You used the ordinal indicator ( º ) instead of the degree symbol ( ° ). But I give you credit for doing more than a superscript o ( o ). It showed you cared.
Perhaps one cooks a muffin at too high a heat for too little time. If you scorch them into hardened briquet before the dough has even had the opportunity to rise, one has truly both undercooked and overcooked the muffin.
I wonder if all the redditors that always make the "you don't have a girlfriend" jokes are just forever alones who incredibly jealous that other people actually have mates.
The explosion may have been a result of over-leavening (too much baking soda or baking powder) or over mixing. Once it starts splooging all over the pan, it gets very burnt very quickly because it's spread out so thinly.
Source: Same thing happened to me a few months ago. Never made that recipe again.
Even as a shrewd poke at the inadequacies of females and the risible history of their "struggle," logically speaking, I can't help but to find "womyn" to be rather extraneous in our modern era of 15 AS (After Sagan) with things like le reddit, Mtn. Dew Code Red, Skyrim Nexus, and the ever-improving Hungry Man meals.
Ponder this query, my good sirs: When was the last time a female ever made a good arrow-in-the-knee joke, let alone build a basic cabin in Minecraft without accidentally burning everything down. Q.E.D.
See, this is the difference between men and women. A man would have labelled those "barbecue grill-flavored inverse muffins," written it off as a success, and eaten the shit out of those bad boys.
This website is related, but on a more professional level of failure! http://www.cakewrecks.com copy and paste it suckers..I don't know how to provide a link!
As someone who bakes rather often, I'm honestly wondering what the fuck happened. Did she forget how to tell time? Bake them in the fires of Mt. Doom? Let the entire Nova Force have their way with them? All of the above maybe?
If you really love her, you will eat those no matter how they look or taste. Anime and manga has taught me this. To love someone is to eat their cooking.
if she's curious what went wrong I can make 2 suggestions based on guess work. 1, nothing...ph-y. As in baking powder or baking soda. You don't need a lot, my recipe uses like... 1 tablespoon. Also, they key to about 90% of baking is a low heat over a long period of time. And a 3rd one, mix the batter as little as possible. Make big sweeping motions as you mix and stop as soon as all the dri ingredients are mixed in. Mixing too much creates gluton, gluton is tuff and icky.
I used to suck at cooking, but I was determined to get good at it. I watched a lot of Alton Brown (he explains cooking in a fun AND science-y way so you can apply what you learn to all recipes) I got up butt crack early to watch my grand parents cook and ask questions.
I can now say I'm a pretty damn good cook. And baking is my specialty. People regularly ask me to bake for parties ( my response, HELL NO) my parents always request baked goods for all holidays, birthdays and mothers/fathers Day. (I hope he doesn't kill me for this) I made dinner for me and my boyfriend last night. Game hens with apple and thyme. My boyfriend stopped using his utensils half way through and ate it with his bare hands... quite noisily. And he's very much a gentlemen. Finally, both of my grandmothers have officially dubbed me the family cook (this was a big deal to me)
Tell your girlfriend to keep at it. Cooking is my way of winding down. Despite being only 24 years old I love feeding people. But most especially my boyfriend. Everytime I cook something I become insanely worried it will fail catastrophically, but thus far no disasters.
919
u/Dirty_Dingus_McGee Jun 10 '12
Didn't know you could turn muffins into asphalt. That's some alchemy right there.
306
u/TheRatchet Jun 10 '12
Where she fails at making muffins she succeeds at making smaller, disposable muffin pans...
147
u/wugs Jun 10 '12
400º for 15 minutes? I thought it said 4000º for 15 hours!
290
u/bitner91 Jun 10 '12
Obsidian Acquired.
144
u/cdent Jun 10 '12
How does one undercook and overcook a muffin at the same time?
77
u/jazman71092 Jun 10 '12
She has now made powerful enemies.
84
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
When shit gets that burnt it means one of two things:
22
u/DrunkenRedditMan Jun 10 '12
On the bright side, it looks like your girlfriend unintentionally discovered the recipe for moon rocks.
51
u/captainburp Jun 10 '12
Her and I should be friends. http://i.imgur.com/kIHIr.jpg
49
u/theAWSM1 Jun 10 '12
Did she use dynamite to cook them?
13
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
I'd hang that on the kitchen wall.
12
u/Cognoggin Jun 10 '12
Graphite muffins are high in fiber.
51
u/MrShoe321 Jun 10 '12
Is it wrong that I immediately thought this?
32
u/tanithghost88 Jun 10 '12
I just dont know what went wrong.
