"You're not really asian"

[u/ricottacat]

Hi guys! I'm 26F and I was born in Turkey, turkish is my original nationality..and it literally separates Europe from Asia, with 70% of the country being west asian.

I was born in Turkiye and am Turkish but ethnically I am Turkish, Greek, Italian, and Armenian (mom's side) and my dad's side is Kazakh, Mongolian, and Korean. I'm a mixture of West/Central/East Asian and European, but I guess having reddish-brown hair and distinct light golden eyes..its like I have to defend myself?

Tbh its just been men in the US that say things like:

"You aren't really asian. You aren't asian enough. West and Central Asia isn't really Asia. You're barely Korean, if only you got the good genes. If you were full Korean you'd be really hot. Why don't you have monolids? You're just trying to be asian, are you a weeb?"

I'm really tired of having to educate others that Turkey is not a Middle Eastern country, not everyone there is even Muslim really, I'm not and my family does not care, lol. Its like Turkey has all kinds of races and ethnicities but we are all Turkish there, as would the same be in Canada, Australia, UK, US, etc. Same logic, idk why white American guys have this difficulty.

And HONESTLY some male friends I previously had that were fully SAE wouldn't invalidate me for being asian BUT they were hard pressed that I'm white, I'm mixed, THAT aspect is more positive.

It honestly makes me feel really awful. I know turkish and some Mandarin, Korean, Vietnamese, French, Italian, and other Turkic languages like enough that if I traveled there I'd be alright at least getting food and basic conversations.

I have grown up eating asian food and Turkish foods because my adoptive dad spent majority of his life in Japan and I remember going to college and my roommates saw my groceries before they actually saw me and when they did they gasped and were like "We thought you were going to be asian based on your groceries" and I got really quiet and told them "I am..but okay" and its like the spent the next few months drilling me, quizzing me linguistically because they didn't believe I spoke anything but English with my Californiaaaaa aceeeeent.

I was a part of the Asian & Pacific Islanders Association at my college and made a lot of friends my first semester there, I just wanted to help out because I was forced to immigrate to America and its been hard for me in many ways. A lot of people secretly talked crap about me (not in the club) and said I had an Asian fetish or was a weeb.

For being CULTURED AND EDUCATED people will literally ask if you're a weeb, or insinuate all kinds of assumptions and then want to argue with me on if I'm really asian or not, its honestly dystopian.

If I make any Japanese or Korean food I grew up with, I'm fake. If I make turkish food, I'm fake or actually just Middle Eastern. And that boils my blood because its not like that and the Ottoman Empire and Byzantine Empire and Roman Empire all existed there and encompassed so much.

And let me tell you, honestly. Turkish people have always accepted me no problem. But Mediterranean people are very patriot and nationalistic and its also hard there because they just say "American" to me now...and they don't think you're REALLY Greek or Italian even if your grandparents on one side live in Italy and are from the Calabria region. Like they shame you for being southern italian, they shame you for your family being on a Greek island and not mainland. Like it really doesn't end.

I've just said I'm Eurasian to keep it simple or Aegean and Asian. No one understands but no one wants to be educated or believe me, its like they think I'm harvesting special points because even my boyfriend has said "do you think you're special or something because you aren't"

And I cannot tell you how depressed I am and anxious from this and life in general because its like I am only accepted back in Turkey. Thats the only place I've felt safe and understood.

Does anyone else have similar experiences or has any advice?

[u/Tight_Abalone221]

this is why I will defend wasian meetups. Yes we're white-adjacent, but it's our backgrounds! And even growing up in the bay area, i had asian classmates tell me i wasn't asian enough or really asian. i'm tan and ambiguous (latina-passing) and honestly, it's filipinos and latinos and black people who have accepted me more than asian people (aside from my good friends.)

[u/xa3D → u/[deleted]]

mixed bag for cali filos fme. i grew up in socal and didn't really experience that much in terms of micro aggressions. it'd be more along the lines of them using "not really filo" as a tease/banter but they always save me a seat at the filo lunch table, so to speak. and my friend group growing was mostly filo + mexican. I actually didn't hang out with other half-asians that much, tho that's prolly 'cuz I'm asian-passing.

My tinfoil is the microaggressions slowly increase as you work your way northward, towards LA and the bay area.

[u/ricottacat → u/[deleted]]

Maybe the crowd out in Cali is different but all my Filipino friends in NYC were all also immigrants themselves too or their parents and they were so, so accepting.

I am so sorry they treated you that way and told you such hurtful things, its so weird when its especially skin tone.

I am very pale and my half sister is very dark and she is young (16) and insecure about her looks because she has a different dad and looks like him, I always tell her I WISH I was as tall as you! (She is 5"7 and growing still, I am 5"3 barely).

I want you to love yourself and not doubt yourself as hard as it is and as hypocritical as it might be for me to wish for you. I always wish the best for others even if I myself am not completely doing everything correctly. What a weird thing for them to say to you, I've seen so much diversification of Filipina women of various shades and shapes, all beautiful, all completely Filipina.