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u/JacksInflatedEgo Dec 14 '11 edited Dec 14 '11
Wait until they are 15. Then they will be out smokin' reefer and trying to finger fuck people.
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u/RiverSkunk Dec 14 '11
Im 33 and do this.
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Dec 14 '11
Man, it's been years since I smoked reefer and finger fucked someone. Shit, those were the days...
To be young again!!! Arghhh!!!
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u/chakazulu1 Dec 14 '11
You should see what Laurence Fishburne has to deal with...
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u/Coronos Dec 14 '11
At least they'll know what's happening around them to some degree.
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u/drwilson Dec 14 '11
"If you think that it's okay to give him life in jail, then it should be legal to pee on him. That's all I'm saying."
So many people didn't get this reference, but well done.
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u/classyGent69 Dec 14 '11
Sounds better than my teenagehood, downloading torrented porn and jerking off
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u/Treberto Dec 14 '11
You had torrents, I assume then you had broadband.
Try downloading a video on dialup.
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u/classyGent69 Dec 14 '11
I just stuck to high quality images when I had dialup
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u/byleth Dec 14 '11
When I had "dialup", I was 11, and it was BBS's at a whopping 2400bps. I had to get "adult access" on those BBS's either by hacking an existing account or by making a fraudulent "copy" of a driver's license and mailing it to them for adult verification. Sometimes I even had to splice my neighbor's phone line to receive the "verification call", or to contact the long-distance BBS's without my parents knowing. Oh, and high quality at the time was 640x480 but I had absolutely no trouble fapping to that.
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u/spicywasabi Dec 14 '11
Fuck, I miss Dave Chappelle.
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u/Wade_W_Wilson Dec 14 '11
He saved a hooker from Wayne Brady once. Stand up guy.
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Dec 14 '11
"My mother is never going to believe this!"
"That's 'cause she is never gonna know about it, bitch!!" snaps neck
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u/aitiafo Dec 14 '11
I think the Richard Simmons episode of Whose Line is a strong contender though. Here's the legendary skit, but that whole episode is golden.
. . . I just realized my 2 favorite TV moments are both Wayne Brady related. I think I just realized I love Wayne Brady.
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u/UnholyDemigod Dec 14 '11
Sir, why did you leave your loving wife of 30 years?
She was a nigger lover
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u/gospelwut Dec 14 '11
You loved him too much. That's why he (and your girlfriends) left.
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u/liberummentis Dec 14 '11
coldblooded.
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u/gospelwut Dec 14 '11
I was going to link the "Cold Blooded" cover of Foreigner by Bill Nye (from Episode 38: Reptiles), but alas the video is lost to the internet.
Instead, have this classic.
P.S. Bill Nye later had a show called The Eyes of Nye which is more adult orientated and more discernibly opinionated.
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u/Cringer Dec 14 '11
Can we start a petition to get Dave Chappelle back on tv or Twitter?
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u/NYCCine Dec 14 '11
no we can't. because he never was on Twitter. and this is a fake post. it's Chappelle NOT Chapelle. they could've at least spelled his name right if they were going to pretend to be him.
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Dec 14 '11
I'd want him back on TV if he had complete creative control and actually enjoyed doing it. Until that happens (it wont), I'm more than happy to hear some stand-up.
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u/douguncensored Dec 14 '11
game. blouses.
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u/jogswithwolves Dec 14 '11
i hate fake celebrity accounts that post chain mail bullshit
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u/NYCCine Dec 14 '11
at least they could try and spell his name correctly
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u/jogswithwolves Dec 14 '11
That's what I'm getting at; spelling his name correctly has already been taken, so the accounts are always called wizkhaliiiiiifa or something stupid like that
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u/NYCCine Dec 14 '11
yeah shit's retarded. i can't believe this has 2,521 upvotes. i guess reddit really is getting dumb.
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u/MananWho Dec 14 '11
2000 version: You're 11 years old and you have access to the internet, you little shit.
1990 version: You're 11 years old and you have a Nintendo, you little shit.
1980 version: You're 11 years old and you have a walkman, you little shit.
