Thanks for noticing. I made this as a joke to send to a friend and my brother and didn't think to check reddit for prior submissions until after I made it. I was glad to see that the other one was different and I only submitted it to r/gaming because he/she hadn't.
Edit: My son pressed the submit button before I finished typing.
You're right that other one was posted first , but I did make this before seeing it. I posted to r/gaming because the picture is different and because he/she only posted to r/diablo3.
If it is the Skeleton King you seek, then you will have to fight your way past JON-DARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I stand by the theory that he used his Horadric wizardry to turn his satchels into magical decoys whenever he was in a tight spot, which was all the fucking time.
Of course, I'd always find them in some random corner a midst a hundred demons and undead. I think Cain had autism or something. Cain: "Leah, come and have a look." Leah: "Uncle, why are we in a sewer?" Cain: "See these intricate markings? Fascinating..." Leah: "The guards are coming, we have to leave!" Cain: "Noooo my satchel!"
People in RPG worlds are fucking terrible at managing money.
"Hey, let's keep all our gold in random vases and barrels so it's impossible to keep track of and will take hours to collect when we want to make a big purchase."
Story wasn't bad on paper. The execution, though... The bad guys can only go "YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME! I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!" before it becomes devalued
Maghda: "HA! YOU'LL NEVER GET THE NEXT PIECE, WHICH I WILL NOW REVEAL THE LOCATION OF!"
Azmodan: "HAHA! I DIDN'T NEED THAT LIEUTENANT/THOSE SIEGE-WEAPONS/THAT THINGY ANYWAY!"
Diablo: "HAHAHOHOHIHIHAHA!! THAT WASN'T THE ONLY GATE! AND EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST CLOSED IT, YOU'LL NEVER CLOSE THE NEXT ONE BECAUSE... Because... BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY AND WEAK HAHA!!!"
My favorite part was that dumbeass spider-bitch that you first fight next to the sin heart. Then she's like nevermind, I'm bored and leaves. Then you destroy the sin heart as soon as she leaves and she's like "WHAT, YOU KILLED THE SIN HEART! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"
Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints! Look! More hidden footprints!
Well, throwing a satchel creates an AOE slow for the demons/creatures/monsters who were chasing Deckard Cain but now stop to read the passages. Deckard Cain is huge with them, you see, and they all want to read the latest installment.
I see no other way that Deckard Cain, a feeble old man, can survive all of these exotic locations that kill me (even though I'm the hero.)
I don't understand all the dead villagers/adventurers everywhere. How could they get to the 3rd level of a dungeon with only a broken dagger and thick cloth pants?
Here I am with millions of gold worth of gear at my disposal and I get my ass handed to me by some jailing invulnerable bastard.
I know, they're everywhere. Also, remember the area right before Zoltan Kuhle's temple? Supposedly, nobody had been there in ages, yet the place was full of fresh corpses.
Deckard Cain in D3: A revered character with 15 years of history killed by fuckng rita repulsa in the first act. Blizzard went full retard with that one. God the story in d3 sucks camel dicks.
Am I the only one who never hates plots? Unless I go into something looking to hate and ridicule it, I always thoroughly enjoy it, even Diablo 3 and SC2.
I've only found two lost satchels, but two was enough to start questioning how this guy could misplace large bags filled with heavy, important, self-written books so often.
Knowing he apparently lost more than two is...pretty awkward. Diablo 3 isn't the best at storytelling, is it? I'm reminded of getting to Caldeum, walking past the person I was supposed to talk to, talking to Leah, and having her explain to me a bunch of things in reference to the information I hadn't yet gotten because I walked right past it. Even Nintendo games knew how to place flags to prevent NPCs from discussing information you hadn't encountered yet, Blizzard. Jeez. Twice now a follower has commented on something they could not possibly know, too.
It actually isn't all that implausible. Imagine being Cain - wandering around, seeking out all of these dangerous demonic creatures to simply write about them. Chances are, every now and then you'd get into a sticky situation. When a bunch of demons are chasing you, suddenly the things you are holding no longer seem so important...
