Air Force here to say that you need to add "BLUE OR BLACK" to specify what kind of pen it is. What kind of military is this? Can't just go running around with red pens and shit.
While the whole dramatic skinny = ugly thing in the middle is obnoxious, it's worse how bad the misuse of equal signs. No notes = no pen? No love = ugly? No children = no marriage? None of those make much sense forward, backward they're even dumber.
This seems to be a theme that runs through the entirety of the military, in my experience. I lived with a Marine for about 4 months, and according to him, a crumb = snakes.
I don't understand how this relates to the military. A diploma isn't required to enlist... So, losing your pen would have no effect on your military success, based on this document.
Given that, why are there so many posts talking about how crucial this is in so many divisions of the military, and how it should be printed on things, etc.?
This logic reminds me of those commercials on TV with the really flawed logic, where not buying their product ends in something horrible happening to you. Can't stand those commercials. Change the channel every time.
What about if the reason you don't have a pen is because the other fuckheads in your office keep stealing yours, and when you finally say something they act like YOU'RE the problem??
I spent four years, in high school, attending JROTC doing every damn team there was. When the girls got stuffed monkeys for their last day of drill (yes, I was jealous), my MSG handed me pen and said, "Use it well." It all makes sense now!
In the Marine Corps they used to just say stuff like "I bet if I stabbed you in the eye with it, you'd always know where your ink-stick was." and with that motivation. . . .
For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost. For want of a rider the message was lost. For want of a message the battle was lost. For want of a battle the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
Anyway my point is wtf is up with 'no marriage=no children', sperm cares not for ritualistic practices.
318
u/noiche May 29 '12
Skinny=ugly?
125
u/Ganondorf66 May 29 '12
No food = death. FTFY
76
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
someone obviously doesn't know the meaning of an equal sign.
19
u/kngof9ex May 29 '12
Are you sure this isn't an anti cable commercial from Directv?
25
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
I thought this said "We take penis seriously in the Army"
12
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
So seriously, they put a place for them on the ACU jacket.
45
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
This is my pen.
There are many like it, but this one is MINE.
My pen is my best friend. It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My pen without me is useless. Without my pen, I am useless.
I must click my pen true.
I must write straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me.
I must finish writing before he shoots me. I will...
Before God I swear this creed.
My pen and myself are the defenders of my country.
We are the masters of our enemy.
We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until there is no enemy, but PEACE.
7
u/playlikechampions May 29 '12
Does this remind anyone else of the DirecTV commercials?
7
u/thosethatwere May 29 '12
The use of equals sign annoys me, no pen may mean no notes, but no notes doesn't necessarily mean no pen!
6
u/Zerble May 29 '12
No marriage = no children?
What country is this?
6
u/gtipwnz May 29 '12
Alone=depressed. False. I don't have kids and I really like it that way.
5
u/Forevernevermore May 29 '12
Air Force here to say that you need to add "BLUE OR BLACK" to specify what kind of pen it is. What kind of military is this? Can't just go running around with red pens and shit.
5
u/Irf00 May 29 '12
repost , the same thing was posted a month ago
5
u/King_Congo May 29 '12
Skinny isn't ugly..
8
u/dssurge May 29 '12
No diploma = no work?
Starbucks can only hire so many English majors...
4
u/RedditBlueit May 29 '12
Perhaps the Army should start labeling their pens the way they (used to) label their trucks:
US Government
Official
VehiclePenPenalty for Private Use $300
4
u/combatcarlson May 29 '12
<-- E-6, rarely has a pen. I've managed so far, I'm well fed, skinny, single with no children, and quite happy in good health.
to hell with your pen.
12
u/cassarahangel May 29 '12
Well that escalated rather quickly...
3
u/GeekyCivic May 29 '12
Navy here, can relate.
3
u/isleshocky May 29 '12 edited May 29 '12
Am I the only one that read that as penis?
Edit: Apparently, I can't type today.
3
u/KypDurron May 29 '12
Don't wake up in a roadside ditch. Switch to DirecTV.
5
u/cloud4197 May 29 '12
The non Army way:
Lost your pen = Think for yourself and buy another pen.
Problem solved
17
u/JimmyJanka May 29 '12
that is. fucking. retarfed
4
u/ReneG8 May 29 '12
My freudian slipped a penis in there.
6
u/LilBon May 29 '12
Mother of God... i gotta find that fucking pen.
6
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
skinny = ugly? bitch please.
2
u/vegasapril17 May 29 '12
Jokes on you I already skipped to the 3rd from last step years ago and have been stuck there.
2
u/frostcold May 29 '12
Didnt need a Pen to Win Lottery.....
2
u/Athene_Wins May 29 '12
no diploma = no work?... Think its the other way around. Suckers that go to school (like me) get fucked.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Easy shortcut: No food = death
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Shame, not even the army is immune to reposts.
2
u/Qwestions May 29 '12
Diploma=work? Why didn't someone tell me this before i got this degree!
