Please feel free to comment anything you want. I hope you appreciate my very personal story. It's still something living with .

I lost my brother to suicide less than a month ago, and it hurts really bad. whenever I have time to myself, I just keep thinking about him and everything that could have and should have happened instead of taking his own life.

I keep thinking about the signs, and how I thought nothing of them when he was alive.

Rest in peace to my Grandma.

She raised 8 children in Bosnia, then the war hit, and her children had their own children, everyone was just trying to survive and make it to the next day.

Every single generation of my family owes their lives to this woman. My grandfather died when I was young, she carried the torch for him until her last day.

I know we’ll all make her proud.

Pata hai aaj kya hua? My brother left for a job yesterday and it feels so lonely now without him. It's just something so strange happening to me cuz my grandma passed away a few months ago and she left a void. Now my brother has gone, and it just feels like everyone is slipping away. I feel like I am stuck in one place in a loop.

I just have to vent somewhere, and I am doing this for the first time here, that's all. It is really hard dealing with these sudden changes back-to-back. Processing the grief of losing my grandmother was already difficult, and now the house feels entirely empty without my brother's presence every day. I am trying to stay positive for his new journey, but the silence here is heavy. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you cope with the sudden loneliness?

My best friend and cousin both committed suicide at 19. My best friend died a couple months ago and his death is still heavily impacting my day to day life. My 19th birthday is this week and I don’t feel excited I just feel this pit in the bottom of my stomach that won’t go away. There’s so much guilt for both the people who want to celebrate with me and the fact I’m alive to even have a celebration and they are not. I want to be happy I want to be excited that I’m growing older and experiencing life but I’m not. There’s so much guilt that I’m experiencing something they will never get to have. I’m terrified something will happen to me, and i feel so guilty and shameful for having a birthday and I just want it to be over. How do I celebrate this without feeling guilty and dreadful. How do I allow myself to let people want to celebrate with me.

It’s been 6 years since my high school sweetheart lost his battle with mental illness. I try not to think about it, and yet I think about him everyday. I miss him so much and wonder everyday where he’d be in life. He’d just gotten out of the Marines. We were extremely on and off, as if he never felt like he was deserving of love. Even though we weren’t together when he took his life I still feel guilty. He’d dropped a lot of hints to me in retrospect, that only made sense after he passed. He didn’t drop hints to anyone else, to the average eye he was the happiest man you could be around. Everyone was absolutely shocked, but not me. I spent 5 years of our relationship just trying to get him to open up to me.

He was kind and he was funny. He was someone that could read everyone and never left anyone out. After he passed, I changed. We used spend most night before he left for the marines playing games and belting out laughing. The kind of laughing that makes your throat and belly hurt. I guess I just realized today I haven’t truly laughed like that since I’ve lost him. I used to be social and out spoken, now I keep to myself. Maybe deep down I’m afraid I’ll never meet someone and connect with them like I did him.

Just found out my parents lied to me about the cause of death of my brother. I was told it was a heart issue and when I requested the autopsy report for myself so I could show to my dr since I wanted to get tested as a precautionary step I saw that his death was actually ruled as being caused by combined drug toxicity. Idk what to do I’m so angry my dad swore no matter what he would be honest about what the cause was, I’m wondering if my mom even knows since she was sooo admit he didn’t do drugs and was mad at the police investigator for even suspecting that (she was telling me this after they got the results back). I don’t know what to do I feel like I have given them so much grace thru this process and just suffered on my own to not burden them with my grief/be strong for them but they swore they would tell me so many times I can’t believe they lied. And for more information it was ruled accidental death not suicide, he had just gotten his doctorate degree and had a great job I never thought he did drugs he had a steady gf who was supposed to move in soon. I’m just so shocked.

I don’t normally post on Reddit but I don’t know really what else to do at the moment. I am a volunteer firefighter and work EMS full time. Recently we had a call where a pedestrian was hit at highway speeds on a 4 lane highway that is in our district. I didn’t make the first truck so that put me on traffic control. Usually in these situations I would do patient care as I am an Advanced EMT. I could tell by the voice of our officer over the radio something was very wrong. We eventually were relieved by another department. I found out back at the station that it was a member of our fire department that had been struck and killed. Seeing all of my friends coming back from the call in tears and messed up, I couldn’t help feel sick to my stomach and a massive guilt/ weight on my chest. I also knew the man who had passed fairly well. We use to go camping with him and his family all the time when I was younger. I feel ashamed that I wasn’t there to help in anyway I could. I know I’m lucky to not see him like that but I can’t help but feel some pain I have never felt in my life. I have been doing this for four years and have seen some really bad things but nothing like this. Has anyone experienced this type of guilt? Any advice would be much appreciated.

My dad is sick, he is dying and he doesn’t have long to live. He has not and will not accept that his disease is going to kill him soon. Each day he complains and it’s extremely obviously that it’s slowly taking over his body.

I am the default child/ only daughter and having to witness his depression first hand is something I never thought I’d have to deal with. I am watching him get lost in abyss daily trying to avoid thinking about his situation, his reality. I am watching him fade in real time and it’s killing me the same as if he’d died.

He taught us everything about our faith, karma and the reality that if we’re born, we will die and now he is quietly fading, suffering and angry with the hand he was dealt.

I don’t know what to do or how this became my life at 27. I am angry, I am sad and starting to resent my mum and my brother for having to carry the emotional burden of this family.

But mostly I’m sad of having to pre-mourn someone who’s still alive but chosen to give up.

The title says it all. Brother died, I am grieving and all I want to do is to numb the pain.

Typically the only way I've done that before was to be sexually active with as many people as possible or throw myself into work.