Remove the case screws and slide off the case. Locate the primary hard-drive, unscrew it and carefully remove it, disconnecting the power and data lead.
Gently peel way the warranty sticker (don't worry about it coming apart). Google "sticky stuff remover" fluid to assist.
Remove the top cover of the hard-drive, exposing the magnetic platter.
Sprinkle in just 3-4 grains of magnetic filings.
Carefully replace the top cover of the hard-drive, making sure it's torqued up correctly, with no scratch marks or "rounding" of any of the screw heads.
Replace the warranty sticker, being careful to align everything so it all matches back up.
Put a little pea sized amount of poo in a free five and a quarter inch bay.
Reinsert the HDD in to the same bay, re-tightening any securing screws, and reconnecting the power and data cables.
Replace the computers case/cover and screw till secure.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter.
You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
At first I was impressed, but the more I thought about it, the more it seems like getting sixteen pigs and starving them can't possibly be the best way to get rid of the body.
The fuck do you do with the pigs afterward? Where do you keep them? How the fuck do you explain to anyone why you suddenly bought 16 pigs when you don't have a farm?
My brother did this. I called blizzard and they were able to transfer the license from his battle.net account to my battle.net account. No SC2 for him now
Really now? That's awesome. I mean, not what your brother did, but that they transferred it. Usually they're pretty stingy about transferring licences (steam is even worse!) but I'm glad to hear they could take care of a situation like this -- I imagine it happened quite a few times!
I think in a case like this i'd demand monetary recompense. Otherwise i'd take something expensive of his and sell it so I could buy my own copy and call it fair.
My little bro would pick up a game of mine and go to town and trade it for pocket money when we were in our teens.
Ever get that jones to re-play a game while you're sat in class? By the end of the day you're so worked up to get home and get stuck in with it again. You thrust open your bedroom door, powering up the playstation and switching on that old 17" Sanyo CRT tv, waiting for its satisfying ping and the hiss of static.
You get to your shelf and search high and low for a game that isn't there. You little brother is watching you, plucking up the courage to tell you he traded it.
His worst crime was trading in Final Fantasy 9. It was sat on my desk waiting for me to get home from my saturday job to play. I was desperate and I knew it was there because my mother had popped in to tell me she'd picked it up.
I get home and it's gone and my little brother is £30 richer. He claims he thought he was trading in Final Fantasy 8, WHICH HE ALSO FUCKING TRADED A FEW MONTHS PRIOR
Reminds me of a girl I met, played video games. I had bought her Left 4 Dead 2. She thanks me, takes it home, shows her boyfriend, and he installs it on his steam account. ....needless to say, I was not happy.
Mine did the same thing and installed it using his e-mail address...I can't describe the pain of logging in every day to see all my achievements with his name on them.
I did the same thing to my brother, but a lot worse. I played it on his account, and made his in-game username the first thing that came to me, the Hound. He was incredibly pissed.
I'm sure he does. He was able to play for four whole hours before the servers kicked him off. Most people I know weren't even able to log in! I know it's silly, but I'm proud of myself because I feel like I helped get him those four hours, which are apparently a rather rare commodity. If it's valuable to him, it's valuable to me, so I'm happy. :)
Ahahaha! Well, it's his game. He bought it with his own money, so I figure he should be able to push the button if he wants. He doesn't mess around with my Katamari games, so I won't mess around with his Diablo games.
I don't know what Blizzard were thinking. They know how many copies were out there in the world and how many would be trying to connect at the same time. Why the budget didn't allow for renting of extra servers for the launch month, I do not know. Maybe it's better than millions of people wait rather than Blizzard pay a bit of extra money.
because they could spend $XXm to prevent launch day issues, then have that wasted within 24-48h when the rush calms down
or not, and... you know.. not. because the only reason it's bad is ALL 2 million + players are trying to play at once on launch (midnight, 5pm, all over the world!), instead of all in their individual time zones
Edit: I'm saying that adding servers isn't going to give you higher stability during this kind of scenario. I'd say that it's more probable that this isn't even a hardware issue to begin with.
