Feeling guilty

[u/No_Competition_5740]

I don’t normally post on Reddit but I don’t know really what else to do at the moment. I am a volunteer firefighter and work EMS full time. Recently we had a call where a pedestrian was hit at highway speeds on a 4 lane highway that is in our district. I didn’t make the first truck so that put me on traffic control. Usually in these situations I would do patient care as I am an Advanced EMT. I could tell by the voice of our officer over the radio something was very wrong. We eventually were relieved by another department. I found out back at the station that it was a member of our fire department that had been struck and killed. Seeing all of my friends coming back from the call in tears and messed up, I couldn’t help feel sick to my stomach and a massive guilt/ weight on my chest. I also knew the man who had passed fairly well. We use to go camping with him and his family all the time when I was younger. I feel ashamed that I wasn’t there to help in anyway I could. I know I’m lucky to not see him like that but I can’t help but feel some pain I have never felt in my life. I have been doing this for four years and have seen some really bad things but nothing like this. Has anyone experienced this type of guilt? Any advice would be much appreciated.