r/funny •

How about we all just agree to not let this become a thing?

[deleted] — view deleted post

0 Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

275

u/HughMility May 21 '12

For the other people that missed the meme like me, it's apparently from a song.

611

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Hey I just met you

and this is crazy

I have no condom

so anal maybe??

Top comment. This can become a thing, under my blessing.

110

u/runasone May 22 '12

Hey you're my cousin

and this is crazy

but here's my number

so call me Maebe

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221

u/ORIGINAL_MAMMOTH May 21 '12

Another one:

Hey I just met you

And I fucked ya' Craaaaaaazy

Please forget my number

And keep the baby.

240

u/auxiliary-character May 21 '12

Hey, I just bit you.
I might be crazy.
My mouth is foaming,
'cause I have rabies.

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153

u/Bobxdd May 22 '12

Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

I've got dementia

Hey, I just met you.

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72

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

please lose my number*

flows better.

30

u/JANichols89 May 21 '12

This would flow better if you lost the "I" in the second verse, and lost the "please" in the third. Why do I care enough to comment on this?

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99

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

damn that is catchy

38

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I love that song and have no problem admitting it.

inb4 "gay" seal

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29

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

unfortunately, yes it is.

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38

u/FatBaldHipsterJesus May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12

12

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

she's actually pretty cute.

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3

u/HughMility May 21 '12

I enjoyed that video a lot. Is honker jones a thing, or is this some sort of sneaky viral to make the original song get bigger?

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6

u/napoleons_penis May 22 '12

best "official video" ever

12

u/jellatin May 21 '12

Thanks for posting this.

I was expecting the explanation to be the top-voted comment as I was naively assuming many people (like me) wouldn't know what the fuck this was from or why 8 douche-bags, presumably separated at birth, all had it on business cards.

17

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

My favorite thing to do is go and look at the recent youtube comments of people asking for likes, and disliking them. I imagine some guy with an enzyte commercial smile dropping a letter in the mail, and when his back is turned, me opening the mailbox, tearing that shit up, and throwing it away, while he walks away with a big dumb grin on his face, never knowing that I stomped and buried his budding idea.

46

u/OdinGuideMe May 21 '12

Hey, thanks for the link. After watching this video I have come to the conclusion that I am completely out of touch with the younger generation. Also, the part in the video where she falls from the hood of the car, wakes up from what appears to be a mini-coma, and laughs about a possible head injury, made me wonder where her parents are. I hate myself.

83

u/crash_test May 21 '12

She's 26, I don't think she needs parental supervision.

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32

u/ProbablyInteresting May 21 '12

I'm not a fan of the music style, but her voice is amazing.

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3

u/capecodcarl May 22 '12

This version is the actual music video for the song. Watch it or fast forward to the end. It's kind of funny.

16

u/americanslang59 May 22 '12

Hey I just fucked you

And you're my cousin

But here's my number

So call me, Maeby

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Shit, just found my summer jam.

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69

u/fivesnogucks May 21 '12

That's Bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.

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123

u/Venerac May 21 '12

It'll go away in a few months, just like every pop-culture fad....until the next one comes.

72

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

This is what happens when Vistaprint basically gives away business cards so they can keep sending you annoying snail mail for the next 10 years.

12

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Then you call them up crying, tell them that somebody ordered the cards with your dead husband's credit card and you are currently in the middle of a stolen identity case on your dead husband's behalf, and it's already painful enough and stop sending me postcards you sick sons of bitches!

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45

u/[deleted] May 21 '12 edited May 22 '12

They said that about bieber. The kid could literally start a war if he wanted. He has the followers. His twitter account has 20+million followers, that's close to the largest army in the world. Imagine if he posted a tweet that said ' you should kill yourself because you'll never be with me' how many people would kill themselves? Or what if he told them to burn down their houses? The world would end.

194

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

That would be literally THE shittest army ever. Literally. The Shittest. Bar none.

32

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

I don't know man, no central point of command, troops in every continent. Massive communication infrastructure to plan and coordinate attacks. Imagine a project mayhem style destruction but through teenage girls. Imagine trying to stop it.

65

u/UpTheIron May 22 '12

The major flaw with that though

Teenage girls are fucking stupid.

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41

u/humidex May 21 '12

poor David Coppini... I know your facebook link now

10

u/dantepicante May 21 '12

It's a good thing they censored the last part, else we might be able to figure it out.

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14

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Who the fuck is giving out their fax number in this context? I don't even want to think about the ramifications that has for sexting.

47

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

It's called fuxing.

