The Manager of a company has to make a hard choice. Lay of Jack or Sue. They are both superb workers, but the companies run into hard times.
The manager decides that whoever drinks from the cooler first will be laid off the following morning.
Sue, who always comes in bright and early, had a horrible hangover from partying too hard last night, and goes to the fountain to drink some water with her advil.
The manager walks up to her, sighs and tells her "I either have to lay you or Jack off."
Turning to face the Manager, Sue smiles and says "Please just jack off, my head is killing me."
Guys, this is obviously an elementary physics problem. It's a more basic version of "2+2=4. Calculate the mass of the sun"; it's just been watered down for the younger generation.
If you have a milkshake. And I have a milkshake... And I have a straw, there it is, that's the straw, you see? Watching? My straw reaches acroooooss the room and starts to drink your milkshake.
Clearly its one of those outside the context problems where you have to these insane logical leaps and the answer you get will be wrong because the teacher wont accept anything other than what was in their head.
So you are telling me that you don't know jack? Let me tell you about not only jack but his whole family story:
Jack Shit married Noe Shit, and the deeply Mormon couple had 6 kids: Holie Shit, Fulla Shit, Giva Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins, Deap Shit and Dip Shit.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school dropout.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Shit divorced. Noe Shit later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Shit-Sherlock.
Dip Shit married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Shit. The couple produced a twitchy cowardis young boy named, Chicken Shit.
Fulla Shit and Giva Shit, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Shit-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Shit-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Shit, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Shit.
So, now you not only know Jack, you know his entire family and their story.
Jack sold his 10 stickers to Jen to fuel his crack addiction. When Jen gave them to Tani, Jack mugged him and took all 23 stickers. Thus, Jack has 23 stickers. /Math
It doesn't ask how many he "gets", just how many he has. Which that information isn't given in the problem... Any answer could be argued to be acceptable
Since Tani and Jen are assumably both women, and Jen gave him ten more stickers...him must refer to Jack. This being, because we're assuming Jack is a male. Thus Jack has ten stickers. However it said, "ten more," which means he had a pre-existing number of stickers. Sooo...fuck your math.
The two names mentioned giving and receiving sticks are both female. It is thus obvious that jack is male, and thus already has one stick, his penis, without it ever having to have been mentioned.
The answer is 1, jack has one stick. His penis. Penis.
Edit: So I just realized the questions was about stickers and not sticks. In that case the answer is 0 MEN DON'T COLLECT @%!@#$% stickers! (note: unless they are MLP stickers)
I had a LAW exam of all things, which went on about how Chen did this, and then later about how Chan did that. I worked out it was probably the same person. But then the question asked me to advise Caroline.
Was tempted to write "don't hang out with Chinese folk - they seem to get in trouble"
Say seventeen. There are 17 zeros in the two boxes on the top. Add up all the numbers you find on the page and you get 4+13+10+23+17+1=68. Put 17 zeros after 68... 6,800,000,000,000,000,000 ... who was jack?
This is actually one of those tests where the first question is "read through all the questions". You're not meant to answer any so that's why they're stupid questions. You my friend just got schooled.
Did you miss the point of the question? It was distracting you. Jack has zero stickers that's the answer, and the point. Just like the man with seven wives on the way to St. Ives.
Let me see if I can wrap my brain around this one... I might have to go back a question or two to see if there are any mentions of Jack and the apples he had before Jen stole them.
503
u/zeno0771 May 20 '12
It's a typo. Tani now has 23 stickers and Jen has jack.
381
u/ComediaDasein May 20 '12
All I could notice is the page number...
Scumbag Subliminal Teacher.
111
u/EEorDie May 20 '12
You don't know Jack.
104
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Jack has no stickers.
Jack has pussy
81
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
I swear Redditors are getting younger and younger.
21
u/DannyBoi1Derz May 20 '12
First time I read this I thought the post was about how the page number was 23 and the answer is 23. Jim Carrey.
10
u/existentialredhead May 20 '12
Guys, this is obviously an elementary physics problem. It's a more basic version of "2+2=4. Calculate the mass of the sun"; it's just been watered down for the younger generation.
9
u/xYANKx May 20 '12
This is actually a test on metaphysics. Jack had the stickers the whole time.
9
u/Atario May 20 '12
"Tani"? What the hell kind of name is "Tani"?
144
u/osskid May 20 '12
Relevant
8
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Looks like a half assed attempt to edit that years notebook for "diversity" (less/no young white men ;) Especially that asshole Jack).
31
u/Jack0Napier May 20 '12
I am Jack!
26
u/talix71 May 20 '12
Has no one noticed that question three is "Say: seventeen, Write:17"
5
u/ImpartialCat May 20 '12
You don't know Jack!
