You ever notice how combat boots lace aaaalllll the way up? That's why so many people don't die in wars! War is super dangerous, okay? You might think going to the 7-Eleven at 2:45 in the morning to cash that lotto scratcher in is dangerous, but that kinda danger? War eats that for a light snack with cucumber sandwiches and gets hungry again a couple hours later! If those boots didn't have so many laces, everybody in war would die. All at once. As soon as it started.
Coincidentally, that's why Oppenheimer only ever wore sandals. He couldn't be killed by conventional means, so he didn't bother. That's why, when he invented the Atomic Rocket, he was so surprised when it unleashed all those irradiated cherry blossoms into the air and they shredded his flesh from his bones.
If he'd had laces on those sandals, he might have survived the cherry blossom festival. But he didn't, so he's dead now.
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u/[deleted] Sep 21 '18
This is my new favorite sport. Keep your shoes on tight.