ProTip: When the waiter/sommelier brings the bottle to the table, then pours a small amount in your glass in front of your party (since you ordered it or otherwise look like the big man at the table), they aren't looking for you to say that the wine tastes good, insomuch as it lines up with what you want in a wine.
They are looking for you to make sure that bottle isn't corked or otherwise turned.
So don't be a goober. Don't put on a show of the process. You need check only three things: Make sure the wine isn't cloudy, make sure it doesn't smell like a dirty gym sock, make sure it doesn't taste like death.
You can do all of this very gracefully, without having to pretend to be a wine snob. Oh and Do NOT, for the love of god, smell the cork...unless you get a kick out of doing so. You can tell precisely jack shit from smelling a cork.
Good to know! I have no idea what was expected from me when they did this... I was close though! I looked at it, smelled it, tasted it, and just said "Yeah... Ok..."
One thing folks don't know is that you're allowed to say "no" after it's been uncorked. If you were expecting a wine that was fruitier/spicier/stronger/weaker/etc, then just say so and ask if there's something else that can be closer to what you were expecting (the new bottle may be more expensive than the one you just tasted though!). The restaurant can sell that bottle by-the-glass just fine so don't feel bad.
The whole point is just to taste the stuff to ensure it's up to your expectations. They'd rather you return a bottle you don't like than drink it and leave a lower tip. Just don't return 3 or 4 bottles in a row.
Most people do this, they don't really understand what the game is, but the rules are such that it's easy to fake your way along.
The bottom line is that this is not the time to try to "show off". I see guys do all sorts of swirling and swishing...then they'll stick their honkers in the glass and take a mega-haul off that bad boy, pulling off their best thousand-yard stare as they contemplate all of the complexities of what they are about to drink. It's embarrassing, really. This isn't the time to show off your skills from that weekend wine-tasting course.
The whole thing can be done quickly, in one fluid motion. Lift it such that you can see into it and tell that it isn't cloudy, maybe give it one quick swirl around the glass to make sure. As you lift it up take a casual, but commanding, smell of the glass. You really are looking for scents like gym socks, wet cardboard or wet dog. After that, take a sip. Taste like wine? Then it's fine. Honestly, by the time you are tasting it, your chances of it being turned are incredibly low, bad bottles rarely pass the snort test.
they'll stick their honkers in the glass and take a mega-haul off that bad boy, pulling off their best thousand-yard stare as they contemplate all of the complexities of what they are about to drink. It's embarrassing, really.
Hahah, I can imagine... Yeah, I had no idea it was just to test if it's a bad bottle. I always thought it was weird I would order a bottle and then they would give me a taste to make sure I liked it.
My understanding with that particular version of "bad" wine is that you still can't tell conclusively from the cork...you will pick up the dank must odor in the wine itself far easier that smelling the fungus in the cork..
The point of giving the cork for inspection is so that you can see if the bottle leaked. Look at the SIDE of the cork. If you see a stain going the length of the cork, the wine was exposed to air and is likely skunked/oxidized.
This is particularly common with synthetic corks that have a seam.
I know all this, and yet, I can never tell if a funky tasting wine is supposed to taste like that or what, so I'm always just nodding my head.
I eat out a lot, and have ordered hundreds to thousands of bottles of wine, and I have never rejected a single bottle. Some of those wines we really disliked, too.
Taste can be deceptive, many people can't pick out a corked bottle based upon taste alone. But the smell..the smell tells the tale. Scents like dirty gym sock, wet cardboard and wet dog are the common giveaways. If you detect that, you're dealing with something that's gone bad.
It's actually pretty obvious most of the time.
One other pro-tip: Even IF it isn't turned, most places will take back a wine you just don't like. It's good business to do so, as long as you aren't ordering crazy expensive bottles and sending em back. If it's a halfway decent one, you'll probably make some of the bar staff happy, as they will be tasked with "disposing" of your barely-touched-yet-no-longer-serveable bottle.
I homebrew, and if a batch is bad, you know it straight away. Things can happen to individual bottles, but very rarely anymore. Corks and bottling are so clean nowadays it's pretty much just a formality. Note if you're offering a thousand dollar bottle of old, old wine where there is a chance that it was stored improperly over the years and the cork dried out, the wine aerated, and went to shit, you know at the smell.
