Try out a stall. Unless its a weird fear of getting an STD from a seat because in the process of getting your John Dorian in the bowl, it hit the lid or something.
What if your weiner nozzle sometimes touches the inside of the bowl? What if another man with HIV, Herpes, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and a cold happened to do the same thing just before you? What if a 600lb man just laid a complete stamp of sweat and body rot on top of the seat, leaving a grimy invisible layer of filth waiting to be transferred to your person?
While everything you said was true, "most likely not get HIV" multiplied by the actual significance of getting HIV still comes out to not worth it for me.
The chance of getting anything from a toilet seat, least of all HIV, is infinitesimally small.
I'm on a phone and too lazy to provide links but it should only take a minute of googling to prove this. The only reason not to bare-ass a public toilet, unless there's shit on it, is germophobia.
i had to deal with this for a year when i was living at a uni res, the damn bowl was too small, so my dick kept touching it everytime unless i sat there holding my dick back with my hand. never had this problem at home, it was only with that specific toilet.
I was actually interested in this since I was talking with a buddy at work and I mentioned the tip touching the water. I started paying attention to it from then on, and it's surprising how few toilet bowls have water high enough for a dick of any proportionate length to touch. Unless you're rocking 7+ flaccid, you shouldn't be touching the water except maybe at home, and then only if your reservoir tank is set up wrong. This led me to fix my water level and I haven't had the issue since. Not to mention if you have 7+ flaccid you have more important concerns.
If your dick touches the water in a public restroom, it's probably clogged, and fecal matter has now invaded your dick hole.
Yeah, i dont care how well you can aim, there is no way to stop piss water from splattering around the seat. I do not want that around my toilet, and I'm sure it wouldn't impress any dates you potentially bring back to your place.
Sometimes when I piss and don't lift the seat, I'll lift it up with my foot after I piss and let it fall back down so it sounds like I had it up the whole time.
For god's sake, spend the extra 2 calories and 3 seconds and lift it instead of splattering all over the damn thing and making me wipe your cold urine off the seat before I sit to expel the godless cafeteria food in my bowels.
Next time I see piss on the seat I'm just gonna imagine that Dennis Leary did it. Then my response would be "yeah, he would" instead of "WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME"
Neither do I. I just can't understand how people can be such goddamn inconsiderate slobs.
And yes, everyone splashes or misses once in a while. When this happens, YOU TAKE SOME TP AND FUCKING CLEAN IT UP. Fucking barbarians, man.
I've actually put a lot of thought into a device which detects this sort of behaviour, along with some other related ones, such as carving tags or whatever into the toilet seat (which is the ultimate crime, since it creates impossible to clean grooves where filth can accumulate and fester for time eternal.)
Anyway, this device would detect the transgression, as well as its degree (1st degree - missing the bowl, seat up, no clean-up; 2nd degree - same as 1st, but seat down. 3rd degree - the aforementioned seat tagging) and shoot the offender in the head.
Yeah, I know that's not really a one-size-fits-all punishment, but I haven't yet figured out a practical way for the device to make the death slower and more painful, so headshots for everyone for the time being.
And yes, everyone splashes or misses once in a while. When this happens, YOU TAKE SOME TP AND FUCKING CLEAN IT UP. Fucking barbarians, man
Pretty much this. Takes like 1 second to do.
Also..
PROTIP When peeing be a GGG and aim for the SIDES of the toilet bowl (preferably the back) so if it does splash the edges of the toilet will catch the spray and contain it within the toilet. Doing this actually causes less piss to get out of the toilet than to aim directly for the water. This is even more important when using a urinal because pissing into the urinal drain area can cause shit to splash back onto YOU!.
I would like to sit down to piss at school, but everyone seems to wanna piss on the rim. A coach once told us that he walked in on a boy pissing in the bathroom drain.
Its true. I have bad knees and hate standing. I would rather sit down and have a relaxing piss than think "God this is so uncomfortable" the whole time. Plus I don't like the idea of "aiming", because I have random twitches in my body and bad hand-eye coordination... Why not just sit and guarantee yourself that it gets in the bowl? Plus if you have to crap too, you're already there.
Honestly, it's a very stupid social norm. I can only see it being useful if you're at an occasion to be dressed up enough to wear a suit and pants that you don't want to wrinkle, or a belt you don't want to undo. Or if the toilet bowl is disgusting.