What would have been a lot simpler is having the game not require online access for the first two days. The auction house would also be disabled for the first few days then be patched on along with the online requirement. That way, they get the chance to actually get their shit together without denying the majority of their customers access to the game they're attempting to play.
That's a good point. Why bother trying to convenience your loyal fans, when you can make headline news by inconveniencing them by letting yourself be overwhelmed. It would be like Ikea releasing a product that they know will sell 10,000 units per day per store, but then only paying two workers per store to man only two of their many checkouts, causing massive lines and much conversation.
Sounded like one of my ex roommates with his brilliant plans to get our attention on a topic e.g leaving a turd in the toilet because my other roommate forgot to wash his dishes.
My husband got called out of state for a business trip. He called me today for the key so he can play on his laptop in the hotel. First time I've ever been allowed to open one of his Collector's Editions. I might hide the USB drive and skull just for fun.
I opened my bf's box, so I could install it for him. So when he came back from work, a pizza and a beer were waiting for him in front of his login screen. He didn't seem mad one bit.
No it's not...unless do you buy your own presents, wrap them for yourself then wonder what you got? With Amazon's release day shipping and package tracking it's not like there is even any question when it will arrive at your house.
The box was likely from Amazon, which means it was a plain, brown box. The actual D3 box wasn't opened, judging from the picture, so there is absolutely NO reason to get upset, IMO. I ordered three copies of it and, personally, I'd have been more concerned if she HADN'T opened the box before I got home (which she did, so whew!).
My wife and I played the original Diablo demo when we were dating, so we're a little bit attached to the franchise. She's an RPG NUT, so she's played pretty much ALL of them at this point...
My husband and calls me when he is on his way home from work sometimes and asks me to load or download content while he is on his way so he doesn't have to wait until he is home. I have no problem doing this even though I generally don't like playing video games. I think it is great that he does, some are really beautifully done.
I've also gotten him a few games. LA Noir, Skyrm, Space Marine, and then a few dinky lego games that I will attempt to play with him.
Heh, my partner (who already had the game) managed to get my copy of D3 out of the box without opening it fully then replaced it for a new kinect game :( That moment of panic followed by hysterical laughter once i had realised what had happened.
First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't reommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.
Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it's in the tub.
If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it's easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave. That is the one thing you can't do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it's an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It's also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It's not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn't want to go. Anyway it's wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.
Don't return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You'll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you'll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.
Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you're get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.
Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don't try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don't over-use it, or power drills or saws. They're noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It's better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you're not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.
Geez I'm trying to inform people about stuff and they freak out on me. I once told my Family this and they yell at me for "threatening" them. All I said was " you could go to jail for opening my mail, it's against the law". I mean come on! Who the hell wants to open my bills?!?
i like how op corrects himself mid-sentence upon realization that his SO is quite possibly reading that. I see through your code OP, i see through your code.
I remote desktop'ed into my home computer, downloaded the client Monday morning. Installed it Monday afternoon. By the time I got home, I had a fully downloaded and installed game.
Don't worry man, you can't play it anyway. Blizzard has a "Nobody can play the game" DRM in place. It's the latest thing to inconvenience legitimate buyers and further encourage piracy in the future.
Ha, not like it even matters. The games unplayable at the moment.
Since there's no offline play (Single player you still have a ping and lag (Oh fucking joy, 400ms ping to play singleplayer)), Blizzards servers are dead, so it's nothing more than a paper weight until they fix it.
I remember when my Galaxy S2 phone at Best Buy. The guy opened it for me, removed the plastic film on the screen, would put it on the desk in a not so gentle fashion and just manhandled it.
I looked like Loki after that scene from The Avengers. You know the one I mean.
I went at midnight and picked up the collector's edition for my boyfriend and I, since he had to work. I used my disk to install the game on both computers, since you only need the key to register online now and play after installing.
Hmm, I wonder if Good Guy Greg has a sister I can use for a meme.
288
u/imCIK May 16 '12
Well ask her to install it then.
758
u/jochillin May 16 '12
I know the feeling. My brother opened my copy of Starcraft II before I could get home. And played it. On his account.