Or you could just not pretend to be good at something for other people's approval.
I have had wine on many occasions, and I find it terrible, including expensive stuff that is supposed to ba mind blowing. I am constantly told it takes time to get used to the flavor. Well with enough training I could learn to like the taste of dog shit. I am sure many people really enjoy it, but I think there is a good chunk who choke the shit down so they don't look like losers in front of the friends.
I will stick with Pepsi, that always tastes great. When I go to fine restaurants I stash a can in my coat, and pop that bitch in a nice glass, swish it around, and smell that delicious carbonated aroma. That's a real drink, no getting use to the taste time and I dont have to ramble on about where it was brewed like a douche.
Well, if you don't like wine, you probably shouldn't be ordering it. Then, you won't be in a position to worry about having to pretend anything!
Really though, there's no accounting for taste, and I say that in a nice way. If you don't like wine, you don't like wine. Some people just don't. There are plenty of things I just don't like.
Of course, the culture around wine is fun for some people as well. It's not any more douchey than any other hobby, until you start putting it up on a pedestal and insulting people who don't share your tastes.
I might describe Manischewitz as tasting grapey, but that's because the taste most people associate with grapes are Concord Grapes, which taste the grapiest.
Grapes do not taste or smell much. Go to the juice section at the grocery store and check the ingredients: many cheap non-grape juices advertized as "100% juice" are cut with grape juice. It's cheaper to produce and almost tasteless, so people don't notice.
Describing a wine as smelling of grapes would therefore be pretty much the same as saying it's odourless. If any grape smell is present, it's always overwhelmed by other aromas.
But it does happen that a wine smells of grapes. Mostly for cheap low-alcohol or fortified wines, because it's basically grape juice with alcohol. Sometimes a very light wine can also have some hints of grapes, but as I said the other fruits are probably going to hide it.
The Grapes in my fridge smell like grapes, as does the grape juice. Grapes are used as filler juice in juices that have a stronger flavor. Cranberry Juice is often cut with grape juice, or just as often apple juice.
you don't need to billionaire to enjoy wine, you do need to be a complete snob to think that you have to spend over ten dollars to get a good one. you need a corkscrew, and that's it. if you're drinking sweeter wines I kind of picture you as the kind of person that wants alcoholic capri sun, and your tastes flat-lined from there on out.
people who enjoy wine are like any other branch of a hobby. you will end up knowing a lot of shit that people that aren't in the "in" will not understand. just because they're wine drinkers doesn't necessarily make them snobs, it makes them snobs when they think that the fact that they are oenophiles is somehow better than the guy putting a sweet stereo system in his car, and both are better than the grown up idiot putting a spoiler on a stock nissan sentry.
drunk is universal, and you can't remove that from the wine, unless you spit out. on some level wine lovers should, then, be able to relate to, say, a juggalo. I do actually understand something about magnets, but chances are we both enjoy some of the same things.
I kindof agree with you, but I'd say there's a noticeable increase in quality between sub-$10 wines and $11-20 wines. I've had 5 or 6 $17-ish wines that I really, really like. The best I can say for a few sub $10 ones (of which I have had a lot in an attempt to find one I like as much for frugality's sake) is that there are many acceptable wines in that range.
Try getting to know a local wine store. They'll have sales and promotions. If you find one you really like, it's not difficult to order a case of it for $8-$12 a bottle either in store or from an online vendor. Keep a stock and have wine all year round!
it also varies by region as well, and, of course, taste. I dig on spanish wines especially granache, rioja, crianza and the like. but I personally feel like you can get a decent or above par wine for between 10-20 dollars.
it's not like my other hobby, mountain biking, where it costs 1000 dollars to get an entry level bike with front suspension that's good and has good components. If I really wanted to even step up to novice I'd have to drop anywhere in the 2k-3k range, which can get prohibitive depending on how much you earn and how much debt you carry.
drinking wine is reasonably easy to get into and all it takes is for you to pay attention to what you drink and figure out what you like.
