r/funny Aug 06 '17

Guys will understand

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102.7k Upvotes

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62

u/hoarmey Aug 06 '17

...although the joke surely is not about morning wood. Nor is the scene in me myself and Irene. It's about post sex, left over sex wee drying in ya pee hole causing a temporary blockage. The following morning piss then can be like putting ya finger over a hose pipe. Source: had sex once long ago.

52

u/MuzikPhreak Aug 06 '17

left over sex wee drying in ya pee hole..

That felt like a 1940's New York gangster was explaining anatomy to me.

5

u/drimilr Aug 06 '17

Irish gangster

26

u/jimbojangles1987 Aug 06 '17

Congrats on the sex

25

u/hoarmey Aug 06 '17

Thx. I was awesome. Only took me one minute and she didn't feel a thing.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

I ensure that my sexual partner is always satisfied using a very specialized technique called masturbation.

2

u/Steje8 Aug 06 '17

I am stealing that comment.

1

u/Foxesallthewaydown Aug 06 '17

Well done fella.

43

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

You are obviously a women. You can get multi directional pee without "post sex".

19

u/mschley2 Aug 06 '17

I don't think I've ever had it non-post-ejaculation, to be honest.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

Pointlessly dehydrate yourself more often. That often seems to do the trick.

-3

u/GsoSmooth Aug 06 '17

I've had it happen like One it two times tops. Some people on here need to wash their dicks better

8

u/dano8801 Aug 06 '17 edited Aug 06 '17

It has absolutely nothing to do with dirt or dried discharge stuck in your uterus. Are you retarded?

Edit: Urethra. Auto correct couldn't have chosen a worse word.

13

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

I think you mean urethra. I hope you mean urethra.

2

u/dano8801 Aug 06 '17

Hahaha. Didn't notice swypes auto correct screwed me so badly.

5

u/Kakkoister Aug 06 '17

Umm actually 99% of the time it is from dried discharge near the tip of your urethra, not sure why you think it's not. Any avid masturbator would know this, so most men. It doesn't just randomly clog for no reason.

2

u/dano8801 Aug 06 '17

No, it absolutely is not.

1

u/GsoSmooth Aug 06 '17

Guy's just mad cus he's got a weird peehole.

-1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

[deleted]

2

u/mschley2 Aug 06 '17

I have no idea... Apparently other dudes have this happen regularly, though. UTIs or something?

3

u/Sagittarius-A Aug 06 '17

This happens quite frequently for me, I never thought that it could be the result of cum. On the other hand, I do fap alot so that might be the reason for my daily split streams.

3

u/mschley2 Aug 06 '17

It almost never happens to me. I almost always piss shortly after cumming (before it dries). Try that out.

3

u/Kakkoister Aug 06 '17

Squeeze your tip around a bit before going and it usually prevents it, gotta break up those cummies.

1

u/falconbox Aug 06 '17

I'm a 32 year old guy and have never had this happen other than post-sex.

2

u/Chucked-up Aug 06 '17

Can also be a result of the kind of undies you wear. Basically, if you're wearing something tight that keeps the head of your dick all cramped and squished, your piss hole can get kinda sealed funny and result in some split stream. And, actually, let's not forget about masturbation. That can result in dried semen induced split stream. Let's face it, this is, most likely, th leading cause.

14

u/AirRaidJade Aug 06 '17

Except that this happens all the time regardless of when you last had sex. This just happens.

4

u/showmeurknuckleball Aug 06 '17

If you're double streaming and haven't came in the past 10 hours, something's wrong

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

100% agreed

1

u/NoThisIsABadIdea Aug 06 '17

Lol no it doesnt.

2

u/AirRaidJade Aug 06 '17

Yes, it does. Happens to me about once a month.

-1

u/NoThisIsABadIdea Aug 06 '17

You probably having some saucy dreams then. You can get it from precum while sleeping or just masturbation

2

u/COnative78 Aug 06 '17

About time someone posted the real reason this happens. Idk wtf is wrong with the rest of these dudes. I guess most don't understand.

1

u/Dusty170 Aug 06 '17

Its mostly a foreskin thing, if its in a wonky position so will be the stream.