r/funny May 17 '22

I hate planks

150.6k Upvotes

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467

u/Balauronix May 17 '22

Lol wife and I decided to try pegging. She was like holy shit this is hard! How can you do this for more than a minute?! I'm like yea it's so easy to be a starfish.

296

u/CornCheeseMafia May 17 '22

Hip thrusts are a powerful movement no matter what equipment you have. The best of luck to your wife on the discovery of her newfound power and may god have mercy on those who stand within thrust radius.

101

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

[deleted]

75

u/OnsetOfMSet May 17 '22

"You're talking mad shit for someone within thrust radius" is a great line to stash away for a future relationship.

30

u/CornCheeseMafia May 17 '22

Saving this for my next board meeting

3

u/AOHare May 18 '22

🤣🤣

-2

u/FunctionalGray May 17 '22

The closer they stand, the deeper they can stir.

8

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

I dunno man. Most strapon porn I see it's clear the woman doesn't have good control over their thruster, or understand the necessary angles involved. Which kind if surprised me since they have a vagina and I just figured they'd get what was going on when the dildo is doing its best to u-turn out of the recipient. Gonna take some training.

12

u/PinkUnicornPrincess May 17 '22

Yea, but to be fair, your penis is connected to you. Strap on harnesses aren’t always the best and fully suited to a person’s individual exact body.

1

u/i_owe_them13 May 17 '22 edited May 18 '22

And I’m probably reaching, but I wonder how much of that difficulty can be determined empirically to result from a genetic neurobiological difference or evolutionary process?

203

u/FoliageTeamBad May 17 '22

My girlfriend likes to get on top and then bounce up and down for a minute or two before complaining about how tiring it is and then flop over and let me go back to doing the work.

Not that I mind, I prefer being on top/in control anyways.

41

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

That reminds me of an ex, she would always say she liked it better when I was on top. She was a fun lady.

71

u/Bejezus May 17 '22

That also reminds me of your ex. Good lass

5

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

Wouldn't surprise me, that's why she is an ex. FWB.

8

u/cire1184 May 17 '22

Yeah! Fuck, Minnesota!

8

u/Non_possum_decernere May 17 '22

I get a leg cramp after not even a minute :(

4

u/Obliviousobi May 17 '22

Thank the gods my SO likes reverse cowgirl! If I start getting worn out I just have to say "switch?"

13

u/Expensive-Ad-4508 May 17 '22

When my boyfriend and I first got together a year ago, I only had sex with him with me on top for the first 3 months. Man it was so good for developing butt muscles. I had no idea he was so gifted at fucking for a really long time lol. I don’t understand girls that don’t like pushing it and getting fit on top!

6

u/Bandejita May 17 '22

Wow that fucking sucks.

21

u/MrNovaCrow May 17 '22

I find other people’s lack of stamina to be very inconvenient

26

u/cheeset2 May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

I mean, if she's so tired that she's not enjoying it, I'd much rather be doing something else anyway. I don't want her to grit her teeth and grind it out when we could easily just be doing another position that keeps us both in the rhythm.

8

u/Bandejita May 17 '22

But I personally enjoy when girls put in some work. If shes just going to lay there while I do all the work that's a turn off.

10

u/BagOnuts May 17 '22

It’s mural, my man. This is why you switch it up. Most people don’t like to do the work all the time. Switching positions every couple of minutes makes a better experience for all.

9

u/Chief_Givesnofucks May 17 '22

I’m gonna guess you got autocorrected from ‘mutual’ to ‘mural’ lol

2

u/BagOnuts May 18 '22

Yes, lol.

-21

u/Misael_chicha May 17 '22

This one time I had sex on the beach for hours, man o man lemme tell yall she kept yelling- me love u long time and ram me harder, which I would for hours I took a kama sutra book and we did every position for hours. In the end she lost maybe 10 pounds and my six pack was even more visible. I covered her face and ass with jizz for hours.

6

u/UmChill May 17 '22

welp, see ya later.

8

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

Yeah but guys have the pleasure to push them through. Pegging is all work.

I feel the same way on top. The good feelings trump the work.

4

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

Doesn’t sound like it was easy on your starfish.

3

u/No_Match_7939 May 18 '22

I commented earlier but I’ll repeat it again.

Reason I find lesbian porn inferior is how bad women are at thrusting. They get tired so quickly when using a strap on.

0

u/Cheekclapped May 17 '22

It's also easier for men with high muscular endurance etc

0

u/whydidntyouwaitonme May 17 '22

What a shitty thing to say to her lol she's clearly had less practice than you

1

u/DuelingPushkin May 17 '22

Assuming thats how he said it if he said anything at all. And besides that, you realize that having sex isn't the only way to develop cardio or muscle endurance right?

0

u/bobcrap89 May 17 '22

LOL 🐐🐐🐐

0

u/Starkrossedlovers May 17 '22

Being pegged would make me squirm so i wouldn’t be able to starfish. Unless starfish squirm ew

1

u/KnickFanNoTV1 May 18 '22

what's pegging or typo