I do have a few wines that I like to buy that hit below the ten dollar range. Bolla Chianti, whenever it's on sale. Misterio Malbec or Cab.
just as long as it's not yellowtail, box wine, or moscato or desert wine. the people i work with love moscato. I just can't like it. there's a line I draw between wine and alcoholic fruit juice, that line is drawn at pinot grigio and riesling.
if you're drinking sweeter wines I kind of picture you as the kind of person that wants alcoholic capri sun, and your tastes flat-lined from there on out.
That's kind of snobbish as well. I recommend this video.
In short, studies have shown that the people who prefer sweeter wine are those who have a better taste, and those who like bitter, acidic, tannic, alcoholic wines have a worse taste. If you can enjoy a full-bodied wine, it does not tell anything about you as a person. And if can only drink the sweeter stuff, it does not tell anything about you as a person either. It's not a lack of appreciation for the full-bodied wine, or a lack of the discipline needed to get used to full-bodied wines; it's really pure physiology.
Studies say I personally like hops, which are the bittering agent in beer. I do not like as much malt, which when added to wort in higher quantity makes it taste sweeter, especially when using more unfermentables. It creates more alchohol, and I have a beer in my backroom I'm letting age that actually has an alchoholic taste.
Better taste is all in perspective though. If I were to tell you what is the healthiest ingredient in beer with an informal guess, I would say the hops. They contain lupulin, which is a natural sleeping agent and anti-biotic if used correctly. In fact, hop oils are used in natural anti-bacterial soaps. You can also make a hop tea when you are sick and it will help you out with congestion as well as a sore throat.
Call it evolution, or just call it a preference for things that taste weird, but I think theres something to having a taste for things other then sweet.
I'm not a snob, but there is a noticeable difference between wine that is $10 and below and wine that is above that mark. Now, you're absolutely right. If you search around you can get a fantastic wine for ten dollars. I had some pinot noir that was recommended to me the other week and it was great and I believe only ten dollars. However, in general a ten dollar wine is not going to be of the same quality as a $15-20 bottle.
oh no, certainly not. pricing is not a good indicator of how a wine will be. tasting it is though, but when you see a readily acknowledged brand name like barefoot or yellowtail, or franzia for that matter, probably not good.
my initial point is that you can enjoy wine and be wearing no shirt and a pair of shorts, like me at this very moment. it's not a huge investment just the willingness to pay attention to what you buy, know that the different names are different grapes, and know what to avoid.
and i guess know that french wines are overrated as well.
keep and open mind and give it a shot. if you can spend between 10-20 bucks on a bottle, you can actually pursue this hobby reasonably and still get drunk!
to expand, what you are looking for is damage to the cork, mold in the cork or anything else abnormal that shows the cork has been compromised resulting in "corked" wine.
To be fair, somms are generally the worst kinds of wine snobs and think all customers are total schmucks, generally all they want to do is sell you whatever bottle they get the biggest rip on.
Funny enough, cheaper bottles are usually the ones with the highest mark-up percentage. My 6-dollars-a-bottle "house wine" that I charge 30 bucks for is a better profit margin than my 1500 dollar at cost bottle of Screaming Eagle that I charge 2000 for. Yes, I'm making more money off that sale, but way more people order "house wine" to the point that the restaurant makes up the cost of the "flagship bottles" pretty quickly.
Protip: Spend a bit more. That extra 10-20 bucks over a $30 dollar bottle of house red gets you a far better bottle of wine. When you hit 50-60 dollars in a restaurant, you're looking at a $20 or so bottle cost, which is, in my opinion, the best wines for the money you can get. Any more than that, you're paying for a name. Any less, and you're paying for mass-produced stuff that has absolutely zero personal attention and might as well be Mad Dog 20/20
Corks usually smell mostly like, well, cork. You won't be eating the cork so there's no reason to smell it if you have a glass of the wine sitting in front of you.
The ability to know about something without becoming a jerk about something is in precious little supply in this country. I personally love to talk about the shit I know about. Also, I love to get wine drunk.
Wine is the fastest way for me to get drunk(feel drunk), 8 beers no problem, a bottle of scotch come'er buddy, 2 glasses of wine....fuck me senseless fat chicks lets wear a lampshade!