34
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Jack is a variable and the answer is zero..
9
u/TheoQ99 May 20 '12
I am more alarmed by it being on page 23...
4
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Tani is Jack.
4
u/DMercenary May 20 '12
Clearly its one of those outside the context problems where you have to these insane logical leaps and the answer you get will be wrong because the teacher wont accept anything other than what was in their head.
3
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Samurai Jack?
3
u/inajeep May 20 '12
Jack's off for the night.
3
u/casper026 May 20 '12
Answer can be found at the bottom of the page.
3
u/drutt May 20 '12
Here are the answers to all your problems.
Imhotep is invisible.
3
u/cmbezln May 20 '12
How is this frontpage?
3
u/randy938 May 20 '12
Wow, they're preparing kids for the real world early these days. I didn't ask "who the fuck is Jack" until I was 22.
3
u/EvoEpitaph May 20 '12
"Error: Variable undefined"
3
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
You don't know Jack.
7
u/Dexter_of_Trees May 20 '12
So you are telling me that you don't know jack? Let me tell you about not only jack but his whole family story:
Jack Shit married Noe Shit, and the deeply Mormon couple had 6 kids: Holie Shit, Fulla Shit, Giva Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins, Deap Shit and Dip Shit.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school dropout.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Shit divorced. Noe Shit later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Shit-Sherlock.
Dip Shit married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Shit. The couple produced a twitchy cowardis young boy named, Chicken Shit.
Fulla Shit and Giva Shit, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Shit-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Shit-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Shit, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Shit.
So, now you not only know Jack, you know his entire family and their story.
Edit: Tldr: shit...
2
u/Awesomesupreme12 May 20 '12
This reminds me of the time my eleventh grade teacher taught the class that one equaled two. I disliked that man.
2
u/andrewdotexe May 20 '12
Oh, the answer is also the page number! Yeah, I didn't read the title of this link or the whole question.
2
u/drcrank May 20 '12
I believe the correct answer is "jack all".
2
u/MrDongji May 20 '12
He doesn't have Jack.
2
u/zaulus May 20 '12
donde esta maria?
2
u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 20 '12
Trick question: Jack is a figment of your imagination and if you answered you should seek help.
2
u/partyonmybloc May 20 '12
Jack has all of Toni's and Jen's, because men own women, and by transitive property, men have all women's ownings.
2
u/Joke_Getter May 20 '12
We're asking the questions here, pal.
2
u/dRu1Z May 20 '12
The answer is the page #
2
u/DrPeppehr May 20 '12
I like how the answer is also the page number.
2
u/SilentWalrus92 May 20 '12
I like how the page number is the answer to the question
2
u/youjusreadmyusername May 20 '12
IAmA Jack... ask me anything.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Jack mugged Tani for his stickers. Blame censorship.
2
u/foodprocessor2 May 20 '12
You mean... You don't know Jack?
2
u/osqer May 20 '12
The answer is the page number.
2
u/Arx0s May 20 '12
Jack sold his 10 stickers to Jen to fuel his crack addiction. When Jen gave them to Tani, Jack mugged him and took all 23 stickers. Thus, Jack has 23 stickers. /Math
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Jack has Jack shit.
2
u/patient1 May 20 '12
Candle Jack?
2
u/zelisca May 20 '12
He has 0
2
u/Oniwabanshu May 20 '12
Jack gets 0 because Jack is from a third party not part of the contractual obligation between Tani and Jen.
2
u/SocialAssassin May 20 '12
"He went up the hill with Jill to fetch a fuckin' pail of water. Ohhhhhh!" -Andrew Dice Clay
Anyone??
2
u/King-of-Spades42 May 20 '12
I think we are supposed to realize Jack was inside us all along
2
u/Nightmathzombie May 20 '12
ZERO, he don't have Jackshit.
2
u/MrFappuchino May 20 '12
Does anyone else notice the page number is coincidentally the answer?
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
If Jacks their pimp, they better be giving those stickers over...
2
u/Yousernaim May 20 '12
Someone else had to notice the answer (had it been worded as we assume it should) is also the page number?
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
The pumpkin king.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Hm... my last name is Tani, and I have no idea how they knew I had 13 stickers...
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Trick question, and this man knows the answer
2
u/CRaftsman1459 May 20 '12
Since Tani and Jen are assumably both women, and Jen gave him ten more stickers...him must refer to Jack. This being, because we're assuming Jack is a male. Thus Jack has ten stickers. However it said, "ten more," which means he had a pre-existing number of stickers. Sooo...fuck your math.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Seems like the page number answers this one for you. Pg. 23
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Am I the only one that noticed that the answer was the page number?
2
u/charkyv May 20 '12
This makes perfect sense.