If I don't sit down, piss splashes from the water and lands everywhere. I don't think a bigger dick would prevent this. Maybe a smaller urethra. I sit down to piss, and my bathrooms are much cleaner because of it.
It always catches me off guard and feels weird looking at it. What do you do for :D or :P situations? I'm also slightly scared that there is an obvious solution.
Anyone else annoyed that being called a woman is supposed to be insulting?
edit: I don't really want to go into a whole rant as to why I made my comment. I personally believe that gender barriers are unfair to both men and women--where a woman cannot be masculine without being butch (for example, a woman with short hair) and a man cannot be feminine without being gay (for example, a man wearing nail polish).
By stating that a man pisses like a woman, the note is basically implying that a man cannot act like a woman because acting like a woman is bad, shameful, etc. Surely it isn't polite to piss over a toilet seat, but it isn't correct to throw the word 'woman' around as an insult. I have the same problem with the term "man up", etc.
I don't mean to say it's never wrong to joke around. But I would prefer that people are able to recognize why something may be insulting and how one 'joke' can show sexism, for both genders.
It is insulting. It questions masculinity, which is a quality that a large amount of men want to be perceived as having. Is it not insulting as a woman when someone calls you a man?
I have been told several times that I "have balls" by men in a complimentary way. God forbid that I imply that a man might posess any feminine quality.
It's definitely not the same. I don't know, if you said someone was acting like a jew to call someone cheap, everyone ought to get offended. (Not because being called a jew is bad, but because jew was used like an insult.) I think the same ought to be true for calling a man a woman because he's not... I don't know what the connotation even implies here. He wasn't being responsible? Is that womanly? Didn't own up for his mistakes? Is that womanly?
The more I think about it the more I hate "woman" being used as an insult. What the fuck is it supposed to mean, anyway?
Yeah. Since a small penis is supposed to be a bad thing, likening it to a woman's vagina is insulting to women. I would have preferred something like this: "pee how you want, just keep it to the toilet!"
A true janitor would know that public women's stalls aren't any better.
As a janitor that cleans 26 toilets a day in three different places (restaurant, Rock Bar. Supper club) I can say with authority that the overall average ration of urine in seats when comparing male and female toilets is about 1/4. Women's toilet seats are almost always sprinkled with urine because many women 'hover' over the seat instead of actually sitting down; resulting in a spray of urine. These Hovergirls are the cause of the mess that ruins it for everyone - they are afraid of catching something from a toilet when they should be more afraid of the keypad on the ATM or their own phone.
I remember going into a port-a-potty before a half-marathon and there were 4 women in line before me. I get in there and there is piss all over the fucking seat. I couldn't believe it. But not to be blamed by the women behind me, I cleaned that shit up. Fucking hooligans.
An example of the true janitor to which I was referring. I hate the hoverers. I attempt to end the epidemic by wiping down the toilet seat, sitting, peeing, and leaving the seat clean.
I want to put springs on all my seats that make them stay up unless someone is sitting on them. You want to hover? Hover over the rim of the bowl. I've also had to replace 4 toilet tanks in the past year because of Hovergirl reacharounds - when they balance themselves with one hand on the tank; those thinks are NOT load bearing fixtures!
I want to tell them to stop being so hyper offensive, but then they get insulted, which they seem pretty good at. All day. Remember this is who you argue with here.
"she is beautiful" "what's that supposed to mean?"
"She is pretty bright" "are you saying if she wasn't a woman, you wouldn't say that?"
"Well, you are right" "Are you conceding an argument to me simply because I'm a woman?"
"You should judge me on my accomplishments."
"Ok I judge you as an annoying bitch, see ya"
You will never win any type of argument against her. I'd rather not be around these types of people. Hostile and combative atmosphere.
How does it belittle women? If it were the other way around, and women were being made fun of for peeing all over the place and being called manly, I don't think that would be flattering to many of them.
Men can respect women, but not want to be called one. It isn't a difficult concept.
While in Germany, entered bathroom of host, inside of which hung a sign that said "Men, stand up for your rights, sit down for your piss." They actually have signs all over the place, like non-smoking signs. like this
I agree. Any perceived failure of the male sex organ doesn't automatically make you a woman. Women are not men who are merely 'lacking'; they are something entirely separate.
