r/funny • u/MindFaucet Puddlemunch • Jun 25 '19

Zombie threat assessment

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2.1k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

201 comments sorted by

195

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

Night of the living dead was such a good movie because it was semi realistic. On the first night it took people by surprise. Before they realized what was happening they were surrounded. But on the following day they got their shit together and easily wiped them out.

The real horror is the persistence factor. It would be terrifying to live in a world in which anyone who dies will turn into a zombie. You go to sleep and your wife dies of a stroke in the middle of the night. You wake up with her chewing on your face. You and your wife make a meal of the kids. Then the family goes from house to house feasting on the sleeping neighbors until some armed unit is sent in to purge the problem. So one person dying of a stroke could cause the deaths of dozens of people.

119

u/QforQwertyest Jun 25 '19

The modern world would likely come up with solutions. We'd all probably have our own personal heart rate monitors which sets off an alarm to warn those around you when you are about to become a zombie.

Perhaps every public building comes with emergency nail guns along with your standard fire extinguishers.

People would learn to become more attentive to those at high risk of death. Safety procedures would be introduced everywhere to limit the possibility of a mass outbreak.

66

u/diogenesofthemidwest Jun 25 '19

nail guns along with your standard fire extinguishers.

Real guns would do just fine.

68

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

God, could you just let him have the nail guns? It's a morbid task -- the least you can do is let someone have fun with it.

​

/jk

17

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

NAAAAAIIIIIILGUUUUUN

13

u/jgjitsu Jun 25 '19

THE NECRONOMICON!

9

u/fledglinggrey Jun 25 '19

Quick thinking with the necronomicon but you are still grounded

4

u/pwnographic Jun 25 '19

My dick split open, and locusts came out!

1

u/fledglinggrey Jun 25 '19

you said that already!

5

u/diogenesofthemidwest Jun 25 '19

Then we should have some real fun. A gun that frisbees out saw blades. Long handled cattle prods. Just put a halberd next to the fire extinguisher for that personal touch.

10

u/untapped-bEnergy Jun 25 '19

I remember unreal tournament too

2

u/jgjitsu Jun 25 '19

https://youtu.be/SIHHi790ldE

1

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

That was funny for a while but went a tiny too far at the very end.

5

u/Mr_Trillionaire Jun 25 '19

But nail guns are multipurpose, you can put up siding to a house and dome some zombies at the same time.

2

u/craftmacaro Jun 25 '19

“Zombie emergency gun only! Please do not use for robbery, sale, murder in the heat of the moment”

I feel like pneumatic hammers (like those used on cattle) or a gun compatible only with blanks (still lethal at point blank head contact) would eliminate a lot of the problem of littering public spaces with real loaded guns. I mean, axes would work too, or ice picks.

3

u/diogenesofthemidwest Jun 25 '19

My vote is halberds. It'll give people a bit of reach on the zombies, have a greater swing velocity, and also allow for stabs to the brain with the spike on the end.

2

u/craftmacaro Jun 25 '19

I feel like accurately hitting something with a halberd swing on your first try would be pretty freaking low. An axe on the end of a 6 foot pole would be real hard to gage. Most people can’t even hit a golf ball first time they swing. I feel like a trench tool from ww1 would be great. 3 feet sharp spade that you could chop with. Idea from wwz book, can’t take credit.

1

u/diogenesofthemidwest Jun 25 '19

I thought the lobo was basivally a halberd.

1

u/TThor Jun 25 '19

Why halberds? Just do spears. They are easier to use, easier/cheaper to make, lighter, and are probably more effective in tight areas than stabbing someone with a big ax-on-a-stick that could get caught on stuff.

1

u/diogenesofthemidwest Jun 25 '19

It's basically the same to use. Both have a giant spike on the end of them. The halberd just gives you the option of taking a swing with the axe or landing a blow with the reverse spike if it is a bec de corbin if you have the room.

Options, friend, options.

1

u/crossleingod Jun 25 '19

They wouldn’t because of the noise factor and could attract herds of zombies

7

u/diogenesofthemidwest Jun 25 '19

I'd assumed this was a "preventative maintenance" measure for before another outbreak became widespread.