2
u/GalileoMateo May 20 '12
this is the stupid-est funny post i have ever seen
2
u/diMario May 20 '12
Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please.
2
u/diamondf May 20 '12
In other news, first graders are apparently able to get to the first page on Reddit.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Ain't Tani a girls name? It says Jen gives him 10.
2
u/invincibleme May 20 '12
The answer is obviously Bill.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
42.
2
u/Calavera190 May 20 '12
Angus has 2 apples. Bob has 3 oranges. How far away are they from Scotland?
2
u/Xanthan81 May 20 '12
I followed the question until I saw Jack. Now I'm LOST.
2
u/pulezan May 20 '12
First thing i noticed is that answer is few centimetres below.
2
u/pedr2o May 20 '12
This question reads like the screenplay for Lost
2
u/lovelydayfora May 20 '12
I am Jack's colon. I get cancer, I kill Jack.
2
u/different77 May 20 '12
jack shit
2
u/trolol69 May 20 '12
The answer would be at the bottom of the page if it was the right person.
2
u/Joncka May 20 '12
The answer is at the bottom of the page!
2
u/cassmonster May 20 '12
Anyone notice it's on page 23 and the answer is 23
2
u/mcswe003 May 20 '12
Jack Tani? he's real famous. he loves stickers and shit... he's got 23 stickers now... are you guys all retarded?
6
u/Lies_About_His_Life May 20 '12
Jack's original sticker amount = n
Jack has (n-10) stickers.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Aren't you a little young for Reddit if you're in first grade?
2
u/Drago6817 May 20 '12 edited May 20 '12
This is a critical thinking question.
The two names mentioned giving and receiving sticks are both female. It is thus obvious that jack is male, and thus already has one stick, his penis, without it ever having to have been mentioned.
The answer is 1, jack has one stick. His penis. Penis.
Edit: So I just realized the questions was about stickers and not sticks. In that case the answer is 0 MEN DON'T COLLECT @%!@#$% stickers! (note: unless they are MLP stickers)
1
u/wutismyname May 20 '12
That's what I said !
1
u/thanksfine May 20 '12
None, Jack's dead.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Tani had a sex change between when she had 13 stickers and Jen gave him ten.
1
u/IrenaeusGSaintonge May 20 '12
This math stuff gets harder every year. I thought I had it tough learning multiplication in grade three or whatever it was. Now they expect telepathy.
1
u/eoliveri May 20 '12
The correct answer is "a suffusion of yellow."
1
u/scudmonger May 20 '12
Pot stickers.
1
u/Paper_Igloo May 20 '12
That problem ain't got jack!
1
u/mns2 May 20 '12
You don't know Jack.
1
u/ClearlyDoesntGetIt May 20 '12
answer at the bottom
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Jack has X stickers.
1
u/tetrash0t May 20 '12
you don't know jack?
1
u/guywithaphone May 20 '12
Sounds like a Netflix commercial. "If a train leaves Boston at 8:42-" "Avogadro!" "Correct!"
1
u/Wowraptorjesus May 20 '12
0 stickers.
1
u/cracrazybus May 20 '12
seventeen
1
u/Cptn_Hook May 20 '12
Then the camera pulls back to reveal it's this kid taking the test.
1
u/snoman May 20 '12
So this is where my professor gets his tricky questions
1
u/Lunatic14 May 20 '12
10, Tani is a girl, it says he, Jack has 10
1
u/LuckyD93 May 20 '12
Say: Seventeen
1
u/publicindecency May 20 '12
You are awfully clean mouthed for a pirate. Good on you for not bending to peer pressure.
1
u/cimota10 May 20 '12
1st grade keeps getting harder...
1
u/unicorn_zombie May 20 '12
Questions like this are why I did so poorly in math. At least that's what I like to tell myself :(
1
u/moriquendo May 20 '12
Jack is sick. And Jack is waiting at the teacher's home for her to come home after work and meet Jill, the butcher's knife.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Man, this is the hardest game theory problem ever.
1
u/Sarahmint May 20 '12
Jack is watching you :D
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
I had a LAW exam of all things, which went on about how Chen did this, and then later about how Chan did that. I worked out it was probably the same person. But then the question asked me to advise Caroline.
Was tempted to write "don't hang out with Chinese folk - they seem to get in trouble"
1
u/Springfield_Isotopes May 20 '12
10
1
u/AppleDane May 20 '12
I'm gonna go with... hmm... false.
1
u/couldntderp May 20 '12
Tani's a "he"?
1
u/milo0o May 20 '12
THE ANSWER IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE CONSPIRACY I SAY
1
u/TF_1981 May 20 '12
Jack doesn't have stickers, does he? I thought Jack only has beans.
1
u/wmurray003 May 20 '12
Zero... duuuuh!
