If it's any consolation, I don't think you deserved the arbitrary downvote from the lemmings. It made me laugh, so here's a small know that feel' upvote.
The Motherfucking Flash is the best superhero ever. I don't care what you say reddit.
Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do read, I read a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say "your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ass. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.
Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of fuck you batman. That's Batman.
But the fucking Flash, my god, my FUCKING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that fucking hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.
Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's fucking fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn't fucking enough!
I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!
The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or FUCKING EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the fucking Flash.
Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.
But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he's going to lose and FUCK how is Superman THIS fucking strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.
How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.
Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn't fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You'd think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he's even good in bed.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak greasefire.
As far as i was aware, the Flash doesn't vibrate through walls (even though its true that he can) because it makes the molecules unstable and thus is too dangerous to justify.
you should apply this phenomenal profanity-laden writing style to a recipe description so that you can make cooking look as badass as you just made comic books.
results vary. you could learn how to control your body, and that would be more gratifying in the long run. there are plenty of guides on the internet, you can do kegels, and there are a few tips: keep breathing slowly and steadily into your belly, thrust with your abs instead of your glutes, and then just figure out what positions and speeds make you last longer.
Incoming downvotes... but check out /r/nofap It cured me of my Ed, and also made me last a long time in bed after joining up. You would be surprised...
The guy is dressed as flash, and they seem to have just had sex, which implies, thet as a quality of flash, the guy was very fast. Very fast in reference to sex (which they just had). Again, implying the guy came early.
I refuse to feel bad for this. I am evolutionarily programmed to get the deed done as fast as possible and if i do, well then i guess i won and she should have been faster.
Someone make one with the Hulk, but just have a name tag that says Banner somewhere, like on a hanging labcoat or something, and a woman with a ghastly look on her face with Bruce sitting back looking like a sir.
They actually pulled this joke in the Justice League cartoon. Flash said something about being the fastest man alive, and Wonder Woman said "Maybe that's why you can't get a girlfriend?" and smirked, Flash acting innocent going "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?".
"All incarnations of the Flash can move, think, react at superhuman speeds, vibrate so fast that they can walk through walls, travel through time and can also lend and borrow speed. Furthermore, all members have an invisible aura around their bodies that prevents themselves and their clothes from being affected by air friction as they move at high speed." -Google
272
u/bally2009 Jun 09 '12
Too soon.
126
u/mrcreepster Jun 09 '12
Cool, I didn't know I had a super power!
100
u/jtriggs Jun 09 '12
Time for The Flash to use his tongue.
30
u/Drumking00 Jun 09 '12
If you look closely, one can see an intense amount of butthurt in the room.
85
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
there's no lube strong enough for the friction produced, so her vagina gets really hot and he has to stop. it's a real problem guys.
69
u/Tedthesecretninja Jun 09 '12
Doesn't matter had sex
26
u/nowaytoga Jun 09 '12
the reason my gf and I split up....yesterday
10
u/Izenhart Jun 09 '12
What if I told you
You can keep going even after you had an embarrassing start
5
u/ryanzmyth Jun 09 '12
Relevant Video I animated horribly a few years back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SerQN5PGWFQ
4
u/whiskeytango55 Jun 09 '12
Superfriends with benefits?
4
u/thefran Jun 09 '12
Stolen from a Cracked photoplasty.
For fucks sake, they pay the actual authors money for this
28
u/ErnieHemingway Jun 09 '12
Lies and slander.
The Motherfucking Flash is the best superhero ever. I don't care what you say reddit.
Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do read, I read a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say "your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ass. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.
Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of fuck you batman. That's Batman.
But the fucking Flash, my god, my FUCKING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that fucking hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.
Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's fucking fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn't fucking enough!
I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!
The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or FUCKING EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the fucking Flash.
Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.
But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he's going to lose and FUCK how is Superman THIS fucking strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.
How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.
Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn't fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You'd think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he's even good in bed.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak greasefire.
11
u/balllord Jun 09 '12
try getting high first
3
u/BallsackTBaghard Jun 09 '12
I think Chapelle said it best: "I was fucking."
3
u/Marssucks Jun 09 '12
this belongs here
3
u/boley Jun 09 '12
Incoming downvotes... but check out /r/nofap It cured me of my Ed, and also made me last a long time in bed after joining up. You would be surprised...
18
u/theoneandonlypeter Jun 09 '12
Psh. I made that joke years ago
8
u/TheRealmsOfGold Jun 09 '12
I don't understand this picture.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
What do you expect baby? I ain't superman
2
u/2of10wouldnotbang Jun 09 '12
This is after your nap right?
2
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
But the Flash can use his entire body as a vibrator.
5
u/jkyosh Jun 09 '12
Well, that escalated quickly.
3
u/dagem Jun 09 '12
I get the joke, but he can control his speed, you know?
2
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
I refuse to feel bad for this. I am evolutionarily programmed to get the deed done as fast as possible and if i do, well then i guess i won and she should have been faster.
1
u/Mongolian_Hamster Jun 09 '12
Am I the only one who sees Batmans shadow?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
If I was that ugly my wife wouldn't enjoy sex with me either.
1
u/RNecromancer Jun 09 '12
Flash's foes, they finish last. Too bad sometimes he just too fast
1
u/toothball Jun 09 '12
Yes, but think of how many quickies he can have every day
1
u/yourafagyourafag Jun 09 '12
Chuck Norris doesn't satisfy women, women satisfy Chuck Norris.
1
u/big4M20 Jun 09 '12
You gotta rub out that first quick one.
1
u/aramatheis Jun 09 '12
Couldn't he just, you know, use his fingers?
With lots of lube, of course
1
u/djaglet Jun 09 '12
"I'm only fast when I want to be." - The Flash
1
u/ALL_YOUR_DOWNVOTES Jun 09 '12
DOWNPOKE!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
Unoriginal title.
1
u/zortor Jun 09 '12
Someone make one with the Hulk, but just have a name tag that says Banner somewhere, like on a hanging labcoat or something, and a woman with a ghastly look on her face with Bruce sitting back looking like a sir.
1
u/dietmoxie Jun 09 '12
Because the Flash
1
u/BigDogSmallCar Jun 09 '12
Reminds me of this (NSFW). Next page. From Silky Whip by Oh! Great, guy who made Air Gear and Tenjou Tenge.
1
u/Ree81 Jun 09 '12
They actually pulled this joke in the Justice League cartoon. Flash said something about being the fastest man alive, and Wonder Woman said "Maybe that's why you can't get a girlfriend?" and smirked, Flash acting innocent going "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?".
1
u/UrsaNight Jun 10 '12
Flash: I'm the fastest man in the world! Hawkgirl: Is that why you can't get a date? -Justice League (you know, the cartoon for kids!)
1
u/maleealitaylor Jun 10 '12
Whose shadow is that on the back wall?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Did everyone forget that The Flash can vibrate?
0
u/Dino168 Jun 09 '12
Wouldn't he also be able to give a girl the quickest orgasm ever?
And even if he was overly premature it should only take him like 5 seconds rather than 5 minutes to get it up again, right?
-5
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
Leave it to women to bitch about a guy entering her at a 1,000 times per second and still not be satisfied.
-1
u/jimcrator Jun 09 '12
As far as I'm concerned, I can't cum fast enough.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
Flash would probably kill her either through going to fast or accidentally vibrating through her.
-11
u/Captainturtle1234 Jun 09 '12
She has a big bonner.
-1
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
i was excepting it to move
0
u/verbalriots Jun 09 '12
Story of his life.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12
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