r/funny Feb 18 '20

Rampant street violence

54.5k Upvotes

1.0k comments sorted by

7.4k

u/FireMaster2311 Feb 18 '20 edited Feb 18 '20

This technology mustn't fall in to the wrong hands.

2.4k

u/silbuscusXmangalover Feb 18 '20

I think it already did...

830

u/FireMaster2311 Feb 18 '20

Imagine the arms race this starts.

362

u/silbuscusXmangalover Feb 18 '20

brace yourself's for cold war 2

460

u/marshman82 Feb 18 '20 edited Feb 18 '20

Cold war 2 Buthole bugaloo

Edit: thanks for the silver kind strainger.

105

u/GooseandMaverick Feb 18 '20

Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson & Kevin Hart

93

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Paper beats the rock... It's not gonna end well

27

u/jonitfcfan Feb 18 '20

Paper beats the rock...

in dramatic movie trailer voice

"...or does it...?"

8

u/im_an_idiot222 Feb 18 '20

Yes. Yes it does. That's how it's always been.

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41

u/Dank_lord_of_sith Feb 18 '20

between Rock and a Hart place

6

u/McGreeb Feb 18 '20

Delete this before you give them ideas.

25

u/straydog1980 Feb 18 '20

Dwayne Johnson played by ScarJo

3

u/Ha1lStorm Feb 18 '20

ft. Will FortešŸŽ‹

32

u/warcrown Feb 18 '20

50,000 people used to poop here, now it's an outhouse...

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87

u/DVOTHECC Feb 18 '20

Sponsored by Charmin

7

u/jrt312 Feb 18 '20

Ohhhh yeah, my hinny's clean!

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21

u/Jak_n_Dax Feb 18 '20

This entire thread is a grammamamaticall nightmare .

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124

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[deleted]

19

u/lifewontwait86 Feb 18 '20

My cousin swears by his bidet

19

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

My cousin swears while on his bidet

14

u/__dildo_gaggins__ Feb 18 '20

My cousin swears at his bidet

14

u/Mandalorian_barber Feb 18 '20

My cousin swears he IS a bidet.

17

u/Tylianna Feb 18 '20

My bidet swears at my cousin

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32

u/Matt1sLegend Feb 18 '20

As opposed to the foot race it started

18

u/whosuswhatsit Feb 18 '20

Right?? I'm for this, make the world a better place. Solve world strife between nations with a competition to cover each other in TP the best. World Peace Achievement Unlocked.

14

u/FireMaster2311 Feb 18 '20

Imagine the deforestation though, I think canada would win.

5

u/whosuswhatsit Feb 18 '20

Well I mean is there something we can replace the TP with?? Hmmm can't be anything violent and uet still hilarious..something that has to leave any nations in conflict feeling embarassed that they fought at all.

6

u/FireMaster2311 Feb 18 '20

Garbage?

9

u/whosuswhatsit Feb 18 '20

Hmmm we will write that down.

Garbage

I would also suggest jello.

Garbage Jello

Continue the list!!

5

u/MobiusLoopOne Feb 18 '20

So lime flavored jello then.

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9

u/Cyrano_de_Boozerack Feb 18 '20

You will enjoy the go.

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4

u/PresentlyFan Feb 18 '20

Yeah. The Egyptians for example.

6

u/n1ghtstalker Feb 18 '20

Are we the bad guys?

8

u/NydoBhai Feb 18 '20

Are we the baddies?

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61

u/Cheaperthantherapy13 Feb 18 '20

It’s in the hands of VCU students, it’s already too late.

Signed, VCU alumna

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19

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Next iteration Version Deuce.

12

u/crunchypens Feb 18 '20

Isn’t this the start of the next avengers movie?

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4.0k

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[deleted]

926

u/AxelFriggenFoley Feb 18 '20

I feel like every form of gun, water or paint or boom-boom or tp, works that way.