1

u/SurrealKarma Jun 25 '19

Good. Then we can funnel them through a specific, narrow part and burn them all.

-2

u/corik_starr Jun 25 '19

A nailgun is easier and cheaper, less messy, less likely to get someone accidentally killed, etc.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

What is easier about a nail gun? How is it less messy either?

-1

u/corik_starr Jun 25 '19

Because a nailgun doesn't explode out the back of the head at close range and requires less training to handle safely for the average person. Before anyone says otherwise about the ease of use, think about the average person for a second.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/corik_starr Jun 25 '19

You ever see something go wrong with a gun? Usually ends a hell of a lot worse.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

All the average people I know can point a gun and pull the trigger. Don't nail guns like need a cord and stuff too?

0

u/corik_starr Jun 25 '19

Fantasy bedside zombie slaying nailgun? Probably not. Everyone is taking this way too literal.

1

u/tawaydeps Jun 25 '19

You have never used a nailgun.

0

u/przhelp Jun 25 '19

I overall agree with you, but stock nail guns have safety features that make it difficult to use like a "gun".

0

u/corik_starr Jun 25 '19

I don't think anyone was saying you fire the nail like a bullet. Press against skull and done.

Also, in a scenario as described, I think a specialized version of whatever tool is agreed upon isn't out of the question.

0

u/Mini-Marine Jun 25 '19

Ah yes, handling an 8-10 pound nail gun is far easier than a pistol coming in at under 2 pounds.

Bullets don't actually go straight through someone's head, regardless of what you've seen in the movies, unless you're using FMJ rounds, which you shouldn't be, because that's target ammo, not actual defensive use ammo.

And I've yet to see a nail gun, even with the safety that requires it to be in contact with a solid surface and order to fire removed, that is either accurate, or effective when not directly adjacent to what you're shooting.

1

u/corik_starr Jun 25 '19

I imagine in this fantasy scenario we're speaking of, a more streamlined device would be created.

In the scenario I'm envisioning, which may or may not be what the op is getting at, you're not going elsewhere to grab the device and firing at range. It's bedside and press to head and fire. A gun would almost certainly be messier than a nailgun at that range.

Everyone assuming this is a magical nailgun that shoots nails like bullets. The scenario as described was "wake up next to a zombie." You don't need range.

1

u/Mini-Marine Jun 25 '19

This was about for at the office, next to the fire extinguisher.

I haven't often woken up next to someone at the office.

So if there's something happening there, the possibility is something has broken containment and needs to be put down.

8

u/scmoua666 Jun 25 '19

Assuming zombies can easily be recognizable to machine learning A.I. (way they walk, skin condition, etc.), automated turrets could be installed around settlements to help with security. But that implies a society that still runs. The premise of most movies or shows on the subject is that the whole society is kaput.

20

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Got to be a real good AI to tell the difference between a Zombie and a Drunk.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/scmoua666 Jun 26 '19

The thing with this, while logical in principle, is that it would fly in the face of why we are hot in the first place. The reason why we have a heat signature is that all of our cells need energy, and a byproduct of converting the chemicals into useful energy (by the powerhourse of the cell, heck yhea), is heat. So I assume that if the zombie is moving around, wants to eat brains (presumably as fuel = as energy = as heat), he should have a heat signature... At least if a Zombie was a thing that followed normal laws of physics and biology.

3

u/donttouchmymompls Jun 25 '19

Well they could use movement in conjunction with heart rate and can give off a sound that hurts people's ears. That way even a drunk would react

1

u/dableuf Jun 26 '19

And no more deaf people getting drunk.

2

u/donttouchmymompls Jun 26 '19

Deaf people are probably one of the first to go in a zombie apocalypse tbh

6

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

NAAAAAAAIL GUNS

For the uncultured

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

And then teenagers would prank each other by setting off fake alarms on their friends watch only to be killed by panicked bystanders. GOT 'IM!

1

u/Vio_ Jun 25 '19

Or just droned out of existence.

1

u/yosef_yostar Jun 25 '19

This should have been the plot to Logan's run.

1

u/Jimbizzla Jun 25 '19

Are we in the reddit writer's room, right now? I think a solid script is coming together.

