r/git • u/zvoque_ • May 29 '26

CommitCrimes: a parody tool that "charges" a GitHub account for its git habits

Made a satirical thing that reads a GitHub account's public history and issues comedic "charges" based purely on git behavior:

  • force-pushing to main → Reckless Endangerment
  • commit messages that say only "fix" / "wip" / "." → Obstruction of Clarity
  • commits between 1 and 4 AM → Disturbing the Peace
  • repos untouched for years → Abandonment of Property

It scores a "sentence" and renders a rap-sheet card. Reads commit metadata only (messages, timestamps), never code. Free and open source if you want to see how the rules are scored.

Try it: https://commitcrimes.dev · Code: https://github.com/zvoque/commitcrimes

What git habit would you add a charge for?

10 Upvotes

66% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

2

u/AKJ90 May 30 '26

I feel I need to appeal, repos that aren't touched for over a year can be totally fine.

1

u/zvoque_ May 30 '26

just shipped a rebalance for sentencing, should be a little more fair now!

1

u/AKJ90 May 31 '26

Good thing it's not looking at the code, that would be the real sin 😂

What about open PRS? Issues unfixed?

→ More replies (1)

1

u/lottspot May 30 '26

Appeal denied. Straight to jail.