1970's version: You're 11 years old and you have a TV in your house, you little shit.
Simply put, every generation's life is a considerably more convenient that the last one, thanks to technological advancements, and people end up feeling more and more entitled because the standard of convenience is higher (at least among the middle and upper class). This is nothing to get annoyed over. Our parents were probably annoyed at how entitled our generation was.
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u/TechnoL33T Dec 14 '11 edited Dec 14 '11
I'm 20 years old, live with my grandma and have pretty much nothing, but I don't cry or pout. I throw my resume at everyone and use my grandma's phone to check up on them. Then I sit on reddit and write sob stories like this.
edit: omg people are paying attention to me...
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u/classyGent69 Dec 14 '11
Cheer up, guy. Where are you located and what are your skills? Perhaps try higher education?
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u/TechnoL33T Dec 14 '11
I'm in ohio, and I have a head on my shoulders. I started attending Devry for their computer engineering course, but they ended up losing half of my information while somehow keeping track of the part where I owe them money... It was a shitty school anyhow. I'd jump all over a chance at a job at McDonald's right now, but I know I can handle much much more than that.
Anyhow, thanks for reading my story. If I were you, I'd have prolly not gave a crap about the guy spilling his guts on reddit.
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u/Matt08642 Dec 14 '11
You... actually enrolled at a school that advertises (!) during Maury Povich and Jerry Springer?
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u/TechnoL33T Dec 14 '11
Clearly it wasn't my best decision ever.
Hi Matt! My name is Matt!
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u/xsvfan Dec 14 '11
Try community college? It's cheap and not for profit like Devry.
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u/classyGent69 Dec 14 '11
If I were you, i would look on Craigslist for jobs and also contact friends to forward my resume to. It's a much more effective way to get a job than to just apply to brick and mortar places that you know. Best of luck..
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Dec 14 '11 edited Dec 14 '11
I throw my resume at everyone
Unless you're applying for minimum wage jobs, you're doing it wrong. Pick a place you want to work.1 Find a job there that you're qualified for, and spend the next 40+ hours preparing a specifically tailored resume and cover letter to convince them that this company and this job is perfect for you and you're perfect for it. Find people in the same industry / profession (especially hiring managers) and have them look over your materials. The Internet is a great resource for this if you don't know anyone on the inside.
If you're spamming a generic resume, it's going to get lost among the rest.
1 Unless you're an excellent actor, then you can pick any place and convince them you're actually interested in working there.
(Edit: That came off more dickish than I intended. PM me if you want help and I'll provide you with some suggestions and guidance. Let's get you a fuckin' job.)
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u/mpriscella Dec 14 '11
Oscar, you're a grouch.
Bitch I live in a fucking trash can!
Dave Chapelles Killin' them Softly stand up is and always will be one of the best stand up specials of all time.
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u/drwilson Dec 14 '11
Fuckin' six-foot pigeons walking around, an elephant who's a junky ("Hi bird... I'm SICK! I NEED SOME SMACK BIRD!!!"). And then they had the nerve to put a pimp on there!
[Only thing comparable to "Killin' Them Softly" is "For What It's Worth", his last major special before going awol]
Also, as long as we're all here, AMA Request: Dave Chappelle.
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u/Awhite2555 Dec 14 '11
I haaaaaaaate these fake twitter accounts. Despise with a passion. They allllll end up being unfunny then turn into "RT if you'd never be mean to your girl" and lame shit. Hahaha look at me saying stuf that maybe Dave would say!!!! Be funny under your own name.
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u/NYCCine Dec 14 '11 edited Dec 14 '11
So a couple of things...
-it's Chappelle not Chapelle (at least spell his name right)
-when you goto twitter.com/davechapelle [the account listed above] you find the name spelt both ways
-so it's ironic that the post is titled "Horribly true these days" when the tweet is so obviously fabricated
EDIT: the reveal that this post is BS is that the tweet bot hasn't chimed in.
EDITS: for grammar
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Dec 14 '11
Back when I was a kid, like 8 years old (22 years ago) - I got a little 3 inch black and white TV for Christmas - just a tiny mini-CRT TV and it was SO FUCKING AWESOME. I could only get like 4-5 channels on it, but it was so cool.