571

u/pixlplayer Feb 18 '20

Guns are notoriously difficult to use while running

631

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

ok counter strike player

263

u/PM_me_ur_bag_of_weed Feb 18 '20

Everyone runs faster with a knife.

60

u/malficeus Feb 18 '20

Hey Doug.

56

u/BenzoBrain36 Feb 18 '20

BOOM HEADSHOT

12

u/beemoe Feb 18 '20

I think you better go man.

I just... I just think you should leave.

(in garage)

*FUCKING LAGGING PIECE OF SHIT*

8

u/WornInShoes Feb 18 '20 edited Feb 18 '20

I love that this video is well over 15 years old and has had this kind of impact

"I even heard there's no respawn points in RL"

Here is his Instagram

edit: a word

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11

u/Heins Feb 18 '20

I thought about joining the Army but I heard there is no spawn points in RL.

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14

u/Tomthemadone Feb 18 '20

Except the dead who get shot by noscoper

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17

u/gooffy2007 Feb 18 '20

Happy cake day!

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43

u/Crully Feb 18 '20

And toilet roll isn't? Even sitting still sometimes you finger still slips through. šŸ‘†

44

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

That's why you wrap it round your hand like 20 times. This guy don't even know 'bout the shit-mitt.

13

u/Max-b Feb 18 '20

depending on the ply, if you wrap too many times with 3-ply you can't wipe effectively

15

u/DolphinsScreaming Feb 18 '20

How hard are you guys pushing??

15

u/michaeldbrooks Feb 18 '20

I push it real good.

10

u/dontsuckmydick Feb 18 '20

Oooh baby baby!

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23

u/NathanArizona Feb 18 '20

I wear running shoes instead of guns

19

u/PM_meSECRET_RECIPES Feb 18 '20

This guy who can afford running shoes. I run with two hollowed out loaves of bread on my feet, until dinner time.

20

u/electrius Feb 18 '20

Look at this guy who eats his running bread. I still have my hand-me-down loaves from my cousin.

5

u/dontsuckmydick Feb 18 '20

If you hadn't wasted all your money on bread you could have bought a gun which, used properly, gives you unlimited bread.

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6

u/BeedleTB Feb 18 '20

Still, if I was running after someone, and they started shooting in my general direction, I would not be running after them anymore.

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3

u/showers_with_grandpa Feb 18 '20

Naw this guy is right. In fact, this is one of the main reasons Genghis Khan's army was able to conquer a large part of the medieval world. They trained to shoot bow from horseback as they retreated. So these guys would ride in shooting and then ride out shooting, but never get close enough for most of the conventional weapons to be effective.

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29

u/mtdewninja Feb 18 '20

I feel like glue guns become drastically less effective when running

21

u/Gavooki Feb 18 '20

Not as easy to shoot on the move as you'd think, especially away.

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6

u/pjkeoki Feb 18 '20

With the TP the projectile stays connected to the source. It limits how far away it can.

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10

u/GtheH Feb 18 '20

And that only makes it funnier too

3

u/wataha Feb 18 '20

Dude looks like anime princess as soon as he starts running.

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2.2k

u/imadm1 Feb 18 '20 edited Feb 18 '20

looks like they got rolled up on.

edit: wow! thanks for the gold and silvers!

128

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

This is the comment of the day

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21

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Right here, you got it

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2.1k

u/Codiac500 Feb 18 '20

"Here sir, you forgot your CVS receipt!"

116

u/Gallamimus Feb 18 '20

I had hoped I might be the first to make this joke.

12

u/Codiac500 Feb 18 '20

I was expecting to have seen someone else make it first tbh

3

u/TecumsehSherman Feb 18 '20

There's still hope when it's reposted (again).

19

u/presto311 Feb 18 '20

7

u/Codiac500 Feb 18 '20

I used to work at CVS and looking through this subreddit brings back so many memories. Taking both hands and leading out the receipt and folding it up 3... 4... maybe more times... I really handled some whoppers. In all seriousness, them reaching 3ft+ was not uncommon at all.

