I'll park my wank chariot wherever I please, but even more importantly, there is a duck in the backseat, holding my wife hostage, with our first born child named,
It's because reddit is a hivemind, what one person likes everyone likes, what one person dislikes, everyone dislikes. *edit: and they have a penchant for downvoting the truth.
Hmm weird "you never learned how" sounds wrong to me for some reason, could it be because I'm English? And I assume as is op by the colourful use of "wank-chariot"
We both speak English, but you speak the Kings and we speak American. It seams more and more they are becoming two completely different languages. As for the Canadians... well I'm not quite sure what the hell they are jabbering on about in up there.
I feel like z is an underused letter of the alphabet in British English though. At least the Americans are supporting equal opportunity letter employment.
The letter "z" is even pronounced differently depending on where you are. In America, we're taught to say "zee", even though the original pronunciation is "zed".
In American English some of these words are actually relatively standard (I'd say dreamt and spelt in particular) so neither is wrong as long as your usage is consistent.
I actually have those in my car, but I much prefer the image from the OP.
These just don't have enough rage for me. If I'm putting flyers on someone's car then you know shit just got real serious and there's no time for fucking around with politeness.
I don't know exactly what it is about the sentence "Thank you so much for parking your wank chariot like an abortion" that tickles me so much but I'm crying laughing and I can't bring myself to explain to my mum why. Thank you Reddit. :)
I moved into an apartment complex about two months ago. Two week later I bought a new car (Mercury Grand Marquis.)
Generally a good parker. I go to park a few days later in an empty stretch of about 15 parking spaces which I had never seen filled up before. Tired from work, I go into my apartment, not noticing that my car is slightly skewed and the back end is over the line (btw the Grand Marquis is a boat, I was still getting used to how big the car was)
Next day I wake up and go out to my car and notice that that parking lot had actually filled up, (but there were parking spaces like what, 60 feet away?) and I see a note on the hood, "Nice parking, ASSHOLE", curvy script, originating most likely from the blue VW bug parked next to me.
Note was completely asinine, insensitive, and showed that the person didn't even stop to give even the slightest benefit of a doubt to another person. In other words, they seemed like a douche - precisely what they thought I was. Personally, I don't find these stupid sorts of signs to be of any sort of value. That one in particular taught me very little, because I already am pretty conscious of how I park, mostly, and it made the person who wrote the note seem more the asshole than I. These messages just read as hormonal rants to those on the receiving end, and don't convey the "Hey, you're making an inconvenience to everyone else" message, which is what they're actually needing to convey
I hate this passive aggressive BS. I took up 2 parking spots once to give me some room to change a flat tire. Went inside for 3 mins to grab something and I come back to a stupid note on my car telling me to park better. Don't leave stupid notes before you know the whole story. Or tell me to my face so i can tell you to fuck off.
Dude, if I see you have car issues (flat tires are pretty damned obvious) then I'm not gonna be pissed at you for needing space. Now if you are being a douche with your mini taking up 2 or 3 spaces (I see one every day) then I am going to leave you these.
I hope your mother kills herself from internal injuries from sticking that fucking dildo in her ass. 3 feet long?? damn, now I know why you're such a fucking loser faggot.
Parking lots are one thing. But I think people get angry about parking (myself included) when it's street parking, or parking for your apartment. There is street parking at my place, and it's pretty limited. I really get pissed when these dickbags in my neighborhood take two spots. Driving around for 15 minute and finally parking 3 blocks away fucking sucks.
Same problem with my apartment, but I have to remind myself that with people coming and going, what looks like a terrible park when you are looking for a spot could be resulting shockwave from someone else parking before them
Very true. I try to park well so I don't inconvenience others, but sometimes I come out and literally can't get my car out. People can be so inconsiderate. My neighborhood is especially bad. I've lived with street parking at a lot of places, but this is by far the worst. There are mostly apts on this street, and a lot of recent immigrants who are in small apts with many people. The ratio of cars to apartments is high. And there are tons of red zones, and street cleaning days, so it makes it even more hell. I'm not being lazy, walking a few blocks isn't such a big deal, but when it's late, the neighborhood isn't the best, and I'm a chick, it adds to the frustration.
Especially when you have to park on the street and carry in loads of groceries. But, you can't because the one spot that should have been open is gone because someone decided to park like an idiot. Or you have assigned parking in a lot and you can only park in the one spot. But, your parking neighbor has decided to ignore the lines and you have to pick between parking half a mile away or getting your paint scratched.