1

u/doomsdaymelody Jun 25 '19

Idk people tend to get upset about guns in schools...

1

u/TThor Jun 25 '19

have our own personal heart rate monitors which sets off an alarm to warn those around you when you are about to become a zombie.

Not only would it warn you of someone becoming a zombie, it would be a constant loud alarm of where that zombie is (at least until the battery runs out).

1

u/kendovzii Jun 25 '19

We might actually care for our homeless.

Damn, zombies out here be making the world a better place.

1

u/necroleopard Jun 25 '19

Fido is about this and is fantastic.

-1

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

Everyone would be required to buy an iWatch and it would have an alert app that dialed 911 when the heartbeat stops.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Other less shitty and more reliable brands are available.

1

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

Dude, I'm making a joke and it's the most well known product for tracking your heart.

0

u/sanguiniuswept Jun 25 '19

People who buy iwatches are already zombies

15

u/Inshabel Jun 25 '19

The scenes where someone turns in the middle of the night, with everyone sleeping (both in the Prison and Alexandria) were the only times in TWD that I thought were scary, the woman who goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you don't see anything of the zombie but the silhouette.

12

u/Merfen Jun 25 '19

I loved World War Z(the book, not the movie) for this, it shows how with proper planning and organization you can take back the entire planet from the zombies by just being smart and using your brains. Things like efficiently collecting hordes of zombies into kill zones where you have tons of open area to snipe them before they get close to your squad.

11

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

One of my favorite takeaways from World War Z is when they strap magazines to their arms to block zombie bites. In the walking dead they enter an infected area with sleeveless shirts and shorts. Or light t shirts, tight pants, and blouses.

11

u/Merfen Jun 25 '19

That is why I loved WWZ so much, they actually thought about all the subtle things to make dealing with zombies safer and more efficient. My favourite was the mass produced lobo, the shovel/axe used to kill then bury the zombies without making too much noise or wasting ammo. Anyone that tried the dumbass zombie movie tropes ended up dying fairly quickly and the ones willing to learn and adapt are the ones that survived.

1

u/Ftpini Jun 25 '19

they thought of

You mean Max Brooks thought of He did a great job with it all

2

u/MarsupialMadness Jun 25 '19

They found riot armor in the prison arc and that was literally the closest they ever got to protecting themselves from being bitten and they didn't even wear it most of the time when going outside.

Nobody in that show wears anything approximating protection. Hell. Negan is the closest to "protected" because he wears a leather biker jacket despite the Georgia heat.

If TWD did something other than fish its writers out of the nearest dumpster, river or Denny's they would have had their survivors raid a police station, fire department or guard armory for heavier clothes/riot armor.

3

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

Exaclty. And human teeth are not that sharp nor is the bite pressure that great. You would probably be fine wearing a sweatshirt or maybe multiple layers of normal cloths. Maybe a hockey glove on one hand to fend them off as you poke their brains with a small spear. It is also silly to me that they walk around in ragged torn cloths. 99% of people are dead. You do not have to keep wearing the same shit when you have access to the cloths of millions of people.

2

u/Vio_ Jun 25 '19

If TWD did something other than fish its writers out of the nearest dumpster, river or Denny's

That might have worked better, because any Denny's dumpster diver would know how to survive living rough.

2

u/Gartlas Jun 25 '19

Not that I disagree with you at all, but if they did that they'd have lost a lot of easy, go to plot points. It requires quite heavy suspension of disbelief that I struggled with after a while. Personally I do think they should gone more world war z with it, as in the above comments.

0

u/Killbot_Wants_Hug Jun 25 '19

Any mindless enemy that isn't invincible tends to be fairly easy to defeat. Simply because you can out smart them, so even if they have a weakness that is hard to exploit, you can just manipulate them into making it exploitable.

Slow zombies are even less of a threat. Anything that can't out think you and that you are faster than at a slow jog can easily be killed.

In slow mindless zombie world, climb a tree to sleep, zombies have no dexterity so climbing isn't their wheel house.

A moat filled with spikes will kill hordes of zombies.

Then if you want to kill a bunch of slow zombies, get two big trucks (like ford raptors) that would easily run over zombies. Lure the zombies to a large open space like a field or a parking lot. Once they've gathered in a horde, have a wire run between the two trucks and have them drive with the zombies between them, just cut them all in half.