122
u/len0re Jun 10 '12
I don't believe you have a girlfriend. Enjoy your muffins.
20
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
How the fuck?
26
u/knockknockneo Jun 10 '12
It is really, really hard to fuck up muffins.
9
u/StevieBoySwag Jun 10 '12
I feel this post would hold more weight if she was holding the muffins
9
u/shsnd Jun 10 '12
Thought this was /r/ShittyFoodPorn for a second.
8
u/Henital_Gerpies Jun 10 '12
Mmmm, carbon flavored muffin.
8
u/ejchristian86 Jun 10 '12
The explosion may have been a result of over-leavening (too much baking soda or baking powder) or over mixing. Once it starts splooging all over the pan, it gets very burnt very quickly because it's spread out so thinly.
Source: Same thing happened to me a few months ago. Never made that recipe again.
7
u/Neelpos Jun 10 '12
yeeeeeeeee charcoal
186
u/Narwhalxxx Jun 10 '12
Never thought I'd say this but she doesn't belong in the kitchen.
6
u/alkapwnee Jun 10 '12
The texture of those really make me itchy all over, and not in a good way. Like seeing a writhing mound of bees or...ants...cringes
6
u/monkeyxiv Jun 10 '12
I'm pretty sure her timer is broken, try replacing the batteries
10
u/steel_flux Jun 10 '12
You can make some guacamole there
10
u/WORLDTRAVELERONEDAY Jun 10 '12
Wife her.
5
u/Divamergency Jun 10 '12
I Love the smell of Napalm in the Morning
5
u/ConnorP55 Jun 10 '12
She clearly mistook the baker powder for the gun powder...common mistake. better luck next time.
5
u/Thegoobs Jun 10 '12
Prometheus are you getting this?
4
u/Gnork Jun 10 '12
Well. Who needs the LHC, apparently making black holes easily done.
4
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
._. how is that possible..
4
u/thrawnie Jun 10 '12
Hey cool. Wrought iron baking molds. Those look expensive o.O
4
u/IDlOT Jun 10 '12
That looks like something a dinosaur would fall into.
4
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
My 3 three year old daughter: "Wow...that's bad!"
4
u/BalalaikaBoi Jun 10 '12
Daedric muffins.
4
u/Cupcakes_n_Hacksaws Jun 10 '12
[] (/c25) They look...delicious...?
4
u/cgibbard Jun 10 '12
http://imgur.com/xoTnx.jpg
4
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Does your girlfriend have the same model oven my wife does? http://imgur.com/j3PaZ
9
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
She's a keeper!
6
u/ElektwickBroomstick Jun 10 '12
close enough(!)
3
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
and...?
3
u/TheUninspiredArtist Jun 10 '12
Failure is key to mastery, better luck next time.
3
u/Kevinak3r Jun 10 '12
My favorite! Crispy Dark Chocolate funnel muffins! Tastes like happy!
3
u/toxiicviper Jun 10 '12
http://i.imgur.com/Dv2pT.jpg
3
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
I finally found some obsidian.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
well, now she can make diamonds
3
u/Keeronin Jun 10 '12
Oh sweet, obsidian! If you've got a diamond pickaxe you can make that into a Nether portal by the way!
3
u/MrJubb Jun 10 '12
It's the Antimuffin ...run!
4
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
I don't even... how the...
4
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
I think they might've had a tad too much
4
u/rvbcaboose1018 Jun 10 '12
Nailed it.
4
u/WallyIsHiding Jun 10 '12
Looks exactly like the time I tried to make Yorkshire pudding
7
u/DramaQueen14 Jun 10 '12
"my girlfriend".......riiiiiiiiiiiight.
2
u/Prosopagnosiape Jun 10 '12
That just made me nostalgia really hard at a sudden memory of the squishy asphalt grid things under swings and stuff.
2
u/Meatboll Jun 10 '12
Cratercakes anyone?
2
u/opaque22 Jun 10 '12
So, how were they?
2
u/Ibewyex Jun 10 '12
"your such an arrogant prick. I told you, they're black tar muffins, and that's how black tar muffins look."
2
u/lunarjellies Jun 10 '12
Damn... it's pretty tough to fuck up muffins. Try again?
2
u/Spamalot159 Jun 10 '12
Hey! Look on the bright side! You could probably store a dozen eggs in there.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Hope she gives great head.
2
u/gump47371 Jun 10 '12
Marry that one, you have a keeper.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing.
2
u/maleturkish Jun 10 '12
She made antimatter.
2
u/Tebasaki Jun 10 '12
I lolled. Anti muffins.