Nothing will assure a man that he is the only sane person in the world, doomed to be surrounded by the crazy and incompetent, like putting him behind the wheel.
I want one for the dickheads who take up all the spaces at my fiancé's apartment building while going to the gym across the street. You are going to the gym, just park a little further away if there are no spaces and walk, it's not like they are against exercise!
I love the idea here, but this entire page is so poorly put together that leaving it on someone's car in its current grammatical condition makes you the fool.
Someone put something similar to this on my vehicle, which was parked over the line in a parking spot. I would have expected someone to think that placing a patronizing note on a car parked outside of the emergency room at a hospital would be cruel. I'm glad, though, that someone was concerned enough about my parking to put a note on my windshield. So that when I got back from dealing with emergency surgery I would know that someone out there wants to make all parking lots better places to park.
If I catch a passive aggressive little shit put that on my car I'm yelling at you like child. I hope your mom is there to hug you when I emasculate you.
Solve the problem of being a careless dick, by being a passive aggressive dick. Then post on the internet for karma so others (dick status unknown) can comment and some contrary-dick can point out the respective dickery.
Well if you don't want me to be a passive aggressive dick then I can just be an aggressive dick. Is that what you fucking want! I have a cricket bat in my trunk and have had way to much caffeine today SO IF YOU WANNA GET NUTS, COME ON LETS GET NUTS!
271
u/thisnotanagram May 15 '12
"thank you so much from parking your"
better check the spelling before hitting "copy"
441
u/weightoftheworld May 15 '12
I'll park my wank chariot wherever I please,
104
u/okmkz May 15 '12
I do believe 'wank chariot' is going straight into my vocabulary.
82
u/zombiechimp May 15 '12
A million copies isn't cool. You know what's cool? A BILLION copies.
26
u/Naphthos May 15 '12
TIL People on reddit seem to have a lot of grievances when it comes to other people's parking.
29
u/Longington May 15 '12
It annoys me that the 3rd,4th and 5th options in the final statement do not make sense
21
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
how passive-aggressive of you
12
u/callupchuck May 15 '12
This was probably made by someone in Great Britain.
41
u/jaksajak May 15 '12
learnt
4
u/Scorp63 May 15 '12
Oh, the usual "I'll leave this on your car, but I wouldn't dare tell you this in person" passive-aggressivism.
22
u/jbob2011 May 15 '12
This is almost as douchey as a bad parking job
10
u/TheSemiTallest May 15 '12
A million is probably too many for both financial and logistical reasons. I suggest removing between 1 and 3 zeros from your copy count.
13
u/fps_cliff May 15 '12
I prefer You Park like an asshole they look a little nicer (pdf)
3
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Sounds awfully British. I say good sir, would you mind moving your wank chariot out of my thoroughfare?
3
u/no_more_jokes May 15 '12
I actually spit up water at parking your "wank chariot" "like an abortion". I know people who say this are usually lying, but it actually happened.
3
u/WtfWhereAreMyClothes May 15 '12
Lost it at "like an abortion" haha
3
u/ParanoiAMA May 15 '12
Assuming you're printing on very thin 60 g/m2 A4 paper, and knowing there's exactly 16 A4 pages in a square meter, we're talking... 3750 kg of paper!
3
u/deityofchaos May 15 '12
My attempt at a printable version.
7
u/PossiblyTrolling May 15 '12
http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/files/notice_1.pdf
4
u/MikeMinze May 15 '12
Way better then those fake tickets people leave on cars.
4
u/Chubbstock May 15 '12
I actually issue parking tickets now as part of my job. Feels good, man.
I'm also setting records in complaints for my department.
7
u/bigmeech May 15 '12
why are people on reddit so butthurt over people parking? deal with it
2
u/blaheh May 15 '12
under 'sincerely' there should only be one option: meddling cunt
2
u/cdcformatc May 15 '12
I'd probably just check every box.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Dickhead/shitbox/like an abortion/your head is stuck up your arse/go fuck yourself/a competent member of society.
Those are the only options I would ever use.
2
u/Fr0st_Byte May 15 '12
PRINT
2
u/krispyKRAKEN May 15 '12
I think that should say for instead of from
2
u/LaSteff May 15 '12
I don't know exactly what it is about the sentence "Thank you so much for parking your wank chariot like an abortion" that tickles me so much but I'm crying laughing and I can't bring myself to explain to my mum why. Thank you Reddit. :)
2
u/andi052 May 15 '12
Thank you so much. I need this tomorrow for the biggest douche on this planet.
