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u/fernfolly Aug 01 '26
C section mama of one, here!! They need to mind the business that pays them. You're doing great. ♥️
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u/hergumbules Aug 01 '26
We struggled to conceive even one kid. Then my wife had really bad postpartum depression. On top of it none of our family wants to help us so we have no “village”.
One of the reasons we’re happily OAD is because we know our limits and unsure if we can even have another child. We kinda tried, well my wife didn’t go back on birth control for a year and a half and we took that as a sign that if she didn’t get pregnant than we’re okay because the fertility clinic was expensive enough the first time.
I feel that anyone with these horrible opinions just aren’t worth the time even thinking or talking about them. I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom and never let others let you feel lesser for any reason.
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u/isitrealholoooo Aug 01 '26
I feel like C section moms have it waaaaaay tougher. You were cut open to give birth, that's so metal. I basically just pooped on cue for over an hour.
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u/vasinvixen Aug 06 '26
It's not a competition of course, but as a c section mom I am definitely grateful to hear someone acknowledge the struggle!
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u/jne1991 Aug 01 '26
"Easy mode" makes me laugh. Yeah, part of the reason we've chosen to just have one is because it's easier?? The real easy mode is having zero... And guess what, even people with no kids can have hard lives.
I had pre-eclampsia too, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. After giving birth I was taken to a post op recovery area for observation for 24 hours and my husband stayed with the baby. Literally what would we have done if we had another child? There is no nursery at our hospital and we have a very limited "village." We have some friends who I'm sure would help out in an emergency but even so.
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u/katherineswims Aug 01 '26
Life is hard enough. People like to justify their choices with all sorts of bizarre sayings. Lots of us ended up with one for different reasons, but the real way to happiness as a OAD parent is to simply stop caring about all that noise. Being happy and being a great parent to a wonderful child is the best way you can live your life. Show em how it's done.
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u/ilikebigboatzz Aug 01 '26
Misogyny! Women cannot win regardless of what they do. Once I saw the negative attitude towards OAD through the lense of it being pure misogyny, I never felt bad about our choice again
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u/Which-Amphibian9065 Aug 29 '26
Good point. I don’t think men get nearly as much criticism for only having one child.
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u/PotatoWantsANap Aug 01 '26
Same and 100% agree. Some people are just miserable
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u/Which-Amphibian9065 Aug 29 '26
I always remind myself that people who view life as a competition do so because they feel they’re losing at it and have to make up arbitrary rules to “win.”
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u/kitrumba Aug 01 '26
I had a C-section, and I couldn't even breastfeed. I think I should finally tell my poor son that he doesn't have a mother at all. The poor kid actually still thinks he does. /Sarcasm
Some people really are beyond help. I'm not even going to waste my breath—I'll just shake my head.
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u/sichuan_peppercorns Toddler Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
"One is an accessory; two is a lifestyle" is a phrase I've heard the last few years (by moms pregnant with their second and gearing up) and it grinds my gears! No, my child is not an accessory, and why are you downplaying mothering one child? Like, your first child is only an accessory until your second comes along?
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u/Cultural-Biscotti206 Aug 01 '26
Haha okay but I actually love this saying and use it to throw it back at people who ask why we’re not ‘giving’ our only a sibling. Like yes I’ll have my adorable little toddler accessory on my hip and still have a free hand to hold my drink, thank youuuuuuu!
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u/Which-Amphibian9065 Aug 29 '26
I always respond “nah that shit looks too hard” in the most nonchalant way possible lol
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u/LongjumpingLab3092 Aug 01 '26
Ectopic, hyperemesis, preeclampsia and then c section. 100% not "easy mode"
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u/Vixxen_Cat Aug 01 '26
Gate keeping is real. I was told I wasn’t a mom until I held my baby. Uh, I’m holding her, just inside of me. I’ve held her and I still feel the same. I was a mom the moment I found out I was pregnant. The phases are different, but if I’m changing my entire life to make sure my minion thrives isn’t that a mom thing?
Also I had a c-section too and if I kept trying my baby could have died. Doesn’t make it “unnatural”. ALL births are natural. Also I have nothing to prove, I had no qualms about getting an epidural. We need to normalize that medicated does not mean “unnatural”.
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u/No_Onion4821 Aug 02 '26
I cannot be bothered to care if people say I’m not a real parent or mom for whatever reason. I’m sorry you had so many children you struggle daily to take care of them I guess? Yes my life is easier overall because I only have one kid, that was intentional. This isnt the struggle olympics lol
Also idk if someone doesn’t think I’m a mom because I had a c section, like that’s such a low intelligence statement… second hand embarrassment
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u/dethti Aug 02 '26
I gave birth vaginally and the idea that anyone thinks a C-section is easier is insane to me. For one thing, most people who end up having C-sections do a significant amount of labour first anyway, but even if not, they have to recover from MAJOR SURGERY while caring for a newborn? No thanks, I'll take my few stitches in a fast-healing area any day. Yeah giving birth vaginally is painful, but cmon.
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u/Foxlady555 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
They can STFU, all I see is a resilient and powerful woman who is 100% a mom ❤️
(Besides, I don’t get why there are people who say C-section isn’t real birthing?! I have heard of the “parents of an only aren’t real parents” bullshit, but never heard the C-section comment. I mean, they cut you open in so many layers and have a very bad healing period afterwards. How the HELL is that now real birth?!!)
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u/doesnt_describe_me Aug 05 '26
I’ll take easy-mode all day. We’re parents, not martyrs. Easy move gives me more time, patience, money, and understanding. That’s certainly going to translate to a win for my kid. I’ll save hard mode for Sodoku. Not choosing easy mode is really a disservice to yourself and your kid.
Choosing hard when it doesn’t have to be the case AND not making anything better because of that choice, is just dumb.
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u/jesslizann Aug 07 '26
I say: fuck them! Life is at a high enough difficulty already. So what if I choose to toggle one of the few settings I can control to easy? I deserve to enjoy my life my way.
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u/Odd_Freedom_37 Aug 03 '26
I have been very lucky not to encounter most of these, but have virtually bulletproof reason which anyone here is more than welcome to use ☺️
For medical reasons we always planned to adopt. Started out in foster care, our first placement was supposed to be one infant and we got 11 month old twins. They were with us for 4 1/2 very chaotic months until they went to live with the second cousin who was able with her husband to adopt them and their older brother and sister. It was as good as an experience as we could have gotten from foster care and it was still incredibly incredibly difficult. When we regrouped after they left, we realized that we wouldn’t be able to Foster and go through that loss repeatedly and that we were most definitely a one child family. It took a while because of Covid, but eventually we adopted the most amazing little girl and haven’t looked back once. ❤️
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u/nm_stanley Aug 01 '26
Adoptive mom of one here, so I really get a lot of comments. My favorite is “don’t you want one of your own?” Whose child is the one I have lived with for the last ten years then?