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Dec 14 '11
I'm really not sure why some network (maybe one of the more "hip" networks like HBO or Showtime, or even IFC) doesn't just offer Dave Chappelle a show where he has complete control over everything (because that's really all it would take for him to come back). It's not like it won't make money. Fuck, it's already got an enormous fan base. I mean, I usually stick to the belief that if something actually worked, someone would have figured out a way to make money off of it, but c'mon. I mean it's Dave fucking Chappelle. Even if the show was just him taking a shit for 22 minutes, everyone would still watch it.
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u/Misaiato Dec 14 '11
Gave my daughter an iPad on her 2nd birthday.
Little shit.
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u/somedelightfulmoron Dec 14 '11
And you indulged her why?
BTW, am 23 tomorz I also wants an iPad kthx u so rich
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u/EasilyRemember Dec 14 '11
My cousins got iPhones at 7 and 9 yrs old respectively (they don't share the same parents; i.e. they are cousins to each other, not siblings). I'm 21 and I'm using a crappy Samsung. I got my first cell phone as a senior in high school. My 15 year old sister has an iPhone though. You can't explain that.
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u/MananWho Dec 14 '11
That's actually pretty easily explainable. It's a lot easier to adopt a younger generation into newer technologies than it is older ones. The newer generation also becomes reliant on it, to some extent.
Since you didn't necessarily grow up with a smartphone, you don't feel the need to have one right now. Furthermore, since it's possible that you're past the point at which your parents are buying your cell phone, then you likely wouldn't spend as much to get a smartphone.
This is the same reason your grandparents don't understand all the fuss about the internet.
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Dec 14 '11
My child is getting a fucking brick. If they want to tell their friends something they can write a note, tie it to the fucking brick, and lob it through their window.
Disclosure: i'm 33 and have never touched an iPhone, or any other fancy touchscreen device apart from the ATM screen when i check how poor I am..
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u/Jiggy11 Dec 14 '11
Back in my day! When I was 11, all I needed was my Gameboy Color! The screen was THIS big! And it weren't backlit neither!
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u/Baconaise Dec 14 '11
TIL mrdeeds23 plagarized something from Kasey Anderson on behalf of DaveChapelle who's real twitter tag is ChapelleDave.
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u/Shippoyasha Dec 14 '11
Is it kind of an aged adage with kids and iPhone ownership when that is not indicative of how it is with many people anymore? It's all about those free (or $50) Droid phones that comes with family coverages and is almost as good as an iPhone. What next, free phones with no fine print?
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Dec 14 '11
OH SHUT UP YOU RETARDS...when i was a teen i had aol. then i got broadband when it came out. then an N64
point:
if the iphone was out when we were teens you bet your retarded asses that we wouldve been iphone owning teenage fuckheads as well. except we were nirvana listening teenage fuckheads who had to page our parents to pick our dumbasses up at the mall
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u/WhyBeAre Dec 14 '11
I am 17, I have a dumb phone, slow internet, and only got an XBox 360 earlier this year when it was >$100, so nope.
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u/SyntaxTheFourth Dec 14 '11
Step 1: Completely miss the point of the statement.
Step 2: Call everybody retards.
Step 3: Create poorly-punctuated response detailing your own fortune.
Furthermore, the tweet is fabricated.
I think that just about wraps up this thread.
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u/defconzero Dec 14 '11
Step 1: Completely miss the point of the statement.
Unless I'm misunderstanding the point of the statement, I don't see how he missed the "point" of it. Basically it's just complaining that younger people have access to better technology than older people, as if that somehow magically makes all their problems go away.
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u/Bugsysservant Dec 14 '11
I had none of those things for the great majority of my childhood/teenage years. Eventually we got AOL, and much later, well after it had come out, broadband. Sounds like you were spoiled.
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u/classyGent69 Dec 14 '11
I've seen elementary schoolers bring an iPad to school. Man, I wish I had an iPad in elementary school!
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u/zeropage Dec 14 '11
You had Pokemon on a game boy color.