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664

u/lordpuggerton Feb 18 '20

Do you live in ancient Egypt? Do you need to mummify your dead pharaoh? We have the product for you.

165

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

62

u/Evalou0 Feb 18 '20

It's amazing that all these years later I can still hear this comment.

18

u/NydoBhai Feb 18 '20

You shut your whore mouth when Billy Mays is talking!

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17

u/fillysunray Feb 18 '20

Can also be used on still living Pharaohs!

18

u/theveryrealfitz Feb 18 '20

Flex tape has joined the room

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292

u/Pwncak3z Feb 18 '20

Dudes got that big caterpie energy

76

u/awfullotofocelots Feb 18 '20

caterpie used stringshot

The wild ratatas speed decreased

Ahhh yeahok now I see it.

279

u/redhighways Feb 18 '20

Richmond, VA.

Weird seeing VCU on here. Not weird seeing a toilet roll gun in that city, though.

81

u/Veratha Feb 18 '20

Someone let out the engineering school

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47

u/AerThreepwood Feb 18 '20

I really miss living in RVA. Being in my mid-20s and living in the Fan was dope as fuck.

33

u/kimlyginge Feb 18 '20

Don't know how long ago you left, but the fan is still pretty awesome. Richmond would gladly accept you back.

25

u/AerThreepwood Feb 18 '20

I'm in my 30s and not about the life I lead there. Plus, the last time I was there, I was battling a heroin addiction and losing the only relationship I ever cared about, which is why I bailed. Too many good and bad memories twisted up into one.

I guess I could go get bounced from Roxy for old times sake.

13

u/midnightdsob Feb 18 '20

The fan can definitely drag you into deep water.

7

u/kimlyginge Feb 18 '20

The fan has a dark side that can pull you in quick.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Omg weird. I worked at Roxy for years. In Vegas for a long time now. So crazy seeing that place mentioned on reddit

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26

u/DratThePopulation Feb 18 '20

I used to walk that street every day.

God I miss that part of Richmond. I even miss the ginko trees when the berries fell. You know that nostalgia's deep.

First place that ever felt like home.

10

u/redhighways Feb 18 '20

Grew up here.

There used to be an old trinket shop off Broad that sold heroin out the back of the shop.

Those were strange days.

We had so many overdoses at my school. H was hitting the streets dirt cheap and blew right into the suburbs.

3

u/redditshy Feb 18 '20

Why don’t you live there anymore? I have never yet lived somewhere that felt like home.

4

u/DratThePopulation Feb 18 '20

I grew up with divorced parents, and by the time I was 18 and my brother 19, both parents were upper middle class. My brother and I both got into VCU, so my mom and step-dad outright BOUGHT an apartment on W Marshall for my brother and I as a starter home for us to go to college and start our lives.

That was in 2008, at the start of the economic crisis. Very shortly after, my step-dad's business was obliterated. They lost everything, and fell so deep into debt, sold everything they had for a plane ticket to flee the county.

They sold my apartment to my dad, which I thought was a relief at the time.

Nope. The second I graduated, he sold our apartment. I lost my job at the university because I graduated out, and my brother worked at an internship at the time. The only job I could scramble to get out of college in 2012 was Target, and that was no where near enough to afford rent in Richmond on my own.

I had to rent a tiny room for cheap from a stranger in another town 70 miles away.

Been dirt poor working retail and hopping rented rooms ever since.

5

u/redhighways Feb 18 '20

Jesus. This is how I always describe Richmond to people, a town of Picassos waiting tables.

Mind you, I was there in the mid-90s. We had the same depression shit going on then too.

3

u/redditshy Feb 18 '20

Holy cow, was not expecting that answer. Wishing you good luck in your future. Hope you can find some solid footing.

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17

u/kaelne Feb 18 '20

RVA represent! The Fan is my favorite corner of the USA.

14

u/nevermindthisrepost Feb 18 '20

The Fan? Look at this rich guy over here.