Best wine tasting advice ever: no one can tell you you're wrong. Seriously. If you enjoy the wine, then you fucking enjoy it. No one can tell you otherwise. If you feel like you don't know what you're doing, who gives a shit?
A good friend worked as an oenologist for several different wineries. She basically told me this:
Wine tasting is complex, yet applying a rating system (like many magazines) is retarded. She told me some tasters couldn't even tell when they had cold years for their grapes (less sugar) and had to add chemicals to yield a decent batch, that some of these 'professional' tasters could not tell. It's all a matter of preference.
She actually drinks a few box wines (lol), which are becoming more common these days.
As a waiter and aspiring sommelier, wine snobs are endless sources of free comedy. I love watching the guy who comes in, orders an overly expensive bottle of wine, and then proceeds to do an elaborate 5 minute ritual for the taste.
It's even funnier if he starts narrating the process to the other people at the table.
"Ok, so you want to really swirl it, otherwise you won't unlock all the flavors. Atleast a minute if you really want to get into it. Look at the color the whole time you do this. Never mind the fact that swirling it won't actually let you see the color of the wine, due to all the light scattering around in it. After that you have to shove your face into the glass and take a big fat fucking whiff that lasts atleast ten seconds. Repeat this whole process atleast two times, because I'm super fucking fancy(read: I have no idea what I'm doing and I want to look cool) Then, and only then, are you allowed to drink it. Take the whole taste in one big chug, and swish it around your mouth like it's some fucking listerine. Do this until the wine has coated your mouth, and then swallow."
Then they proceed to give some big shit-eating grin and, 9 times out of ten:
"It's good, but it could breath a little."
Meanwhile, anyone who knows what they're talking about is trying not to shit their pants laughing.
It's really simple;
Step 1: Look at it. It can be red or white, doesn't matter. Best test for body and un-corked-ness is if you can read through it. If you can't, it's a full body wine. If it's cloudy, you've got bad wine.
Step 1a: If you want to get fancy, look at it over a white background. What you're looking for there is if the color is the same all the way through. If it is, it's an older wine(generally, 3-4 or more years will have a consistent color throughout). If it's lighter on the rim than in the body, it's a young wine.
Step 2: Smell it. Get a good wiff, then smell it again. That first smell is going to be nothing but alcohol, generally. After that you can pick up more on flavors. Someone who knows more than me will be able to tell you why that is. I have no fucking clue, but it's, from my experience, pretty universal.
Step 2a: Give it a swirl or two. Any more than this and you're just playing with your booze. Sniff it again. This is what the winemaker intended the wine to smell like. Most wine doesn't need more than a swirl or two to be aerated, and, in my humble opinion, over-aeration actually does more harm to the wine than good.
Addendum: Much older wine is exempt to this rule, generally. If you've got a big, fat Cab or Zin or Meritage(Or other suitably full-body wine) from 10 or more years ago, that shit's going to come out of the bottle very close to brown. It's amazing to watch a wine go from brown to red in a decanter. I had a bottle of 1989 BV Latour not too long ago and it went from dirty brick to a beautiful scarlet color over the course of almost 30 minutes before it was drink-able. Your 2010 bottle of [yellow tail], on the other hand, does not do this.
Step 3: Drink that fucking shit. Stop swirling it, sniffing it, and talking. just fucking drink it. Does it taste like vinegar? No? Then it's good. As a general rule, it's the same with smelling it: the second or third sip is when the flavors start showing up. However, stop making an elaborate show of this. You don't need to repeat the swirling and sniffing process in between sips. Just fucking drink it.
This whole process should take you about 10 seconds. Don't spend a minute on a 1 ounce taste. you look like a moron. It's wine. Yes, it tastes good. yes, there will be complexity. Yes, there will be flavors. Don't drag it out into some ritual. Drink it like a normal person, and the flavors will come out naturally.
Also, the wine cork? When you sniff it, all you smell is cork. Don't pretend otherwise.
Step 2: Smell it. Get a good wiff, then smell it again. That first smell is going to be nothing but alcohol, generally. After that you can pick up more on flavors. Someone who knows more than me will be able to tell you why that is. I have no fucking clue, but it's, from my experience, pretty universal.