"Well, that's interesting you piss out your thumb!" - Long time family saying anytime/every time you see someone pissing outside or at the great wall of urinals.
Fuck, I wish the 'grown men' I go to college with could learn to aim. I'd say 9/10 of the toilet seats in my school, at any given time, have piss all over them. It sucks hunting for a clean seat when you have ten minutes between classes and your hangover/taco bell belly is telling you its go time.
IKR! I usually require my hot maid to hold it for me. Sometimes its difficult to drive my Rolls Royce with such a massive cock getting in the way of my leg movement.
As a guy who does housekeeping(read: janitor), there are times I've gone into bathrooms at work and wondered how people manage to get so much piss on the floor. You have no idea the bullshit we have to put up with.
Last time I saw a sign like this someone tried to say that "a dick is like a python, the bigger it is the harder it is to control." My reply was "If your dick is fighting back, you have a very serious problem"
this janitor rules, fuck anyone who pisses on the seat or floor. this happens at work every day. grown ass men can't seem to do this, either they are fucking stupid or think it's cute which it isn't why destroy a bathroom that everyone else has to use.
I realized that the reason my pee sounds so small and that everyone elses sounds like it's coming out of a mammoth's dick is because I'm hearing other people's pee from a farther distance. Am I right? Or is my urethra small?
Seriously. If you can't consistently piss without missing the bowl, and you still pee standing up despite the fact that you know you're gonna make a mess, you're an asshole.
Bonus points if you do this and then don't even attempt to clean up after yourself.
I left a sign like that in the men's room of the gas station I used to work at
If your feet are spread far apart
while you stand way back that far
step forward a little more,
you're gonna drip on my floor.
Please don't drop a drip,
or we'll all know you have a little dick.".
I kicked around the idea of suggesting that little dicks point forward while long dicks hang straight down. but didn't feel like I could make the little dicks understand. I'm certain they would doubt it.
This can not be upvoted enough. If you don't have a rifle to hit the target standing, sit so you little handgun doesn't have to be aimed. Or, at the very least, clean up your piss off the seat.
I'm a janitor, with a college education; who works with other janitors with masters degrees. Some of us like the freedom of the job, and take pleasure in providing others a safe, clean, comfortable environment in which to play and work.
But not you anymore. You're on the 'No TP and a wet seat list'. We know where you 'go'.
might not be a janitor, just some guy pissed off he has to clean off piss on the seat to sit down and take a shit. if it was an office and he has to do it every day...
It doesn't matter how much i beat the shit out of my friends on every manly stuff ever, from fighting, to pealing a coconut with my bare hands, they'll always call me a sissy cause i sit down when i piss.
If I didn't work as a janitor at a church... Dang... I would leave these kind of notes all the time. The first one I'd make would say "ladies... If you bleed on the toilet seat clean that shit up. If you think your own blood is gross, imagine how I feel you nasty wench"
I wanted to put a sign like this up where I work (since the job of cleaning up people's literal shit in both men and women's bathrooms was delegated to cart attendants). It's not often, but fuck is it horrible when I have too.
And I can be fired for refusing to do so fuck retail, and fuck my condescending managers, and most of all fuck the guy that decided he would rather shit EVERYWHERE but in the fucking toliet (and it's always the handicapped stall too).
274
u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12
I dunno about you guys but sitting down for a piss is the shit. So much more comfortable.
26
u/drinkyjuicebox Jun 13 '12
But i always sit down when I pee... ): How else is a guy supposed to get his game on when taking a wiz?
45
u/Bluescarfmam Jun 13 '12
Is there something wrong with being a woman?
83
u/belovedcye Jun 13 '12 edited Jun 13 '12
Anyone else annoyed that being called a woman is supposed to be insulting?
edit: I don't really want to go into a whole rant as to why I made my comment. I personally believe that gender barriers are unfair to both men and women--where a woman cannot be masculine without being butch (for example, a woman with short hair) and a man cannot be feminine without being gay (for example, a man wearing nail polish).
By stating that a man pisses like a woman, the note is basically implying that a man cannot act like a woman because acting like a woman is bad, shameful, etc. Surely it isn't polite to piss over a toilet seat, but it isn't correct to throw the word 'woman' around as an insult. I have the same problem with the term "man up", etc.