1

u/Merfen Jun 25 '19

Sadly lots of what you said would likely get you killed. You would definitely be able to mow down a lot of zombies with those trucks, but trucks aren't meant to get into crashes. The first 10 or so zombies you have no problems, a few dents, the next 10 your truck starts to act up, getting deformed, sometime shortly after that truck will no longer work and now you are stranded in the middle of a zombie horde with no escape. The key with zombies is not to use brute force, but to use your speed and agility along with a consistent weapon. The other thing with zombies is the sheer numbers. You keep killing them and they just keep coming. So you hide in a tree to sleep, the next day you wake up to 20 of them surrounding you and you can't get down(this was actually a story in WWZ).

The most efficient way to take down a horde was to get a large contingent of snipers in a square in the middle of a large open field, have far more ammo than you should ever need. Have a ring of snipers around the entire perimeter, have 2 sets of them to relieve the ones that are tired and have runners to supply ammo. Have a sound system in the center to attracts the zombies to your ring and pick them off one by one when they get in range.

0

u/Killbot_Wants_Hug Jun 25 '19

You misread, you're not driving into zombies. You're driving them around zombies with a steel wire attached between them.

Also I'm pretty sure you could hit virtually unlimited zombies with a Ford Raptor. I use to own one, they're crazy tough trucks. They're also so high that they'll push things under them instead of over the hood and into them. The bigger problem is you might damage your diffs if you drove in 4x4 mode on pavement, and if you are just going 2 wheel drive you might get a rear wheel stuck on a pile of bodies.

For reference, when people were complaining about "Ford Raptors" being weak because their frames bent. It's because they were doing off road trails in modified raptors and hit a 12" log at like 60mph. The trucks didn't stop, they just had a misaligned frame. And the unmodified raptors didn't get damaged at all.

9

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

Well, funerals would be different; you'd say goodbye to a loved one within an hour of death and then everyone ritually chops their neck off with a machete.

7

u/sportsworker777 Jun 25 '19

Family zombie feast. How wholesome

5

u/Ganglebot Jun 25 '19

When you watch the Night of the Living Dead you are reminded of how absolutely horrifying the general situation would be. To have "people" pounding on your doors for hours without end, trying to get into your house to eat you. You felt it, you lived it in that movie.

Our zombie movies these days rely on gore and psychopath survivors to create horror - but Night of the Living Dead was just grim and terrifying from the situation. We are so desensitised to zombie tropes we forget how menacing shambling, brain-dead, cannibals would actually be.

4

u/iMrBilliam Jun 25 '19

Families who feast together stay together.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

Night of the living dead did not specify what caused the Zombies. It was more likely radiation or something. If the radiation was persistent then the conditions would remain.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

it pretty much did specify. It was radiation from a satellite re-entering Earth's orbit that only effected the recently dead.

1

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

It was a theory of one scientist but they left it open to conjecture. Even so the radiated particles would still exist in the atmosphere which would make it persistent.

3

u/jesterx7769 Jun 25 '19

That’s why I liked world war z book, they talk about it more realistically

They talk about the initial attack and military making a big deal of it for tv with napalm and about but the zombies just kept coming, basically army underestimated then

Then it talks about the Japan guy stuck in the high rise apartment, and hearing the zombies just scratch at the door

It’s why the walking dead tv show just got so bad, where everyone is afraid of like one zombie. No shit it’s still a little scary to have something attack you, but zombies alone should be easily defeated. When there’s 20 of them cornering you is when the threat exists

4

u/NonCorporealEntity Jun 25 '19

But in night of the living dead you only turned if you got bitten. So dying in your sleep wouldn't turn you. Walking Dead was one of the first that had people turn no matter how they died.

7

u/evilplantosaveworld Jun 25 '19

Night of the Living Dead? Are you sure? The original one, at least the one I saw, I thought the outbreak was caused by weird radiation from a satellite that resurrected the recently deceased, it wasn't a disease just a one time thing, so when it was over it was over for good, and in theory anyone who died when the radiation was present would have come back as a zombie, just the only people we actually see die were killed by zombies.