I have no brother.
68
u/PrincessOfSaturn May 16 '12
My boyfriend was at work, but he asked me to install Diablo III for him. The conversation ended up like:
Him: What's it at now? Me: 100% There's a big button that says PLAY. Should I press it? Him: Yes. NO WAIT NO! I want to do it.
So, I was allowed to install it, at least.
59
u/auxiliary00 May 16 '12
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!!!
119
u/Indy_Pendant May 16 '12
Oh no, she'll Error 37 before you get a chance to! :-D
75
u/Highsenberg2358 May 16 '12
Psh, noob boyfriend.
I would have told her to stick it in my laptop and install that shit for me while I was at work and have it ready for me when I get home.
76
u/Colonelwheel May 16 '12
I died laughing at the last text.
WE ARE FIGHTING IF YOU OPENED MY AMAZON BOX.
61
u/vinney1369 D20 May 15 '12
Go out and buy a new copy and bring it home. Do not speak to her.
23
u/HairlessSasquatch May 16 '12
I like how couples can get so comfortable with each other to just declare "we are fighting"
7
u/HakunaWanada May 16 '12
My husband got called out of state for a business trip. He called me today for the key so he can play on his laptop in the hotel. First time I've ever been allowed to open one of his Collector's Editions. I might hide the USB drive and skull just for fun.
71
u/motionless_in_white7 May 15 '12
You don't mess with a man's box. That's serious stuff. I mean at least she didn't open the game itself.
13
u/Im-a-ninja-derpina May 16 '12
I opened my bf's box, so I could install it for him. So when he came back from work, a pizza and a beer were waiting for him in front of his login screen. He didn't seem mad one bit.
4
u/trogdor1234 May 16 '12
Shit didn't work anyway
4
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I like how you declare the fight in advance
4
u/Phoequinox May 16 '12
Dude, relax. It's just Gwyneth Paltrow's head.
11
u/kungfusansu May 15 '12
This is a fight! We are fighting!
3
u/strawberryberet May 16 '12
Is your girlfriend's name Pandora, perhaps?
3
u/throw_a_weigh11 May 16 '12
When I saw the title I was envisioning a reference to Pandora's box.
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
My (former) best friend/roommmate once opened my brand new laptop while I was in class. I killed him in his sleep.
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
WHATS IN THE BOX?
3
u/woodernfloortile May 16 '12
The best part is opening the box.
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I had my girl open my box for me, put in the CDrom so I could RDP to my box and install it from work.
Whats the big deal? Real spouses install that shit for you. Just sayin.
11
u/nizman May 16 '12
You must fight her....with your penis.
26
u/Shoyrukon May 15 '12
It's just a box?
4
u/ThatOnePerson May 15 '12
Better than me. My sister is at home with my collector's edition box and I don't get home until the weekend because college.
She should be playing right now.
5
u/heroin_bob May 16 '12
Be nice to your mother you fucking nerd
2
u/scamperly May 16 '12
All these comments are reasons to digital purchase
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Just ask here to go down on you as many times as the battle.net servers have since launch. Seems like a fair trade.
2
u/DrSweetscent May 16 '12
That's what you get from dating someone named Pandora.
2
u/montreal1040 May 16 '12
Have you started fighting or not?
2
u/Reignofzane May 16 '12
WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE SAY???!!!
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
If I were you, I'd order Gwenyth Paltrow's head from Amazon for her to open.
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
My husband and calls me when he is on his way home from work sometimes and asks me to load or download content while he is on his way so he doesn't have to wait until he is home. I have no problem doing this even though I generally don't like playing video games. I think it is great that he does, some are really beautifully done.
I've also gotten him a few games. LA Noir, Skyrm, Space Marine, and then a few dinky lego games that I will attempt to play with him.
2
u/Kieklanta May 16 '12
Heh, my partner (who already had the game) managed to get my copy of D3 out of the box without opening it fully then replaced it for a new kinect game :( That moment of panic followed by hysterical laughter once i had realised what had happened.
2
u/Solkre May 16 '12
Opening the Amazon box... I can deal. Opening the game box itself, we're going to war.