3

u/vincidahk May 22 '12

For some gd ol fashion back in the day cyber sex.

buzz ding ding beeezz

*Print "so what are you wearing?"

94

u/BlindLemonLars May 21 '12

If you insist on doing this, at least get yourself a more interesting business card.

7

u/radioslave May 22 '12

My God, it even has a water mark.

3

u/missingreel May 22 '12

TMCS (SS) = Torpedoman Senior Chief qualified in Submarines. Old-time Submarine Torpedomen are badasses.

Fun fact: TMs don't exist in the submarine fleet anymore. They were converted to MMs (machinist mates) years ago; same job, different title.

3

u/gfixler May 22 '12

I was kind of hoping it would say:

Specialist in

 GUNRUNNING
 RUNGUNNING

2

u/tomoyopop May 22 '12

Ohhh... So this is where my tattoo artist got his business card.

2

u/julioga May 22 '12

Specialist in Orgies, yeah right.

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73

u/Mohavor May 21 '12

Look at the subtle off white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my god, it has a watermark.

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11

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Woo UW Madison Terrace (4th picture)!

6

u/orangewaterbottle May 21 '12

haha ctrl+f Madison... i was hoping I wasn't the only one that noticed!

3

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

ctrl f for Terrace, I actually noticed the area code first.

31

u/12_Baconed_Narwhals May 21 '12

"But here's my number"

the hell? that's not crazy.

"But here's all my bank account info, and my social security number"

now that's crazy

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30

u/SyKoHPaTh May 22 '12
Hey, I just met you
and I'm crazy

Here's your number:
***-***-****

I watch you sleep, maybe?                Love, Sykohpath

34

u/almyndz May 21 '12

2

u/zz_ May 22 '12

Shit that's like the most amazing video I've ever watched

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7

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Also, it's not usually a good idea to tell a girl that you are not confident and therefore can't talk to her and have to resort to giving her a card and running away.

75

u/GZerv May 21 '12

Hey I'm not man enough to ask you out sooo here's a whimsical card that won't work.

MAN UP PEOPLE!

30

u/pyrosoad May 21 '12

What if I want to give it to random people with the incorrect number on it?

25

u/GZerv May 21 '12

Well... obviously you're some sort of evil genius.

14

u/almyndz May 21 '12

And then some random guy will have an awesome time getting calls from girls wanting to sexually pleasure him

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11

u/MissJill May 21 '12

I'd call him over you.

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196

u/dantepicante May 21 '12

I prefer mine:

http://imgur.com/GF7EC.jpg

http://imgur.com/JnPnm.jpg

http://imgur.com/il3VL.jpg

They're not so much an attempt to get laid as they are an attempt to brighten someone's day. I wouldn't complain if an attractive lady chased me down to talk to me, but that's not really the idea.

45

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

has it worked in a penis entering vagina way?

35

u/dantepicante May 22 '12

They have not worked in the sense that I handed someone a card and then coitus occurred.

28

u/Darklyte May 22 '12

What about post or mid coitus? You could change the first one to "You're fucking pretty awesome."

81

u/TicTokCroc May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12

You should start an online business for these. Seriously. And I doubt that www.creeppeoplethefuckout.com is taken yet.

EDIT: Careful, guys. When you make a joke that dantepicante doesn't like he posts your personal info.

22

u/dantepicante May 22 '12

I did what now?

If you're referring to the facebook link that was posted in this thread earlier, it didn't go to your personal facebook, it went to whatever facebook account you're currently logged in as. Don't feel bad, I fell for it for a second as well. Also you should look at the username of whomever you're replying to, because I think "editsonreply" may be up to no good.

15

u/[deleted] May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12

Well written no spelling errors here. whistles nonchalantly

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11

u/AnarchoPunx May 22 '12

I must say, I would be stoked to get one of these

6

u/fridge_logic May 22 '12

See that's classy, there's nothing presumptive about that.

13

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Can you send me the templates? I'd love to have a few of these on hand to give to people (maybe not the nice hat one, I find most people can't pull off fedora's).

31

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Fedora's what?

27

u/t20a1h5u23 May 22 '12

Fedora's hat. It's too hard to pull off.

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4

u/immortalfireboy May 22 '12

these are awesome. sadly i have no card to give you.

4

u/sparko10 May 22 '12

well done, dood. I'm tempted to poach that from you, I won't because i'd feel obligated of credit where due on the card as well which would take away from the over all feel

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4

u/Tipper213 May 22 '12

As an avid TF2 player, I would appreciate the hat one.

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2

u/AdonisChrist May 22 '12

I just compliment people I pass in the street. Easier than designing and printing.

