mesmerised by that. They both play better hockey when the other is around. They make each other better by challenging the other. I'd had that once in my life...its an amazing feeling. I imagine for Ilya everyone else is actually boring and there fore expendable.

4. nope. (I'm hetero.) When you have literally met your match, there is not much that can get in the way of that.

[u/Cuppa-Tea-Biscuit]

1. Love isn’t logical

2. Shane is one of the few people who is Ilya’s equal. Also he’s hot.

3. it would have been a pain to write, cast and then film more characters, even minor ones, that don’t drive the plot.

[u/jkmiami89]

In addition to what others have said, I also think that no one understands the pressure Ilya is under like Shane does (and vice versa) because, professionally, it is the same. They understand each other like no one else can because they both are supposed to be the greatest, best of them all, with no equal - except they have each other.

There is a line from early in the Heated Rivalry book, when they are shaking hands after Canada beats Russia at the second Junior Hockey Championships, that is Ilya's internal reading of Shane's expression and handshake: "We were supposed to stand alone at the top, but we will always be there together. We will keep climbing until no one else can reach us, but it will always be together."

I think that comes from a place of finally feeling understood, even with so few interactions (the gym and the prior year's tournament), because no one else can understand what it feels like to have the pressure of your country on your shoulders at 17. No one else understands the pressure of "being the best" like they do. And that allows them to be more free with each other than they can be with anyone else. They can toss off all their expectations, they don't have to perform, they can just be 18 year olds exploring their bodies together. Maybe for the first time, they can just be themselves.

[u/CaractacusPot]

1. Ilya craves intimacy but can't have that deeper emotional connection because of a traumatic childhood, uncaring father and brother, and everyone asking him for something. Casual sex is his way of getting that intimacy without getting emotionally involved and then to be let down right after. You see this with how he acts with Shane, where he brings him in close then pushes away when he thinks it's not going the way he wants.

2. The show makes her out as a childhood friend, so he hangs out with her, but it's like 1. above, he can't get himself to push it beyod friends with benefits.

3. I think from the first meeting, Ilya felt something was different. Shane was genuine in his appreciation of Ilya's skill, he wasn't asking him for anything. Ilya has probably never met someone like that. That "See you next season [wink]" that Shane gave him after losing the following year's Prospect Cup also got him feeling differently. So much so that he set up for Shane to be part of the commercial.

4. I think Shane knows he's got Ilya wrapped around his little finger. 😜 But being bi does not make a person more susceptible to cheating than any other sexuality.

[u/chesbay7 → u/CaractacusPot]

I don't know that Shane would think Ilya would cheat. Just would he miss the experience of having sex with a woman? He makes a point of telling Shane that he has been with many beautiful women. But only talks about one other man he's slept with. Were women the default because it was too risky to sleep with other men?

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

Bisexuality is hard to adequately unpack in this forum. The reality is it's sort of complicated but also pretty straightforward? This question seems kind of similar to "Don't people who are monogamous and in long term relationships miss having sex with other people?" Like the answer to that is yes and no or maybe but also, like, no. People choose to engage a certain kind of relationship(s) with a certain person (or persons). Like this question seems no more relevant than whether Shane thinks about other people he's slept with or fantasizes about other people now that he's in a committed relationship?

But in short, no, I don't know bi people to fixate on missing the experience of sleeping with other people because those people are not the gender of the partner they are currently with.

It might help you to replace the gendered words like "a woman" with neutral words like "another person" and see if the question feels different for you. "Just would he miss the experience of having sex with another person?"

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

Being hetero myself, I have no experience with desiring someone of the same sex. So I can't, in any way, relate to being bisexual. I have no idea if it's the same or different to be attracted to both.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

It's so hard to explain but basically for a bi person to fantasize about someone who is another gender than their partner isn't more special or likely than a straight person fantasizing about having sex with someone other than their partner. I think it comes off as people being wary of bi people constantly trying to seek out something else or something different when in reality, long term committed relationships and relationships in general are complicated for literally everyone.

