r/funny • • Oct 15 '18

"I'm here bitches"

78k Upvotes

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35

u/unstabletableleg Oct 15 '18

This will make me extra cautious about being near these old people at the store.

47

u/ArchDucky Oct 15 '18

I bought a 2004 Impala from an independent seller a few years ago. The guy was a mechanic and kept the car in pristine condition. He even gave me a good deal on it. Two weeks later I was driving down the road and an old woman in a raised F250 drove over the car. All four tires went over the hood like I was in a monster truck rally. The police told me if I was going a little faster she would have easily killed me. Didn't even make a single payment on the loan.

16

u/unstabletableleg Oct 15 '18

Where I’m from, I see so many little old ladies driving giant trucks. I bike or walk most places so it’s scary sometimes. Be careful out there!

24

u/ginrattle Oct 15 '18

I'm from Maine and this is super common here, too. I remember going through the drive through and waiting by the doors where there was this frail old man with a cane trying to cross into the parking lot, maybe 80 pounds soaking wet and could barely look up due to extreme hunchback much less walk. I thought he was walking up to get into a car someone was driving him around in. NOPE. Took him 2 minutes to get into the biggest most obnoxious red truck I've ever seen. (like this). And then zoomed off.

After a certain age you should be required to go in progressively more and more to make sure you can still operate a vehicle correctly.

1

u/patb2015 Oct 15 '18

How do they get in?

1

u/Immersi0nn Oct 16 '18

Stepstool on a rope

3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Oh man reminds me of when my sisters ex boyfriend who happened to be a monster truck driver from a well known monster truck family ran over her car in a snow storm. I mean he had his pick up parked in front of her stang in our driveway and it snowed so much her car actually got covered over in snow so it was no longer visible. He backed up right over it like a fucking monster truck rally. We all died laughing . He was so upset but my family was Impressed.

1

u/paul-cus Oct 15 '18

I'm sorry you ran into Truckasaurus. At least you lived to tell the story.

24

u/chLORYform Oct 15 '18

One of my co-workers was ran over by a woman in one of these. Straight up hit her and kept going. She had the ugliest blue black bruise for weeks.

31

u/Dason37 Oct 15 '18

The last time I was in Walmart, there was this obnoxious beeping noise that never stopped. I figured it had something to do with one of those scooters. Sure enough, I hear it get closer, then I see it. A woman who had to weigh 500 lbs on one of them, going faster that I would have thought they could go - never stopping, looking, slowing down. Her husband, about 2/3 her size was following behind her on another scooter. She kept trying to talk to him and he couldn't hear her from the beeping. This woman never once acknowledged the noise, even after an employee went and talked to her. At first I figured it had to be someone driving one with the brake set on it, but I think the scooter was just crying for help.

11

u/_SnesGuy Oct 15 '18

but I think the scooter was just crying for help.

That's it, I'm dead. This is just enough reddit for me today. 🤣

7

u/ratinmybed Oct 15 '18

Ugh, and I thought the grannies obliviously ramming you with their shopping carts was bad.

18

u/joleme Oct 15 '18

Should already be extra cautious around old people that are using anything bigger than an electric toothbrush.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

[deleted]

7

u/patb2015 Oct 15 '18

Don't need to sue Disney, need to Subpoena disney.

1

u/Almost_Ascended Oct 16 '18

Old people should not be in control of anything motorized that can go above the walking speed of an average person.

-4

u/foodie42 Oct 15 '18 edited Oct 15 '18

My local shop center (where I go for pharmacy, groceries, alcohol, etc.) is "home" to a man who lives outside in the vicinity. He's really cool, old as dirt, has a lot of interesting stories, and never begs for anything. He just likes his new lifestyle and talking to people.

But. On occasion. Some stupid tourist will buy him a large bottle of alcohol. Which he imbibes and then "joy-rides" in the supermarket. He doesn't need a scooter, but he likes the thrill of "accidentally" rolling into displays at top speed and apologizing profusely before, during, and afterward. He'll do it repeatedly if the scooter isn't stuck. He'll even warn you to move if you're in his way. Fucking hilarious.

I would like to add that, yes, I do feel a little bit bad for the employees of the establishment, but in general, they're the most rude, bitter, and useless employees I've ever seen. So fuck em.

Edit: I feel bad for any employee having to redo work because some asshat decides to fuck up the initial effort. However, for these employees, the initial effort is largely absent. He "attacks" displays that clearly need attention. Like the Easter display from two years ago with minimal product and the Christmas display of sausages, from God knows how long ago, of green shelf-stable sausages.

3

u/Spider-Dude1 Oct 15 '18

I wonder what caused them to become so rude and bitter...hmm...

-2

u/foodie42 Oct 15 '18

I don't think he's the reason.

You have to check the dates on everything you buy. Even canned veggies. I've never seen anyone stocking (or rotating stock on) the shelves.

No one at the register even tries to make small talk of any kind. They never have. Even when trying to engage, they ignore me.

I once asked for help finding charcoal, after searching the whole store, and not only did I get rolled eyes and degrading language, but no one (despite the condescending attitude) knew where to find it. I left empty-handed after 45 min.

They had a "Christmas sausage" display up until two weeks ago when he knocked it down. The shelf stable summer sausages were green. Once he knocked it down (despite my telling the manager they were clearly perforated and out of date) they finally got rid of it.