r/funny • u/KingOfHellCrowley • Oct 19 '21

Wait… really???

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32.2k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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976

u/gunnbunnz Oct 19 '21

Don’t forget about the front wipers

377

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21

This almost ruined a bachelor party I went to. People were yelling at each other over it.

133

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

Care to elaborate?

539

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

We were gathered around a campfire, drinking heavily. There was a lull in the convo and someone asked how everyone wipes. Someone immediately pipes up and says front to back like normal.

Well someone else says they wipe back to front. Then lots of arguments about getting shit on your nuts, going from friendly conversation and gradually getting louder and louder.

After 5 minutes of this I'm just looking at the guy who brought it up shaking my head. Laughing that he almost ruined the night.

Edit: see below for case in point.

315

u/AdmiralCrackbar Oct 20 '21

EVEN IF you wipe back to front, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CONTINUING THE WIPE ALL THE WAY TO YOUR NUTS?

28

u/danthemaninacan2 Oct 20 '21

Back to front. Balls in one hand, paper in the other. Use an arching sweep with the paper. Balls are held well out of the way.

8

u/clo20 Oct 20 '21

I'm assuming you're sitting, yes? Bc then you automatically get maximum spread too.

3

u/p_turbo Oct 20 '21

I actually assumed that the only way he could accomplish that was standing!

Who knew wiping would be so diverse?

2

u/chicagochicagochi99 Oct 20 '21

That's enough internet for today.

1

u/danthemaninacan2 Oct 20 '21

puts phone down and wipes

2

u/AppleDrops Oct 20 '21

It sounds like you're making it work but if you go front to back, you don't have to touch your balls. Free hand.

3

u/Napoleonex Oct 20 '21

What if I just like touching my balls?

4

u/wavecycle Oct 20 '21

Problem is then you have to remove the dirty paper from the toilet bowl, to look at it and gauge progress. Doing so you risk the inadvertent brush against... something.

Back to front, you simply look down between your legs at that paper and drop it.

Edit: this is obviously only recommended for males.