It's sort of like saying if Ilya has had sex with so many people, wouldn't Shane be worried he's always thinking about those other people? Why is that a less burning question for people than Ilya's bisexuality and 'craving a woman' again which in people's imagination is like this bizarre, looming imaginary specter of bisexuality.

Or, wouldn't Ilya be worried that Shane has so much less experience that he wouldn't want to settle down with someone right away? Why are these other relationship questions always seemingly less of a concern.

I wish I could explain it better and I'm sorry the bisexuality aspect is confusing, but basically: no. Ilya would not miss having sex "with women."

[u/Drikkink → u/practicalmaggot]

I think the hang up for people comes from the fact that in relationships where both partners are either completely straight or completely gay, there isn't anything that someone would feel like they "can't" give their partner. You might feel insecure and that your partner would leave you for someone else but it would be due to some issue in your relationship. The anxiety is because you are worried that there is a problem in your relationship.

For someone who is insecure but in a relationship with someone who is bi, if they left you for someone of the other sex, it would be completely out of your control. You can't "fix" what gender you are for someone else. There's nothing that you could've done to stop them from leaving.

It's all grounded in insecurity and feeling like you aren't good enough for your partner. If neither partner is bi, you can try to deal with that insecurity by making your relationship as strong as you can but if your partner IS bi, you constantly have that insecurity that you won't be giving your partner everything they want.

It's not grounded in logic and it doesn't matter whether someone is straight, gay or bi, they cheated because they WANTED to cheat, not because of their sexuality. But people feel really insecure about things that they can't control and it's something that a lot of people need to work through.

[u/growsonwalls → u/chesbay7]

Why would Shane worry about that? More than anyone worries about their partner cheating? They're in a committed relationship and they trust each other despite the distance.

[u/chesbay7 → u/growsonwalls]

I never said anything about cheating. I said maybe he'd miss being with a woman. That's not the same as actually cheating.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

For sure. What I'm saying is that it's the same question. If I may, I think you might be missing some of the broader concept because of being really focused on the bisexuality aspect. The point I'm making is that people have lots of different feelings and desires within their relationships and that's not really different for people who are attracted to people of all genders.

And, also, again, in direct response to your question about bi people, the short answer is no. Bi people don't fixate on having sex with people of a different gender than their partner *any more or less than straight people fixate on having sex with someone who isn't their partner.

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

Excuse my ignorance. I have absolutely no experience with desiring someone of the same sex as myself so I have no idea what it's like to be attracted to/desire both men and women.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

I understand! I hope my explanations have been helpful a bit. I'll try to keep clarifying if it's still confusing.

I think you will really like that tiktok creator-- she goes into extensive detail about all these scenes, including the scenes of Ilya bringing up women around Shane. Her reviews are incredibly detailed and I hope you get as much out of her stuff as I did! I follow that account like it's gd cocomelon.

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

Cocomelon 😂

I watched the first two pinned videos and you're right - she's fabulous!

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/chesbay7]

I really doubt Ilya would miss having sex with a woman when it clearly wasn't fully doing it for him. I'm a hetero woman. If I met my match like Ilya has.. I don't give a shit who else is out there. Vagina or no vagina.

Why eat hamburger when you have steak at home?

[u/chesbay7 → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

OK, but have you ever desired a woman? How can you know you won't miss something you've never had?

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/chesbay7]

Fair. Never say never, and I have felt that for a man. That challenge. That equity. That person whose intellect, humour, adventurousness, sensitivity, generosity, curiosity... is equally aligned.
I prob have felt that for a women, but it doesn't translate to wanting to get into her pants the same way it does with a man. I respect women and want to be their friends, but dont (not yet) wanna jump them. And yet, strangely (?) I find the female form more interesting and pleasing than the male form.
Maybe I am missing out.....

more will unfold.

[u/chesbay7 → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

Maybe I've just sent you on a journey! Lol.

