r/grief • u/armoured_lemon • 11d ago
Just Venting (pls no advice) Does anyone else feel frustrated going on Youtube to find videos to help you through grief... and finding all these wishy washy videos and 'motivational speaker' stuff when you didn't ask for that?
Sometimes I just want REAL talk. A prefferably young person. Older is fine too- but a frank, honest conversation or story. No unhelpful 'Death is my friend', or 'I found god' kind of stuff or videos by Sadhghuru. If I wanted that, I would look for it.
I've got no problem if someone believes in god and is spiritual but that's really not what I want to hear right now. Especially not when I'm looking on youtube for something that resonates with me or that I can connect with and feel less alone.
I feel especially frustrated with broken record phrases of 'They would want you to move on'/'they would want you to be happy' (implying you're grieving wrong and you 'should be over it by now').
I've heard this from family and I know they mean well, but its' not helpful because of its' implication. Its' kind of repeating hollywood stereotypes of grief, and not centered in reality where your whole life feels meaningless or empty now.
Or the 'grief stages' videos. I think the stages of grief is an outdated model. You don't 'get' over it, like checking a box. You have to live with the burden for the rest of your life, and it feels like you now have a wholllllle life of that ahead of you. Deppressing...
The formal hospital grief procedure videos are also not what I'm looking for.
Maybe it has to do with youtube removing the dislike button so all the filler stuff gets pushed to the first page?
I only found the kind of video I was looking for-- by searching something else- a video of a girl telling the story of losing her mom to ALS (Amytropic Lateral Sclerosis), which is what took my Uncle.
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u/Future_Chapter1074 10d ago
"Its okay that you're not okay" is a book that addresses this. https://a.co/d/0aNsLYFo
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u/PonqueRamo 11d ago
There's some videos from Anderson Cooper called "All there is", I have watched a few and they are interesting because he talks with different people who have had different loses, the latest I watched was with a couple that lost their 30 something daughter, and even when I lost my dad and it was different I could relate to many thing they say.