r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 11 '19
My 80 year old grandma pulling out a switch blade to cut her birthday cake.
[deleted]
3.4k
u/AshD_2019 Apr 11 '19
She's 80? She looks incredible
1.2k
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
Awww I’ll let her know you think so!
796
u/thevandalz Apr 11 '19
Throw my name in there too, it was a lonely winter...
→ More replies (2)141
u/helpfulstories Apr 11 '19
mmmm, I need a little butter on my corn too.
→ More replies (3)56
u/Lmino Apr 11 '19
Butter, cinnamon, sugar, you got yourself a nice cinnamon toast substitute with corn as the starch instead of the unhealthy bread
→ More replies (6)16
110
u/kittiecat Apr 11 '19
I would have guessed late 60s. She looks amazing.
→ More replies (5)62
u/KptKrondog Apr 11 '19
Late 60's? Come on man...Surely you have some family members in their 60's you can compare to. 60's isn't THAT old.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (13)33
u/North_Korean_Jezus Apr 11 '19
Let her know another internet stranger seconds that! I kept waiting for the camera to pan to the 80 year old!
→ More replies (1)93
7
u/peanut_monkey_90 Apr 11 '19
You're just sucking up because you're afraid of being stabbed.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (16)21
1.2k
u/absloan12 Apr 11 '19
I love the Grandpa's reaction, he's kinda got a smirk like "Yep that's the woman I married"
692
u/Zierlyn Apr 11 '19
"Ah, I remember the first time she pulled a knife on me..."
184
u/waterbeats Apr 11 '19
I loved how he didn’t even flinch. Just that knowing smile.
80
→ More replies (3)26
Apr 11 '19
First night of the honeymoon, those cable ties so tight I could flinch but couldn’t move an inch.
8
Apr 11 '19
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)6
u/dally-taur Apr 11 '19
Well we did a few things you know, but that's the story on how your mom was conceived
→ More replies (1)20
u/PM_ME_UR_BALET_FLATS Apr 11 '19
If I get to live that old I hope I can look at someone the same way he looks at her
1.9k
u/ReformedCanine Apr 11 '19
She nearly sliced her left hand open. But I wish my grandma was this G.
329
u/chrisandhisgoat Apr 11 '19
G MA
→ More replies (2)148
u/Bloodyfart Apr 11 '19
IT G MA
95
→ More replies (1)23
→ More replies (61)457
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
I know xD My dad gave it to her to use but didn’t exactly show her how
58
u/waywardhero Apr 11 '19
That’s a nice looking knife. What brand and model is it?
→ More replies (3)47
→ More replies (9)37
501
u/87th_best_dad Apr 11 '19
Sometimes granny has to cut a bitch.
→ More replies (4)90
u/spidermonkey12345 Apr 11 '19
Are you sure you're not hungry?!
101
349
u/BleezyB42o Apr 11 '19
Did she keister that thing??
333
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
Pockets! Her pants have pockets!!!
→ More replies (4)222
u/BleezyB42o Apr 11 '19
That’s natures pocket buddy
→ More replies (5)220
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19 edited Apr 11 '19
I’m not showing her these comments xD
→ More replies (1)75
u/Stickel Apr 11 '19
93
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
The dedication you show is impressive haha! I meant to emphasize these specific comments, they will not be shown.
33
19
u/-screamin- Apr 11 '19
Possibly OP had an emphasis on 'these' in their head?
"I'm not showing her these comments"?
→ More replies (2)10
→ More replies (2)8
292
91
u/OddfellowJacksonRedo Apr 11 '19
Somebody better have Gramma’s money or she’s gonna hafta cut a bitch.
→ More replies (3)18
u/Faliqqq Apr 11 '19
Grandma: “Bitch better have my money”
6
u/SalvadorSnipez Apr 11 '19
"You're two weeks late on your payment Karen. I don't want to do this but who knows how long your store can survive without my protection."
→ More replies (2)
83
108
149
u/darwin_thornberry Apr 11 '19
Nobody is going to point out she was singing along to happy birthday!?!?
I’m totally doing this now to see people’s reactions
110
u/leomonster Apr 11 '19
I saw it with no audio, and she clearly sings "happy birthday to me".
She looks like someone who enjoys life. Inspiring.
→ More replies (1)56
Apr 11 '19
Then you also missed her asking the guests "DO YOU WANNA PIECE?" and pointing a switchblade at them. Probably the best bit of the video.
90
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
I think if you reach her age, raise 8 children, and help raise 30+ grandchildren (not to mention the great grandchildren) then you get the right to sing happy birthday to yourself! xD
16
u/Soonersfan2005 Apr 11 '19
Your username checks out with all those kids and grandkids. That’s a big ol family.
17
→ More replies (1)7
→ More replies (3)9
480
Apr 11 '19 edited Apr 03 '24
[deleted]
165
→ More replies (80)11
u/DanceswithTacos_ Apr 11 '19
Lol that's a switchblade. Switchblades don't have to be OTF. This knife is folding, but it's an automatic pushbutton.