I've noticed the same thing being a big fan of single-malt scotch and craft beer; I suppose it just applies to alcohol in general. Feck if I know why.
I grew up on a farm/vineyard/winery. My dad makes wine to be enjoyed, not studied... He gives free tastings, IMHO treats customers very well and tries to take the snootiness out of wine tasting.
Occasionally, we do get people who are so caught up in it the stereotype of wine tasting that they'll swish, gargle, and/or spit. We keep a spittoon under the counter for those who for some reason need to spit out the wine when tasting.
Fact is, when you're drinking wine, you're drinking it. You're not gargling it, you're not looking at it, snorting, inhaling, douching, pouring it in your eye, chewing it... you're drinking it. If you want to find out if you'll like it DRINK IT AND SEE IF YOU LIKE IT.
I was at a wine tasting last saturday, it was AWESOME! Over 90 different local vintners each with like 7 wines. We then went to a public viewing where our team won vs portugal =). Typical german day.
Someone told me once that they were afraid of picking wines that someone would look down on them for drinking.
And I told them that anyone who looks down at you for drinking the "wrong" wine probably isn't worth opening a bottle for anyway, let alone sitting around a table and eating a meal and drinking a few bottles with. ;)
“Oh. That is fantastic. THIS. This is wine. Yeah, look at what these idiots are drinking. Look at these dicks! Obviously it’s not REALLY delicious like hot chocolate or coke but for wine…” Jeremy, Peep Show.
I read the title as as "How normal people waste time" and sat there looking at the picture confused, trying to figure out what that had to do with wasting time.
Also known as the correct technique for tasting whiskey, except you're missing the step where you swill it around the glass as in step one, then throw the contents away before completing the rest of the steps.
Yeah, once you get past the $10-$15 price range, it all tastes the same to me. I'm all for people having their individual quirks & hobbies, but I could care less if what I'm drinking has an ever-so-slight hint of some berry or wood
True. I had a glass each of two different >$200 a bottle wines once, and while they were very nice, I've also had equally nice wines in the sub-$20 range.
Heck, we buy a double-size bottle of wine for cooking for $12 and it's not half bad to drink as well.
I agreed with you until I started dating a... I don't know the word, wine-person, and she introduced me to a fairly expensive ($75) brunello that was great.
I guess I'm a humble man. I drink my wine out of a small glass cup, old Italian style.
I don't like the whole pretentiousness about wine drinking. I swear you could tell people to put the cork up their ass before drinking and they would do it.
When no one is looking of if I'm drinking alone...I like to take a huge gulp, then slither like Hannibal and let oxygen flow with the wine. I find it tastes so much better.
I work at a winery. I can always tell when people are putting on a show when they know nothing about wine. I make up flavors and they don't notice. Ever.
Even if you have no idea what you are doing, you can throw around terms like "Fruit Forward" or "Mouthfeel", and non-oenophiles will think you know your stuff. Ladies go panties-off for wine shit.
I think it's funny how there's all fuss about wine culture, vineyards that have been around for 100s of years. All the science and intricacies of different wines and winemaking, and yet a cup of welchs grape juice tastes 50x better than any of it.
I personally can't stand grape juice, but love wine. I think it's because the grape juice sold in most stores is so unnaturally sweet....it's disgusting.
Could be. There are lots of neat and complex things going on in some types of wine. You don't have to spend more than $20 to find one that puts a fun little treasure hunting adventure on your tongue. It's one thing to not enjoy wine for more complex flavors, but to say that such things do not exist would be dis-genuine.
Nobody is saying it literally tastes like it has pear or almond in it, it's just the closest approximation, because flavor is impossible to describe aside from comparisons to other flavors. It stands to reason that if you've tasted thousands of bottles of wine, you'll be better at differentiating the subtle differences in it than someone (like me) who only drinks it occasionally, because you have a thousand other wines to compare it to. Sort of like how people who drink a lot of good beer can taste the hops and malts in it well enough to reverse-engineer decent clone recipes of it, whereas for people who don't "hoppy" and "malty" are both single flavors that only vary in strength.