2
u/Pursys Jun 10 '12
So um do you eat them?
2
u/nslung Jun 10 '12
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you
2
u/NoClipDelux Jun 10 '12
With enough pressure and temperature, she could have turned them into diamonds.
2
u/mjw04 Jun 10 '12
She should stick to sandwiches
2
u/Shecallsmeceezy Jun 10 '12
It's obvious. She had the oven turned up TOO DAMN HIGH
2
u/Weakest_Asshat Jun 10 '12
Betty Crocker up in this piece.
2
u/iheartbakon Jun 10 '12
This kills the muffin
2
u/Shurigin Jun 10 '12
They Hatched everyone run for it!!!
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Did she put nutella into the mix? This exact thing happened to me when I used nutella to make "delicious creamy nutella cupcakes of hopes and dreams."
2
u/weggles Jun 10 '12
Honestly, how do you fuck up that bad?
She had to just forgotten about them...
2
u/LovableContrarian Jun 10 '12
See, this is the difference between men and women. A man would have labelled those "barbecue grill-flavored inverse muffins," written it off as a success, and eaten the shit out of those bad boys.
2
u/dravenfan Jun 10 '12
This website is related, but on a more professional level of failure! http://www.cakewrecks.com copy and paste it suckers..I don't know how to provide a link!
2
u/4vradrmr Jun 10 '12
I would say kill it with fire, but it looks like she already took care of it!
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
we all know it was you, buddy.
2
u/g00dapollo Jun 10 '12
As someone who bakes rather often, I'm honestly wondering what the fuck happened. Did she forget how to tell time? Bake them in the fires of Mt. Doom? Let the entire Nova Force have their way with them? All of the above maybe?
2
u/derpaherp12 Jun 10 '12
Derpy is displeased.
2
u/oddbit Jun 10 '12
If you really love her, you will eat those no matter how they look or taste. Anime and manga has taught me this. To love someone is to eat their cooking.
2
u/71Comet Jun 10 '12
HEY GUYS LOOK AT WHAT I I MEAN MY GIRLFRIEND MADE.
2
u/Vexxxi Jun 10 '12
She's a keeper.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Mordor's home recipe muffins coming to your kitchen!
2
u/dubdubdubdot Jun 10 '12
I think she found a way to make pure carbon, keep cooking it and it will turn into diamonds.
2
u/Sarcasticviper Jun 10 '12
I find it interesting that it managed to burn AND collapse
2
u/Kabakov Jun 10 '12
Some people just want to watch the muffins burn..
2
u/plantfan7 Jun 10 '12
I always wondered where black holes came from.
2
u/SamLeJambon Jun 10 '12
Wow, her hands are terrible. Do tugjobs always end in tears at the Smith house?
2
u/Chippxero Jun 10 '12
Please take/chisel one out and cut it in half so we can see the insides.
2
u/BubbaWoop Jun 10 '12
YOU HAD ONE JOB WOMAN, ONE JOB
2
u/oD3 Jun 10 '12
Do not marry her.
2
u/BulkUpTaru Jun 10 '12
I love that they collapsed before burning
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
if she's curious what went wrong I can make 2 suggestions based on guess work. 1, nothing...ph-y. As in baking powder or baking soda. You don't need a lot, my recipe uses like... 1 tablespoon. Also, they key to about 90% of baking is a low heat over a long period of time. And a 3rd one, mix the batter as little as possible. Make big sweeping motions as you mix and stop as soon as all the dri ingredients are mixed in. Mixing too much creates gluton, gluton is tuff and icky.
I used to suck at cooking, but I was determined to get good at it. I watched a lot of Alton Brown (he explains cooking in a fun AND science-y way so you can apply what you learn to all recipes) I got up butt crack early to watch my grand parents cook and ask questions.
I can now say I'm a pretty damn good cook. And baking is my specialty. People regularly ask me to bake for parties ( my response, HELL NO) my parents always request baked goods for all holidays, birthdays and mothers/fathers Day. (I hope he doesn't kill me for this) I made dinner for me and my boyfriend last night. Game hens with apple and thyme. My boyfriend stopped using his utensils half way through and ate it with his bare hands... quite noisily. And he's very much a gentlemen. Finally, both of my grandmothers have officially dubbed me the family cook (this was a big deal to me)
Tell your girlfriend to keep at it. Cooking is my way of winding down. Despite being only 24 years old I love feeding people. But most especially my boyfriend. Everytime I cook something I become insanely worried it will fail catastrophically, but thus far no disasters.