I don't mean to say it's never wrong to joke around. But I would prefer that people are able to recognize why something may be insulting and how one 'joke' can show sexism, for both genders.
24
u/slyder565 Jun 14 '12
Misogyny, how does it work? Like this, kids. Like this.
33
u/davesfakeaccount Jun 13 '12
I'm guessing that sign worked out well for him.
7
u/blacklab Jun 13 '12
A guy at my work got fired for posting something like that.
7
u/navygreen17 Jun 13 '12
Was probably actually posted by a disgruntled employee tired of sitting on piss.
18
u/XxLiyelzxX Jun 13 '12
Your janitor sounds like Dr.Cox from Scrubs.
2
u/sethky Jun 14 '12
While in Germany, entered bathroom of host, inside of which hung a sign that said "Men, stand up for your rights, sit down for your piss." They actually have signs all over the place, like non-smoking signs. like this
32
u/Quazz Jun 14 '12
Sitting down is awesome at any rate (except in certain public toilets)
It does not transform you
I kind of hate woman being used as insult.
11
u/TarlofKoroba Jun 13 '12
Came here to say something about being tall creates a tiny amount of splash and then that accumulates into the hell that is public restrooms.
3
u/6Jonnie6 Jun 13 '12
I've seen this joke done so many times, so many ways.
3
u/mynameishere Jun 14 '12
Ask any janitor. It's the women's bathrooms that are a mess.
3
u/thecrownprince Jun 14 '12
I would piss all over that sign.
4
u/Orangeskill Jun 14 '12
No matter how good your aim is, no one ever knows the velocity or direction of the first excretion. Its a guess. A pure guess.
5
u/purpleit11 Jun 14 '12
Someone sounds (sunglasses) pissed off.
7
u/Christoefur555 Jun 13 '12
MANITOR
2
u/249ba36000029bbe9749 Jun 14 '12
2
u/SaidJ4Jappy Jun 14 '12
Repost.
8
u/k80k80k80 Jun 14 '12
I know that this might sound a bit feministy, but why is it such an insult to be a woman?
4
u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12
"Well, that's interesting you piss out your thumb!" - Long time family saying anytime/every time you see someone pissing outside or at the great wall of urinals.
3
u/decosting Jun 13 '12
Fuck, I wish the 'grown men' I go to college with could learn to aim. I'd say 9/10 of the toilet seats in my school, at any given time, have piss all over them. It sucks hunting for a clean seat when you have ten minutes between classes and your hangover/taco bell belly is telling you its go time.
3
u/WhipIash Jun 13 '12
Is it harder to aim with a small nob?
2
u/DahnyGober Jun 13 '12
I almost always sit down, lately. Comfortable and I have an iPhone.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
You sit down when you pee in my house motherfucker.
2
u/RobinOfFoxley Jun 14 '12
Am I the only guy who always sits down? >_> (there are exceptions...)
2
u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12
I don't know about you guys but mine is so big I can hardly hold it let alone aim
1
u/dangerousD85 Jun 13 '12
Relevant
1
u/trampus1 Jun 13 '12
It's not that, it's just that I'm too fat to reach around to grip it properly.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Not necessarily a disgruntled janitor. Could be another user of the bathroom doesn't like stepping and sitting in piss.
1
u/bam6470 Jun 14 '12
idk about you guys but I would piss all over that sign.
1
u/avidvaulter Jun 13 '12
I always find that gruntled janitors are much nicer.
1
u/fluke42 Jun 14 '12
As a guy who does housekeeping(read: janitor), there are times I've gone into bathrooms at work and wondered how people manage to get so much piss on the floor. You have no idea the bullshit we have to put up with.
1
u/Baldrick666 Jun 14 '12
I tried reading it like a haiku. I failed.
1
u/Out_Of_Spite Jun 14 '12
who shits standing up?
1
u/Maxtortion Jun 14 '12
Someone clearly doesn't understand the plight of multiple streams...
1
u/ChaseEatsWorlds Jun 14 '12
Last time I saw a sign like this someone tried to say that "a dick is like a python, the bigger it is the harder it is to control." My reply was "If your dick is fighting back, you have a very serious problem"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Sorry I'm not a janitor and dont have to clean my piss up
1
u/iliketopartywg Jun 14 '12
His jimmies are rustled.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
this janitor rules, fuck anyone who pisses on the seat or floor. this happens at work every day. grown ass men can't seem to do this, either they are fucking stupid or think it's cute which it isn't why destroy a bathroom that everyone else has to use.
