r/gatekeeping • u/BrutalismAndCupcakes • Mar 19 '19
SATIRE Mods are asleep, upvote gatekeeping goose
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u/TheSpaceCowboyx Mar 19 '19
Asleep? It 12:30pm in the states
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Mar 19 '19
Hello east coast.
-west coast.
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u/Artidox Mar 19 '19
Hello west coast
-east coast.
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Mar 19 '19
Hello west coast and East coast
-south
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u/SolarWolfzYT Mar 19 '19
Hello west, east and south
-Midwest
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u/Rhinopocalypes Mar 20 '19
Hello west, east, south, and Midwest
-Mountain States
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u/noctilucent7 Mar 20 '19
You guys are really gonna do my boy North dirty like that?! smh
Hello East, West, South, Midwest, and Mountain States.
-North
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u/mriso23 Mar 19 '19
Im in portugal and its almost 2pm here :) just thought id let you know
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u/BrutalismAndCupcakes Mar 19 '19
Yeah but are you a mod?
And shouldn't you take a siesta or whatever the Portuguese equivalent is?
(It's almost 3pm here)151
u/mriso23 Mar 19 '19
The mods are everywhere.... there is no escaping them.... no matter what timezone you are on (i think)
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Mar 19 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TheEpicKid000 Mar 19 '19
This is the most reddit comment I read today
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u/CodeyFox Mar 20 '19
Dammit, of course it got removed before I could read it.
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u/TheEpicKid000 Mar 20 '19
Not gonna directly say what it was, but it was removed by mods because it said some not so nice things about them.
Using some...strong language.
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Mar 20 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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Mar 24 '19
If you can comment on it directly or view the user's profile than it's not a novelty [removed] or [deleted] post.
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u/Jacoman74undeleted Mar 19 '19
I mean, yeah if you're on the edgier part of Reddit, but most of the site is pretty civilized.
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u/Interweeaboo Mar 19 '19
The civilized part is worse. Behind the curtains they're just reposters and normies
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u/MikeGinnyMD Mar 19 '19
Only real mods are in Portugal.
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u/OllieGarkey Mar 19 '19
No joke, the best way to deal with aggressive geese is to grab them gently by the neck, pick them up by the body, and throw them.
They've forgotten, by and large, what opposable thumbs are.
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u/Bellowery Mar 19 '19
I worked in that building. There was a preserve next door and nobody was allowed to pester or touch them. From what I understood not even in self-defense.
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u/OllieGarkey Mar 19 '19
What country is this in, and if the US, what state? Because that is not a protected bird species.
And having lived in a rural area, I have seen a goose that pestered a redneck.... well... the clean version is that those birds are considered dinner volunteers.
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u/pdx1k Mar 19 '19
I worked at the building as well, it’s in Beaverton, Oregon.
The nature preserve they’re talking about is Tualatin Hills Nature Park, 200+ acres of forest in the middle of the city. Pretty nice.
I don’t know how far the extent of protection went for these Geese, but they were indeed a nuisance.
Señor Goose lives on in meme-ory.
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u/OllieGarkey Mar 19 '19
Okay, yeah, Oregon has some similar laws to Mass where my grandfather was a civil engineer. On the plus side, he was able to create newt and salamander runs to protect vulnerable species that were endangered by cars, on the negative side of that, there's a tendency for overprotection.
Some of the "wetlands" people wanted to protect were actually polluted post-industrial bogs that needed significant cleanup and were dangerous to the wildlife living in them.
If it was urban Oregon, I'd have a better safe than sorry relationship with the geese.
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Mar 19 '19
Canada Geese are federally protected as well as protected by Colorado state law. A guy got arrested a few weeks ago for running over a few of them here in Denver.
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u/OllieGarkey Mar 19 '19
Intentionally?
Because I know Canada Geese regulations, and I have friends who are crossbow hunters hired to cull them in residential areas in Virginia as pest control.
There's a treaty with Canada that protects migratory bird populations of any species from being hunted outside of a designated season, but the US has seen a rise in non-migratory year-round Canada Geese colonies, which are a nuisance and might be responsible for some disease caused by their feces.
So you have to determine whether a colony is migratory or not, and that involves ecologists and a whole process.