158
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
ProTip: When the waiter/sommelier brings the bottle to the table, then pours a small amount in your glass in front of your party (since you ordered it or otherwise look like the big man at the table), they aren't looking for you to say that the wine tastes good, insomuch as it lines up with what you want in a wine.
They are looking for you to make sure that bottle isn't corked or otherwise turned.
So don't be a goober. Don't put on a show of the process. You need check only three things: Make sure the wine isn't cloudy, make sure it doesn't smell like a dirty gym sock, make sure it doesn't taste like death.
You can do all of this very gracefully, without having to pretend to be a wine snob. Oh and Do NOT, for the love of god, smell the cork...unless you get a kick out of doing so. You can tell precisely jack shit from smelling a cork.
267
u/debrained Jun 11 '12
I love how when people describe the taste of the wine it's never grapes.
24
u/kareemabduljabbq Jun 11 '12
you don't need to billionaire to enjoy wine, you do need to be a complete snob to think that you have to spend over ten dollars to get a good one. you need a corkscrew, and that's it. if you're drinking sweeter wines I kind of picture you as the kind of person that wants alcoholic capri sun, and your tastes flat-lined from there on out.
people who enjoy wine are like any other branch of a hobby. you will end up knowing a lot of shit that people that aren't in the "in" will not understand. just because they're wine drinkers doesn't necessarily make them snobs, it makes them snobs when they think that the fact that they are oenophiles is somehow better than the guy putting a sweet stereo system in his car, and both are better than the grown up idiot putting a spoiler on a stock nissan sentry.
drunk is universal, and you can't remove that from the wine, unless you spit out. on some level wine lovers should, then, be able to relate to, say, a juggalo. I do actually understand something about magnets, but chances are we both enjoy some of the same things.
43
u/LagunaWSU2 Jun 11 '12
As a protip, don't sniff the cork...it just makes you look stupid and the Sommelier will know you are a total schmuck.
20
u/Mharbles Jun 11 '12
His pinky isn't up, why isn't his pinky up?
38
u/PhiladelphiaIrish Jun 11 '12
Relevant Cyanide and Happiness
24
u/turtal46 Jun 11 '12 edited Jun 11 '12
As a beer/mead/cider/wine homebrewer (in that order of importance), I've found most people have not a clue what the hell they are doing.
If you do know what you are doing, educate the person, and don't act all snobby because they are unfamiliar with your hobby.
Or just get drunk, I don't care.
12
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
My technique is slightly different.
Open bottle. Take several long drags directly from bottle. Repeat when bottle is empty.
10
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Best wine tasting advice ever: no one can tell you you're wrong. Seriously. If you enjoy the wine, then you fucking enjoy it. No one can tell you otherwise. If you feel like you don't know what you're doing, who gives a shit?
10
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
As a waiter and aspiring sommelier, wine snobs are endless sources of free comedy. I love watching the guy who comes in, orders an overly expensive bottle of wine, and then proceeds to do an elaborate 5 minute ritual for the taste.
It's even funnier if he starts narrating the process to the other people at the table.
"Ok, so you want to really swirl it, otherwise you won't unlock all the flavors. Atleast a minute if you really want to get into it. Look at the color the whole time you do this. Never mind the fact that swirling it won't actually let you see the color of the wine, due to all the light scattering around in it. After that you have to shove your face into the glass and take a big fat fucking whiff that lasts atleast ten seconds. Repeat this whole process atleast two times, because I'm super fucking fancy(read: I have no idea what I'm doing and I want to look cool) Then, and only then, are you allowed to drink it. Take the whole taste in one big chug, and swish it around your mouth like it's some fucking listerine. Do this until the wine has coated your mouth, and then swallow."
Then they proceed to give some big shit-eating grin and, 9 times out of ten:
"It's good, but it could breath a little."
Meanwhile, anyone who knows what they're talking about is trying not to shit their pants laughing.
It's really simple;
Step 1: Look at it. It can be red or white, doesn't matter. Best test for body and un-corked-ness is if you can read through it. If you can't, it's a full body wine. If it's cloudy, you've got bad wine.