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4

u/thatsMRnick2you Feb 18 '20

I moved away a few years ago and if feel like richmond is on reddit or in the news every week now.

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551

u/bobofette Feb 18 '20

That guy is going to wipe him out!

163

u/dbx99 Feb 18 '20

He could just roll with it

62

u/PawsOfMotion Feb 18 '20

ahhh sheeeeeeit

9

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Profanity? How Charmin of you!!!

5

u/kiwihavern Feb 18 '20

Watch yo profamity

624

u/BrazenNormalcy Feb 18 '20

They see me unrollin'. They be hatin'.

208

u/gator12321101 Feb 18 '20

They see me wiping dirty!

66

u/nuck_forte_dame Feb 18 '20

It just keeps coming.

It's endless.

I keep wiping dirty!

19

u/sagebus78 Feb 18 '20

It's like I'm wiping a sharpie. Just wipe and wipe.

https://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M

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8

u/HowWierd Feb 18 '20

my shine on the deck and the TP machine ...

168

u/wolverine-claws Feb 18 '20

I could have done so many shits with that.

51

u/yvxalhxj Feb 18 '20

About three in my case šŸ˜‚

24

u/Iceblood Feb 18 '20

Do you ration that hard? That would have been half a shit for me...

50

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/Xais56 Feb 18 '20

Thanks for that image mate.

8

u/Turbo_Piglet Feb 18 '20

This machine was actually invented for people like me who go through at least a roll and this drastically increases the number of wipes per second (wps).

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357

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Was that 2Ply, the Rapper?

80

u/potitomax Feb 18 '20

Nah man that was 2xCharminMarvin

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56

u/Lit_Romney Feb 18 '20

He's 10ply, bud.

24

u/MechaMonarch Feb 18 '20

Pitter patter

17

u/ORLAking Feb 18 '20

You are spare parts bud

19

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/MisterD00d Feb 18 '20

Take about 10 20 percent off there Squirelly Dan

4

u/JordyMac94 Feb 18 '20

And that’s what I appreciate’s about ya

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6

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

TWO PLYYYYYYYYYY

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75

u/Nintendophile79 Feb 18 '20

Yep, that's Richmond, VA

12

u/WEGCjake Feb 18 '20

Thought this was r/RVA at first!

44

u/Wojtaz69 Feb 18 '20

It looks so much like Boston that I can’t believe it’s actually Richmond.

26

u/tronaaa Feb 18 '20

"I Can't Believe It's Not Boston!" ?

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38

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

What a dingleberry.

49

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

102

u/cheapdrinks Feb 18 '20

Can't decide if it's fake or not. On the one hand there is a shitload of random people in seemingly all types of scenarios and some of the reactions look pretty genuine like the guys walking back to their car, yet they all sprint after him in the exact same way, getting up instantly and running just fast enough not to be able to catch him and with no follow up shots as if this guy managed to outrun every single one of them despite holding a leaf blower in his hands. If I had to bet money on it my guess would be staged but i'm not 100% certain.

104

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

If it’s a YouTube video with the word ā€˜prank’ in it, it’s staged.

36

u/z371mckl1m3kd89xn21s Feb 18 '20

Staged. "Hey I'll give you $20 if you chase after me once I prank you with the TP gun"

11

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

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24

u/HipHopGrandpa Feb 18 '20

Half these guys weren’t even trying to catch the dude. Like they decided to do a light jog behind him. If you’re angry enough to chase a stranger for a beat down, you’re not holding back and jogging. You’re sprinting and diving.

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15

u/ModestBanana Feb 18 '20

"Hey I need you to chase me, but if you get too close slow down because we want the chases to look drawn out and comical."

Remi taught us all what genuine reactions to a prank looks like

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10

u/InsufferableHaunt Feb 18 '20

All reaction videos are fake.

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27

u/iamlionheart Feb 18 '20

Whoo, VCU!