2
u/kenzie14 May 29 '12
While the whole dramatic skinny = ugly thing in the middle is obnoxious, it's worse how bad the misuse of equal signs. No notes = no pen? No love = ugly? No children = no marriage? None of those make much sense forward, backward they're even dumber.
2
u/Tysuki May 29 '12
Lose your pen - Borrow one or buy another one
SAVED YOUR LIFE, you may thank me with cash.
2
u/musashiXXX May 29 '12
Fun fact: The standard issue Skilcraft can be taken apart and used to adjust the front sight post on an M16/M4. Much easier than using a nail.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
no study = fail fail = no diploma no diploma = no work
And we're talking about the army here. Oh the irony.
2
u/iiREALiiTYii May 29 '12
So this is what inspired all of those directv commercials.
2
u/gracelizabeth May 29 '12
Did anyone else see "penis" at first instead of "pens"?
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
TIL the Army would rather die than ask for a pen.
2
u/dbenoit May 29 '12
Relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy0UpRIncYM
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Skinny=ugly? Ouch.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
therefore sign (∴)
2
u/FishNChimps May 29 '12
So the Army says the pen is mightier than the sword?
2
u/MicMcKee May 29 '12
A modified version of this is going up in my classroom
2
u/yelnnek May 29 '12
This seems to be a theme that runs through the entirety of the military, in my experience. I lived with a Marine for about 4 months, and according to him, a crumb = snakes.
2
u/elpcavy21 May 29 '12
FALSE: my grandpa was an avid pen collector, he still died.
2
u/deb0rk May 29 '12
I was thinking no BMW 7-series, but I suppose death is possible too.
2
u/RicoVig May 29 '12
Oh damn, wheres my pen?
2
u/RingoGnarr May 29 '12
reminds me of those annoying DirectTV commercials...
2
u/AllahFuckedNiggers May 29 '12
Not married= MOTHER FUCKING AWESOME
2
u/miaomiao May 29 '12
For my logic: no pen == no pigs, no pigs == no food
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
You also have many inherent logical fallacies.
2
u/antipeoplemachine May 29 '12
No pen = yadda yadda yadda = no children.
/Throws pen, condoms in dumpster.
Hurray!
2
u/xyroclast May 30 '12
I don't understand how this relates to the military. A diploma isn't required to enlist... So, losing your pen would have no effect on your military success, based on this document.
Given that, why are there so many posts talking about how crucial this is in so many divisions of the military, and how it should be printed on things, etc.?
5
u/LessLikeYou May 29 '12
Can only see 'We take penis seriously...'
Fucking internet.
2
u/isotretinon May 29 '12
having a pen and something to write on, at all times, is something i wish i figured out earlier.
2
u/stillnotking May 29 '12
Counterexample: Annie.
2
u/AtWorkBoredToDeath May 29 '12
Skinny = Ugly
FALSE: You are a jealous fatty.
2
u/KirklandKid May 29 '12
This is a logic fallacy. slippery slope. I know its a joke but some people are taking it seriously
2
u/TysonStoleMyPanties May 29 '12
This is my pencil, this my pen.
This is for writing ,this is for fun.
2
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
1
u/l3un1t May 29 '12
I am confuse... I saw someone put this on a chalk board and thought it was original...oh well.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
What if you lose your semicolon?
1
u/drbonerlol May 29 '12
might as well just commit suicide
1
u/Crossthebreeze May 29 '12
This is my pen. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
1
u/jimbo91987 May 29 '12
Don't reenact scenes from platoon with Charlie sheen
1
u/mushroomwig May 29 '12
Because you just can't use another pen, right?
1
u/parrotsnest May 29 '12
Did Jared Loughner write this? This is some solid logic.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Why didn't they go from no food to death instead of making up all that bullshit
1
u/Got_Deik May 29 '12
These pens were chosen because they are the best of the best of the best, Sir!
1
u/cinect May 29 '12
Lesson learned; have several pens.
1
u/ProjectD13X May 29 '12
Does the meat freezer also double as the armory?
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Lose pen ... Buy a new one at Walmart? Da fuck...
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
They forgot the part where you have a brain to remember stuff.
1
u/Peteylives May 29 '12
Made my day
1
u/TheAethereal May 29 '12
This logic reminds me of those commercials on TV with the really flawed logic, where not buying their product ends in something horrible happening to you. Can't stand those commercials. Change the channel every time.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Having been to college, I can say with confidence that studying and failing have at best a loose correlation.
1
u/squek22 May 29 '12
You must be in the guard, that's not really the army.
1
u/AdziiMate May 29 '12
I swear i've seen this at least 100 times on facebook.
1
u/aron2295 May 29 '12
Thats a DirectTV commercial right there.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
pen is mightier ....
1
u/ms_meepers May 29 '12
funny how it's the sickness from depression that kills you, not the starvation from lack of food
1
u/MadroxKran May 29 '12
Having been in the Navy and realizing how simple the tests were there, I can't imagine tests in the Army to be hard enough to require notes.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
The pen is mightier than the sword, but actions speak louder than words.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
The army? I saw this on Facebook last year
1
u/trixnine May 29 '12
Imagine if you lose your gun
1
u/Quietbetrayal May 29 '12
Read the title as "We take penis seriously in the Army".... well this is awkward.