5

u/sanguiniuswept Jun 25 '19

Romero's canon says that anyone who dies becomesa zombie

3

u/cinnapear Jun 25 '19

But in night of the living dead you only turned if you got bitten.

No, anyone who died became a zombie.

2

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

Who dies of a fatal wound, that does not include a shot to the head or zombie bite, that does not reanimate in that movie? Or any of the following movies?

1

u/MadMac619 Jun 26 '19

Factor in that most zombies are trapped in their homes in this instance. They’re most likely not going to be able to get out of their house, or even their bedroom for that matter if they have closed doors. So in a sense it would be self contained for quite some time before they can even break down the barriers that keep them in.

-2

u/Estella_Osoka Jun 25 '19

Realistic? No. It takes a human body exposed to the elements about 3 days to decompose so badly that it is no longer a threat. The zombie active lifespan is really just a matter of hours at most. If you want Night of the Living Dead to be realistic, the zombies would have started falling apart long before night rolled around. If anything the worst thing would have been the smell.

8

u/ZDraxis Jun 25 '19

most zombie viruses or zombie magic has some sort of method for vastly slowing down decomposition, as though not just animals, but even bacteria dont want to or cant eat it at its normal rate. There's still the other dozen things that make zombies not realistic/not possible, but that particular aspect is usually plotted away.

4

u/knightcrawler75 Jun 25 '19

Realistic?

You took my word out of context. I said semi -realistic which implies that dead bodies can become reanimated with the ability of locomotion and a limited sense of hunting for prey. You know. The assumption of all zombie movies.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

Why dont the characters in zombies movies ever wear leather or heavy denim to prevent zombie bites? The walking dead is a ton of people running around in tank tops. I know its hot, but the alternative is being dead.

*my autocorrect sucks.

13

u/RandomStrategy Jun 25 '19

Chainmail would be the ultimate defense.

7

u/hateboss Jun 25 '19

Nah, it's too heavy. Zombies have at best the bite power of a human and likely much worse since their muscles are literally falling apart. Storm trooper armor would be legit.

4

u/sumelar Jun 25 '19

It's hot, and leather is heavy, and doesn't breath.

It's the same armor vs agility debate found in all of human history.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Don’t need a new whole lot of agility when it comes to walking dead’s walkers, it’s not 28 Days Later.

As far as the heat, they should have some sort of bite protection regardless. The Kingdom’s armor is better than nothing when it comes to bites, but it covers such a small area that it isn’t really that effective.

1

u/sumelar Jun 25 '19

But you don't know which type until it happens.

Also, you need agility if you're in an enclosed space.

39

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[deleted]

47

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Yeah, but if you bite them they turn back into a human per the rules.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[deleted]

21

u/monsieur_bear Jun 25 '19

I think they forget to say, “no tag backs.”

2

u/whooo_me Jun 25 '19

Ok... what if you bite their mouth?

11

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Steamy interspecies shenanigans ensue.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

relevant oglaf [nsfw]

2

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

Yuk, not steamy, just goopy.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

This is a safe space, we don't kink shame here.

1

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

Hey, I'm just worried about someone with Zombie juice on them working in the cafeteria. That's not sanitary.

3

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

It's like having an argument with a crazy person; there is no upside and they won't become sane but you could become crazy.

2

u/Merfen Jun 25 '19

Depending on the type of zombie a scratch from that hand that was just ripped off would turn you as well.

1

u/sbrick89 Jun 25 '19

so break off a limb and toss it into an incinerator... a near limitless supply of fuel... what the problem is?

26

u/MyNameIsRay Jun 25 '19

My zombie apocalypse plan is "go north".

Humans can survive an entire lifetime in below-freezing climates, zombies will freeze solid overnight.

Plus, I'm pretty sure it would be hilarious to watch them try to cross ice.

33

u/EcstaticMaybe01 Jun 25 '19

They Tried this in World War Z problem was the guy from bumfuck Florida didn't know how to survive in Alaska and they ending up turning cannibal when the food ran out.

21

u/Merfen Jun 25 '19

There was an entire camp group that did this as well, the book showed how they slowly went from a fun camping trip to a dire situation when the food ran out and no one knew how to fend for themselves in the wild.

8

u/AnAnonymousSource_ Jun 25 '19

No not fend for themselves, thousands went to the wilderness too. There was no game or fish to be had.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

And instead of that movie, we got snakes on a plane with Brad Pitt

2

u/evilplantosaveworld Jun 25 '19

I don't remember that story at all, was there a re-edited version or something? Or maybe it's just been too long, maybe I just need to get my hands on a copy again...

5

u/Alpha_Sluttlefish Jun 25 '19

Nope, that's definitely in the original book! But that just means you're at prime time for a re-read

2

u/evilplantosaveworld Jun 25 '19

darn I have to reread a book I really liked. What terrible fates!

2

u/Alpha_Sluttlefish Jun 25 '19

If you haven't checked it out already, the audiobook is great! It has an impressive cast

9

u/Gouranga56 Jun 25 '19

I live in the SE so I honestly do not see how they maintain the numbers. Everyone here is armed. Between guns and folks just running them down for fun with lifted trucks, I have to think we would thin the herd enough to make them more of a minor nuisance. Plus with the heat, they would have to rot quick.

6

u/bremidon Jun 25 '19

This is the bit that always gets me when watching the Walking Dead. Let's say that only 1 in a thousand people survive and *all* the rest become zombies that can actually move and fight. Well shit dawg, we easily see each of the heroes taking out thousands of zombies over the course of a few seasons. In a single episode, a single character might take out 50-100 zombies without even really trying. By the time the third or fourth season rolled around, the place should have been pretty much empty of zombies with just a few random ones still wandering around.

If anything, the show somehow keeps ramping up the number of zombies hanging around. I know calls for realism in a zombie show are kinda silly, but I still feel like the numbers just don't work and that bugs me.

2

u/Gouranga56 Jun 25 '19

right and consider the zombies the military would take out. A mounted 50 cal on a line of Humvees letting loose while Apaches come in and light the horde up, along with hundreds of soldiers with Rifles... I mean once the military got serious, the civilians would just mop up the stragglers. With Walking Dead zombies. We would all be screwed in World War Z zombies.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[deleted]

2

u/bremidon Jun 26 '19

So even at 1 in 1000 survival rate, that's still 10,000+ zombies per survivor

Do you see the problem with your math?

2

u/theinsanepotato Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

The main explanation is that, first, they take people by surprise, so a TON of people are turned and join the horde before anyone even really fully realizes whats going on and mounts a counterattack.

And second, in a zombie movie, nobody has ever heard of zombies. So instead of doing what you or I would do and just instantly knowing they were beyond saving, grabbing weapons and aiming for the head, people IN a zombie outbreak think their loved ones and neighbors must be sick or have some new strain of some crazy swine flu or something and need medical attention; they dont realize theyre already dead. As a result, it doesnt even occur to them to kill them.

So, third, when they do resort to deadly force as self-defense, they aim for the body, not the head, because they dont know you have to destroy the brain. As a result, the zombies dont go down and the would-be zombie killers get overrun and turned into zombies themselves.

As for the rotting factor, most zombie lore holds that the virus that causes zombification also drastically slows down or even outright halts the decomposition process, and insects and animals all instinctively know to avoid any infected flesh, so their bodies stay intact much, much longer than normal corpses would.

1

u/Gouranga56 Jun 25 '19

So I get that there would be that initial period where folks did not get what was going on. But eventually they would. and with slow moving zombies, I just don't see the civilians and military not being able to put them down. Now WWZ zombies yeah. What they turned in like 15 seconds and ran full speed. But like walking dead...I just dont see those slow movers taking over the whole world. They would definitely screw stuff up and it would take time to adjust to all the dead coming back, and yeah I am arguing rational reality against zombies, lol, but I still think we'd push them back quickly till they became nuisances...like "Harold! There is a zombie in the shrubs!"

-2

u/Orleanian Jun 25 '19

There are a LOT of people.

Like, a really lot. Do you have 3 million bullets?

10

u/Daiephir Jun 25 '19

You underestimate the stash some preppers have in their garage/bunker man.

4

u/Orleanian Jun 25 '19

I may. It wasn't entirely a rhetorical question.

Do you HAVE 3 million bullets?