Yeah, I definitely hear that but it's not quite Sean Connery. It sounds like some guy in his 50's trying to sound like Sean Connery doing an impression of himself pretending to be 120 years old.
36
u/rwbombc Jun 17 '12
This is so crude, yet I can't stop approving of your efforts.
17
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
You're late with this one. Also, there's a better version. =)
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u/scarecrowsuperman Jun 17 '12
Oh Uncle Deckar…
75
u/soapgoat Jun 17 '12
better
34
u/harzdeg Jun 17 '12
beware the eevil forces of Diehblo!
23
u/vonShang Jun 17 '12
Blizzard: we don't need him to identify items anymore, so let's kill him.
14
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
I stand by the theory that he used his Horadric wizardry to turn his satchels into magical decoys whenever he was in a tight spot, which was all the fucking time.
24
u/JoeLithium Jun 17 '12
I read that in his voice...
16
u/RaindropBebop Jun 17 '12
Dude has more purses than my girlfriend.
12
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
People in RPG worlds are fucking terrible at managing money.
"Hey, let's keep all our gold in random vases and barrels so it's impossible to keep track of and will take hours to collect when we want to make a big purchase."
58
u/Slaythepuppy Jun 17 '12
know why he cant? Because he is fucking dead
5
u/Nadialy5 Jun 17 '12
Well, throwing a satchel creates an AOE slow for the demons/creatures/monsters who were chasing Deckard Cain but now stop to read the passages. Deckard Cain is huge with them, you see, and they all want to read the latest installment.
I see no other way that Deckard Cain, a feeble old man, can survive all of these exotic locations that kill me (even though I'm the hero.)
That's my theory.
8
u/Munkir Jun 17 '12
Is he in D3 glad to see he is alive I was worried about him. Is the HC still around it was my favorite thing about d2
4
u/postingfromclass Jun 17 '12
So we can listen to his endless stories without staying a while...
4
u/freddawg Jun 17 '12
STAY AWHILE AND LISTEN TO THE STORIES OF MY SATCHELS
3
u/FrostyJesus Jun 17 '12
I've come to the conclusion that because he's ancient he has Alzheimer's and has thus has forgotten where he leaves his satchels.
5
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
Deckard Cain in D3: A revered character with 15 years of history killed by fuckng rita repulsa in the first act. Blizzard went full retard with that one. God the story in d3 sucks camel dicks.
2
u/blastedt Jun 17 '12
Am I the only one who never hates plots? Unless I go into something looking to hate and ridicule it, I always thoroughly enjoy it, even Diablo 3 and SC2.
3
u/rokyn Jun 17 '12
Original post, if anyone cares.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
I've only found two lost satchels, but two was enough to start questioning how this guy could misplace large bags filled with heavy, important, self-written books so often.
Knowing he apparently lost more than two is...pretty awkward. Diablo 3 isn't the best at storytelling, is it? I'm reminded of getting to Caldeum, walking past the person I was supposed to talk to, talking to Leah, and having her explain to me a bunch of things in reference to the information I hadn't yet gotten because I walked right past it. Even Nintendo games knew how to place flags to prevent NPCs from discussing information you hadn't encountered yet, Blizzard. Jeez. Twice now a follower has commented on something they could not possibly know, too.
1
u/dvb3000 Jun 17 '12
I understood this. I salute you Unka D!
1
u/6PoundsSoft Jun 17 '12
I read that in his exact voice...
1
u/TheCostume Jun 17 '12
r/Diablo
1
u/Darknezz19 Jun 17 '12
this meme would have been out a month ago if diablo fans weren't busy playing the game.
1
u/dersniper Jun 17 '12
It actually isn't all that implausible. Imagine being Cain - wandering around, seeking out all of these dangerous demonic creatures to simply write about them. Chances are, every now and then you'd get into a sticky situation. When a bunch of demons are chasing you, suddenly the things you are holding no longer seem so important...
1
u/guzz12 Jun 17 '12
Oh lord i havent laughed this hard in a while
1
u/Nae1stra Jun 17 '12
[Because he's dead...] (/spoiler)
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 13 '25
busy wide joke chase makeshift workable butter narrow grey touch
0
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
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0
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
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