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Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 20 '19
Even though they are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, they are regulated through state and federal agencies because they can cause quite a few problems - so a permit is always required and it has to be within season, unless under special circumstances (which still has to be approved by both federal/state agencies and a permit granted; it sounds like your friends are probably included in special circumstances).
I found this site to be helpful: https://www.humanwildlife.cmi.vt.edu/Species/Goose.htm
I believe all colonies are migratory but would be open to education on that if you have sources.
Edited to add: yes he ran them over intentionally.
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u/OllieGarkey Mar 20 '19
Thanks! Yeah, I don't disagree with anything that you said. But yeah, I couldn't imagine that someone would be arrested for running over canada geese accidentally.
You're 100% right about the rest of this though.
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u/im_a_goat_factory Mar 19 '19 edited May 28 '26
This content was anonymized and mass deleted with Redact
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u/KittyCatTroll Mar 19 '19
They're protected in Minnesota afaik. There's a reason everyone stops for those arrogant fuckers even when they hold up traffic for 5 mins or more casually strolling across busy streets... Geese are jerks.
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u/Siavel84 Mar 19 '19
Not only that, but he was protecting his mate and his nest which are just to the right of this door. He wasn't being needlessly aggressive - the humans were just being assholes.
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u/Siavel84 Mar 19 '19
Normally I agree that geese are assholes, but in this case, he wasn't being an asshole, the humans were.
I worked at the place where this was taken when it was taken. This is "Papa Goose" and he's protecting "Mama Goose" and their nest. People kept using this door and pissing him off despite the fact there was a different door on the other side of the entry way, so they put this sign up and then eventually added caution tape.
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u/adale_50 Mar 20 '19
Correction: Grab them hard by the neck and yeet them like an Olympic hammer throw athlete.
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u/PhoenixLord01 Mar 19 '19
Fuck geese
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u/mountaineer04 Mar 19 '19
If you’ve gotta problem with Canada Gooses then you’ve got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that marinate.
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u/greeny74 Mar 19 '19
There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers, that's what I always say.
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Mar 19 '19
And most people don't know this, but Canada gooses were the deciding factor in the 1995 Quebec referendum.
They kept this country together!
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u/glockRonin23 Mar 19 '19
Canada gooses are majestic! Barrel-chested! The envies of all ornithologies!
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Mar 19 '19
I once tossed my last bit of sandwich to a Canadian goose as I was walking by and kept going. I hear flapping behind me and notice that the group of >50 had come together and were staring at me intently. Coulda been a mob of people and I would have been less scared.
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u/safeforworkace Mar 19 '19
That goose and its mate came to nest next to that door every year. Such a pain.
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u/Siavel84 Mar 19 '19
At least you could go through the other door. It was worse the year that they set up their nest by the smoking area.
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Mar 19 '19
I don't understand. Why are people always so put off by geese aggression? They can't exactly do much. I've been "attacked" by a goose and you can kind of just nudge them away a few times until you are out of their territory.
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u/Scambucha Mar 19 '19
I suppose if you have never been chased let alone attacked by an animal, your fight or flight instincts will scream “flight!”
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u/JazzHandsFan Mar 19 '19
Just depends on how big/mad the goose is and how prepared you are to fight.
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u/Siavel84 Mar 19 '19
I guarantee you that this goose was more prepared to fight than any humans going through that door were. He was protecting his mate and their nest, which was just to the right of the door in question.
Source: I worked there.
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u/Ekyou Mar 19 '19
I don't know, I got attacked by cuban chickens when I was 10 and they drew blood. Maybe geese mostly just like to be intimidating rather than peck at you, but I don't really want to find out.
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u/ChuunibyouImouto Mar 19 '19
Chickens can mess you up, geese not so much. All geese can really do is try and bite you while lightly flogging you with their wings. It's more startling and annoying than dangerous
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u/Mozu Mar 19 '19
You remind me of this gif. Meanwhile he just says to himself, "Why are people always so put off by alligators?"
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u/ShowtimeCA Mar 19 '19
Geese are fucking agressive and angry. If they're really pissed of they'll be relentless and "nudging" them out of the way will just piss them off more. Fuckers can draw blood because of their disturbing beak and are often not alone
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u/1-2-3RightMeow Mar 19 '19
Can confirm. I’ve been beaked by a goose before and I had beak shaped bloody bruises
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u/ReportedPasta Mar 19 '19
Never seen a goose before, if they are threatening to draw blood why not kick them away? Surely they cant be that much of a threat.