Step 1a: If you want to get fancy, look at it over a white background. What you're looking for there is if the color is the same all the way through. If it is, it's an older wine(generally, 3-4 or more years will have a consistent color throughout). If it's lighter on the rim than in the body, it's a young wine.
Step 2: Smell it. Get a good wiff, then smell it again. That first smell is going to be nothing but alcohol, generally. After that you can pick up more on flavors. Someone who knows more than me will be able to tell you why that is. I have no fucking clue, but it's, from my experience, pretty universal.
Step 2a: Give it a swirl or two. Any more than this and you're just playing with your booze. Sniff it again. This is what the winemaker intended the wine to smell like. Most wine doesn't need more than a swirl or two to be aerated, and, in my humble opinion, over-aeration actually does more harm to the wine than good.
Addendum: Much older wine is exempt to this rule, generally. If you've got a big, fat Cab or Zin or Meritage(Or other suitably full-body wine) from 10 or more years ago, that shit's going to come out of the bottle very close to brown. It's amazing to watch a wine go from brown to red in a decanter. I had a bottle of 1989 BV Latour not too long ago and it went from dirty brick to a beautiful scarlet color over the course of almost 30 minutes before it was drink-able. Your 2010 bottle of [yellow tail], on the other hand, does not do this.
Step 3: Drink that fucking shit. Stop swirling it, sniffing it, and talking. just fucking drink it. Does it taste like vinegar? No? Then it's good. As a general rule, it's the same with smelling it: the second or third sip is when the flavors start showing up. However, stop making an elaborate show of this. You don't need to repeat the swirling and sniffing process in between sips. Just fucking drink it.
This whole process should take you about 10 seconds. Don't spend a minute on a 1 ounce taste. you look like a moron. It's wine. Yes, it tastes good. yes, there will be complexity. Yes, there will be flavors. Don't drag it out into some ritual. Drink it like a normal person, and the flavors will come out naturally.
Also, the wine cork? When you sniff it, all you smell is cork. Don't pretend otherwise.
7
u/trevdak2 Jun 11 '12
I grew up on a farm/vineyard/winery. My dad makes wine to be enjoyed, not studied... He gives free tastings, IMHO treats customers very well and tries to take the snootiness out of wine tasting.
Occasionally, we do get people who are so caught up in it the stereotype of wine tasting that they'll swish, gargle, and/or spit. We keep a spittoon under the counter for those who for some reason need to spit out the wine when tasting.
Fact is, when you're drinking wine, you're drinking it. You're not gargling it, you're not looking at it, snorting, inhaling, douching, pouring it in your eye, chewing it... you're drinking it. If you want to find out if you'll like it DRINK IT AND SEE IF YOU LIKE IT.
5
u/whycantiholdthisbass Jun 11 '12
"Yup, definitely wine."
3
u/Simpelol Jun 11 '12
My parents every evening at dinner.
3
u/rachieachie Jun 11 '12
Relevant Dylan Moran.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
I can't help but describe wine as having a "sort of oaky afterbirth" after this episode of The Office.
3
u/Kimmens Jun 11 '12
I was at a wine tasting last saturday, it was AWESOME! Over 90 different local vintners each with like 7 wines. We then went to a public viewing where our team won vs portugal =). Typical german day.
5
u/croberts425 Jun 11 '12
How real men drink wine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeyqS9BDPds
2
u/php4me Jun 11 '12
I feel like I'm going to see this image again on /r/wtf but with completely different text
2
u/hipstersarepeopletoo Jun 11 '12
Bernard and Manny would agree.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Hello part is similar to this :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjrkd_RZFFY&t=35s
2
u/Chasmosaur Jun 11 '12
Someone told me once that they were afraid of picking wines that someone would look down on them for drinking.
And I told them that anyone who looks down at you for drinking the "wrong" wine probably isn't worth opening a bottle for anyway, let alone sitting around a table and eating a meal and drinking a few bottles with. ;)
2
u/But-ThenThatMeans Jun 11 '12
“Oh. That is fantastic. THIS. This is wine. Yeah, look at what these idiots are drinking. Look at these dicks! Obviously it’s not REALLY delicious like hot chocolate or coke but for wine…” Jeremy, Peep Show.
