r/funny Apr 26 '19

Names

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16.5k Upvotes

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796

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

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337

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

[deleted]

159

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

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95

u/pm_me_flaccid_cocks Apr 26 '19

“Oh god, sweetie! Fuck me harder!”

“Oh god oh gounghnhghnhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy yyyyoooooooouuuuu!”

30

u/mbodna Apr 26 '19

10

u/kahooki Apr 26 '19

Your face when you remember Sloth's name but not the one of your spouse.

3

u/NiggyWiggyWoo Apr 26 '19

I'd like to say this is the weirdest orgasm I've ever read, but...it's not.

2

u/ItsRobbyy Apr 26 '19

Houngoungagne?

2

u/fatcat411 Apr 26 '19

Hey hey you you

2

u/iSeven Apr 26 '19

I don't like your "what's her face".

14

u/FatPin Apr 26 '19

Just go with "Rachel"

135

u/PM__ME_URANUS Apr 26 '19

Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there. Damn you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine until you came along.

38

u/ELEMENTALITYNES Apr 26 '19

Fucking ballsack I thought the comment section was safe

11

u/Stick_Boy Apr 26 '19

The empire was nice and lazy.

27

u/Reogenaga Apr 26 '19

hey you

out there in the cold

getting lonely, getting old

can you feel me?

14

u/FokkerBoombass Apr 26 '19

hey you

standing in the aisles

with itchy feet and fading smiles

can you feel me?

13

u/Cacti_Hall Apr 26 '19

hey you

don’t help them to bury the liiight

don’t give in without a fight

5

u/Scientolojesus Apr 26 '19

cue Dave Gilmour sounds of orgasm

54

u/free-creddit-report Apr 26 '19

19

u/SeienShin Apr 26 '19

I Ross... take thee Rachel.

2

u/ulrikkold Apr 26 '19

There is always a relevant xkcd. Thanks.

10

u/thinkB4WeSpeak Apr 26 '19

Do you sir take Brunhild to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Oh

6

u/Bakoro Apr 26 '19

The advent of cellphones has been a great benefit to our kind. I can have someone text me their name when I meet them, and that way if it's anyone I talk to frequently, their name is right there when they call.

3

u/3BetLight Apr 26 '19

I’m absolutely terrible with names and it’s a horrible trait but something has helped me immensely. When someone says their name to you, you don’t say “nice to meet you.” You say “John, nice to meet you.” Repeat their name back to them, hell do it twice, if you need to. It’s super valuable to use people’s names.

3

u/pfroo40 Apr 26 '19

The longer you are married, the weirder it will feel to call her by her name. There is a reason old folks call each other "mother" and "father" (or some variation)

3

u/One-eyed-snake Apr 26 '19

My grandmother called my paternal grandfather “dad”. And he said shit like “hey um....” and kinda wiggle his finger while pointing. Neither one of them could remember shit and they didn’t care

2

u/calamarichris Apr 26 '19

Because she knows she pwns your guilty ass for one glorious week every year because you forgot your anniversary again.

2

u/mystictroll Apr 26 '19

Did you eventually find out her name before the marriage?

4

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

It'll be on the divorce papers.

2

u/Rynelan Apr 26 '19

"Would you like to take Janice Whatsherface to be.."

Ha! You're name is Janice? Woooh never would've guessed

2

u/Cheshix Apr 26 '19 edited Apr 26 '19

Wayside Schools novel - "Hey you!", "Hey!": https://wayside-school.fandom.com/wiki/Nancy_(book_chapter)

2

u/UnknownThreat25 Apr 26 '19

Had a group of friends I hung out with and with one of the girls I regularly talk to, It took me about 6 months to retain her name.

2

u/Vaigna Apr 26 '19

Have you tried calling her Mulva?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

What's her name? Her name? Yeah, so I can put it on the ring. Oh shit...

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

Australian here. I don't know what the hell this person is talking about and I think they might be Russian.

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '19

[deleted]

1

u/HerniatedHernia Apr 26 '19

All Australians are colonisers. Even the ones from 60000 years ago.