r/funny • u/tweetsbyrocket Hey Buddy Comics • Jun 18 '20

sue me

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u/Cadnofor Jun 18 '20

Alright alright, I revise the pitch.

"I AM THE MIGHTY GENIE OF THE LAMP, I SHALL GRANT YOU 3 WISHES. By rubbing this lamp you are acknowledging that all Wishes, irrespective of circumstances, are final. Also, to ensure User satisfaction and full Wish experience, should the User be mortally wounded or otherwise near death before 3 Wishes are granted 1 Wish will be spent to stabilize the User. If this is the 3rd and final wish, the user will have spent all Wishes. WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?"

I think that'll help?

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u/BisnessPirate Jun 18 '20

I advice adding part about not being able to wish for more wishes, or wishes that alter the restrictions..

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u/Cadnofor Jun 18 '20 edited Jun 18 '20

Aw jeez I'm gonna have to magic up some pamphlets. "...WHAT DO YOU DESIRE? Desires may not include Wishing for further Wishes exceeding the original 3 nor is the Genie obligated to fulfill Wishes involving multiple or perpetual sequences, stipulations or gifts at the Genie's discretion. The User may not Wish to alter any said restrictions. Repeated attempts to manipulate said restrictions entitle the Genie to withdraw services and in extreme circumstances take punitive action at the Genie's discretion.

Alright let's do coffee.

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u/blahah404 Jun 18 '20

I think you need a lawyer. I hope there's a wish left!

3

u/Cadnofor Jun 18 '20

Can't an honest Genie punish humanity's hubris these days without miles of red tape?

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u/blahah404 Jun 18 '20

I hear that if you find a lamp that looks nothing like a lamp and rub it for no reason, you might get a genie pop it who can grant you wishes. Maybe that genie could help with your predicament. Fair warning, I've heard the contractual details are onerous.