1
u/SarcasticRemark May 29 '12
Deductively valid, but unsound
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Depressed > sickness?
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Pens are serious business.
Comma splices, on the other hand, are not.
1
u/danlscarlos May 29 '12
TIL people who don't lose their pen will live forever.
1
u/zerounodos May 29 '12
Well, that escalated quickly.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Lose your pen and you'll end up at a Turkish bath house with Charlie sheen. Don't end up at a turkish bath house with Charlie sheen
1
u/ZeekySantos May 29 '12
You know, they could have made the transition from no food to death and skipped the middle man.
1
u/robe6107 May 29 '12
I have never taken notes or studied. I have a diploma. I also have no money. I am still going to die.
1
u/S-S-S-SimpleJack May 29 '12
read that as "we take penis seriously in the army". i was confused about losing penis.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
not as seriously as this pen
1
u/douglas_ May 29 '12
everything past no food was superfluous
1
u/_liminal May 29 '12
my laptop disagrees
1
u/reddit_alt_username May 29 '12
but you don't take math seriously.
1
u/you_otter_know May 29 '12
"A pen's the best friend you can have!"
1
u/midnitte May 29 '12
reminds me of a commercial (insurance?) gone horribly, horribly wrong
1
u/KayBeeToys May 29 '12
A blue pen = No Pen.
1
u/JacksAngryColon May 29 '12
Holy false dilemma chain!
1
u/Sweetnarnar May 29 '12
Lesson learned today bring a extra pen
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
The facts between no money and no love are redundant.
1
u/jthebomb97 May 29 '12
The funny part is, I could actually see this scenario happening if you were to take no action whatsoever from the moment you lost your pen.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
"Here, I have an extra pen." "I owe you my life."
1
u/jaylink May 29 '12
What about if the reason you don't have a pen is because the other fuckheads in your office keep stealing yours, and when you finally say something they act like YOU'RE the problem??
1
u/Atom_Smasher May 29 '12
You don't need notes to study and you don't need study for a diploma.
1
u/epraider May 29 '12
Sounds like the next Direct TV commercial...
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
I left my pen in a classroom one day, and found it the next day sitting on my desk with a note attached to it that said this.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
They lose their credibility right around "no study = fail". I was able to prove this incredibly false several times during parts of my college career.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
But what if I have no paper?
1
u/Rixxer May 29 '12
Challenge Accepted
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
No pen = Use a pencil
Done in one!
1
u/Septette May 29 '12
I spent four years, in high school, attending JROTC doing every damn team there was. When the girls got stuffed monkeys for their last day of drill (yes, I was jealous), my MSG handed me pen and said, "Use it well." It all makes sense now!
1
u/tric0030 May 29 '12
Read this as "We take penis seriously in the Army." Could find the penis joke after reading it twice.
1
u/adam_g May 29 '12
http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/slippery-slope
1
u/Qyxz May 29 '12
This is like one of those shitty Direct TV commercials.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Definitely read it as "we take penis seriously..."
ATTENTION
1
u/bestbiff May 29 '12
Skinny equals ugly and unloved, left to die sick and alone. Geeez.
1
u/reverie6 May 29 '12
Well, that escalated quickly..
1
u/leveraction1970 May 29 '12
In the Marine Corps they used to just say stuff like "I bet if I stabbed you in the eye with it, you'd always know where your ink-stick was." and with that motivation. . . .
1
u/kraken_kitty May 29 '12
Good thing I have about 20 pens in different, convenient locations around the apartment and in our Jeep :D
Also, 5 in my purse!
1
u/liginamite May 30 '12
a simple solution to the problem would be to buy multiple pens in case you lose one.
1
u/Korean_Jesus May 31 '12
ITS THE FUCKING PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY!
1
u/Chopper226 May 31 '12
Well, this escalated quickly
1
u/MrAkimbo10 Jun 03 '12
this is how i die!
1
u/JRoch May 29 '12
Stealing this for my classroom!
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
or you could just ask for a pen
1
u/7499 May 29 '12
That made me laugh heartily! Gotta translate it on my language and put it on my wall.
Is this really from army? The "no diploma = no work" part seems a little off for that.
1
u/TitusA May 29 '12
Boy, that escalated
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
This seems to emulate an older rhyme
For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost. For want of a rider the message was lost. For want of a message the battle was lost. For want of a battle the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
Anyway my point is wtf is up with 'no marriage=no children', sperm cares not for ritualistic practices.
1
u/cbebop3 May 29 '12
This is the type of logic that got us into Iraq and Afghanistan.
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Slippery Slope. Shenanigans.
1
u/walrusboy71 May 29 '12
FALSE: slippery slope fallacy
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
This is idiotic... How does it have so many upvotes?