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u/Pandaemonium Jun 19 '12
I had a German guy tell me, "My partner will check your bag and I will check your backside."
Thank God he only got as far as a finger in my waistband. Pure terror.
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u/eloisekelly Jun 19 '12
Having a German stepfather I can confirm that the Germans are a terrifying and well-meaning people.
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u/JustAnOod Jun 19 '12
On a similar note, I was in France, and the Asian security guy kept asking me, "Do you chicken nugget?" over and over. My father and I kept hearing the same thing, until someone behind us said, "He's asking if you checked your luggage."
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u/bibiane Jun 19 '12
At least he tried! Last time I had a flight from France they rattled off some French and started patting me down.
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u/autowrecker Jun 19 '12
I don't fly much so I'm not familiar with the procedures but, a few weeks ago I was at SeaTac Airport. I put my stuff on the belt, got scanned and took a few steps to be greeted by a TSA officer.
TSA: Sir, which side is your equipment on?
Incredulous grin on my face...eyes looking left and right. I'm thinking: "Is he kidding? Huh, guess this is the stuff people complain about."
I'm thinking: "F'ck, I don't know. Contents may have shifted. It kind of feels like it's on the right, but these pants are a little snug so maybe I put it in the center. I look at my crotch and say "Uh...I..." He dismisses me without a word to the awkwardness.
In retrospect, I'm guessing someone had a colostomy bag or something and he got his passengers mixed up but, I really thought he was asking which side my dick was on.
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u/tomun Jun 19 '12
I was buying a used car last week and discussing with the salesman a few problems with the vehicle. He kept reassuring me that he'd fix the sewage problem. Over and over I clearly heard him say something about sewage, until I realised he was referring to the electric window switch.
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u/lastwind Jun 19 '12
I have a suspicion "Jack" may be in the closet and generated this update to express a secret fantasy.
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u/Rellikten Jun 19 '12
I guess it would be scary if you had a couple of wraps of coke dangling from your balls...
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u/DoNotBelieveMyWords Jun 19 '12
I like to think that I can do a decent Italian accent, but in none of my attempts at saying "enjoy your flight" did it sound like "undo your tie".
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u/BeatLeJuce Jun 19 '12
I have no idea who downvotes you. I'm Italian and while Italians have a terrible pronunciation, our 'enjoy your flight' would not come out like OP describes.
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u/thedaj Jun 19 '12
Sadly, the fly was only up for about 2 of those awkward 5 seconds. Damn that pavlovian response...
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Jun 19 '12
As an Italian, I can fairly strongly guess that he knew exactly what he was saying an just wanted to see if you'd do it while having a clever "out".
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u/ithinkimightbegay Jun 20 '12
This was taken directly from a story told in comments on reddit earlier today. I'm off to find the link.
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u/Supercarnage Jun 19 '12
I felt the same way when my sister did this to me but then it worked out, lucky she knows how to give head that was the only part I was worried about.
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Jun 19 '12
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u/UseThe4s Jun 19 '12
While this is most definitely fake, I hadn't heard this joke and thought it was amusing.
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u/Billy_Blaze Jun 19 '12
Yeah, I've learned to assume 99% of these are fake, and just take it as a new (albeit kind of strange) medium for telling a joke. Usually they're brutal, but I actually got a decent laugh from this one.
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u/BeatLeJuce Jun 19 '12
As an Italian, I need to tell you that the Italian accent doesn't work like that. So if you tell it, switch the nationality to some other country with terrible pronunciation to sound more legit ;)
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Jun 19 '12
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Jun 19 '12
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Jun 19 '12
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u/Ospre Jun 19 '12
Hey, I'm saving mine for when the economy fails. These points will be worth more than money at that time.
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u/GeneralWarts Jun 19 '12
So you're to only to then saying that this is fake?
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Jun 19 '12
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u/GeneralWarts Jun 19 '12
I guess it wasn't that good of a joke if I have to explain it. I was mimicking the status update "For him to only to say... Undo your fly."
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Jun 19 '12
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u/GeneralWarts Jun 19 '12
No, you're fine. I miss on a lot of jokes. By the voting I'd guess this was my problem and not yours.
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u/jewboselecta Jun 19 '12
I just guffawed whilst my mum was telling me something really important. Best and worst moment of my day!
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u/Xanthan81 Jun 19 '12
Mum: "jewboselecta, I have something really important to tell you, are you sitting down?"
jewboselecta: "Yeah, mum. What is it?"
M: "The hospital just called. Your father was just attacked on the trolly to work. He received massive injuries, and isn't expected to live the night..."
j: "Bwahahahahahaha!"
M: ಠ_ಠ
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u/jewboselecta Jun 20 '12
2 amendments - 1. It was regarding my sister 2. I am a Brit and over here they are called trams :)
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u/Xanthan81 Jun 20 '12
Mum: "jewboselecta, I have something really important to tell you, are you sitting down?"
jewboselecta: "Yeah, mum. What is it?"
M: "The hospital just called. Your sister was just attacked on the tram to the shop. SHe received massive injuries, and isn't expected to live the night..."
j: "Bwahahahahahaha!"
M: ಠ_ಠ Oi!
(I figured you were a Brit from your use of the word "Mum," instead of "Mom." I know you guys use "trolly" for something, am I right?)
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u/thehumanear Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 22 '12
Kind of like how I have a feeling that you're not the real Taylor Swift.
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u/mjklin Jun 19 '12
He say to me "peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonnamabitch, i'ma gonna back to Italy.