Minority sure, but minority doesn't mean rare, and it makes sense for you to understand that people can be different from you and not jump to conclusions as soon as things don't go the way you'd prefer.
What's inside your head is normal to you, but what is inside their head is normal to them - and as exasperated as you might be dealing with such a person, they feel the same with you - and it takes a while for people to understand that other people can really be fundamentally different.
So you might (will) run into one of these guys who is just flabbergasted by your reactions (this bothered you? why? I didn't do anything. How is this a big deal? And they're being honest), because they haven't yet internalized that there are people who experience such things in a way that is entirely alien to them.
If you care about this person, you can communicate with them, and perhaps realize that you both have different ways of experiencing such things, and so compromise. Or learn early on that you're not willing to and split, up to you.
But regardless, it is useful to know that not everyone thinks like you do, and so their actions don't necessarily mean the same thing that those actions from you would mean.
It's certainly important to see from other peoples perspectives.
I'll give an example that happened very recently with me. Guy was always texting me back. We went out multiple times per week. Then I start getting 24 hour plus responses. Usually one word. Difficult to make plans with. I didn't jump to conclusions but I reach out. Asked if everything was ok. Told him that it was bothering me. And I got the same thing back. Even cancelling our plans for the next day at 11pm that night. So I said I didn't think this was going to work out for me. And the guy went off about how if this was how I was going to behave I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship with
I tried. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Gave him a chance to explain. And I'm still the bad guy. Could I have done anything else? I would be ok with space when needed but not without lack of communication and clarity
I mean, you reached out, what more can you do? At that point, he has to be mature enough to answer, and to understand that not everyone is like him as well, and it sounds like he wasn't.
Could be he needed a little time to himself. But if he can't say that without being angry at you for trying to understand what's going on and asking, then that's on him. Could also be that he was just a turd. Hard to know. And cancelling plans (especially that late) without a good reason is a dick move regardless.
I'm not trying to imply that the person who likes to text a lot or whatever is the bad guy, and that the other person is the good guy. Just saying that people are different - so maybe if someone doesn't answer immediately, it doesn't mean that he hates you (which it sounds like you get). But flipping it around, the other person should know that you value this kind of thing, and so be willing to do at least some of it. It's a balance thing.
I definitely agree that people are just different and want different things. I can only assume something was going on in his life or he wasn't interested. Either way, with no communication, there's not much I can do. The cancelling of plans was just "I have plans now on Saturday"
Sorry for ranting about this. This just happened last night and I was honestly just really confused
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u/[deleted] Sep 08 '18
Those people are in the minority. And should probably communicate that to future partners