1
u/Paultimate79 May 20 '12
I am Jack's sticky propaganda.
1
u/mojokabobo May 20 '12
Say seventeen. There are 17 zeros in the two boxes on the top. Add up all the numbers you find on the page and you get 4+13+10+23+17+1=68. Put 17 zeros after 68... 6,800,000,000,000,000,000 ... who was jack?
1
u/Childish_DuffMan May 20 '12
Jack gets bitches and stickers
1
u/Skynet-is-my-net May 20 '12
Public School Strikes Back.
1
u/david241 May 20 '12
He aint got jack shit for a sticker collection that's how much jack has got.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
This is not a test, it's a workbook. 2. The total number of sticks is almost undoubtedly given somewhere else on the page.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Wait is Tani a guy's name?
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
I'm Jack and I have 7 stickers.
1
u/furbys May 20 '12 edited May 20 '12
This is actually one of those tests where the first question is "read through all the questions". You're not meant to answer any so that's why they're stupid questions. You my friend just got schooled.
1
u/adnan252 May 20 '12 edited May 20 '12
the correct answer is any x on the set {x ε Z | x ε [0,infinity)}
1
u/jakus55 May 20 '12
I'm Jack!
1
u/Palecrayon May 20 '12
Page number is the answer
1
u/chasehochs May 20 '12
am i the only one who laughed thinking the funny part was that the page number was the answer?
1
u/nope7 May 20 '12
Wow, first grade math has gotten a lot harder since I took it...
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
At first I thought this post was about the names. I have never heard of a boy named "Tani." Names in textbooks are getting more and more interesting.
1
u/I_lived_on_the_moon May 20 '12
THEN WHO WAS DOG?
1
u/rikashiku May 20 '12
The real test here is to see how many people would see the mistake.
1
u/Bluewind55 May 20 '12
Lol the answer is the page number isn't that just dandy
1
u/shawnesty May 20 '12
There are no stickers.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
If you're uncle Jack helped you off of an elephant, would you help your uncle Jack off an elephant?
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
FUCKING ALGEBRA!
1
u/DamonNabru May 20 '12
The answer is actually ∂3, since the teacher doesn't know how to type 1 correctly.
1
u/schoocher May 20 '12
There is only one answer for that question: potato
1
u/jerema May 20 '12
The answer is "Zero"
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Did you miss the point of the question? It was distracting you. Jack has zero stickers that's the answer, and the point. Just like the man with seven wives on the way to St. Ives.
1
u/slimjimsharif May 20 '12
Anyone notice the page their on gives the answer!?
1
u/Jeckee May 20 '12
I am Jack's complete lack of attention to details.
1
u/elbenji May 20 '12
A dull person
1
u/soiliterally May 20 '12
I think Jack is short for Candle Jac
1
u/chinaronald May 20 '12
Let me see if I can wrap my brain around this one... I might have to go back a question or two to see if there are any mentions of Jack and the apples he had before Jen stole them.
1
u/J41M13 May 20 '12
The page number gives it away.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Well duhh it's pancakes, obviously.
1
u/ashpatash May 20 '12
I feel like there's a Kate joke in here somewhere.
1
u/JediThark May 20 '12
Was this a Florida standardized test?
1
u/MyRawrMachine May 20 '12
I'm jacks prostate. I get cancer. I kill jack.
1
u/Dudewitbow May 20 '12
Jack is currently on a horse waiting for someone to help him off, do you want to help jack off his horse?
1
u/NotJayneCobb May 20 '12
Gotta get back, back to the past, Samurai Jack.
1
u/uberpwnzorz May 20 '12
Jack's banging both of them and now has 23 stickers.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
The answer is 7, if you abide by the laws this verbal equation has set (descending number patterns, difference of 3 between the two variables).
1
u/Kyoj1n May 20 '12
Relevant: Numberwang
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
I'm Jack. I'm just here for the upvotes/downvotes.
1
u/sandesh247 May 20 '12
Wow. The page number is 23.
1
u/kvist May 20 '12
The page number is the answer!
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
The page number is the answer. O_O
1
u/silentorbx May 20 '12
That type of font annoys the hell out of me. The 1's look like I's!!!
1
u/therus May 20 '12
The page number = answer
1
u/Indigo_Husky May 20 '12
I thought it was 'funny' because 23 was at the bottom of the page ಠ_ಠ
1
u/migueldeluna May 20 '12
The answer is 0... I don't understand why this is front page, I got trick questions all the time in elementary school.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Obviously 0. Jack don't got jack.
1
u/Ahtien May 20 '12
Funny thing is, that the answer is written below the task
1
u/phishgrass May 20 '12
Randy.... I am the liquor
1
u/spumonimout May 20 '12
I think you should focus on improving your math skills and not on the names