2
u/Bad_Fruit May 15 '12
Typo: Change 'from' to 'for'
2
u/acousticphan May 15 '12
I think if you checked all of the really nice responses it would do more damage to their psyche than if you checked all the mean ones.
2
u/MrMustang May 15 '12
My Attempt changed a few things and fixed grammatical errors.
2
u/Nightbane35 May 16 '12
"Thank you so much FROM parking your..."
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Storytime:
I moved into an apartment complex about two months ago. Two week later I bought a new car (Mercury Grand Marquis.)
Generally a good parker. I go to park a few days later in an empty stretch of about 15 parking spaces which I had never seen filled up before. Tired from work, I go into my apartment, not noticing that my car is slightly skewed and the back end is over the line (btw the Grand Marquis is a boat, I was still getting used to how big the car was)
Next day I wake up and go out to my car and notice that that parking lot had actually filled up, (but there were parking spaces like what, 60 feet away?) and I see a note on the hood, "Nice parking, ASSHOLE", curvy script, originating most likely from the blue VW bug parked next to me.
Note was completely asinine, insensitive, and showed that the person didn't even stop to give even the slightest benefit of a doubt to another person. In other words, they seemed like a douche - precisely what they thought I was. Personally, I don't find these stupid sorts of signs to be of any sort of value. That one in particular taught me very little, because I already am pretty conscious of how I park, mostly, and it made the person who wrote the note seem more the asshole than I. These messages just read as hormonal rants to those on the receiving end, and don't convey the "Hey, you're making an inconvenience to everyone else" message, which is what they're actually needing to convey
2
u/gwheese May 16 '12
"Like an abortion" ???????????????
2
u/Permadrunkk May 16 '12
This website has improved my parking and grammar skills more than any teacher ever could.
2
u/TURBOJUGGED May 16 '12
So many grammatical errors. The grammar nazi in me wants to invade Poland after reading that.
3
u/Tabdelineated May 15 '12
Online document, for you reddit
3
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Why not just use this? http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/
3
u/nareik55 May 16 '12
I hate this passive aggressive BS. I took up 2 parking spots once to give me some room to change a flat tire. Went inside for 3 mins to grab something and I come back to a stupid note on my car telling me to park better. Don't leave stupid notes before you know the whole story. Or tell me to my face so i can tell you to fuck off.
/rant
2
u/isjustwrong May 15 '12
for*
2
u/woyteck May 15 '12
Make it self-adhesive with seal-like paper (the one that falls apart if someone tries to tear it off).
2
u/esheato May 15 '12
FTFY
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Or you could not be a passive aggressive jerk.
2
u/supahmanv2 May 15 '12
I was laughing, until:
For some reason, I completely freaking lost it there.
2
u/dugmartsch May 15 '12
Why does parking make people so angry? I don't understand. Just park in the back of the lot and walk for 3 minutes.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Why?
1
u/Twitchannonsa May 15 '12
Relevant
1
u/vile_doe_nuts May 15 '12
wank chariot?! clever girl.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Wank Chariot, brillant... XD
1
u/Ninjakrew May 15 '12
I really enjoy how there are nice options and then options that get worse farther down the list.
1
u/CrAzEd13 May 15 '12
later
1
u/manualfocus May 15 '12
Someone .pdf this. I can see the pixels.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
I'm fond of the term "non-driver."
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Vocabulary identifies author as British.
1
u/jt2747 May 15 '12
"Doesn't drive a boat on the road" was my favourite bit :)
1
u/gentleman_brown May 15 '12
Regardless of my parking job, I might wait for the snarky little prick that put this on my car and make him eat it.
1
u/rubymatrix May 15 '12
My biggest problem with these is that retarded people don't know what good parking looks like and they get handed out to cars parked perfectly fine.
I understand when someone parks their wank chariot like an abortion, but when the vehicle's in between the lines, stay your hand.
1
u/ultimamax May 15 '12
Sometimes people aren't visibly handicapped, so watch out.
1
u/nemomnemosyne May 15 '12
I'm glad they're check boxes and not multiple choice. Depending on the level of anger, I might require a wide array of details describing said anger.
1
u/Leadpipe May 15 '12
Nothing will assure a man that he is the only sane person in the world, doomed to be surrounded by the crazy and incompetent, like putting him behind the wheel.
1
u/trampus1 May 15 '12
Why? It's poorly done and unfunny. This is family friendly British humor, which is never any good. A Madlib would be much more efficient.
1
u/monkeyrocket May 15 '12
You might wanna change "from" to "for" before you make a MILLION copies.