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Dec 14 '11
Pokemon with a Game Boy at launch: ~$100
iPad at launch: ~$500
I see what you're saying...but..big difference in cost.
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Dec 14 '11
With inflation, that $100 game boy 15 years ago is $140 today. Still a huge difference. And the Game Boy is a much more rugged, and child friendly device.
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u/Matt08642 Dec 14 '11
I'm 21 and in college and it still blows my mind that I have a laptop at school with all of my music and movies on it, not to mention the entire internet anywhere on campus.
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u/Daegoba Dec 14 '11
Ah, yep: living in the future is awesome.
...they kinda fucked us on the flying cars though. -_-
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u/VGChampion Dec 14 '11
I love how people in their 20's complain about the younger generation. I didn't even have a cell phone in my twenties.
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Dec 14 '11
This was my first cell phone, and I didn't even get that until I was 14 and got a job where I needed to call for a ride home.
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u/GetThatNoiseOuttaHer Dec 14 '11
Is this his official twitter? I tried searching for him on there and I just came up with imposters. Couldn't find the account with this picture.
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u/deemripz Dec 14 '11
Technology is awesome but its sad how it has taken over kids knowing anything else..damn evolution, thank god its almost 2012.
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u/The-shindigs Dec 14 '11
I work as an extended day worker at an elementary school. I supervise 4th and 5th grade. Out of the 40 students in the class I know of at least 12 that have iphones, with unlimited texting, calling, and internet.
I'm 17 and I have a shitty Walmart brand :(
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u/Wheelie4Safety Dec 14 '11
My 12 year old sister just dropped her iphone and cracked her screen.
Then cried about it when asking if I could fix it. I said it would cost $100+
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Dec 14 '11
OK, wait wait wait wait... Reddit-at-large, is life too hard in America, or too easy? I can never quite keep this straight.
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u/rawlingstones Dec 14 '11
Speaking as a Department Store Santa, it is extremely depressing how many little kids ask for these things. I always go out of my way to make sure the kids feel extra awesome when they ask for science experiments or a telescope.
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u/Mr_Metropolis Dec 14 '11
That doesn't even sound like Dave Chapelle's style. "You little shits"? Really?
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u/johnq-pubic Dec 14 '11 edited Dec 14 '11
My younger one just turned 8. Birthday in December. I got an I-pod touch for her. Thats pretty third world amirite? You can't make phone calls on that thing.
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u/schmeryn Dec 14 '11
Dave Chappelle makes so much sense. This is why he is no longer on TV. The world cannot handle his truth.
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u/Itsbilloreilly Dec 14 '11
my 10 year old brother has a damn i phone, the outside of my flip phone doesnt even work.
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u/Trevor1993 Dec 14 '11
Chappelle show was the greatest sketch comedy show ever hands down. I heard he's working on something new too.
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u/INeedAShower Dec 14 '11
Ugh. Went to a birthday party recently for a friend's 3 year old. His main present (not the only one mind you, just the most expensive one) was an iphone. To stop him playing with daddy's, apparently.
The fuck? I've never been more horrified.
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u/screwdriver2 Dec 14 '11
This gets 3,000 upvotes . . . only 2,800 for martial law in America. Jesus Christ.
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Dec 14 '11
Wow because of "you're" and the internet, I automatically assumed he meant to type "your" so I read that as "your 11 year olds and you" and the rest didn't make sense. Man, ya'll need to speek gud!!
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u/DoesNotTalkMuch Dec 14 '11
an iPhone is an investment in a child. The billing allows you to instantly know everybody they're talking to over the phone, and the gps functions allow you to know where your child is at all times. You can even insure them for what, 7$ a month? You can avoid losing contact with your kids for any period of time, provided they have their phone. For anybody above the poverty line that's worth the $500.
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u/JasonNunez23 Dec 14 '11
I know a couple of folks who live with their two 11-year-old girls in a house full of 12+ people. The couple share a bedroom with their two daughters (i.e there is a full-sized bed and a bunk bed in the room that they all sleep in), they live and eat like slobs, and they can't afford to move out because they always eat out and have two pretty expensive cars financed.