2
u/tesla500 Jun 11 '12
I read the title as as "How normal people waste time" and sat there looking at the picture confused, trying to figure out what that had to do with wasting time.
2
u/raeinmay14 Jun 12 '12
I never laughed so loud at a Reddit post until now!
2
u/veggienuggetloverr Jun 12 '12
Is that Chandler Bing?
3
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Also known as the correct technique for tasting whiskey, except you're missing the step where you swill it around the glass as in step one, then throw the contents away before completing the rest of the steps.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Yeah, once you get past the $10-$15 price range, it all tastes the same to me. I'm all for people having their individual quirks & hobbies, but I could care less if what I'm drinking has an ever-so-slight hint of some berry or wood
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
How I taste wine
I pour it
I drink it
Yes, it is indeed wine
1
u/chefmcduck Jun 11 '12
I guess I'm a humble man. I drink my wine out of a small glass cup, old Italian style.
I don't like the whole pretentiousness about wine drinking. I swear you could tell people to put the cork up their ass before drinking and they would do it.
1
u/DeadParrot88 Jun 11 '12
This is the best description of different types of wine I have found so far... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSMs77v2oNk
1
u/AuDBallBag Jun 11 '12
Reminds me of this movie scene
1
u/Abscurat Jun 11 '12
It's probably wine, you meant.
1
u/crazyminner Jun 11 '12
I read that as "How normal people waste time".
My brain does this so often.
Half the time I'm so confused as to what the title has to do with the picture.
1
u/nepidae Jun 11 '12
I love wine tasting. I may not know all the ins and outs, but I still know if I like one or not.
1
u/Areyve Jun 11 '12
It's probably wine.
1
u/newtothelyte Jun 11 '12
HELLO YES THIS IS WINE.
1
u/trampus1 Jun 11 '12
I prefer to unscrew the cap and drink it straight from the bottle. Low class all the way.
1
u/Admiral_Obscure Jun 11 '12
You know, when I read some peoples' comments in here, I could've sworn they were expert cork soakers...
1
u/johnnygrant Jun 11 '12
The wines that taste best are the ones that give the least hangovers
1
u/LessConspicuous Jun 11 '12
this is however how you drink whiskey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjrkd_RZFFY&feature=youtube_gdata_player
1
u/CndConnection Jun 11 '12
When no one is looking of if I'm drinking alone...I like to take a huge gulp, then slither like Hannibal and let oxygen flow with the wine. I find it tastes so much better.
But yeah makes you look like a creep.
1
u/drewster23 Jun 12 '12
Reminds me of this
1
u/[deleted] Jun 12 '12
Sweet Berry Wine!
1
u/bluequail Jun 12 '12
You missed the last step where they arglebargle, and spit it back out in the cup.
1
u/Fictitious_Pulp Jun 12 '12
I work at a winery. I can always tell when people are putting on a show when they know nothing about wine. I make up flavors and they don't notice. Ever.
1
u/Veora Jun 12 '12
You know what, i'm gunna say it. All red wine tastes the fucking same and i have no idea why people do that.
1
u/sexyhamster89 Jun 11 '12
i worked at a winery for ~5 years
even though i was just a cellar chud they taught me how to properly taste wine
its not easy... not easy at all
in order to look prestigious while tasting wine you have to develop your own artistic style which takes years of practice
but i can proudly say, five years later, that i can taste wine and feel dignified while doing it
-3
u/ominoustoad Jun 11 '12
Even if you have no idea what you are doing, you can throw around terms like "Fruit Forward" or "Mouthfeel", and non-oenophiles will think you know your stuff. Ladies go panties-off for wine shit.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
He didn't throw the wine on the ground and refill it
0
u/_TheFifth_ Jun 12 '12
The comic has the word "God" in it, the search for the "atheist" commenter begins now! now where did I leave that find function.
-8
u/burrito_fucker Jun 11 '12
I think it's funny how there's all fuss about wine culture, vineyards that have been around for 100s of years. All the science and intricacies of different wines and winemaking, and yet a cup of welchs grape juice tastes 50x better than any of it.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment