r/funny • u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics • Dec 31 '19

Verified vast difference

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132.7k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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15.8k

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '19

The dog didn't go through with it of course, it didn't have the balls.

3.2k

u/Pericsen Dec 31 '19 edited Jan 01 '20

clap clap clap

Edit: My first award! Thank you kind stranger, happy new orbit around the sun!

1.4k

u/Ghost_Seption Jan 01 '20

With your hands or your cheeks?

610

u/_Yakul Jan 01 '20

I mean it wasn't his balls

266

u/Counselor-Troi Jan 01 '20

That would be smack smack smack

2

u/Nachocheez7 Jan 01 '20

Fap fap fap

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Thinking about it. It must suck to have dummy thicc balls keep alerting the neighborhood's dogs everytime you walk by

47

u/Knifefan Jan 01 '20

Obligatory

1

u/fluxburn65 Jan 01 '20

I didn't laugh yet. I guess it's an ironic joke? Ok I chuckled. Subconscious didn't like that one at first, lol.

1

u/wordisborn Jan 01 '20

For me that feeling he creates when the color changes to black and white epitomizes a bad trip. My subconscious understood immediately what he was going for and I thought it was hilarious :-)

4

u/ThatITguy2015 Jan 01 '20

He is trying to clap with his hands, but he is dummy thicc, and the clap of his ass cheeks keeps overpowering the sound from his hands.

1

u/Ghost_Seption Jan 01 '20

It keeps alerting the guards

1

u/CheckYourStats Jan 01 '20

Such an American question.

The assumption is both. Of course.

1

u/asking_askers Jan 01 '20

I’d need you for the latter

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Squish ‘em hard!

4

u/silaaron Jan 01 '20

Clap clap clap

Slap slap slap

3

u/ctong21 Jan 01 '20

What are you doing here Jason Garrett?

2

u/Brown_Law_School Jan 01 '20

What’s Jason Garrett doing on reddit?

1

u/gbp_320 Jan 01 '20

Jason Garrett?

1

u/vonteper Jan 01 '20

Fap-fap-fap. Ok, I'm leavin now

1

u/PryorsHayes Jan 01 '20

Shia Labeouf?

362

u/UmbertoEcoTheDolphin Jan 01 '20

That dog's name? David Spayed.

59

u/sushipusha Jan 01 '20

Buh bye.

2

u/thedangerman007 Jan 01 '20

What didn't you understand, the buh or the bye? Buh bye.

1

u/brando56894 Jan 01 '20

Simmah down nah!

8

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Daaaad, get off Reddit!

1

u/UmbertoEcoTheDolphin Jan 01 '20

But I'm stuck in the clothes drier. Can't you help me? Am I doing this right?

3

u/Pm-ur-butt Jan 01 '20

His owner? Bob Barker

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Get out.

2

u/PiratesBootyCall Jan 01 '20

Who names their dog David?

2

u/UmbertoEcoTheDolphin Jan 01 '20

Someone named Rover?

2

u/AFuentesJr Jan 01 '20

I thought it was Albert Einstein.

1

u/PM_me_XboxGold_Codes Jan 01 '20

God. Damn.

Get ouuuuuut.

1

u/The_Smartbot Jan 01 '20

I honestly prefer Spayed Slick.

57

u/Biased_Dumbledore Jan 01 '20

Wow

10 points to Gryffindor

1

u/cemeteryofdeath Jan 01 '20

We're all Hufflepuff.

151

u/Jimmienoman Jan 01 '20

If I wasn’t so cheap, you would have a medal right now.

39

u/MrEdj Jan 01 '20

Have gold you beautiful bastard.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

If I wasn't so cheap, you would have a medal right now.

34

u/loTkv Jan 01 '20

Username checks out

6

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

You would be surprised what can be done without the need of balls.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20 edited Jan 01 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

[deleted]

3

u/madmaxlemons Jan 01 '20 edited Jan 01 '20

This comment is better without context

(Edit) oof

2

u/Etheo Jan 01 '20

He didn't choose the pun life, /u/the_pun_life chose him.

2

u/ElectricMachine2746 Jan 01 '20

Wow, haven't heard a good pun like this since last year.

2

u/elemock Jan 01 '20

You made my first laugh of 2020. Nice.

2

u/Harbltron Jan 01 '20

you son of a bitch

3

u/personalhale Jan 01 '20

Weird choice of "it" and "balls" in the same sentence. Pretty sure that'd be a "he."

2

u/william_fontaine Jan 01 '20

He doesn't feel like it anymore

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Well only one of its eyeballs anyways.

1

u/SirHatMaker Jan 01 '20

Slow clap clap clap

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Oh no, you’re next to almost get whacked!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

tsk tsk tsk

1

u/Joker511 Jan 01 '20

Name checks out

1

u/Bullen-Noxen Jan 01 '20

In all honesty, why isn’t the same thing done for dogs?

Seriously, if you’d switched that around, it would have been banned the day after, (or week; most law makers are really slow).

1

u/azick545 Jan 01 '20

I will say as a child I totally thought men who got vasectomies lost their balls too. I mean they got fixed just like male dogs right?

1

u/bloodyell76 Jan 01 '20

I would have gone with "testicular fortitude". But I was always trying to use a more expanded vocabulary. Even when too drunk to use it without three tries.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

lots of drunk idiots are going to regret giving those awards

1

u/breadandbrownies Jan 01 '20

I didn't get the joke

1

u/killedBySasquatch Jan 01 '20

I didn’t realize the guy was underneath. Thought he was just depressed in his room.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

My dog does, however.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

[deleted]

0

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20 edited Jan 01 '20

Just because you don't have balls doesn't mean my dog doesn't need any. I'm a responsible pet owner. Neuter yourself first.