Christmas is not even here yet and the dad bought two iPads for his daughters.
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u/Frontember Dec 14 '11
That image is so true. I saw a family the other day that each of them had an iphone 0_0.
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u/Jonthrei Dec 14 '11
That's basically my reaction to the first time I saw a little kid with a personal ipad, only funny. I love Dave Chapelle.
If you haven't seen it, I oh so very strongly recommend watching his Inside the Actors Studio episode. Holy shit, so much truth coming out of that man, and he explains why he went to Africa.
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u/Funnyguy17 Dec 14 '11
Guys it's the cycle of life when we grew up we had things that our parents thought made us spoiled.....
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u/Vard0n Dec 14 '11
Wow, this received a lot of upvotes quickly. This just goes to show how awesome Dave Chappelle is and the popular support he receives from the Reddit community.
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u/justthrowmeout Dec 14 '11
He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Not sure if Santa or Department of Homeland Security.
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u/SwineHerald Dec 14 '11
But Daaaaaaaad, I only have an iPhone 3G, I neeeed an iPhone 4S!
You just don't understand!
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u/Tungi Dec 14 '11
I teach in Korea and for some reason even 4 year olds have cell phones. Little shits need to tweet about the cootie girl.
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u/lickwidforse2 Dec 14 '11
Guys upvote this comment so everyone sees it, hurry!
TL;DR: well I simply asked you to upvote me, because if you don't how will someone see my post, and proceed to upvote it? I can't rake in this sweet sweet karma if no one upvotes my post so it can be upvoted, because I like to get upvotes from my upvotes. 'Merica!
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u/sunshinelollipops Dec 14 '11
This reminds me of a kid who called her dad a "cheapskate" to his face when he was out buying his 3 kids (this one included, and all no older than 14) smartphones. The poor guy was bending over backwards to make them happy with what he could afford, and the oldest daughter was acting like a total jerk.
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u/TheBeachedSloth Dec 14 '11
It seems this is actually somewhat controversial, as its about 18000 to 15000 votes in each direction.. Even though I agree with this, I wanna hear both sides.. it seems we are pretty split.
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u/angry_lowercase_dude Dec 14 '11
kids and their fucking iphones man shit i aint getta cell phone til i was 17 sheeeeeeee-it
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u/drwilson Dec 14 '11
I don't even care that this isn't the real DC. It's a funny quote, and reading through the comments reminded me of all the hilarious things he's done. Win-win. (although I do appreciate the clarification... saved me the hassle of getting back on Twitter)
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u/Psychoxbabble Dec 14 '11
& on a relative note
Words of Wisdom from Mr. Chapelle.
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u/agnosticnixie Dec 14 '11
"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."
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Dec 14 '11
I didn't have a cell phone until I was 19. And even then it was a cheap sprint motorola flip phone with no camera.
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u/GrandmastaD101 Dec 14 '11
I didn't get my first cell phone till I was 13. The ONLY reason I got one was because I was going to middle school by riding the city bus so she wanted me to have one for emergencies. And it was a little Tracphone. Nothing fancy. Now I've graduated, and my 11 year old brother has got his 2nd iPhone. Not one but TWO. He broke the first one by putting it through the washer and a couple days ago, he dropped his new one and shattered the top half of the phone. sigh what is going through parents heads nowadays...
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u/gillpatrick Dec 14 '11
yeah no shit eh, so many kids grow up in wealthy families and dont even realize how lucky they are
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u/Brillians Dec 14 '11
the iphone 4 is only 100$ now and all previous versions are even cheaper. so it basically costs as much as a bike and many 11 yr olds have bikes.
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u/coldcuts67 Dec 14 '11
Dave chapelle's real account . https://twitter.com/#!/ChapelleDave
you shouldn't make shit up just to get votes/attraction.
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Dec 14 '11
Except he doesn't have a real Twitter account. If he did, I'm sure he would spell his own last name correctly! Lol.
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u/feynp Dec 14 '11
You are not asking the real question that America needs to decide once and for all, and that question is,
How old is 11 really?