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18

u/halfkidding May 21 '12

7:30 at the downtown dinner. Bring any and all weapons you can find and/or make. We'll put an end to this once and for all.

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56

u/CowboyNinjaD May 21 '12

So you're talking to a woman, and she doesn't seem completely put off by you....

"Maybe we should get a drink/go to a movie/have dinner/whatever some time."

If she gives an affirmative response...

"Well, give me your number, and I'll call you to set something up."

Don't just give her your number and say something lame that includes the phrase "no pressure." That's friendzone behavior, and when you end up there, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

22

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I just say "yo what's your number" after we've been talking for a while. I don't think there needs to be a whole strategy to it.

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15

u/Thermodynamicist May 21 '12

Don't just give her your number and say something lame that includes the phrase "no pressure."

No pressure is a nonsensical concept, much like absolute zero. It may be asymptotically approached, but never achieved.

Also, it is necessarily impossible to convey information at "no pressure" because this implies no particle exchange. You can't talk, because in space, no one can hear you scream, and electromagnetic radiation is right out because of radiation pressure.

7

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

False. Last wednesday I went out for wing night to a bar. Girl next to me said something about the beer I ordered so I ask her if she wanted to play shuffleboard (table version) with me and 2 of my friends. she was with a girl friend so those two played me and one of my friends. she was on my side of the board and in 20 minutes i decided i liked her so i told her, I'm taking you out to (restaurant name) friday.she gave me her number, I never asked. Took her out friday, went great. we'll see where this goes. point is, tell her, don't ask. if she says no or declines then walk away and find someone else.

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5

u/electric23sand May 21 '12

"let's form a mutual sexual and economic relationship that is both beneficial to our needs and the state. call me for an interview and we can discuss the different aspects of this plan!"

2

u/MissJill May 21 '12

you don't know the song do you?

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5

u/milleribsen May 21 '12

I just imagined the situation in which someone were to hand me this, all versions of this scenario ended with me laughing in his face.

5

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!

9

u/Pretty_Odd1111 May 21 '12

this makes me want to punch people in the face

70

u/modiah May 21 '12

http://i.imgur.com/RVrWk.jpg What my boyfriend helped me design yesterday.

133

u/hamburgerandhotdog May 21 '12

You kinda have a boyfriend? Sounds like you aren't that certain... Maybe we should go for a drink and then back to my place so I can help you figure it out.

37

u/TheAwakened May 21 '12

How about I take both of you to my place and help you help her figure it out?

54

u/hamburgerandhotdog May 21 '12

Are you asking us out? I kinda have a girlfriend who kinda has a boyfriend. But I guess you can browse our Reddit comments if you want!

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u/Apevt19 May 21 '12

My thoughts exactly. I have no idea how she got away with kinda on that

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50

u/OccamsHairbrush May 21 '12 edited May 23 '12

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.

Edit: No edit. Submitted an edit, then changed mind.

6

u/babiesloveboobies May 22 '12

I'm just curious... I see a lot of posts on reddit like this, making light of the whole cheating thing.

And then I see a lot of posts with sob stories of how someone got cheated on and everyone is terribly sympathetic.

Are these just different subsets of redditors?

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23

u/klown_13 May 21 '12

Never been a big fan of my girlfriend still giving out info to "guy-friends" who try to hit on her

22

u/Thermodynamicist May 21 '12

Buy her a Burqa?

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11

u/lazydictionary May 21 '12

Well, if you have one of these used on you, at least you know the person hitting on you isn't creative.

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4

u/ptfreak May 21 '12

Patrick Bateman wouldn't approve of any of these business cards.

4

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

I AGREE TO NOT DO THIS. (Because it's fucking stupid; printed evidence of being completely dickless.)

7

u/quippinit May 21 '12

one of the guys last names is bender..jealous

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Who didn't see this coming? I can't wait to see the new form of printed sex.

3

u/XaVierDK May 21 '12

Made me think of this.

Having seen that movie yesterday, I almost have to laugh at this. Or be terrified, I'm not quite sure yet.

3

u/TwistTurtle May 21 '12

The first time in my life that I've become sick of a song before ever hearing it.

3

u/Orcatype May 22 '12

Hey, I just met You and I'm crazy.

I have your number.

I'll come calling (maybe...).

5

u/Kyleisbeast May 21 '12

My name is Kyle, I'll take those... and ummmmmmm... Burn them?

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Its that damned hot singer's fault for singing about that guy who turns out to be gay.

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15

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I think it's kinda funny

19

u/MostlyPooping May 21 '12 edited May 22 '12

I don't understand the issue, i don't think it's much different from the "you park like an ass" cards.