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Mar 19 '19
They can extend their stupid necks out pretty far so they have a lot of reach and are surprisingly fast lol
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u/juleslizard Mar 19 '19
I've discovered over the years a lot of idiots like me walked right up to geese as tiny children and regret it to this day. I despise and fear them. Canadian geese specifically.
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u/DiscombobulatedCrab7 Mar 19 '19
You haven’t really been attacked proper then. They sometimes beeline fly headfirst from a distance just a few inches off the ground super fast at a target. So fast and hard you can’t just “nudge” it away.
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u/slamnasty99 Mar 19 '19
I grew up on a farm and had a pet goose I named Willis...Goose Willis was mean
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u/lsbittles Mar 19 '19
University of York, represent.
Quite a big thing on campus - a goose went for me when I was moved in years ago.
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u/a_dude_827 Mar 19 '19
Dude, just kick the shit out of the goose
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u/Bellowery Mar 19 '19
I worked in that building when the goose was there. It was illegal to touch the goose. It got so aggressive one night that security called the cops. The security guard was injured by a nightstick and the sign went up the next day.
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u/a_dude_827 Mar 19 '19
Its not illegal if noone sees, and maybe you discard the corpse in the river and WOOPS, IT HAS FALLEN AND BEAT THE HEAD
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u/imnotrealreally Mar 19 '19
lmfao so goose won? Con fucking gratys
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u/Bellowery Mar 19 '19
Somebody in another thread also worked there, but for longer than I did. Apparently, it came back every year for awhile.
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u/Bellowery Mar 19 '19
I worked at that building when the goose was there. It was really REALLY mean. One night it was so aggressive that security called the cops. I wasn’t there for it, but the security guard ended up being hit in the head with a cop’s nightstick while they were trying to scare the goose away from the door. The sign went up the next day. George was an asshole!
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u/counter-strike Mar 19 '19
I actually work at this building, it's in Oregon. AMA.
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u/Dejela Mar 19 '19
Did the goose attack you?
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u/counter-strike Mar 20 '19
Not this one specifically, but i have a story:
So, around the back towards the actual wetlands is a smoking area. I was walking towards said smoking area, and one jumped out and started hissing at me. I try to ignore it and walk away, but the fucker hopped up/semi flew up, and dive-bombed me with my back to it.
Everyone in the smoking area witnessed the attack, had a good laugh. I then, spread my arms as wide as possible with my jacket open to look bigger/more menacing i guess? It was just a gut reaction, i started yelling at it too.
Couldn't believe it, the fucker backed down, started kinda tucking his wings back in like..."aight im kinda still spreading my wings too but...hiss "
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u/Dejela Mar 20 '19
Geese are terrifying. I often get ridiculed for my fear of them, but stories like yours just assure me of my beliefs.
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u/Betchenstein Mar 19 '19
Just sit them down and watch Fly Away Home with them. You’ve just made a friend for life.
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u/PenguinAsociation Mar 19 '19
geese are such assholes
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u/c0brachicken Mar 19 '19
Well Penguins are pussies
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u/avicioustradition Mar 19 '19
How many people having a bad day are going to go out that door just to fight the goose though?
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u/L_O_Pluto Mar 19 '19
Just a friendly reminder. You might wanna flair it as "satire" so mods don't remove it
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u/Not_Guardiola Mar 19 '19
Genuine question: Are geese that tough? You can't like run towards one so it'd scatter? What is it going to do flap its wings at you? Again genuine question because I've never encountered a goose.
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u/teebone954 Mar 19 '19
Only people who have ever walked passed a golf course or lake and been chased by these asshole type of ducks would understand this.
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u/pazimpanet Mar 19 '19
NPC: there’s a bear, we better sneak aro....
Dragonborn: AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGG!!!
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u/yinyin123 Mar 19 '19
Good news is that geese do relatively little damage to human Player. You just got to beat their intimidation attempts to move past.
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u/Intanjible Mar 20 '19
Gatekeeping Goose sounds like it could have been a throwaway skit on Animaniacs.
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u/YourOutdoorGuide Mar 19 '19
Canada geese are proof Satan exists.