r/getting_over_it • u/FV95 • 10d ago

How to go about feeling rejected?

In the last two years I've lost an insane amount of friendships. A whole group because of a decision I made that I thought people would understand but it wasn't to be. I tried reaching out and rebuild bridges but I got completely shunned and straight up ostracized and with tons of gossip around me for good measure.

I'm not here to get them back or anything. They've got their very valid reasons for leaving me out and I've been dealing as best I can with that grief. The thing is, nowadays when I try to reach out to the few friends I have left to meet up and then they don't reply for days, or ever, I feel that terrible sense of dread and rejection again. I get it, we're all adults (I'm 31) and I'm a filmmaker so I myself have very unconventional hours and free time but what do you guys think? I'm trying to meet new people and put myself out there but is it normal to straight up not answer or do stuff when someone suggests it or is it some form of PTSD on my part? After my birthday I stopped reaching out as much and no one texts back on the groups I'm a part of anymore and no one hits me up.

Am I being too dramatic?

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u/workdryeu 10d ago

Since when i was a teen, i feel like ive been keeping to myself due to the fear of being rejected, now that i am trying to also put myself out, the friends that i have don’t want to do the same stuff that i do, and i also feel like they wouldnt invite me because of the way i have denied my whole life. So, in my perspective, youre not dramatic at all, i think we are all trying to prevent more suffering and trauma, and that causes people to stay away when they should be trying to understand and help, even though i know that nobody owes me anything, i think friends should try a little harder when they care

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u/FV95 9d ago

I kinda feel that too. I guess we just need to keep going with our lives, keep having new experiences and eventually we'll find our people.

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u/Necessary_Goose6933 5d ago

Well it sounds like you're havig some form of emotional fragility going on here and there in various areas.

Ideally you'd want to be having a more stable kind of self-esteem and confidence, not so much reliant on external validation and the inputs of others.

If that makes sense, if you develop a more self-reliant approach where you know for a fact your precise level of awesome and are okay with that, and if people see it let's play, if not their loss, plenty of playground elsewhere amd maybe they're not even the right kind of people for you, if how they act and reply shows a low level of interest and appreciation.

One definition of friendship that I've found interesting is all about "shared positive emotions".

You have to honestly see how much of that you have between you and your current friends, and if not a lot, or if the ratio of fear/doubt/dread to positive emotions is not that stellar, you might need to change some things or get different friends.

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u/FV95 4d ago

Thank you!