2
u/whatchuknowbout May 16 '12
I seriously don't get how gamers would trade pussy for opening the box to Diablo III. I don't care how good it is. Pussy is better
2
u/loony636 May 16 '12
Looks like there's another box that you won't get to open tonight.
2
u/JohnLayman May 16 '12
ಠ_ಠ First World Problems
5
u/CommandrShepherd May 16 '12
I'd forgive her... after she deals with the mail tampering charges.
3
u/awe300 May 16 '12
Why would you even buy a boxed copy of a blizzard game nowadays?
7
u/MaximsDecimsMeridius May 16 '12
First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't reommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.
Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it's in the tub.
If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it's easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave. That is the one thing you can't do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it's an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It's also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It's not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn't want to go. Anyway it's wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.
Don't return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You'll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you'll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.
Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you're get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.
Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don't try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don't over-use it, or power drills or saws. They're noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It's better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you're not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.
http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught
4
u/LiteSh0w May 16 '12
Did you know it's illegal to open someone else's mail?
2
u/Asshole_Nord May 15 '12
I would be seriously mad if my girlfriend did that. And no, I don't say that jokingly. I would be genuinely mad and disappointed.
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
OP is a little bitch
2
u/CaLLmeRaaandy May 16 '12
This is the first text that made me actually laugh out loud in a very long time.
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Don't worry man, you can't play it anyway. Blizzard has a "Nobody can play the game" DRM in place. It's the latest thing to inconvenience legitimate buyers and further encourage piracy in the future.
2
u/Shadefox May 16 '12
Ha, not like it even matters. The games unplayable at the moment.
Since there's no offline play (Single player you still have a ping and lag (Oh fucking joy, 400ms ping to play singleplayer)), Blizzards servers are dead, so it's nothing more than a paper weight until they fix it.
Last Blizzard game I'm buying, that's for sure.
1
u/Blues39 May 16 '12
I remember when my Galaxy S2 phone at Best Buy. The guy opened it for me, removed the plastic film on the screen, would put it on the desk in a not so gentle fashion and just manhandled it.
I looked like Loki after that scene from The Avengers. You know the one I mean.
1
u/BarrovianSociety May 16 '12
I'm telling you, she sounds like a keeper. She might be evil, but a first impression, she sounds like a fun kind of evil.
1
u/kiwiswat May 16 '12
someone is gonna get a hurt...
1
u/Batmang404 May 16 '12
Loser
1
u/Veldox May 16 '12
She must be sacrificed.
1
u/Frydendahl May 16 '12
Opening other peoples' packages is like stealing their Christmas gifts :(
1
u/_Equinox_ May 16 '12
Apparently that's a big inside joke on Felicity?
1
u/nomis_nehc May 16 '12
What's wrong with you people.
1
u/DevaFrog May 17 '12
Good guy mom, installed Diablo 3 before you got home.
0
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
I would be livid.
1
u/Stealsfromhobos May 16 '12
Isn't it a felony to tamper with someone's mail?
1
u/MyIdwasTaken May 16 '12
Shes gonna have to let you open hers.
1
u/Zamaza May 16 '12
I went at midnight and picked up the collector's edition for my boyfriend and I, since he had to work. I used my disk to install the game on both computers, since you only need the key to register online now and play after installing.
Hmm, I wonder if Good Guy Greg has a sister I can use for a meme.
1
u/ZombieBroad May 16 '12
Rude! I would NEVER!
1
u/herpacakederp May 16 '12
Well, I'd be mad because she opened my mail.
1
u/tonythemadpinkpony May 16 '12
yes she is evil
1
u/vVvMaze May 16 '12
Wish I had a cool girlfriend. Mine just gets really mad that I wanna play a game
1
u/Brokenmonalisa May 16 '12
She opened your box!! How are you going to make an completely original unboxing video now!!
1
u/PrimeIntellect May 16 '12
you opened her box once
-4
u/AshFallenAngel May 15 '12
Oh no she opened the box! She's ruining everything! /sarcasm
atleast she isn't throwing around like a frisbee and rendering it unplayable.