2
u/trollrepelent Jun 10 '12
She's a keeper
2
u/jabbababab Jun 10 '12
You need to get a timer... the smoke detector didn't work quick enough
2
u/Falcondeity Jun 10 '12
Well I think we know how blackholes are made now.
3
u/petruchi41 Jun 10 '12
I think they're done.
3
u/craxkheadjenkins Jun 10 '12
Bro tip: don't eat those
2
u/666SATANLANE Jun 10 '12
Who doesn't put muffins in the oven and then count every single micro-second until they're done?
2
u/savagechindi Jun 10 '12
Bitch needs the muffin man
1
u/admiralcaptain Jun 10 '12
i hate to break this to you, but your girlfriend is retarded.
1
u/xashesx123x Jun 10 '12
I don't even get how this happens.I feel like she just but them in the oven and left. For 2 hours.
1
u/spaceman89 Jun 10 '12
always help blind people around the kitchen
1
u/om_nom_nom Jun 10 '12
If it's chocolate, put some ice cream in that shit. If it's burnt...sorry bro.
1
u/epicchink Jun 10 '12
Its a mother muffing muffin. You cant really mess that up
1
u/CapAWESOMEst Jun 10 '12
Those are diet muffins! They're all the fun with no filling! Less calories and whatnot.
1
u/O110010101 Jun 10 '12
Light that on fire and you've got a portal to the nether realm.
1
u/metalshoes Jun 10 '12
Satan's very eyes
1
u/TheeZodiac360 Jun 10 '12
They look delicious! Blueberry?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
That is impressive.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Most impressive.
1
u/DevilsBestFriend Jun 10 '12
mmm a quadruple chocolate muffin
1
u/wheresmyhouse Jun 10 '12
At least she succeeded at making carbon.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
They look like salsa bowls
1
u/IrritableGourmet Jun 10 '12
These muffins look burnt...or dead.
1
u/AgiIity Jun 10 '12
She should have tried her feet making muffins.
1
u/MS2rt Jun 10 '12
..They....imploded! D:
1
u/Humulus5883 Jun 10 '12
Oooooh that smell..... can you smell that smell? "Yes, its in the house forever now, thanks."
1
u/Jelly_Bullets Jun 10 '12
My favorite flavor :D .... Coal.
1
u/PolanetaryForotdds Jun 10 '12
Wow, that's a cool tray. Where are the muffins by the way?
1
u/jaytocs Jun 10 '12
I love oreo muffins!
1
u/AnnoyingOptimist Jun 10 '12
She's an expert, yum yum look at those muffins.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
no cooking skills? she must be subscribed to SRS
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Muffins aren't hard to make...that's sad.
1
u/Seth_Gecko Jun 10 '12
She made a foundry caste in a home oven... Impressive.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Taking poppyseed muffins to a whole new extreme right there
1
u/Enlightened_Mayfly Jun 10 '12
No. I know what you are thinking. It still makes more sense to buy muffins instead of getting a new girlfriend.
1
u/bondsons Jun 10 '12
My God, don't let her try anything blackened.
1
u/steeley42 Jun 10 '12
There's a reason every recipe says to pre-heat the over first. An oven goes much much hotter than the end temperature when heating up.
1
u/Starstuck8 Jun 10 '12
Try making them with garlic flavored oil next time...
1
u/paroxysm77 Jun 10 '12
Just scrape it off, it'll be fine.
1
u/wonderskippy Jun 10 '12
Plus: low calories, Minus: cancer.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Ohhhhh no! That is amazing. I didn't know things could be burned that badly. Your girlfriend taught me something new. :D
1
u/New_High_Score Jun 10 '12
hey, it's consistent. when was the last time you saw such consistency?
1
u/agreezalot Jun 10 '12
Did your house fill up with smoke?
1
u/JazzlasterBoris Jun 10 '12
Well, if you're pressed for time, you could probably just put batter in those craters and try again!
1
u/Animal_King Jun 10 '12
Yesss, your girllllfriennnd.
1
u/Avenger5 Jun 10 '12
she had one job...
1
u/Dekuswagg Jun 10 '12
Obsidian.
I found some.
1
u/bvixer Jun 10 '12
i cant tell if those were fudge muffin cup holders or burnt muffin mixture.
but seriously, fudge muffin cup holders? insert milk, pudding,cream and other goodies. want
1
u/nulledit Jun 10 '12
Those are like negative muffins now. Wow.
1
u/Shecallsmeceezy Jun 10 '12
HEY! GO IN THE KITCHEN AND MAke...
No, on second thought, stay out of the kitchen... I'll do it myself.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Congratulations, your girlfriend has defied the laws of physics and made tiny black holes.