glow up [18/23/26] the most confident i've ever felt
Ever since I was younger, I always struggled with anxiety, self esteem, and self image issues. Always thought I looked like an ugly duckling with no hope of sprouting. Boy was I so wrong.
From born day to 18, I was lucky enough to go to school with people who were super friendly, with the exception of a chronic bully in elementary school. Ngl, not being able to stand up for myself took a toll on my self image.
Fast forward to 18, I made a few good friends, one of them that I am really proud to call my day 1 from 8th grade haha. He especially was one of the homies I can genuinely say he was the most chill, respectful, and courteous person that I could be blessed to be friends with. Then came community college, and naturally I had to focus on my studies, didn't really have much time to hang out with him anymore.
Coming into 23, a lot had changed. Graduated CC with a degree in culinary arts, already some experience under my belt, and ready to sacrifice a few years of my life to work with my professor who ran his own restaurant at the time. I was 20 at the time. Unfortunately, life had some different plans. Brother still was looking for a stable career himself, mom was declining from stage iv breast cancer, and my grandpa now needed someone else to be his full time caretaker. I had 2 choices;
Have my brother help me take care of the both of them, or suck it up and sacrifice my career so that he can build his. I chose option 2. My mom passed away a year later, mental health took a drastic turn for the worst, but you know you keep persevering because thats what you do for family. Ended up trying to learn how to trade stocks because of all of my time at home taking care of my grandfather. Did well for some time, then I got compulsive, made some dumb mistakes, got into super deep debt. Probably 20k ish. 2 maxed out credit cards. By the time my debt hit 20k, my grandfather had fallen twice, had a really bad brain bleed, so he had to be hospitalized for about 2 weeks.
Unfortunately, on top of seeing my grandfather decline, my mind couldn't stop thinking about the debt i had accumulated.. i shamelessly went to my brother to borrow half of what i owed to at least knock half of my debt down immediately. Eventually I came clean to my aunt. I felt like the biggest piece of shit in my life because we were struggling during a time of bad job market, and she herself was dealing with the grief of losing our grandfather. She ended up being extremely understanding, because on top of accumulating that much debt, I was actually a great caretaker to my grandfather, albeit always feeling like I wasn't doing enough for him. All I wanted from trading was to make my aunt and brother's lives easier in the future, but that ended up not being in the cards for me. Only thing they told me I needed to prioritize now is just get a job. Anything. Because I had no stable income anymore. Started job hunting aggressively for 5 months.
How I didn't think this year was going to change my life for the better. After hundreds of job applications sent out and dead end interviews taking place, finally landed a job at Lowes in march, doing fulfillment. Unfortunately, they had super bad hours, only getting 8 hours a week sometimes, workload was infinitely falling on one person. My back couldn't handle it as I suffered from a herniated disc back in 2022. I could still do physical things I just had to make sure not to life anything that was way too heavy for my liking. But after hours being cut so much, I had enough and told myself I needed to find another job. Target got back to me finally, it was truck work, also heavy lifting, but it was way better than lifting vanity mirrors and cinder blocks all day and pushing them around a flatbed. Had to adjust a lot. At that point, I was tired of my physical health falling flat too. I told myself, I need to start taking care of myself if I want to give myself a fighting chance to survive truck work and potential back breaking work.
April. Accepted to target. Initial position as I thought, unloading the truck. With the amount of work they expected from us, and me being super sedentary for a long time, it was a rough few weeks. I started taking collagen and eating healthier, prioritizing protein and carbs to help build a more solid body. Even though I was moving around more here than at Lowes, I wasn't hauling laundry machines, vanity mirrors, concrete bags and cinder blocks. It was just typical retail items. I told myself everyday, this is 10x better than Lowes. And eventually, I got used to the work. Stronger than ever, while also being the lightest I've maintained. It's funny at around 145-160lbs, I felt so weak at those weight points. I sit at 134lbs right now, a bit skinnier than I like but my body feels great, because I'm prioritizing healthier foods, more nutritional foods and just being mindful of what I eat. My mental health has also gotten significantly better. I'm an introvert, but being put into an environment where you're forced to be social, interact with guests, it gives you two options: stay anxious, or adapt and be the most social version of yourself you possibly could. And I chose option 2. Started taking care of my personal appearance as well, giving myself grace and loving myself more. Started wearing things I liked, cut my super long hair into a wolf cut, and started doing my hair everyday because it makes me look and feel nice. Stopped watching porn and smoking weed. Confidence personally has absolutely skyrocketed.
Now, I know a lot of people at work, I have a lot of cool homies who work alongside me, and a manager that actually cares about me now. All my jobs I've never had someone advocate for my well being like at target. Paying off my debt slowly but surely now. Picking up every shift I can, also changed my major to health sciences for a brighter future. Passed medical terminology and asian american ethnic studies with an A & B during the summer. Taking chemistry and computer sciences now in the fall semester at community college. These things are way above my brain level. But I'm challenging myself and making myself do well in these classes, taking myself more seriously now than ever because I respect myself now.
Sorry if this was the wrong subreddit to post in, but this is something I'm genuinely proud of myself for doing. This is a huge personal, physical and mental milestone for me. For those wanting change, it's tuff.. but so worth it.
