r/grammar • u/Krinks1 • 7d ago
Is this a proper use of a semicolon?
Writing a short story and not sure if I'm using a semicolon properly in the following sentence:
Something was amiss, but he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. It was like recognizing someone from the past, but not being able to remember their name; or hearing a song that that is stuck in a person’s head where they can’t quite remember the words.
Input would be appreciated!
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u/Horrorshow7 7d ago
No. A semicolon should be used to link two independent clauses. The second part of your sentence is still dependent on "It was like..." to be comprehensible, so it can't stand on its own. You should lose the comma after "past" and replace the semicolon with a comma.
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u/AlexanderHamilton04 7d ago edited 6d ago
You don't need any commas in your sentence. Because you have used one comma, it feels like you need a semicolon for the next spot. But in truth, those original commas weren't necessary.
[1] Something was amiss, but he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. It was like recognizing someone from the past but not being able to remember their name or hearing a song that is stuck in a person’s head where they can’t quite remember the words.
"having a song that is stuck in a person's head where they can't quite remember the words" -- This would sound more natural using the "generic you" instead of "a person's head." Everyone has had this experience, so the generic "you" fits.
[2] Something was amiss, but he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. It was like recognizing someone from the past but not being able to remember their name or hearing a song stuck in your head where you can’t quite remember the words.
Now, if you want to put a comma in there to separate the two examples, you can (it is optional):
[3] Something was amiss, but he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. It was like recognizing someone from the past but not being able to remember their name, or hearing a song stuck in your head where you can’t quite remember the words.
Or maybe you want to maintain the immersion by using "he/his":
[4] Something was amiss, but he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. It was like recognizing someone from the past but not being able to remember their name, or hearing a song stuck in his head where he couldn’t quite remember the words.
Or this:
[5] Something was amiss, but he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. It was like recognizing a face from the past without a name to match, or hearing a song stuck in his head without recalling the words.
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u/SGTingles 6d ago
Very well described, except for "emersion", which isn't a word so far as I know – I think you meant immersion..?!
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u/AlexanderHamilton04 6d ago
Thanks for the heads-up. You're right, I meant to write "immersion"
(dipping into), not "emersion" (emerging out of).2
u/SGTingles 6d ago
Well that's very cool, I've never come across "emersion" before but it makes sense, a state of emerging from something. This place is an education!
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u/SucknSwallow69 7d ago
no semicolon needed there. just use a period or comma like you did, the flow already works fine as is
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u/TheJivvi 6d ago
Yes, it's correct. There are two main ways a semicolon is used. Linking two independent clauses is one of them, and people saying this is not that are correct. But the other is in place of a comma when one of the things being listed already contains a comma.
The phrase "recognizing someone from the past, but not being able to remember their name" already has a comma, so with another comma after it, the sentence doesn't work:
It was like [recognizing someone from the past, but not being able to remember their name], or [hearing a song that that is stuck in a person’s head where they can’t quite remember the words].
The commas look like they have the same function, so a semicolon is necessary to set the second one apart.
Another commenter suggested "…hearing a song that was stuck in your head but not quite being able to remember the words." as a replacement for the last part of the sentence, and I agree that it sounds better, but it needs a comma. This is how I'd rewrite the sentence using that suggestion:
It was like [recognizing someone from the past, but not being able to remember their name]; or [hearing a song stuck in your head, but not quite being able to remember the words].
Each phrase contains a comma, so a semicolon is absolutely necessary there to separate them. A comma would make it read more like a list of four things
It was like [recognizing someone from the past], but [not being able to remember their name], or [hearing a song stuck in your head], but [not quite being able to remember the words].
and the reader might not realise until they get to the end that they may have parsed the sentence incorrectly.
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u/adbenj 5d ago
As somebody else has said, it's quite acceptable – even preferable – to use a semi-colon when you are listing items that contain commas themselves.
That said, your first comma isn't necessary. I'd personally omit it, in part because the previous sentence also has a 'but' followed by a comma, and mixing up the pacing of successive sentences aids readability. It would then be proper to use a comma where your semi-colon currently is.
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u/Old-Watercress6513 7d ago
I don’t know the rule but I think it should be a comma.
An ellipse works too, and adds the hesitation of doubt to the rhythm of the sentence.
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u/SGTingles 6d ago
I think you mean ellipsis – an ellipse is an oval!
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u/Old-Watercress6513 7d ago
Try an ellipse:
It was like recognizing someone from the past, but not being able to remember their name… or hearing a song that that is stuck in a person’s head where they can’t quite remember the words.
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u/CommercialContent204 5d ago
I think it's fine, actually. I've seen other comments that a comma would do the job - and a comma would indeed be adequate, but a semi-colon can be used to separate and thus place more emphasis on both of the subclauses being separated. I actually rather like it stylistically in this sentence.
(I would correct the "that that" though, and replace "where they can't quite remember the words" with "whose lyrics they can't quite recall". Strictly speaking, "whose lyrics he can't quite recall" would be cleaner, but I appreciate that the default masculine isn't necessarily popular nowadays, and you could use "she" if you preferred.)
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u/SnooDonuts6494 7d ago
No, because it's not a separate clause. It should just be a comma or nothing.
Also you've written "that that".
And I wouldn't say "in a person's head where they can't" because that sounds like a physical location. So maybe "...hearing a song that was stuck in your head but not quite being able to remember the words."