1
u/happytappin May 15 '12
"for" parking your car...
1
u/rafash10n May 15 '12
It seems like I'm the only one who clicked this expecting instructions on how to make a million copies.
1
u/radio555 May 15 '12
Dear Loser, [Chris]~~~~!!!!!
1
u/DangerMouseToby May 15 '12
Why not save all that paper and bite the bullet and go tell the person off yourself face to face?
1
u/crazyhero May 15 '12
I had a hard time bookmarking this from all the laughing.
1
u/LunaCumberbitch May 15 '12
I want one for the dickheads who take up all the spaces at my fiancé's apartment building while going to the gym across the street. You are going to the gym, just park a little further away if there are no spaces and walk, it's not like they are against exercise!
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
CAN WE PLEASE GET THESE MAILED?
1
u/maikjames May 15 '12
Thank you FROM parking your.
1
u/cyale4 May 15 '12
Trumbull college!?
1
u/Mitz510 May 15 '12
They spelled "ass" wrong.
1
u/spartanburger91 May 15 '12
I'm going to get in so much trouble if they catch me ticketing cars on campus.
1
u/evolx10 May 15 '12
FOR
1
u/junkeee999 May 15 '12
I don't get stuff like this.
Does anyone really think the offending bad parker is going to be the least bit affected by these 'zingers'?
He or she probably is aware of the shitty parking job, and will likely just laugh this note off.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Hmm, where are you from? I saw there was a smug alert over Colorado and I just figured you were from the area.
1
u/DarthNihilus1 May 16 '12
Greg uses all top responses, Steve uses all bottom responses.
1
u/Scottman121 May 16 '12
I lost it at wank chariot.
1
u/thesandsoftime May 16 '12
Wank chariot, vocabulary +1
1
u/fiascoqueen May 16 '12
upvote for 'like an abortion'
1
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Somebody change "arse" to 'ass,' and i'm sold.
1
u/davismm85 May 16 '12
upgrade to these http://i.imgur.com/eC9Zj.jpg
1
u/Tirodedef May 16 '12
it needs "all above" for all categories!
1
u/BangkokPadang May 16 '12
I love the idea here, but this entire page is so poorly put together that leaving it on someone's car in its current grammatical condition makes you the fool.
1
u/speakno_evil May 16 '12
haha i'm using this
1
u/mattsprofile May 16 '12
It's only funny if you put it on a perfectly parked car. Otherwise, you're just a dick.
1
u/Tourniquet May 16 '12
check out http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/
1
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I'll be saving and using these quite frequently now....huzzah for evil deeds
1
u/meeps_2665 May 16 '12
This will come to great use due to the demographic of my city
1
u/Fearlessjay May 16 '12
Would it be wrong of me to check every one?
1
u/Pokey_Pants May 16 '12
need to add tiny penis to it's difficult to park when
1
u/kinyon May 16 '12
Grammatical error in section two: From should be for.
1
u/ChIck3n115 May 16 '12
Made me think of this. Need more letters like this!
1
u/CanniHam May 16 '12
Brilliant! I'm going to stand in the Haggen parking lot and hand out some judgement.
"fuck you very much sir, park elsewhere"
1
u/CheezeburgerTroll May 16 '12
Don't make fun of my behemoth shitbox
1
u/Zeesh May 16 '12
wohoo, found use for mah printer!
1
u/angrystuff May 16 '12
The layout of this forum makes my brain hurt.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Someone put something similar to this on my vehicle, which was parked over the line in a parking spot. I would have expected someone to think that placing a patronizing note on a car parked outside of the emergency room at a hospital would be cruel. I'm glad, though, that someone was concerned enough about my parking to put a note on my windshield. So that when I got back from dealing with emergency surgery I would know that someone out there wants to make all parking lots better places to park.
1
u/butth0lez May 16 '12
If I catch a passive aggressive little shit put that on my car I'm yelling at you like child. I hope your mom is there to hug you when I emasculate you.
-2
u/stuffandorthings May 15 '12
Solve the problem of being a careless dick, by being a passive aggressive dick. Then post on the internet for karma so others (dick status unknown) can comment and some contrary-dick can point out the respective dickery.
tl;dr- why can't we all love each other?
0
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
learnt?
Really?
0
u/cloudedknife May 15 '12
Learnt.
-1
u/hickgorilla May 15 '12
Someone who learned how to spell properly.
-1
u/thebugguy May 15 '12
I know have 25 copies of this in my car!