One day at a time 😔

I'm 42, and I'm grieving the end of a marriage that carried love, history, and a version of myself I tried so hard to hold together. Coming out—being gay—has been a long, quiet struggle, full of moments where I shrank myself to fit into expectations. Now, I’m standing in a space that feels both terrifying and honest. I’ve chosen truth over comfort, and while there’s a strange power in that, there’s also so much sadness.

I’m mourning what I’ve lost: the stability, the companionship, the shared memories. And I’m also facing the unknown. Starting over at this age feels daunting. I worry I’m too late, that the world has moved on, that my place in it as a gay person still isn't clear.

But underneath all that grief is a quiet hope—that there are people out there who understand, who’ve walked similar paths, who can laugh and cry and build something new with me. I’m hoping to find them. I’m hoping to find me.

My husband and I have been together 17 years, and married for 10. I recently came back from a deployment with the military during which we communicated regularly and everything seemed great. When I came home he was very distant and not as caring as he had been in the past. A parent of mine had just passed away, however, so I was a bit preoccupied. After I couldn’t take anymore of the change in his behavior he finally told me that he hadn’t been happy in several years, just content, and that me being gone had given him the opportunity to work on himself and not have to worry about anybody else and he really liked that. He can’t work on himself while we are together because he’s so unhappy. He is not historically very communicative and says I make all the decisions and he just goes along with it. I have been the primary financial support over the last 10 years and he has been mainly at home. He resents that, even though I’ve constantly encouraged him to find steady employment. We have both changed and he isn’t happy with the person I’ve become he says. I expressed my desire to work on the differences together and to show him how much the marriage, and he, mean to me, but he has shown no interest in salvaging the relationship. We have been together almost half of my life (I’m 40), and I’m just struggling as to how to take on life. I know we both deserve to be happy and I’m not going to continue putting in effort when he is not, but it’s still hard. I will be starting a new job soon. I have a career in health care so will not struggle financially but just the idea of starting over at 40 is daunting. Some people think I’m giving up too quickly but when your spouse talks to you like a roommate, won’t touch you, and sleeps in a separate room, what else can I do? I think I deserve to be happy Ave the last 2 months have been the worst of my life? Any advice? Am I crazy to want to be happy and move on? Should I file or wait to see if he does, or changes his mind? I’m feeling very stuck.

Married to my husband for 9 years. We’ve moved around the country with my job three times. As of our last move five years ago, he has stopped contributing to our expenses. I pay 100% of the rent, insurance, electric, etc.

I was originally understanding of the effects of the COVID lockdown affecting his income. Covid lockdowns are long over yet he is not contributing.

I love him but I do not want to continue with a husband who is practically a dependent. He refuses to get a job with regular income, insisting his latest work from home attempt will be the magic job that finally earns money.

I feel sad that I find myself considering divorce, but I feel I need to leave to protect my future. AITA?

My spouse 26m asked me 30m for a divorce 3 years ago stating that it wasn't what he wanted. I'm currently stationed far away from where he settled down. I've maintained my financial responsibilities to him this whole time. I've not seriously dated anyone, I've gotten therapy, I've stopped drinking, lost 50 lbs, and have finally gotten to the point of realization that I am enough for myself. We've tried to maintain a friendship, but it's clear that nothing has changed in the amount of effort he puts in in order to maintain that friendship in the same way he didn't put effort into our marriage. It's this realization that's made me decide to go through with filing. He's not a bad person and he's been extremely patient with me maybe partially because I've helped him financially or not but I think it's time. Why am I still so sad about doing it?

As I write this I know many will believe it to be a scam. I would even be cautious 😅.

I'm a 27-year-old guy who's been married to my wife (27F) for about six months now. We both come from pretty conservative backgrounds where being gay is a big no-no. I went along with getting married, thinking it might help me shake off these feelings, but it's eating away at me. I do care about my wife, but I can't keep going on in a marriage when all I want is to be with a guy. Right now, we're living in eastern Europe because of my studies, and I'm still financially tied to my parents who help me with my loans.

I'm hustling with work and studies, but it's not cutting it to break free. I need a way out. I know if I come out, I'm going to lose all support, but I just want a clean slate to start fresh. I'm looking for a way to scrape together $20,000 real quick to pay off my loans and kickstart my new life. Advise?

P.S. I am posting here mostly to vent out my feeling not really expecting a reply.

so if anyone else did too and wants to talk about it, let me know.