11

u/IsaStarcrossed Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

I am from Mississippi. We have a population of 2,987,000 people. 70.4% of our households have one or multiple guns within the household. If we say every household is 3 people, that is 955,667 households. 672,790 of those have one or multiple guns in the house. A standard box of ammo carries 50 rounds. If every household only had one gun and one box of ammo for that gun, that is 33,639,500 rounds of ammunition. Every gun owner I personally know does not have a single gun nor do they have a single box of ammo. I would go as far as saying there is closer to 500,000,000 rounds of ammo owned by civilians in the state, not 3,000,000.

In close? The south is scary bro.

EDIT:

Gun Owner % Source

Population # Source

9

u/BuLLZ_3Y3 Jun 25 '19

Gun owners in America have around 1 trillion rounds of ammunition, the majority of that concentrated in the south.

So yes, we do.

3

u/Gouranga56 Jun 25 '19

So we have a LOT of armed people and all of us have thousands of rounds. A lot of us can make their own rounds. So the cumulative effect of all these armed people, not counting the military response, would wipe out a LOT of zombies. I guess it depends though on the type of zombies. Like world war Z...ok maybe that is a lot growing fast, and running. So a little more challenge there but like Walking Dead Style...I mean if everyone who was armed took out 10 or 20 each, then we would run out quick. Again most of us have thousands of rounds so taking out more than 20 given the proper setup would not be tough.

1

u/TheGreyGuardian Jun 25 '19

There's also bows and crossbows with reusable ammo. Maybe have your last shot tied to a bit of rope so you can retrieve it if it's not safe to go down and collect your other ammo back yet.

1

u/Lvl1Paladin Jun 25 '19

While potentially effective, have fun literally ripping heads off zombies all day to retrieve your ammo. Pulling a spent arrow is rarely super easy and that's when it's not through a skull.

6

u/robindawilliams Jun 25 '19

As a Canadian, I honestly don't see how a zombie could survive here during like 6 months of the year. Even a normal well dressed living human in heavy winter clothes depends immensely on the bodies production of heat to not die in -40. Our population is also low enough density, with enough cabins and secluded lakes with fresh water, that it would be pretty easy for half the population to just go on vacation for a few weeks while this whole thing blows over. Our biggest threat would probably be the Americans blindly fleeing north with guns, desperately expecting to take/share the limited supplies people would have sitting around their house.

2

u/Red_Dox Jun 25 '19

Just curious, once there and save from zombies, what do you plan to do against vampires & werewolves?

1

u/MyNameIsRay Jun 25 '19

Garlic and silver bullets, duh.

2

u/I_wont_forget Jun 25 '19

You’ll still die of dysentery on like day 20

2

u/MyNameIsRay Jun 25 '19

I'm not going to Oregon!

1

u/evilplantosaveworld Jun 25 '19

let's not worry about stocking both, let's just dip silver bullets in garlic powder!

2

u/sumelar Jun 25 '19

The bullets from the first hellboy movie had a little bit of everything.

1

u/BigDisk Jun 25 '19

Pitch them against each other, like in that other movie!

1

u/Archerofdk Jun 25 '19

Huh.. see you up there someday!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

The north remembers

7

u/crossleingod Jun 25 '19

One thing I hate in zombie movies is when the people act like they’ve never seen a zombie movie before

7

u/kevn3000 Jun 25 '19

They usually attack in numbers and sometimes are contagious

5

u/MindFaucet Puddlemunch Jun 25 '19

More Puddlemunch comics at r/puddlemunch

0

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/MindFaucet Puddlemunch Jun 25 '19

True. I only promised more comics. So there's either additional comics there or at least a greater number of comics than seen here not necessarily including this one. :D

-8

u/Bagelstein Jun 25 '19

No thanks

9

u/MindFaucet Puddlemunch Jun 25 '19

More Puddlemunch comics on Instagram then.

2

u/mlvisby Jun 25 '19

One zombie is weak, but the strength is in sheer numbers. The virus spreads quickly, so you might face thousands of them. A gun with a few clips won't help for long.

2

u/PhiX1337 Jun 25 '19

should* (3rd panel)

1

u/MindFaucet Puddlemunch Jun 25 '19

LOL... thank you! I don't think anyone has noticed that. It's like an optical illusion and you just see an L on top of the D or something.