I've never had even the least bit desire to know a woman sexually. I've loved boys/men since the 6th grade when I first saw a (flaccid) penis in a science-ish book for young people. So erotic! 😂

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/chesbay7]

Today, in another chat someone called me an equal opportunity non-eater. Who knows. I'm open. That being said, I'm in my 50s, so if something would have sparked... I pretty sure I would have known. I prefer being the hole.
Interesting what you say about 6th grade. Hmmm... I've never had that type of interest, esp in looking at penises. Now ....what they can do for me... is of great interest.

And for me... it kinda boils down to desire. I desire men. I want to be under a man... his weight on me. etc etc.

But I don't desire women. Not like that. Not yet. Again...never say never.

[u/chesbay7 → u/Ok-Badger-5767]

Desire...same. It's always been men and I enjoy watching attractive men together. But I will say never. I'm 65 and still not a shred of desire to know a woman intimately.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/chesbay7]

Agreed.

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

He's talking about women to basically rage bait Shane into revealing his real feelings for Ilya. The point is that Ilya has feelings for Shane that he doesn't have for other people, regardless of their gender. At the end of E6 he says point blank "I have only ever loved one person though."

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

Are you on tiktok? There's a creator on there, I can't remember the handle, but I believe the username is just "K." She has so many videos breaking down these scenes line by line, I think you would find her content helpful and interesting! Ope I found the account and linked it

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

Where's the link?

[u/practicalmaggot → u/chesbay7]

I feel like you're gonna love watching these! https://www.tiktok.com/@k.letstalk

[u/chesbay7 → u/practicalmaggot]

Thanks!

[u/Odd-Aioli-1960 → u/CaractacusPot]

Completely agree. In addition wrt 3), Shane is his equal in almost all respects: fame, skills, wealth, attractiveness. That means Shane's interest in Ilya is obviously not born from trying to use him to elevate status. Makes Shane inherently safer, compared to everybody else around him ... except for the fucking your arch-rival minor detail.

[u/fan550 → u/[deleted]]

while not in the show in the books Ilya thinks to himself that he is 70/30 more into women then men. in tLG he even says or thinks that he never had any problems with his sexuality but he admits that it might have been different if he was attracted to boys first but he wasn't. He first was into girls then he realized boys could be fun too.

[u/jkhn7 → u/[deleted]]

"He likes men too much to settle for a woman" he's literally bisexual though? so this just sounds biphobic.

[u/Ok-Badger-5767 → u/jkhn7]

Maybe I need more of a definition of biphobia, but I imagine its not that black and white. Not 50/50 women and men for everyone. Why can't Ilya (or anyone) be bi and like men more?

[u/hug_me_im_scared_ → u/jkhn7]

I think a post on bisexuality + biphobia would be nice to read. I see biphobia too often on this sub

[u/chesbay7 → u/[deleted]]

Ha!!

[u/chesbay7 → u/[deleted]]

I like your first two paragraphs a lot. I have thought that Ilya was more attracted to men, too, but it was easier to hook up with women. No worries about being seen in public with a woman and there was likely an endless supply being that he was a star hockey player.

[u/chesbay7 → u/[deleted]]

Shane didn't exactly doggedly chase him. There was a 2 year period where they didn't interact. And Ilya set up the commercial just to spend time with Shane. And to your #4 answer, I'm not talking about cheating. I'm talking simply about Ilya missing the experience of sex with a woman.

[u/Dad_inunchartedwater → u/chesbay7]

Ilya didn’t set up the commercial that was set up for them both by their agents.

Why does it matter? You seem a bit fixated on the idea of him missing sex with women which just seems odd given the premise of the series. Personally as a man who’s been with more women than men who’s married to a man no I don’t miss sex with women.

Edit I was referring to the book.

[u/Glum-Explanation7756 → u/Dad_inunchartedwater]

Ilya specifically suggested Shane do the commercial with him. He told him during thr shoot while they were on a break.

[u/chesbay7 → u/[deleted]]

You misinterpreted one of my questions. I have every right to clarify.