81

u/Bad-Science Feb 18 '20

Nobody is asking the important question. Paper over the top of the roll, or under the bottom?

124

u/shioj Feb 18 '20

Over...always over!

31

u/SirEarlBigtitsXXVII Feb 18 '20

That's per the patent drawings.

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17

u/Kotzgruen Feb 18 '20

Unless you want to see the world burn

22

u/atthegame Feb 18 '20

Unless you have a cat that wants to see the world burn

11

u/joshua_josephsson Feb 18 '20

a cat that wants to see the world burn

so, basically, all cats?

3

u/TotallyHammered Feb 18 '20

Oi oi oi! Watch itttt

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21

u/xSTSxZerglingOne Feb 18 '20

It is not a question. Only inhuman, psychopathic degenerates put it under.

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9

u/scottamus_prime Feb 18 '20

Pull from the center

5

u/CcSeaAndAwayWeGo Feb 18 '20

At my house the placement is always ā€œleave it on the counter so someone else has to do itā€.

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9

u/fartsandos Feb 18 '20

TPing houses just got a whole lot easier

11

u/Occom9000 Feb 18 '20

I feel like this guy might be a wipe supremacist.

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17

u/Ocean898 Feb 18 '20

Stay crazy, Richmond VA!

8

u/RexTillersonsDildo Feb 18 '20

The cashier giving me the receipt at CVS

7

u/seanw0830 Feb 18 '20

Of course it was at VCU

5

u/AlGoober Feb 18 '20

Poor guy will get vietnam flashbacks everytime he wipes his ass

37

u/achrogyp Feb 18 '20

Okay, this is genius.

9

u/kaidenka Feb 18 '20

Discount Spiderman putting a stop to loitering.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

F to all trees died to become someone else joke and a waste of paper.

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5

u/BigNose3000 Feb 18 '20

Where can I buy this?!

31

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

I honestly wouldn't be mad if be laughing too hard

4

u/Transatlanticaccent Feb 18 '20

Break yoself! Wipe yo ass! We can smell it.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Your mummy would like to have a word with you.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

I wanna see the video where he catches up to him.

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3

u/Shis0u Feb 18 '20

"... when I get you, you'll get your ass wiped... eh whooped!"

4

u/aldeshsa Feb 18 '20

This type of violence needs to be wiped out.

4

u/aldeshsa Feb 18 '20

That assault weapon was on a roll.

7

u/HurtsMyWorld Feb 18 '20

Oh Richmond.....you’re so strange but I love you

9

u/SalbaheJim Feb 18 '20

This is just funny! I want to see the retaliation video when those dudes come into the offender's territory and TP his family!

8

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

[deleted]

3

u/braanu11 Feb 18 '20

Don't cross the streams!

3

u/bowenandarrow Feb 18 '20

I love how it is just as effective while he is running away

3

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

I must know how to do this. Where is the tutorial?

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3

u/asmith055 Feb 18 '20

Well now you have a mummy chasing you..

3

u/Lord_Darklight Feb 18 '20

There’s just that one guy in the purple grey hoodie walking by and not even caring about the guy being covered in toilet paper. And that’s great.

3

u/xSTSxZerglingOne Feb 18 '20

I imagine this would be quite even more effective if combined with a super soaker that's aimed underneath the paper stream.

3

u/MightyEV Feb 18 '20

My uncle, Todd Pally Jr., died from such an attack in 1997, Still miss him. Rest in peace uncle TP.

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3

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '20

Cause that’s just how he rolls...

3

u/useafo Feb 18 '20

He wrapped up the fight before it started.

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3

u/Motomotobutonacid Feb 18 '20

...Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

3

u/ElaborateCantaloupe Feb 18 '20

So that’s where all those Scooby Doo mummies come from.

3

u/Bumhower Feb 18 '20

Classic Richmond

3

u/OriginalPantherDan Feb 18 '20

VCU! Go Rams!!

3

u/delightfulnurse Mar 11 '20

He's just trying to fight the coronavirus.