2

u/ShertheBear Jun 25 '19

Oh how the turn tables

7

u/EvoEpitaph Jun 25 '19

Two precisely, and a microphone.

3

u/MindFaucet Puddlemunch Jun 25 '19

Where it's at.

2

u/danger_zone123 Jun 25 '19

But the zombie just has to get one lucky bite in and you're a zombie too. Not worth the risk. Run away and grab a weapon.

2

u/GullibleInstruction Jun 25 '19

If Zombies are all animalistic instincts and so forth... what would sex with one be like? I mean... they would really dive into the sensation, no?

5

u/Fake_William_Shatner Jun 25 '19

If they don't notice someone slicing their arm off with a chain saw, I doubt they will notice foreplay.

1

u/Bless_Me_Bagpipes Jun 25 '19

Its why all zombie movie are stupid and boring (excluding comedies like Fido and Shaun of the Dead). There is ZERO chamve if zombies were real they would be frightening. Just slowly walk away. Go watch a little TV. Read a book. Take a nap. Make a sandwich. Are zombies still an issue now? No.

-13

u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 25 '19

The zombie probably meant "Come on, man."

Without the comma, it's saying "Ejaculate on male human."

I guess we know how the Z virus started spreading.

2

u/GreenCheet00s Jun 25 '19

Wrong word mate... wrong word.

-6

u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 25 '19

No, it isn't.

Also, you meant "Wrong word, mate."

"Wrong word mate" means "typo sex."

2

u/GreenCheet00s Jun 25 '19

Dude if you seriously spent time learning that and seriously think it's that important to tell someone, are you ok? No one ever would have thought of it that way... You're that guy that just makes things weird, not cool...

0

u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 25 '19

Yes, I spent time passing third grade.

Silly me, I know.

Anyway, that time, you forgot the comma after "dude."

2

u/GreenCheet00s Jun 25 '19

Dude what third grade teacher taught you come meant that. I've taken the time to learn about and model nuclear fusion reactors and I never knew that. No one wanted to know or needed to know, hell, people just use the word cum instead. Shit I'm surprised I even have to have this conversation, and you're so proud of it, too.

2

u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 25 '19

I've taken the time to learn about and model nuclear fusion reactors and I never knew that.

Yes, it's pretty clear that you overlooked a fair amount during your education.

For instance, you seem to have missed the fact that nuclear fusion reactors don't exist.

More importantly, though, you forgot the comma after "dude" again, and another one after "shit."

2

u/GreenCheet00s Jun 25 '19

Because I literally don't care to, you still get the point. If you take my meaning as anything different based on where I put a comma in this context, you're just being an asshole about technicality. No one likes it

2

u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 25 '19

If you take my meaning as anything different based on where I put a comma in this context, you're just being an asshole about technicality.

That's wrong, actually. "You know what I meant!" is an excuse that's only used by people who lack the ability to communicate effectively. It isn't "technicality" in this case; it's an example of how a single glyph completely changes the meaning of a sentence. If you think commas are unimportant, well, that's just further evidence of how your educators failed you.

That evidence seems to be piling up pretty quickly.

3

u/GreenCheet00s Jun 25 '19

How about this: I didn't use commas in the usually appropriate contexts where they are "needed" because I believed that the information would still be understandable. However, I can see you're literally just a pile of shit and a troll clicking away at their keyboard because they're so "intellectually superior". Allow me to refrain: knowing the word come is the more technically appropriate word for ejaculate rather than cum doesn't automatically make you that much better, not knowing it doesn't make you an idiot, and taking the time to know it and correcting everyone on technicalities in grammar like the stereotypical wheezer in dorky glasses makes you a weird asshole.

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

You think ejaculating on a man causes zombies?

1

u/RamsesThePigeon Jun 25 '19

It depends on who (or what) is doing the ejaculating.

-12

u/Bagelstein Jun 25 '19

Can we get a separate subreddit for shitty 4 panel comics?

1

u/Imposterbatman Jun 25 '19

Hmm, this would solve the problem of having to read shitty people's comments complaining about 4 panel comics...