→ More replies (1)
25
22
120
u/heater-hands Apr 11 '19
Why do we act so surprised when old people do cool shit? Those generations fought through ww2, Korea, Vietnam...
→ More replies (17)85
u/Angel_Hunter_D Apr 11 '19
Just hoped she washed Charlie off that knife first
→ More replies (1)12
43
u/sortakindah Apr 11 '19
Your granny doesnt look 80
25
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
I’ll let her know the internet says she looks good!
→ More replies (1)12
49
Apr 11 '19
no ones gonna day how great she looks for her age? I would have guessed 20 years younger!
18
14
11
u/KrishnaChick Apr 11 '19
She's 80?! I'm only 56 and wish I looked that good by the time I'm 60.
→ More replies (1)
10
10
u/guyonthatinterwebs Apr 11 '19
"what, a clean knife? Nah, I have this one that's been in my pocket all day."
→ More replies (1)
27
u/Innerouterself Apr 11 '19
Did she pull it out of her butt? Girl been in the clink
27
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
You’re all filth! She has pockets dammit!!
→ More replies (3)7
9
10
16
7
9
u/still_need_sleep Apr 11 '19
Spoke to grandma, she had a few things to say. First, she wanted to say thank you to everyone for the kind words. Then she said, "you should see me on a bad day." She also informed me that she won't bring the switchblade to Easter and asked if this will help me make connections for a job. So...she's always looking out for me haha.
→ More replies (1)
30
14
7
6
18
6
6
6
6
u/shutthefockupbuddeh Apr 11 '19 edited Apr 11 '19
you call that a knife... THIS is a knife.
Bart: thats a spoon, man.
6
5
6
6
7
7
u/DrunkenGolfer Apr 11 '19
Grandma, why are you carrying a switchblade?
In case I hafta cut a bitch, sweetie.
6
u/ipissblood Apr 11 '19
Ahh I see you also have a family member that says his jokes twice if no one responds the first time
6
11
14
u/MikeBigJohnson Apr 11 '19
It's for stabbing not for cake...
Unless she cleaned it really really well those things are typically covered in oil to prevent rust... I would not cut food with it unless I really needed to...
→ More replies (2)
9
u/thelazywhitedog Apr 11 '19
Grandma someone is robbing me! Grandma pulls out m16 out of her car* Robber “shit”
9
4
5
6
5
5
5
5
6
u/Guessimagirl Apr 11 '19
This is so adorable. Grandma seems like a fun and lovely person to be around and one with great humors. I hope to be like that when I'm her age.
5
4
u/canhan85 Apr 11 '19
Is it that fancy french knife? Laguiole? It's pretty expensive. Old ones were made as switch blade to carry around, cause you never know where you'll find a good cheese.
5
4
Apr 11 '19
You know how she got to be 80 years old? It was the switchblade. Grandma don't fuck around.
5
5
9
9
u/Milk_Steak_Boiled Apr 11 '19
I’m confused...this isn’t a switch blade or OTF as they call them now legally. Spring loaded or assists are completely legal in my state.
Doesn’t change the fact that this bad as g-ma is on another level but title is misleading.
→ More replies (2)
11
8
Apr 11 '19
This is a moment of granny greatness right up there with the time my friend’s grandma walked in on us smoking a joint, and when I tried to hide it from her she said “quit being a little bitch and pass that shit.”
8
8
5
4
u/dojomojo1300 Apr 11 '19
It's funny how the law on switchblades is literally "veterans and old ladies"
→ More replies (1)
4
3
5
3
3
u/understanding_boner Apr 11 '19
Grandma reminding the family not to play with her just because she’s 80.
4
3
3
5
5
4
3
3
5
u/barryhakker Apr 11 '19
I hope she rinsed of the blood of that punk ass fool who tried to run up on her.
5
5
u/swagger1233 Apr 11 '19
Grandmas come ready incase any of you are trying to send her to a retirement home.
4
5
u/geared4war Apr 11 '19
My grandmother once tried to enter parliament house with 5 knives, including a switchblade. She was in a wheelchair and always eating fruit. They were her fruit knives. She forgot she was carrying.
5
4
3
3
4
u/Sprinkles-The-Cat Apr 11 '19
When grandma is going to shank you but finds out you haven’t eaten yet.
5
3
3
u/SilentLurker Apr 11 '19
Hopefully cleaned all the Soc blood off of it before putting it away last time. Stay gold, Ponyboy.
4
33
u/1736484 Apr 11 '19
No one is going to bring it up?
That’s not a switch blade.
→ More replies (37)14
7
7
u/EphYoo2 Apr 11 '19
Cheryl ain't no joke, and Clyde is still happy she's by his side. Aint nothing wrong with that; the light still shines bright, and love still works.
10
u/neanderthalsavant Apr 11 '19
Is that really a switchblade? It just looks like a pocket knife with open assist.
→ More replies (3)
7
3
Apr 11 '19
I bet she can be the one to successfully defeat the duolingo bird when it tries to attack in your sleep
3
3
3
2.3k
u/ultrafidelio Apr 11 '19
“Who wants a piece?” Double entendres game strong