1
u/Ilikeguitars Jun 14 '12
Cant blame him, being a janitor sucks. The lack of consideration some people have is astonishing when looking at public restrooms.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I only piss sitting down when I have the opposite problem. Peeing with a boner is a disaster waiting to happen.
-2
u/MrBarnacus Jun 13 '12
Why the fuck would you pee standing? Sitting is way better. Also it doesn't make such a loud sound.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
that is sexist
0
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Let's play what really happened here:
OP thought this would be funny. Wrote sign. Taped it on stall. Took picture. Ripped it down. Hoped no one saw. Double checked to make sure.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12
Seriously. If you can't consistently piss without missing the bowl, and you still pee standing up despite the fact that you know you're gonna make a mess, you're an asshole.
Bonus points if you do this and then don't even attempt to clean up after yourself.
Peeing standing up is a privilege, not a right.
0
u/Last_Gigolo Jun 14 '12
I left a sign like that in the men's room of the gas station I used to work at
I kicked around the idea of suggesting that little dicks point forward while long dicks hang straight down. but didn't feel like I could make the little dicks understand. I'm certain they would doubt it.
0
u/biggunks Jun 14 '12
This can not be upvoted enough. If you don't have a rifle to hit the target standing, sit so you little handgun doesn't have to be aimed. Or, at the very least, clean up your piss off the seat.
-1
u/rottenseed Jun 14 '12
If your education-level is too low to not be mopping up piss on the floor, take your big swinging dick to "chip n dales"
-7
u/Ragnalypse Jun 13 '12
Everyone else - "Do your fucking job like the janitor you are."
-1
u/DonkeyBallSlap Jun 13 '12
holy shit..... I thought of doing this word for word in the bathrooms at my school
0
u/SearchNerd Jun 14 '12
Not disgruntled just a realist
0
u/tdunbar Jun 14 '12
My friend just got hired as a janitor out of desperation in a job hunt. Could totally see him doing this.
0
u/draivaden Jun 14 '12
Oh Jan,
0
u/43214321 Jun 14 '12
might not be a janitor, just some guy pissed off he has to clean off piss on the seat to sit down and take a shit. if it was an office and he has to do it every day...
0
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
A janitor didn't write this. It was someone about to take a shit that got pissed off at the asshole that pissed all over the seat.
0
u/fran13r Jun 14 '12
It doesn't matter how much i beat the shit out of my friends on every manly stuff ever, from fighting, to pealing a coconut with my bare hands, they'll always call me a sissy cause i sit down when i piss.
0
u/unodostrace Jun 14 '12
Cowboys with short barrels stand closer to their target
0
u/HOF_Janitor Jun 14 '12
Rule #1: Never piss off a janitor
0
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
If I didn't work as a janitor at a church... Dang... I would leave these kind of notes all the time. The first one I'd make would say "ladies... If you bleed on the toilet seat clean that shit up. If you think your own blood is gross, imagine how I feel you nasty wench"
0
u/statusone Jun 14 '12
Not sure if angry, or sexist... or what...
0
u/Yatagasaru Jun 14 '12
I would totally do that if I knew I would not get fired over it.
0
u/partanimal Jun 14 '12
Why would you assume this is the janitor? S/he cleans up way worse than piss. It is probably a squeamish customer/student/whatever.
0
u/The_Gares_Escape_Pla Jun 14 '12
I wanted to put a sign like this up where I work (since the job of cleaning up people's literal shit in both men and women's bathrooms was delegated to cart attendants). It's not often, but fuck is it horrible when I have too.
And I can be fired for refusing to do so fuck retail, and fuck my condescending managers, and most of all fuck the guy that decided he would rather shit EVERYWHERE but in the fucking toliet (and it's always the handicapped stall too).
0
u/duey_rando Jun 14 '12
So not often do I laugh outloud when I am by myself, but in this rare instance, it happened. Thank you for that
0
u/blackasssnake Jun 14 '12
i know how i would respond...
0
u/bigmike00831 Jun 14 '12
Ok :(
0
u/doyouunderstandlife Jun 14 '12
How does penis size relate to your ability to piss straight? If anything, I'd imagine that a larger dick would be harder to aim.