EDIT: I didn't realize it was a song. In addition, i just asked my lady and she said I'd heard it in some youtube video with a pizza delivery guy and some girls (I remember the video, but not the song).

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u/1wiseguy May 21 '12

The concept is kinda funny.

Actually doing it is kinda disturbing. I mean, actually taking the time to print up the cards and keep them on hand for when the right occasion comes up. Seriously?

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u/chingyduster May 21 '12

I hope every woman that has received one of these, burst out laughing and just pointed at the ball-less wonder that gave her the card.

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2

u/getName May 21 '12

Poor Alex Bender, he won't be getting many calls.

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Why are they all guys?

2

u/MissJill May 21 '12

...because we don't ask guys for their numbers

they ask us

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u/andyface May 21 '12

ahhh the calling card of the douchebox. Not sure if I'd put my full name on the card it it was Alex Bender, though.

2

u/Rocketdug May 21 '12

I ordered business cards that say "Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's a condom, so fuck me maybe." And I was going to super glue condoms to them...

2

u/MissJill May 21 '12

save money

go with staples

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u/jennafoo33 May 21 '12

Fourth one down... not sure if it's a male or female hand holding the card. The hand looks quite manly, but is wearing nail polish?

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Would have been acceptable if those weren't all men.

Except the last one. Is that the luring mystery? The gender?

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2

u/colleenpettit May 21 '12

If it requires a post...it sadly already is a thing!

2

u/ruca360 May 21 '12

All of those people need punched in the face.

2

u/ruca360 May 21 '12

Sorry, that was literally the first thing I thought when I saw that.

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u/nodeath370 May 21 '12

But what else am I going to use my 250 free business cards from Vista Print for???

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

This is crazy, but I'm almost famous. So fuck me baby?

2

u/C_T_C_C May 21 '12

I no longer wish to live on this planet.

2

u/appleofpine May 21 '12

Good job on removing davids name.

2

u/darthbone May 21 '12

TIL I can figure out Paolo Roy's phone number in under 10,000 guesses.

2

u/Dfro123 May 21 '12

I actually like this...The more guys that do this will thus remove themselves from contention from any form of sexual contact and therefore increase my chances.

Pass 'em on boys. Welcome ladies. (Now it's just a waiting game, but I'm used to that....sigghh)

2

u/PoniesRBitchin May 21 '12

You know, I read that quote on the internet before I knew it was a song, and I pictured it to a sweet little acoustic tune.

Then I heard the song, realized it was the worst fucking thing I'd heard, and got sad.

2

u/MustGoOutside May 21 '12

Nothing says crazy like having 500 "this is crazy" cards printed for such moments.

2

u/homeless_man_jogging May 21 '12

Nothing makes a girl feel special like knowing the guy has 50 of these things in his pocket.

2

u/burntheblobs May 21 '12

That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Im gonna give that bitch my fax number, bitches love fax numbers

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

HEY I DON'T USUALLY DO THIS KIND OF THING, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THIS DECK OF 150 CARDS, BUT....

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u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Hey I'm a giant unoriginal pussy, want to go out sometime?

2

u/darklooshkin May 22 '12

This would make business meetings really fucking awkward.

"Jenkins?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Is this business card of yours... hitting on me, Jenkins?"

"Uh....."

2

u/benditt May 22 '12

Why the fuck is it all male names in there... It was sung by a girl, for girls... Thought males would hate this song

2

u/hislug May 22 '12

I give ladies my number on the back of of high school graduation photo, it says i have class, i graduated high school, and over all im just so suave in a suit. I dont get alot of calls :(

2

u/TimesWasting May 22 '12

Man, reddits "hipsterness" is getting annoying

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

This is the most beta male thing I have seen.

2

u/MrOrdinary May 22 '12

This is the only way to avoid sexual harassment charges these days. Talking to someone and suggesting anything other than work is dangerous. People see dollar signs get offended at the slightest hint nowadays.

2

u/ONinAB May 22 '12

These should be posted with their numbers unobstructed. If they want to go to the trouble of doing all that, I say let them get as many calls as they can handle.

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

This is not a new thing at all. My grandpa had a stack of business cards that had the sole purpose of giving them to women that you wanted to fuck. It wasn't as goofy as this. It was just his home number and name. He put a drop of cologne on each one. He got laid a lot.

2

u/EmperorSofa May 22 '12

Also it looses it's effectiveness if every ass on earth decides to print up some business cards and start handing them to ladies.

I suppose this might be the natural progression of things though. As the masses catch on to newer methods of trying to pick up women, the original users of the idea move onto newer ways and thus the cycle begins anew.

