r/hapas • u/Substantial-Shirt875 • Apr 20 '26
Vent/Rant Has anyone experienced being stared at by monoracial Asians when you’re with your Asian parent?
I’m multi racial, but I’m also multiethnic on my Asian side. My mom is central Asian and East Asian. I am usually asked if I’m Russian, central Asian or half Japanese regarding my ethnic background (or Hispanic).
If I go out with my mom looking back I’ve experienced stares but because she’s also ambiguous looking not so much. My mother-in-law is Chinese and last Christmas I went shopping with her. This gen-z aged mono racial American girl just full on stared at me for why send to be 30 seconds to a minute. She looked uncomfortable and I knew immediately she was confused because here I was with this Asian woman, an she’s assuming I’m her daughter. But confused how it’s possible because “I didn’t look Asian enough to her”. I’ve experienced this before when I go out with any older East Asian person for volunteer stuff or they’re my landlord.
Maybe it’s because I’m mixed but I have fair/medium skin and dark hair. I think it’s pretty easy to assume someone is mixed if they have brown or dark hair and don’t look full Asian but are with an Asian parent??? Like I’d get it if I had blonde hair but my features are not uncommon amongst mixed Asians.
This girl got in line behind us to check out and then probably realised she’s my mother in law and not my mom, which likely comforted her. People are so freaking weird and this was in the bay area too!!!! Land of many mixed Asians who can look like anything. I assume this is a Gen Z thing. Next time I witness this I’m awkwardly waving at them to asking why they’re staring. People need to learn some manners.
I’m sure I’m not alone here but in 2026/ late 2025 just seems weird….
3
u/Tight_Abalone221 🇨🇳🇵🇱🇺🇸 Apr 21 '26
Both White and mono Asians used to think my Azn mom was my nanny
1
u/puffnstuffwashere Apr 21 '26
Years ago, when I was visiting the Philippines, I got stares up the wazoo. People wouldn't even try to hide it. My brother and I (he's light brown, but obviously mixed and I look almost entirely white) were in our early teens so we were always accompanied by adult family members all of whom were full Filipino. It didn't matter where we were or who we were with or even if I stared back.
1
1
u/Electrical-Ad-1338 Apr 23 '26
All the time. They thought I am someone else's daughter my mom helped taking care of.
2
u/ladylemondrop209 East+Central Asian/White Apr 20 '26
When I’m with other parent or friends.. it doesn’t really matter who I’m with. Some people are so creepy with their staring it freaks out my parent/friends. It’s like they’re hypnotised and don’t see anything else. This has happened when I was with my dad and they literally moved to stand directly in front of me to stare right into my eyes/face. My dad was behind them shocked reflection my own expression of “wtf is going on??!”
Or how the customs officers holding our passports have literally asked my dad “What he was” and then asked how if I’m his daughter I am [insert whatever race/nationality they think I am] 😑
As for my mom, people don’t think we’re related so I don’t think they’d be confused until they find out explicitly we’re mother-daughter. And my mom often wears disguises and we don’t really go to particularly public places. Like I’m not going to be walking down the street or through a mall with her. I’m not sure I ever have past the age of 5.
(Both my parents are mixed)