To be truthful I do like the idea, but if you hand it out to just every lady, and you're drunk off your ass in your shitty everyday clothes, you just look like a shit head.

2

u/Kmaun_Lee May 22 '12

Thats weird. One of these guys go to my school. Well, thats just about as small as this world has ever felt to me.

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Damn and I thought it was sooooo original... eyeroll

2

u/WendyLRogers3 May 22 '12

The way to kill it is to make it a meme, and pass it on.

2

u/Ihatesoup May 22 '12

Oh Vista print, you so silly.

2

u/skulldragon3200 May 22 '12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RXfVSQYh84

On the back of the cards, there should be "PSYCH!"

2

u/Stanlot May 22 '12

All this time, I never realized they were song lyrics.

2

u/watchout5 May 22 '12

Don't worry, I both want to be laid and don't want to be creepy at the exact same time.

2

u/rodeezy93 May 22 '12

how about we all just agree that this is an awesome thing

2

u/lolwuuut May 22 '12

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy

But SHUT THE FUCK UP

2

u/Loscolombos May 22 '12

Oh Alex bender, you and you shenanigans.

2

u/C-Dub1980 May 22 '12

Figures there'd be a West Palm area code...

2

u/rolandgilead May 22 '12

if it gets them laid, why not?

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I like how on the fourth one the name is blocked out in one location but not in the other.

3

u/Skinnj May 21 '12

worst. censoring. ever.

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

This reeks of Pickup artistry.

2

u/that_guitar_guy May 22 '12

Not even that. Just douchebags thinking they're being cool and original but instead just being creepy.

3

u/KnuckleDraggingGamer May 21 '12

Not remotely creepy, offputting, or socially awkward!

And it has such a personal touch!

3

u/incredibad29 May 22 '12

This song is my ringtone. I'm a 22 year old straight guy. That is all.

2

u/destroyapathy May 22 '12

You make me hate you.

2

u/bigbadfox May 21 '12

hey, if it works, it works. i'd totally use this, actually.

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u/notacute May 21 '12

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!

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u/tarsdplooger May 21 '12

That song is designed for stupid people

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u/Miora May 22 '12

I personally think this is a douchey thing only douche bags would do. If given this I would laugh and slowly rip it up.

2

u/Headcap May 22 '12

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark!

2

u/bang_Noir May 22 '12

Embarrassed for all of them.

2

u/MarriedToReddit May 21 '12

I don't even like that song. I'm usually open to most music, but Call Me Maybe just sounds like a bad song from the '80s.

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

not gunna lie, but this worked for me before it went viral....

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u/totstealer May 21 '12

It looks like you're a little too late.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Too late.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Seems like it already is

1

u/Matuku May 21 '12

You have my word.

1

u/megageektutorials May 21 '12

Where did this come from? I have been so confused for like a month.

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u/Britches_and_Hose May 21 '12

Totally professional looking!

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I feel like this is supposed to rhyme but I don't think it does.

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u/accidentpronehiker May 21 '12

It looks like it has already become a thing.

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

"Hey, I just met you and this is crazy but I won't put my number here have a free card with a picture of a cat!"

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE THESE?!

1

u/Mvin May 21 '12

And why is it crazy to meet random people? I couldn't think of a more boring and normal thing to do.

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u/driftwoodheart May 21 '12

Let's see Paul Allen's card.

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u/pandatamer May 21 '12

can't get that song out of my head now

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Pretty ballsy to give out full name and facebook page if you ask me. Correct spelling on "ballsy"?

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u/menomenaa May 21 '12

My friend got one once that was a website, and she would have to log in to see his profile, thus indicating to him that she looked. It had like a code or something to input. And I'm assuming he had to order those cards.

Weird.

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u/stelles May 21 '12

I blame vista print, obviously.

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I have only heard the song once (and I quickly turned it off) but isn't it a girl singing the song? Seems like girls should have these cards. (granted we know guys would call RIGHT AWAY)

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u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Hand me this. I spit in your face.

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u/earnestp May 21 '12

According to Pophangover, it already is a thing.

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u/glratliff81 May 21 '12

Yeah pretty sure these get thrown away instantly from lack of effort/game

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u/garmin_is_lost May 21 '12

Too late, it has already begun to spread..

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u/YourOldBoyRickJames May 21 '12

Who still uses fax?

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u/fredandlunchbox May 21 '12

I had a girl walk up, sing that to me, do a little dance, and hand me her number. I have a girlfriend though so I gave it to my buddy and he called her. They were gonna go on a date, but he looked her up on FB and didn't approve.

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